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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 12:27:39 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear SassySue, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In the lifestyle, I have found that sometimes you have to have more of a tough skin and not get so insulted by everything and or anybody that doesn't suit your personal style of exchanges.
 
With so many individuals who play behind the computer screen, often selling themselves falsely, to include looks; which has been evident in my area at times--pictures do help but, that said--anybody can download a picture of somebody else and present it as theirs.  However, those who can proffer a picture within minutes of request are those who most likely are genuine individuals--flaws and all.
 
I also find, that those who say; "I want to be your friend," may be wanting to be something entirely different then 'a friend.'  So many people who say they are my friends, are more likely to be acquaintances but, most times rarely in the most intimate relationship as friendship in my minds eyes I see as 'a friend.'  I would also feel uneasy for someone to suddenly want to be my friend out of the blue.  Friendships are earned, much like trust.  And, if this dom has been burned --he will be ouchy as I would be.
 
Friendship in my mind's eyes I see, is a relationship.  Although it is not on a D/s level; one is operating in and about the D/s, M/s and or BDSM community and or scene.  So, to have an approach that is demanding and one sided, to meet as to make friends but, not a relationship--well, it might not be the same recipe in making acquaintances and or friendship later on.
 
Pictures help anybody who recieves them.  So many times the picture gives a sense about someone.  I also suspect that this dom didn't ask for a nude picture--that would have been tacky and over the line.  But, again--refusal to give a picture could be the beginnings of assumptions that you might be some legal bait or something other than being what you originally intended.  The whole on-line and or Internet process of connecting has made many cynical.  So, one should be prepared to be faced with cynical individuals.  I don't ask for pictures myself.  I do mention if and when there is a meeting, to wait until then so I can find them in the mass of humanity.  But, I wouldn't be slighted at all, if somebody asked for a picture.  It could lead to more conversation, as to what kind of picture and what not.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 

(in reply to SassySue)
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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 12:40:29 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
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I dont ask for a pic.I truely dont care what people look like.
Its the inside that counts.
I turn down people who ask for a pic/cam as all sites I am on already have My pic,or several even.

I have turned down sessions or even chatting with people who have bbw as a hard limit.Everyone has the right to pick who they want to be with.
I choose to be around those who think looks dont matter.


_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 1:34:09 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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I have a real problem with photographs. None of them do me justice. Ok I shouldn't worry about that I agree.
So the next problem is I don't want a man to want me for my looks. As people have noted above, men work on a physical level more than women. I hope I can find a slave for life. If he wants me for my looks he is going to be sorely disappointed as I get older. However if he wants me for my personality we have more chance of it working for life.
I give anyone lots of time to get to know me before we meet. I tell them that the general consensus seems to be that I am good looking. I try not to dominate someone before I know them. If they submit to me the minute I start to talk to them then are they really serious about a relationship or do they just want to get their rocks off.
Maybe I have got it all wrong but if a slave/sub will offer himself to me after two minutes conversation do I actually want him?
I used to think that everyone who had sub or slave on their profile wanted TPE. Boy was I mistaken.
I am also trying to make friends with people who have some kind of empathy with the real me. I have to cover up who I am in my vanilla life. So I am looking for friends with whom I can just be myself. Does that require a photograph?
Yes I ask for a photograph of a slave. Double standards I know but isn't the lifestyle full of double standards? Most of the time I am more interested in the background of the photograph especially if it's taken in a slaves home. It tells me far more about him than just how he looks.
I'm a woman in a man's world. I have to have every edge I can. I take calculated risks. It's the only way I know how to find what I am looking for. I get disallusioned, disappointed, and downright depressed. I thought it would be easy. Boy was I wrong. Yes I have high standards. When I collar a sub I want it to be right for both of us. If I am settling then it won't work for me and eventually it won't for him.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 1:41:13 PM   
QuietDom


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A photo request can mean "Let me see if you're attractive enough to be worth my time."  But it can also mean "Let me see if you really are the dewy-eyed 20 year old Barbie doll you claim to be, and not a 45 year old fat balding man with poor personal hygiene who's just looking for some wank material."  And it can also mean "Are you interested enough in me to take a little risk and not hide so completely behind a faceless, anonymous userID?"

And, most often, it means all of them, to some degree.

(in reply to lateralist1)
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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 2:18:31 PM   
roprandheels


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/3/2006
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We have found that in general pics are not that useful as so many we have recieved were not really who the were suppose to be anyway. The reason we do not put picturea on the computer AT ALL has several reasons. One, we did it once and they were used by other people we found out later - these pics passed around for years. Two, and the main reason is we both have high level goverment jobs and the press for being "outed" might not be the best.

