RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub?

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RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? - 2/16/2007 7:14:01 PM

pickingrinnin

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

"Never said the switches are fence sitters. I just choose not to get involved with them. Why? Because I could never satisfy them. So why set myself up for failure?"

You are assuming that switches NEED to switch. As with many bisexuals, some are happy with either alternative. Monogamy - or happiness in a particular style of relationship - does not necessarily conflict with switching (or bisexuality).

- Jesse

(in reply to LotusSong)

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RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? - 2/16/2007 7:29:31 PM

pickingrinnin

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

Those of us who are homosexual feel such behaviour demeans us by association and pegs those with alternative sexualities as sex-hungry, unfeeling, unsafe individuals. It threatens everything we've worked so hard to achieve.

There was a time (and you still hear it today) when gay males and lesbians worked hard to keep leather folk out of their parades and other public functions. They felt that people would associate all homosexuals with sexual sadomasochism, adn that it would threaten everything they had worked to achieve.

Leather groups eventually forced the issue and managed to get into the parades, picnics, etc. Surprise, surprise, the sky didn't fall.

"Demeaning by association" is a double-edged sword. Would it have been okay for het women to have kept lesbians out of the 70s feminist movement because they felt it would "demean" them and ruin their chances of success?

Nobody can demean you if you don't let them. The only thing that will come out of LUGs and women "pretending" to be bisexual is greater visibility and acceptance for same-sex love and sex.

- Jesse

(in reply to jthorne)

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Post #: 82

RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? - 2/16/2007 7:49:44 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pickingrinnin

"Never said the switches are fence sitters. I just choose not to get involved with them. Why? Because I could never satisfy them. So why set myself up for failure?"

You are assuming that switches NEED to switch. As with many bisexuals, some are happy with either alternative. Monogamy - or happiness in a particular style of relationship - does not necessarily conflict with switching (or bisexuality).

- Jesse

You're a switch Jesse. And you're 39. Can you seriously say that you could live the rest of your life, another 50 years and be perfectly happy not embracing your full self? See, if you're only into short term relationships then six months or even two years isn't very long to go but 50 years?

Some of us are long term monogamous and we see less chances to live together happily for the rest of our lives when we know that our partner is required to give up something very important in order to stay in the relationship. Similar to BDSMers who get into a vanilla relationship and try very hard to make it work, only to eventually admit that they can't go on with their needs unmet forever. Doing that is unfair to themselves and to their partners, same thing here.

(in reply to pickingrinnin)

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Post #: 83

RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? - 2/16/2007 8:26:26 PM

ShyMistress

Posts: 173
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: your sexiest nightmare ;)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Some people see life in black and white...it must be one or the other. Some of use live in a more fluid environment...where we can stand in the middle of both. It’s usually easier, from what I have seen, for those who are more fluid to understand those of the other mindset than it is for the other mindset to understand fluidity.
Master Fire

I fully agree with this, it is something I have noticed Myself many times, in various subjects. I think each should live their own lives according to what suits their own ideals. Bi, Straight, Switch, Sub, Slave, Dom, Sadism, Machoism Whatever...in the end what does it matter? Will that be your only defining trait at the end of the day? I have found Myself under fire not only for being bisexual...but also for submitting to a male when I am a Dominant seeking a female.

People ought to learn to let others live as they themselves wish to be left to live, unfortunately though I do not see that kind of tolerance happening for a long time yet. Thankfully, I live in a very open city where the lifestyle and alternative sexuality is recognized and respected so it is not too bad here. Still see way too much unacceptance of others choices though.

For those that think of switches as indecisive, I think that is more of a personality trait then a sexuality trait. I, for instance, have always been Dominant in My relationships...yet have met and allowed One to Dominate me. He is the only One who has ever made Me want to submit, and I truly doubt I would wish to for another if this One left My life. And in no way am I indecisive, about anything...not My sexuality, not My lifestyle, not My day to day activities and interactions. And I have met quite a few other switches who have the same sort of mind-set.

My only advice is to brush off the negativity of this type of interaction and move forward, no need to let another's poison ruin your drink

_____________________________

"Everyone is a potential naked slave to You once You become a Trainer." -Anne Rice-

~*~ Proud Owner of kajiradream, patiently awaiting her return Home ~*~

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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Post #: 84

RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? - 2/17/2007 3:24:05 PM

pickingrinnin

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

>You're a switch Jesse. And you're 39. Can you seriously
>say that you could live the rest of your life, another
>50 years and be perfectly happy not embracing your full self?
>See, if you're only into short term relationships then six months
>or even two years isn't very long to go but 50 years?

The chances of being with the same person for 50 years are pretty small nowadays. It would be great to have that sort of relationship, but I'm not going to restrict myself from other relationships in the hope that one of those rare ones will come along.

I have gone for much longer than 2 years in a relationship without switching, without it affecting my happiness. Just as there are a lot of different types of bisexuality, there are a lot of types of switching.

- Jesse

(in reply to Celeste43)

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Post #: 85

RE: Bi Vs Lesbian, Switch Vs Dom/sub? - 2/17/2007 8:22:49 PM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

I've been watching this post for a few days now and been hesitant to post. First, because I'm a newbie, and two, because I'm one of these fence-sitters. I'm a definite switch, and also what I would call 'bi-curious'. Or, as a previous person said, bi-situational. I don't think it is that I'm greedy or anything, I just have a very open and varied outlook on sex, pleasure, and relationships. What might be my saving grace is that I try to be upfront and honest about my likes, dislikes. For instance, if I am having a potential encounter with a man, I make it clear that while friends and play and sex might be possible, a more serious relationship probably would not be able to happen, as I just don't think I could mentally do it. Does this make me a bad person, one of those people who would get someone's hopes up for more, only to disappoint and burn them? I don't know. I certainly hope not. But, to be honest, after reading some of these posts about the pain it can cause it worries me that maybe, although unintentionally, I am one of those folks. I guess that's another reason I put straight as my profile orientation. I definitely don't intend to deceive anyone, but at the same time, does that mean I have to 'choose a side'?

(in reply to pickingrinnin)

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Post #: 86