RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (Full Version)

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FelinePersuasion -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/10/2006 7:20:18 PM)

I leave my yahoo on all day since I'm here all day, if I am busy I set my status to busy and if they insist on iming me once my stat says busy they can just wait till I am unbusy. Iming for me is a breeze, more messages than one at a time are prefered. I multi task well and if they're a slow typer I get impatient. more than one im at a time slows my impatience.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/10/2006 7:42:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I meant I don't know how the whole IM thing works, I do know how to use my cell phone. Just to clarify. And I am not inadvertently asking for help learning, or anything, by clarifying that - because there really are some things I don't want to know. If someone insisted, I'd learn about it, but probably not before then.

But, more power to those for whom this works well. I probably sound like a "little old lady", and  I am not a "tecchie" (at all). But with me, it's more that I'm just big on peace and quiet. I want to get to know people (and I do) but I need "my own space" too.

- Susan

Well Susan, all you really need to know is that all of those "techie" items have on and off buttons, both of which you are in complete control of at all times.  If you don't want to talk, don't.

Educate yourself, take control and stop being scared of things not worth being scared about.

I'm not an "earthy"- meaning I have literally NO sense of direction, get lost constantly, have NO talent at forming physical maps in my head whatsoever.  But I still gotta find my way on this planet and have moved to totally different areas 5 times in as many years, including to a different continent. 

You take control of what you can control and you don't let your weaknesses control what pleasure you can have in this world.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/10/2006 7:43:44 PM)

I am one of those 2 finger hunt and peck types..So to get 2 people Imming me, puts me into a panic..I personally do not like Im's..it requires quick fingers and not much thinking time for responses..I prefer e-mail, you then can contemplate your response to that particular person, and be able to say it with out them thinking "well what is taking them so long!"..and phone is even better, you can hear inflections, you can say a moment let me think of the best answer I can give you for that question..and then of course as SusanO said , think..lol...that I simply do not want to be that easily accessible..I want my private down time..I do not wish to be intruded upon that much..I do have a life..so hence..even owning a cell phone 9 times out of 10 it is off, unless I choose to use it!....Tempting



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/10/2006 8:51:18 PM)

That is SO TRUE, like even when I THINK I am being quiet sometimes I am still overheard, and it sometimes gets me in a heap of trouble or opens up some situations I don't want to open up, so now if I have something private to say I im it to him while we talk.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I am not one for the phone simply becasue you can be overheard on the phone.  I have enough trouble with people overhearing my conversations with Angel, I dont really care to see how many more things they could learn that they dont need to know.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/10/2006 8:59:08 PM)

here's the thing, I assume, and others do too, if you add me to your im list  I am welcome to speak to you.

Now however if you want when you hand out an im addy you may tell them, you're not free to im me whenever you wish, you must wait till I speak to you first and if they can't follow that then likely they an't follow other directions and is a waste of time
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

What bugs me the most is that if I do give out my IM address and talk to someone once, they feel automatically entitled to bother me whenever they care to. This is the biggest problem for me because I am generally a polite person and hate telling someone to just f-off. Though I will, don't get me wrong. ;)



marieToo -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/10/2006 9:07:58 PM)

GR to OP:

I have absolutely no problem giving my outside IM/Email address. I have yahell and aoHell, which I use.  If it was my work email, I would not give it out. But I have a couple of nicks that do not include my actual name and no way for anyone to get my phone number or home address or anything of that nature.  Ive spent several years in an aol chatroom (I rarely go there anymore) and people there openly saw my chatname, which is the same as your email addy,  and I spoke to dozens and dozens of people over the years,  and met in real life about 12-15.  I am cautious, dont get me wrong, but Im not paranoid.  No one is going to bludgeon me to death with my IM or email addy, so its basically not an issue for me.



jdtallfem -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/10/2006 9:11:26 PM)

I use IM a lot, but have lived in three different states recently and have so many contacts on it I now don't know who they all are anymore, lol.  Over 380, I think. So it gets kind of confusing. I've asked anybody from here to please give me their Collarme ID each time they say hi so I know.  I'm also invisible, because the minute I'm available I have about six to ten "hi's" all at once, and while I'm good at saying "hi" to three or so of those IMs, any more and I have a hard time multi-tasking.  It does get hard, too, when I'm trying to read my mail or do some business online.



SusanofO -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/10/2006 10:58:00 PM)

LA:  I appreciate your concern, but - I don't want people IMing me all the time. That's one (and probably the main) reason I don't have an IM thingy. I don't want one. And - I am in control of that too (my preferences).

- Susan



susie -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/10/2006 11:32:31 PM)

My instant messenger is on all the time. I am logged on at work and am usually logged on when I get home too. When I was "searching" I found it a far easier to get to know someone that way rather than the rather stilted back and forth of email. Telephone calls were too personal for the early stages of contact. Now that Master and I are together we both still use it to chat to friends and family and we use it to keep in touch with each other when we are both at work. There are times when someone I don't know pops up because they have found my id somewhere but I can decide if I want to chat to them or not and if I do chat, I can decide if it is someone I want to continue chatting with. I have actually met quite a few nice people who have become online chatting mates this way. One is in Holland and one is in Iceland and a few in the UK and the US. I would never have chatted to them if they had not just popped up and said hello in IM.

