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Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road?


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Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/18/2006 12:00:10 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		I've been a sub for well over 10 years now. However, I started my D/s life as a Dom many years before that. I had an experience yesterday that has me questioning myself. Here is the scenario:

I paid a visit to a ProDomme who I had been communicating with at length for several weeks. After having spent a few minutes with her at her place, it became clear to me that she lacked confidence and direction. Aside from the awkwardness of the situation, I felt truly surprised, considering that I had previously provided her with an enormous amount of information regarding myself and what I was looking for.

A few minutes later, it occurred to me that she didn't have a dominant bone in her body. I wondered whether she had really performed pro-sessions previously, as she had claimed.

Finding myself in a lost-cause situation, I decided to make a fast exit to save us both from additional awkwardness and discomfort. We were about 20 minutes into the lengthy session that we had arranged for. I paid her for the first hour and left.

Several minutes into my long drive back home, I began thinking about the entire chain of events with her that had occurred. I concluded that her behavior was far more  submissive than it was dominant. (There are other factors that support this conclusion, of which I have not mentioned here, because this OP is not intended to be a rant about her. It's about me.)

The more I thought about her and what had transpired, the more I felt the urge to call her back and offer to return to her under the premise of switching roles. As I imagined myself putting her over my knees and spanking her for such a poor performance, I found myself quite sexually aroused. This caused me to temporarily flash back to a scene I had years ago with a femsub, which even further aroused me.

As I drove along the highway, I pulled up the woman's phone number on my cell phone and almost hit the send button. At the last moment, I chickened out. But I continued to play out a very specific scene with her in my mind, where I forced several confessions out of her, really gotten into her head, punished her accordingly, and then had sex with her on my terms until she was completely sated and spent.

For the first two hours of my drive home, my cock was throbbing from rolling along with my fantasies of domming her. And this was the first time in over 15 years that I've been aroused by fantasies of dominating a woman.

I had some truly memorable experiences back then as a Dom, and now find myself wondering how I had morphed so completely over to the other side. I also regret not calling the woman back. Now I'll never know if she would have taken me up on my offer.

So... my questions are:

Have any of you found yourself, or know of anyone having a similar experience of feeling a strong desire to "return to their D/s roots?" Or taking it even a step further, has anyone ever actually began as either a Dom or sub, then morphed to the other side, then morphed back over? I don't mean short-term flip-flops, I'm talking about long-term and complete changes.

Does my experience with this woman and my fantasies that occurred afterwards even remotely suggest that I'm a potential "switch," or perhaps, have been a switch all along, but didn't know it?

Needless to say, I was quite surprised at my powerful sexual arousal and desire to go back and dominate this woman. I haven't had a single thought of subbing to a woman for over 24 hours now... which is a rarity. What's going on here? I feel like I've been psychologically broad-sided.

Am I at the throes of morphing again, or have I just hit a bump in the road? 

Comments?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/18/2006 12:09:16 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I can not really comment on your question specifically except to tsay that we grow and change all of our lives.  Sometimes we will put down an aspect of ourselves for a while to pick it up later (in a new way) and sometimes we will be in a totally different place.

Calling her may not be a good idea, as she may not be aware of her submissive tendencies and may not want to face that ... unless you and she already have a good friendship, she might find the suggestion insulting.  Additionally, sometimes a fantasy is just that, and she may never be 'right' in reality for fullfilling that particular scenario - again, I wouldn't broach it with her unless you and she already have that level of communication.  But, you MAY want to find someone who is a submissive and explore those re-emerging Dom tendencies.

fergus

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/18/2006 3:00:38 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Ive been a dominant partner for 23 yrs, ive been a top. Im now a collared submissive for 2 yrs.
Ive been straight, ive been gay, ive been bi ive been frigid, ive been a slut.Ive basically, been greedy lol.

I think that if you enjoyed the fantasy of Dominating. This maybe a 'phase'. Time will tell you. If your fantasies continue in the Dom mode, rather than the sub, then maybe you should ventilate them.
Subbing, to a dom, where your there, on your knees being played with inexpertly, and know, you could do better. Well, that's a example of you not giving up control. Not getting into the right zone, the zone agreed upon. That maybe coz the 2 of you, just dont click, and makes neither of you less Dom or Sub.
But a prodomme, doing it just for money, really? who'd of thought eh? Of course they arent necessarily all Dommes. Its a business.
Same as porn, you can tell when something is 'real' or contrived. BDSM dynamic is something i find often lacking in people playing in a public space. It often comes across as a demo rather than two people sharing something magnificent. Doesnt mean that in another situation, the same couple go in deep to their respective spaces.
Could be your wanting to Dominate your prodomme, is about your annoyance? dunno, only you know this.
Go for whatever, does it matter? Would it worry you if you wanted to flip over. OR sit on the fence and go where the wind takes you?
littleone

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/18/2006 8:57:04 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

I can not really comment on your question specifically except to tsay that we grow and change all of our lives.  Sometimes we will put down an aspect of ourselves for a while to pick it up later (in a new way) and sometimes we will be in a totally different place.

