RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (Full Version)

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MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 10:09:30 AM)

I used to chat in IMs much more than I do now.   I still IM with friends occasionally, but rarely as a "getting to know each other" tool with a potential new sub.  

Rather, I prefer an email exchange over a period of a week or two, then will talk to them on the phone.  The primary reason that I skip IMs these days is that it's too easy for the "online folks" - email requires more effort, and moves towards talking on the phone and meeting more quickly than chatting in IMs does, IMHO.



FemmeOwner -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 10:44:35 AM)

I have a similar approach to IM's.  Specifically, though, by not moving quickly to IM/chat, it weeds out the wankers and players.  Those folk are looking for instant gratification, and when they don't get it, they move on to someone else.  Which is fine by me!  IM *is* easier for those not up to par with the computer age (having to refresh the received mail screen all the time, either on here or Yahoo/hotmail/gmail/etc), but if they can't bear with me until I feel they are serious, then they aren't suited to be my slave in the first place. 



SlaveAkasha -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 11:01:17 AM)

Personally, I like to head to IM pretty quick.  It helps show whether somene is an HNG or maybe they have some deeper potential.  I also head into phone calls within a few times of chatting if I want anything to move further.. I call and always block my number, if they don't agree.. I don't call.
 
I guess I don't see anything sacred in the IM name, they can't get to you, and it gives you a chance to get to know someone a bit easier than emailing does.  I have one for bdsm chats and then one for family and friends.
 
Kasha



LadyVillen -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 11:23:46 AM)

For me I like the fluidity of IM rather than the stagnancy of email.  Secondly but equally important I like the safety of using IM, any hassle block them.

I do prefer the spoken word, but prefer to wait some time before giving out my phone number.

Hugs and spanks to all xx



thetammyjo -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 12:55:33 PM)

I use IM for only one thing: as part of this online writing group I'm a member of. We discuss our plots as we do our writing together.

Otherwise frankly I want a good record of it and I find that an email also gives me time to think.

In my experience people who want to move onto IM are moving too fast for me and seem more interested in sexy chat than in actually asking and answering questions at the level I require.



adamastronut -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 1:01:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

It is a too each their own type thing. To me there is certainly a culture to IM that a significant amount of people are use to and/or prefer to communicate that way instead of phone and Email and this includes with family and friends as well as prospective partners.

I am an anti IM person all the way. In a previous thread awhile back many IM people talked about why they prefer it and IM multiple people at a time while also doing other things on the computer and/or watching TV and all of this was a big problem for me personally. If I am talking to another person in another medium it would be rude to being doing something similar and have been on the other end of having to wait a long time between IM messages sent.

For me personally I have found IM to be a waste of time in getting to know someone. For me only, it always feels like they are not fully engaged and do not have the energy or intelligence to write more than five words at a time. To IM people this makes no sense but I am just not of that culture.



Of course you're not of that culture.... You're quoting Emerson.  IM's aren't for reflections on metaphysics.  Or maybe my ADD is kicking in.  I'm going to go ride my bike.



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 2:35:45 PM)

I rarely chat these days, but I used to be a chat addict.  [;)]   My impression of someone who asks me for IM instead of email is that they think they are going to be dominated "on the spot".  They typically diappeared when I told them that I didn't chat.

Be well,
Julie



PaganPriestess -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 3:57:02 PM)

I won't give them my number until I have theirs, and I have called it and the person has answered.  But I don't move to phone until I'm pretty sure they are sincere, they have withstood the test of time, and I am to the point of seriously considering them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha
I also head into phone calls within a few times of chatting if I want anything to move further.. I call and always block my number, if they don't agree.. I don't call.
 
I guess I don't see anything sacred in the IM name, they can't get to you, and it gives you a chance to get to know someone a bit easier than emailing does.  I have one for bdsm chats and then one for family and friends.
 
Kasha



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/11/2006 4:46:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PaganPriestess

I won't give them my number until I have theirs, and I have called it and the person has answered.  But I don't move to phone until I'm pretty sure they are sincere, they have withstood the test of time, and I am to the point of seriously considering them.


The problem for me with that is investment of time.   In my experience, the percentage of those that contact me online that result in meeting face to face (let alone resulting in anything resembling a relationship) is very very VERY small.   I've come to the conclusion that it's an utter and complete waste of my energy to spend weeks and months online chatting with someone, trying to get a feel for them.  I'd rather meet for coffee relatively quickly if they halfway spark my interest (i.e, the basic compatability information is out there, they can be reasonably polite, and can manage to send a couple emails back and forth that are more than one line each) - half an hour face to face will tell me MUCH more about them than months of IMs or emails. 

Alternatively, the lack of ability to meet for a coffee within a month of first contact also tells me a great deal.  



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/12/2006 12:39:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

It is a too each their own type thing. To me there is certainly a culture to IM that a significant amount of people are use to and/or prefer to communicate that way instead of phone and Email and this includes with family and friends as well as prospective partners.

I am an anti IM person all the way. In a previous thread awhile back many IM people talked about why they prefer it and IM multiple people at a time while also doing other things on the computer and/or watching TV and all of this was a big problem for me personally. If I am talking to another person in another medium it would be rude to being doing something similar and have been on the other end of having to wait a long time between IM messages sent.



Well, chatting with more than one person at a time is a whole other subject. Rudeness is rudeness whether IM's, on the phone or face to face.



Dnomyar -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/12/2006 5:03:21 AM)

I dont use my IM as much as I used to. I have made to many friends. When I turn my IM on I get flooded with messages. What makes IM better than a phone is that you can use a cam on IM. You can see who you are talking with. How much you can see (wink) depends on the person you are talking with.



juliaoceania -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/12/2006 6:05:30 AM)

quote:

I'd be interested to hear who here uses IM and in what fashion


I use it as a way to exchange links and talk with a few friends. I use it with my Daddy when we both are surfing the internet so we can chit chat while we do so. He and I did not use it much at first, rather sparingly, we went from email to instant messenger, and rather soon segued to the phone. I tend to not want to talk to men a lot in instant messenger anymore, I find I have not much to type to them anymore.

quote:

Do people just keep it open all day and then respond to IMs as they would emails? 


I guess I do because sometimes I answer an IM and sometimes I wait if I am really busy, kinda like email.

quote:

How do they manage multiple messages and constant interruptions when they are at their PC getting other things done?



I am not very good at multi-tasking, but can handle a few messages at once, I do not do this when I am doing something of import.



jblack -> RE: Instant Messenger in BDSM courtship (12/12/2006 3:50:50 PM)

Because I tend to use IM for work, I thought I'd hate it for personal conversations. But I was surprised to discover that I get a better sense of how a person's mind works once we move from email to IM; for me, it's like a step between email and phones. IM allows for speedier conversations than email, and, because of stealth settings, I still feel like I can maintain some distance if it becomes necessary.

In general, my communications goes from email to IM to phones to coffee meetings to . . . well, play, if I'm really lucky. O, to be lucky! Anyway, each step seems increasingly intimate to me. I suppose it might appear like "one more hoop" to people, but I don't mind an extra step in the "getting to know you" process.

I should point out, though, that I have email and IM accounts set up specifically for BDSM communication. Partly, that's because I'm reluctant to give out my name and email address to strangers; partly, it's to avoid having to deal with changing spam filters; partly, it's because it helps me keep my professional life from interferring with my personal one.

It also ensures that I won't be getting some more, uh, colorful messages while at work, although that could make meetings a lot more interesting. Hmmm, maybe my idea of separate accounts needs rethinking. [;)]




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