As for being a generation thing, I am not sure that is true. I am in my late 40s and prefer that way of keeping in touch and my parents, who are in their 70s use it as well.



spankmepink11 -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 12:01:50 AM)

I enjoy using the IM programs, however i'm pretty selective about it and generally choose to appear offline.  It's pretty easy to control and does save me from getting all the  unwanted random flyby instant messages.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 1:54:14 AM)

IMs on the computer are a positively great way to get to know someone by sifting through potential friends in a relaxed, anonymous way. You see their intelligence, humor and values as they respond quickly to your thoughts and vice versa. You may think that you can pick up on how someone thinks better in long emails, but I don’t find that the case. The instant bantering in IMs is almost like free association, but in a social way. It is unique.

I have seen those who post intelligently on message boards and can write well thought out emails be absolute boors in IMs. Many of those people will lack common sense, spontaneity and humor, things which I find laudable.

You may, also, think well, why not the phone? The phone is obviously a step in getting to know someone, but it does not allow the relaxed, anonymous, free association that I wrote about earlier. A phone conversation goes quickly into everyday concerns without the stage of getting to know how someone thinks.  



adamastronut -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 2:02:10 AM)

I totally agree with Holly's response...  IM is more convenient, especially now that it seems all the spammers have figured out how to flood my inbox no matter what I do.  E-Mail is going the way of regular mail insofar as I pretty much only use it for bills.  If I want to talk to someone, my cell phone doesn't charge me long distance.  IM also gives me an immediate perception of someone's ability to think, which may be tantamount for this type of relationship.





eyesopened -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 2:44:30 AM)

IM is a whole lot easier to communicate than email, however, i've had my yahell hacked and now don't like to give it out until i've exchanged a few emails first.  i'm not fond of getting emails that ask nothing and provide no information other than to ask for my IM.  



FangsNfeet -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 2:49:53 AM)

IM or a meeting in a chat room where you can chat in private is something you could consider as the next step after a few e-mails. After all, a phone number can be used to find out a persons address. It's also more difficult to block and delete the person should there be something not right about him/her.



xoxi -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 4:44:49 AM)

I'm always on messenger if I'm online.  I give out my IM info after I've gotten to know the person and want to have a real time conversation.  If someone sends me an email on here saying "nice profile do u use yahoo" I reply "yes" and refuse to give it to them [:D]



SusanofO -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 4:53:55 AM)

Well, it's starting to sound better to me...I am going to keep up with this thread!

- Susan



Kalira -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 4:57:41 AM)

Master and I, in the earlier stages, spent alot of time using IM; with small spurts of phone conversation in between. Now though, I almost rarely use my IM to talk to him, it's always on the phone ( though I will admit, it is getting to be quite expensive [:)] on both our sides lol ).

As for others, very few people have my messenger ID, and those who do know that 99% of the time I am busy so I don't answer messages.



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 6:30:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz
This is an interesting topic.  I heard a study on the radio the other day that said that IM preferences are somewhat of a generational thing.  Teenagers and young adults said that they prefer to communicate in IM's vs. e-mail, while the reverse was true for older people (by older I mean older than teenage to young adult).  


I saw an article on Yahoo News this morning on the very same topic.  Here is the link:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061208/ap_on_hi_te/instant_messaging_ap_poll

Lady Topaz



LaTigresse -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 7:42:36 AM)

After a few emails I prefer IM before the phone. I really don't like talking on the phone, I do it all day at work. I keep the phone thing for a select few. Considering that most tech savy people can trace a person with a phone number I do not rush to give it out. I refuse to deal with the hassle of doing otherwise. If you get my phone number I am 99% sure you are a non-stalking reasonably sane, human being that I do not have worry having my home address.

I don't have IM on here at work much because of the errant message popping up at inappropriate times. If I do have the instant message window open I am more than likely on invisible anyway. Most of my IM time is spent with coffee on the weekend mornings, catching up with old friends and family strewn all over the world.



toservez -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 9:40:58 AM)

It is a too each their own type thing. To me there is certainly a culture to IM that a significant amount of people are use to and/or prefer to communicate that way instead of phone and Email and this includes with family and friends as well as prospective partners.

I am an anti IM person all the way. In a previous thread awhile back many IM people talked about why they prefer it and IM multiple people at a time while also doing other things on the computer and/or watching TV and all of this was a big problem for me personally. If I am talking to another person in another medium it would be rude to being doing something similar and have been on the other end of having to wait a long time between IM messages sent.

For me personally I have found IM to be a waste of time in getting to know someone. For me only, it always feels like they are not fully engaged and do not have the energy or intelligence to write more than five words at a time. To IM people this makes no sense but I am just not of that culture.



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