Calling her may not be a good idea, as she may not be aware of her submissive tendencies and may not want to face that ... unless you and she already have a good friendship, she might find the suggestion insulting.  Additionally, sometimes a fantasy is just that, and she may never be 'right' in reality for fullfilling that particular scenario - again, I wouldn't broach it with her unless you and she already have that level of communication.  But, you MAY want to find someone who is a submissive and explore those re-emerging Dom tendencies.

fergus


I have no intentions of initiating contact with her.

The reason why I regret not pushing that send button on my cell phone is because I'll never know if it would have resulted in one of those rare situations in life where a spark leads to an all-consuming fire for both parties involved.

The time to test that would have been then, when our emotions were still very connected to what had transpired between us, and I was only minutes away.

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/18/2006 9:07:50 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

...Could be your wanting to Dominate your prodomme, is about your annoyance? dunno, only you know this.


That's a very good question. It's true that I felt some annoyance. I also felt some frustration. I even felt a tinsy-bit of anger. But I felt disappointed most of all.

quote:

Go for whatever, does it matter? Would it worry you if you wanted to flip over.


No, it wouldn't worry me at all. 

quote:

OR sit on the fence and go where the wind takes you?


Speaking of the wind... I suppose it would make sense to see if these recent feelings blow over before I make any life-changing decisions...

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/23/2006 11:56:25 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		*laffing*  Well, you never told Me about the "throbbing cock" part!  Why is that? 
FYI to the readers: the OP and I have been LD friends for several years.  I am not the Domina in question, but I already had some of the gory details of this disaster! 
subfever, I will write to you privately on this.  I already probably addressed some of what you posted in another email before I saw this, but you are running true to the form I have always teased you about! 
Ya know, I already told you that I wasn't surprised.  It is too bad that you were disappointed, as I know you went out of your way to make a long day trip, but I did know, as did you, that this was a strictly professional thing for her.
Just another quick comment to fill in: the OP was aware that this lady subs on a regular basis to a boyfriend even though they do not live together.  So he was aware of her submissive tendencies.  I only comment regarding that since it was a question that came up. 
But this was a Pro-session and the OP was confident (more than I *Smile*), with what they had shared over a period of weeks,  that she would have the experience to perform in a Dominant and controlling manner for the session.
Switches, I am sure you can answer some of this much better than I can.  So please, post your comments, thoughts and ideas on this situation. 
I already have a good handle on what drives this OP.  So My comments probably don't really count for much.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/23/2006 5:25:41 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Well, you can always be a D/s sub but an S&M top. My roommate's that way and I'm the opposite- D/s dom and S&M bottom.

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/23/2006 8:53:09 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

*laffing*  Well, you never told Me about the "throbbing cock" part!  Why is that? 


Because I know you too well...

quote:

FYI to the readers: the OP and I have been LD friends for several years.  I am not the Domina in question, but I already had some of the gory details of this disaster! 

 
Lucky You...
 
quote:

subfever, I will write to you privately on this.  I already probably addressed some of what you posted in another email before I saw this, but you are running true to the form I have always teased you about! 

 
Well, I never professed to be a slave...  

quote:

Ya know, I already told you that I wasn't surprised.  It is too bad that you were disappointed, as I know you went out of your way to make a long day trip, but I did know, as did you, that this was a strictly professional thing for her
 
Yes, I admit that you were more skeptical than I was at the onset, insofar as experiencing a positive result. But I had no doubt that she was operating from the standpoint of a pro, and had no illusions of it becoming anything more than that.

quote:

Just another quick comment to fill in: the OP was aware that this lady subs on a regular basis to a boyfriend even though they do not live together.  So he was aware of her submissive tendencies.  I only comment regarding that since it was a question that came up. 


Well, I really didn't want to expose that, but since I haven't identified her (and never intend to) I guess it doesn't matter. This thread is about me, not her.  

quote:

But this was a Pro-session and the OP was confident (more than I *Smile*), with what they had shared over a period of weeks,  that she would have the experience to perform in a Dominant and controlling manner for the session.
 
Okay... I admit, I was way off in my perception here. And you were much closer. Maybe I merely succumbed to a case of wishful thinking...

quote:

Switches, I am sure you can answer some of this much better than I can.  So please, post your comments, thoughts and ideas on this situation.  I already have a good handle on what drives this OP.  So My comments probably don't really count for much.

 
At the very least, they count for being a good friend...

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/23/2006 8:56:07 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

Well, you can always be a D/s sub but an S&M top. My roommate's that way and I'm the opposite- D/s dom and S&M bottom.


Sounds confusing. But then... maybe it's just my over indulgence of food and drink on this fine Thanksgiving Day...

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/23/2006 8:59:48 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		BTW... it's now been six days since I've had a submissive fantasy or desire!

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/23/2006 11:25:02 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Not confusing at all. The way we play just isn't the same as what the relationship dynamics between us would be. Y'know, if she would remember that she told me one was highly doable once I moved in.

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/27/2006 8:15:27 AM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		10 days and counting...

Has the sub died? ...  

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/27/2006 9:42:39 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't say that the -sub inside- has died.

Some just have longer periods of one thing or another when finding themselves.

