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When does submission begin? - 11/28/2006 8:39:35 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Ok so how new am i? So new that i did something last night that has left me confused today. My word is gold, and when i say it i mean it. But last night in a altered state, i assume sub space, i told this guy i was his sub completely. I have noticed other Doms do the same thing, but i have always been able to catch myself.  I was pretty sure we understood that the timing wasn't right even though we seem to have this very strong connection.
LOL This feeling almost feels like...the morning after being really drunk. But this isn't a bad thing, i am just wondering what i gave him. Was it just a moment thing, and now everything is back to normal. Or did i give myself to my Dom? I remember after everything, he told me that now my dreams were his dreams too and that he wanted me to accomplish all the goals i have for myself.
Sorry probably sounds so silly, but i really never did anything like this. -c

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/28/2006 8:52:34 PM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Ok so how new am i? So new that i did something last night that has left me confused today. My word is gold, and when i say it i mean it. But last night in a altered state, i assume sub space, i told this guy i was his sub completely. I have noticed other Doms do the same thing, but i have always been able to catch myself.  I was pretty sure we understood that the timing wasn't right even though we seem to have this very strong connection.
LOL This feeling almost feels like...the morning after being really drunk. But this isn't a bad thing, i am just wondering what i gave him. Was it just a moment thing, and now everything is back to normal. Or did i give myself to my Dom? I remember after everything, he told me that now my dreams were his dreams too and that he wanted me to accomplish all the goals i have for myself.
Sorry probably sounds so silly, but i really never did anything like this. -c

Hmm lol. Have you asked him what he thought you 'gave' him?

Personally, if you are having doubts about what you did, then I would pull back and assess if that is what you really want.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/28/2006 9:17:31 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		My thought is if you didn't wake up with a collar around your neck it's time for a long talk. Frankly anyone making large decisions based on the utterences of orgasm or sub space is a fool. One of my boys uttered that he wanted to be married, another a deep desire to be feminized while in sub space. When it was later brought up in discussion they looked at me horrified, "I said WHAT".

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/28/2006 9:21:37 PM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Ok so how new am i? So new that i did something last night that has left me confused today. My word is gold, and when i say it i mean it. But last night in a altered state, i assume sub space, i told this guy i was his sub completely. I have noticed other Doms do the same thing, but i have always been able to catch myself.  I was pretty sure we understood that the timing wasn't right even though we seem to have this very strong connection.


Saying your his completely could be akin to you saying you love him, maybe this was what you intended to say??
You could always take it back a'la Mr Sheffield in The Nanny? 

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Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/28/2006 9:29:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You gave him whatever you feel you gave him.

There's nothing wrong with letting go in a moment of passion and letting yourself BE in that moment fully and completely "his."

A moment of passionate bliss does not a lifetime commitment make. 

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/28/2006 10:08:45 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		I don't regret it at all. Like LA mentioned,  i just don't know if it is a moment thing or was it more. No i didn't wake up with a collar on my neck. It would be hard for him to do, since he was in another state. I am wondering though if i should tell other Doms to back off, since seem to find myself controlled.

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/28/2006 10:17:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC
I don't regret it at all. Like LA mentioned,  i just don't know if it is a moment thing or was it more. No i didn't wake up with a collar on my neck. It would be hard for him to do, since he was in another state. I am wondering though if i should tell other Doms to back off, since seem to find myself controlled.

"Find yourself controlled" is quite a passive approach to take.  While I realize that energy can simply sweep us wherever it will- WE still remain responsible for walking down that path and choosing the next step. 

However, again a moment of blissful passion does NOT a relationship make.  It MAY be more, it MAY just be some of your hot hormone fuzzies over romanticizing a really sexy conversation.

Lots of time spent together offline will be the only way to know if you will work together long term.  I think you let yourself get a bit overwhelmed and now you're keeping the spinning going.

Nothings changed since last night, you just happened to have a really hot experience.

If you CHOOSE to allow this other person the authority over yourself, it would be polite to let any other suitors you have at the moment know that you've made the decision to become serious with someone and are no longer available.  But I don't see a reason to make that choice based on a moment of passion.

It WAS a moment of passion.  What it BECOMES is completely up to you. 

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/28/2006 10:28:35 PM   
RexLongBeach


Posts: 58
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		At the risk of citing a worn cliche, it might be a good time to communicate with your partner about what you said, what you thought it meant, whether you still mean it, whether he's interested in it (and of so to what degree), etc.

The feelings of Dominance and submission are powerful, and perhaps they caught you unaware of the impact they might have on you.

No harm is done - and it certainly was a good way to get the ball rolling, yes?

BTW, it would also be good for you to take some time and reflect on all this just on your own.

Good luck and have fun,

Rex

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/29/2006 5:53:02 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, i'd say a heavy dose of communication is in order. Assumptions on either of your parts will only keep it all very confusing. Don't be afraid to talk about it and try to understand it completely. You will either grow closer or find out yes, it was just a one time thing.