(in reply to QuietDom)
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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 3:05:45 PM   
Lordandmaster


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You expect to forge friendships with Collarme people without showing them your picture?  I doubt that.  So it's not a question of WHETHER you're going to show him your picture; it's a question of WHEN.  Obviously you seem to think that he asked too soon.  But make sure you're asking the right question.  He would think that you would want to provide a picture because he would think that it's an essential step in getting to know someone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySue

This begs the question...Why would he think I would want to provide this?

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 3:10:35 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
I like to see people faces, I think you can read a lot off them  The eyes are the windows to the soul, so they say...whoever "they" are

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 3:16:31 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

You expect to forge friendships with Collarme people without showing them your picture?  I doubt that.  So it's not a question of WHETHER you're going to show him your picture; it's a question of WHEN.  Obviously you seem to think that he asked too soon.  But make sure you're asking the right question.  He would think that you would want to provide a picture because he would think that it's an essential step in getting to know someone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySue

This begs the question...Why would he think I would want to provide this?





I have infact met people(meaning more than one) from CM(and other places) without seeing a picture of them.
A chat or two is all I need to tell something about a person.
A pic of their face doesnt change who they are on the inside.

Maybe I'm a lil crazy to meet people like that...but it works for Me.
I actually like the excitement of seeing if  they look like I thought they might.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 3:19:27 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I like to see people faces, I think you can read a lot off them  The eyes are the windows to the soul, so they say...whoever "they" are



If you listen and watch closely you can see it in the way they speak and or write.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 6:03:50 PM   
SassySue


Posts: 54
Joined: 2/12/2006
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I don't have a full profile because I am not seeking a relationship at this time.  When and if I decide to do so I will fill it out.  I read the forums and poke at CD a bit.  I find the people here enjoyable and the debate is usually interesting.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 6:22:52 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySue

I don't have a full profile because I am not seeking a relationship at this time. When and if I decide to do so I will fill it out. I read the forums and poke at CD a bit. I find the people here enjoyable and the debate is usually interesting.


~deep, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep sigh~...yeah, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO mistreated.

(in reply to SassySue)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 6:27:08 PM   
SassySue


Posts: 54
Joined: 2/12/2006
Status: offline
and Ya love it!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 6:28:10 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySue

and Ya love it!



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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 6:28:58 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
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From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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I like pictures so I can see who it is I am talking to.  I am a very visual person and it just helps me put the whole package together when I'm talking to someone.  That being said, there are several people on CM I have never seen a picture of but I consider them my friends and I have a picture in my mind's eye that may or may not be accurate of what they look like. 

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 6:29:55 PM   
fergus


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Was *HE* looking for a friend?  Not everyone here is looking for friendship, that being said, it is a pretty rare thing for women on this site to initiate messaging men out of the blue (sure, it happens, but certainly not frequently).  Since you had done so, he CERTAINLY must have been interested in the posibilities.

Now, SO many on this site complain about fakes and such and it is a common occurance to bump into those who are not who they say they are.  He asked for a picture.  Doesn't automatically mean it is in bad faith, and as a few people point out, it is sometimes easier to conect a person with a face.

Anyway, just for giggles, have a read through of the women's profiles.  You will see that "no picture/no reply" is a fairly common statement.

fergus

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 8:20:05 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


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I have no problem with sending my picture...well except that some could find it rather frightening and thus scare them off!.....but when I am in contact with someone it is not the request of pic that I look at..It is the content of the following e-mails that will soon let you know what you are dealing with....Tempting

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 10:02:31 PM   
DiamondOrchid


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/27/2006
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I don't require a pic to chat with someone. Likewise, I don't give mine out. If we should decide to meet, then I'll ask for a pic to make finding the person somewhat easier. But, I'm not looking for any relationships either... .
 
D.

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Relationships are like full time jobs and should be treated as such. If your boy/girlfriend wants to leave, they should give you two weeks' notice and severance pay. Also they should have to find you a temp.

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 10:34:44 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

If you listen and watch closely you can see it in the way they speak and or write.


That's very true too


_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 10:44:01 PM   
Lordandmaster


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I never meet anyone without seeing a picture first.  The first thing I want to know is whether they look like their picture.  Not everyone does.

Anyway, the OP says she HAS a picture, so it's obvious that she accepts the idea of sending pictures of herself in general.  She just thought this person asked for one too soon.  I think that's silly.  Just because he didn't happen to conform to her idea of when in the process of getting to know someone it's proper to exchange pictures, we get a whole men-are-such-shits-on-Collarme thread about it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

I have infact met people(meaning more than one) from CM(and other places) without seeing a picture of them.
A chat or two is all I need to tell something about a person.
A pic of their face doesnt change who they are on the inside.

Maybe I'm a lil crazy to meet people like that...but it works for Me.
I actually like the excitement of seeing if  they look like I thought they might.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 10:53:32 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline
Pic are nice, but not a requirement for me. *shrugs* I do think the guy the OP was referring to was rather abrupt, and rude sounding, but... meah. Maybe he's just gruff.

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