My question is this:

Did you react this way...thinking that perhaps the -Dom inside- had died when you first found your sub side?  Perhaps you've just experienced Dom-frenzy and sub-frenzy at a more lengthy span than most of us.

At this point in time you have well explored both the Dom in you, and the sub in you.  My advice would be to embrace, not question. Perhaps you will one day be able to figure out where you want to be, perhaps you will be able to switch more readily seeing as how well you know yourself as both.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/28/2006 6:39:54 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I wouldn't say that the -sub inside- has died.


I'm not so sure.

quote:

My question is this:

Did you react this way...thinking that perhaps the -Dom inside- had died when you first found your sub side? 

 
No... it was a gradual transition which included a period of time of having both dominant and submissive desires.

quote:

At this point in time you have well explored both the Dom in you, and the sub in you.  My advice would be to embrace, not question.

 
After having been entrenched into a submissive
sexuality for some 15+ years, and then having the carpet seemingly pulled out from under me in a matter of minutes, questioning only comes natural.  

quote:

Perhaps you will one day be able to figure out where you want to be, perhaps you will be able to switch more readily seeing as how well you know yourself as both.
 
I guess I'll just have to experiment with both sides of the D/s coin again, and see where the chips may fall...

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/28/2006 8:09:14 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I would say your a switch and enjoy Just because she didn't seem to be able to dominant you, does not mean another Domme could not. Perhaps you like the very strict style of domination as opposed to what appears to be her laid back style? Its hard to say.

I would say do what you enjoy and not to worry about labels.

Good luck,
~Lashra

< Message edited by Lashra -- 11/28/2006 8:10:00 PM >

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/29/2006 9:30:02 AM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

10 days and counting...

Has the sub died? ...


Not dead, only sleeping perhaps.

Also I would agree with Lashra. Maybe the sub dynamic just didn't work with that particular person. I strongly feel that everyone has people they are dominant to and people they are submissive to, and sometimes you don't know which one its going to be until you actually play together. And hell, sometimes it changes with the same person from time to time.

I wouldn't worry about the label. Just do what you do and what makes you happy. Just because you don't feel submissive for a long time doesn't mean you won't feel that way again in the future. Look at it right now as an oppurtunity to get to know a little explored part of yourself.

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/29/2006 1:30:43 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Lorelie and Lasha,

I'm not the least bit concerned about labels.

Up until 12 days ago, every single instance of sexual arousal I've had for over a decade has been linked to a submissive desire or fantasy... whether alone and online, being aroused by the sight of or interactions with attractive women, or even while engaging in sex with vanilla women.

Over this period of time, I've read hundreds of F/m stories, wrote a couple dozen myself, visited various Femdom sites regularly, viewed thousands of Femdom photos and collected a couple hundred of the best ones for future and easy access, engaged in a couple of online/phone relationships with Dommes, had one real life relationship with a Domme, and spearheaded a local F/m Meet & Greet.  

I would say that my submissive sexuality had been deeply entrenched. And I guess I found myself completely unprepared for having it all come to a seemingly screeching halt.

The F/m pictures, stories, and websites have not aroused me for 12 days now. I even went out of my way to add fresh photos to my collection to see if they would give me a "shot in the arm" so to speak. Nada.

What I'm concerned about is:

Is this all temporary, or permanent? Of course, there's no one out there who can answer this. Only time will tell. But I thought maybe someone out there may have had some similar experiences to draw upon.

A better subject title may have been:

Morphing, a 180 Degree Turn, Or A Bump In The Road?
 

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/29/2006 4:30:35 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe you justr need to change roles. Whats so wrong with that? Should the change come on gradually, or can it just go on like a light switch? Or both? Stop analyzing it and make it happen why dont you. Its the only way to find out. 

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/29/2006 10:10:30 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

Maybe you justr need to change roles. Whats so wrong with that?


Absolutely nothing. Just like war... what is it good for?

quote:

Should the change come on gradually, or can it just go on like a light switch? Or both? Stop analyzing it...


I'm an analytical by nature... and not likely to change anytime soon. But then again, just two weeks ago, I would have said the very same thing about being a sub! So maybe there's still hope for me...  

quote:

...and make it happen why dont you. Its the only way to find out. 


Umm... okay... Any volunteers? ...

(in reply to sophia37)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Morphing, Or A Bump In The Road? - 11/30/2006 4:59:40 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		I started out as a sub but it took me 4 years to realise that I'm Dominant after much soul searching and celibacy because I didn't want my hormones to dictate, and I wanted to be sure that I was doing so for all the right reasons.  I felt it wasn't fair to another person to make them the recipient of any of my personal issues or baggage that I might bring into the relationship therefore casual play didn't enter the picture as I didn't want to mislead anyone regarding my leanings.  I wanted to be as sure and as true to myself and others as I could possibly be.

I realise that life is a process and ever-changing but I found, first and foremost, it was to everyone's advantage that I be true to myself and them.  I didn't want to fulfill my immediate desires at someone else's expense.  In my mind, this would have made me a user in that I wasn't considering the impact my leanings would have on others.


(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 20
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