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She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/29/2006 6:45:26 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		Hey there Crazy...

I have to go along with the majority here, and say talk about what happened, and if it meant anything more than "crop talk" (little twist on pillow talk) to him or to you.  There have been times that things have escaped my lips that Daddy has heard me say that I may or may not have actually meant when caught up in the moment.  There's no shame in saying something that was due to a wonderful experience, and having mean that there was a connection for that period in time.  Just make sure that both of you understand the meaning behind it and that no one makes any hasty decisions based on something that may or may not have been due to a delicious cocktail of chemicals racing through your body. 

~ the RedHead 

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Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/29/2006 6:48:04 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		Guys never (and would never) worry about this kind of thing.

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 11/29/2006 6:53:11 PM >

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/29/2006 6:59:43 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

I have to go along with the majority here, and say talk about what happened, and if it meant anything more than "crop talk" (little twist on pillow talk) to him or to you. 
~ the RedHead 


Ok when i first read this i could not figure out why you would be talking about plants and farming...

then.... DUH.. 

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/29/2006 7:08:30 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RexLongBeach
At the risk of citing a worn cliche, it might be a good time to communicate with your partner about what you said, .....No harm is done - and it certainly was a good way to get the ball rolling, yes?

BTW, it would also be good for you to take some time and reflect on all this just on your own.
Rex


I, like others here, find the idea of talking about it the best thing to do. sometime to think on your own then a good old fashion sit down with the Dom might be in order..

and as  Lucky Albatross has said, "A moment of passionate bliss does not a lifetime commitment make."
After an intense, hot scene, with the needle count hitting 86 i moan that "i belong to you" to the Top i was playing with.. He was wise enough to know that for the moment i was His.. but that commitment decision have to be made with a clear head and thought out, not in a moment of passion or deep in subbie land.

i am in a deeply committed slave relationship and my service and submission to Sir has taken a long time to grow and deepen, not something that happen in a flash.

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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/29/2006 8:03:22 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

I have to go along with the majority here, and say talk about what happened, and if it meant anything more than "crop talk" (little twist on pillow talk) to him or to you. 
~ the RedHead 


Ok when i first read this i could not figure out why you would be talking about plants and farming...

then.... DUH.. 


*giggles*

Hi, GP!  silly girl...    (will talk to you on the flip side soon, right now, i need to go to bed...  per Master...)

"Red"

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


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RE: When does submission begin? - 11/30/2006 3:44:06 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I think that, perhaps, if you're wondering what you *gave*.......and other doms have made you feel that way , even if you *caught yourself* before you uttered anything........you are looking at a *feeling*.

*Giving yourself* in a moment of time with heightened senses..... and *giving yourself* to something/someone in the cold light of day, with thought, consideration and logic are different things. Maybe you did give yourself in that moment.......maybe that's all it was...maybe you meant it in a more solid way. Either way ......it's probably a good idea to be aware of what you're giving, how much, to whom and why.

agirl







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RE: When does submission begin? - 12/2/2006 8:21:46 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		Crazy,
What you've described is the reason I do not play casually with a woman that I have not spent time getting to know well and feel as though there is the potential for a LTR.  For me personally, I have learned that once I begin to give her my submission, I will begin to fall for her like a rock as I let my feelings and emotions loose.  Perhaps you are similar in this regard?

Many years ago, I learned that one night stands were not very satisfying for me as they didn't seem to meet my emotional needs.  I discovered that I needed to know a woman before I allowed myself to get intimate with her.  It wasn't a case where I wasn't aroused from being near her, only that I needed an emotional and mental connection for it to really work for me so that I would feel truly satisfied when we were together. 

I once had a Domme tell me that she would make me fall in love with her as we were just beginning to have a relationship, and she was correct.  I quickly discovered that for other reasons she was not the one for me.  Things ended before I got myself in too deeply, but it took some time for me to let go of those feelings as I had already begun to give her my submission in a big way and to let my emotions loose.

I don' know if this helps you, but it might provide some insight into how you might be wired as we're all different in this regard.  Some can play casually and some of us cannot.

- pixel

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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

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RE: When does submission begin? - 12/3/2006 9:19:09 AM   
angharad


Posts: 229
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		I find myself catching myself, biting my tongue when I am in moments of intense emotion, subspace, mind plays... what ever you want to call it because I take my word seriously and I dont want to say anything I dont mean when I wake up, calm down...  I dont want to give something and then say ooops hang on, let me take that back! 

Reading this thread though has made me consider that this is a barrier to me letting go and enjoying my freedom in serving, enduring or passion.  Perhaps a talk is in order to discuss what may be said and felt in play times/intense times and whether you both decide to let go at those times or not.

Something I will be thinking on, thank you all.

angharad

(in reply to CrazyC)
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