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RE:mental illness - 6/21/2005 9:21:20 PM

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
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i have, ptsd, ocd, add, and i have meds, but NO so called therapy. the V.A. does not have it.

but just because i have emotional issues due to my childhood abuses, does not mean i am less of a domestic servant.

since "i" do not play, there is no issue there.
since i am not involved emotionally romantically that is not an issue.

i am strictly dealing with violence and violent people that threaten me, either verbally on here, in person or by physical means, in which case i am not a safe person to be around since i ripped up the entire 2nd floor lobby of the V.A. in loma linda california.
i was raised to believe i answer to no one unless i want to myself, and someone there got in my face and i came apart on them.

i try to get along as much as is possible, but i do not intimidate.

MY take on this.

_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 7/3/2005 2:16:07 PM

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Hi DRoseThorns,
I have DID/MPD and even though it's not a mental illness, I know most people classify it as such anyway.

I always tell anyone I talk to up front that I have DID, just for conversation because it's interesting. But if I was considering getting together sexually with someone, I would most certaintly tell them way ahead of time, so if they aren't interested because of that, I don't waste their time yacking with me when it was just a "not happening" situation all along.

If I were you, I would be very matter of fact about it, ask them if they have any type of mental/emotional/or other condition of that nature because you want to know about it first. If it's something you are not comfy with, just tell them that, point blank.

If it is said simply and clearly, they should not be offended. If they are, that's unfortunate but not your fault.

If someone said, I'm canceling our plans because I think your too nutty, that's ok.
I appreciate their honesty. No skin off my back..... *smile ~ zay

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: RE:mental illness - 7/3/2005 2:19:59 PM

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher

i have, ptsd, ocd, add, and i have meds, but NO so called therapy. the V.A. does not have it.

but just because i have emotional issues due to my childhood abuses, does not mean i am less of a domestic servant.

since "i" do not play, there is no issue there.
since i am not involved emotionally romantically that is not an issue.

i am strictly dealing with violence and violent people that threaten me, either verbally on here, in person or by physical means, in which case i am not a safe person to be around since i ripped up the entire 2nd floor lobby of the V.A. in loma linda california.
i was raised to believe i answer to no one unless i want to myself, and someone there got in my face and i came apart on them.

i try to get along as much as is possible, but i do not intimidate.

MY take on this.

your message makes me wonder about my protective male alters... my therapist had my alters and i agree to a 'safety contract', with rule number 1 being "harm no one, let no one harm us"..... but their view is that if i'm walking down the street and some big guy comes up and tries to drag me off, my male alters are going to come out and beat the crap out of him.....

i agree with them, even though we did sign that contract.....

(in reply to asissyforher)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 7/3/2005 2:34:33 PM

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
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kinda hard to classify someone as mentally ill.....
my therapist told me that there is no such thing as a "normal" person, regarding this topic...

the ones who appear to be the most normal, are probably the sickest of all LOL

_____________________________

zaynab[DM]

quote:

i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 7/5/2005 7:32:02 PM

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/4/2005
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Normal is really more of a construct to help describe behavior than anything else; similar to average. I have a feeling that many who have been labeled as having some sort of mental illness may actually be healthier than some who consider themselves normal. Those who have been labeled know they have a problem and hopefully are seeking help to deal with it successfully.

Now, if only we could do away with labels. Only the harmful or painful ones, of course. I have been labed as being "above average" by some and would like to believe that. Oops, better edit that last line out given what I said in the first.

(in reply to zaynab)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 7/6/2005 3:04:14 AM

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/13/2005
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This is the question as asked:
>I have found in the last year that some that desired my attention has been bi-polar
>or of having some mental illness. I screen all very well before I decide on anything
>but feel uncomfortable. How would one deal with this?

I don't think playing with anyone that has a significant physical or mental illness is a smart thing to do. I would not knowingly enter into such an arrangement. The fact that the subject makes you uncomfortable suggests that you are not ready to take the plunge in this way either. Always give special weight to your own feelings in these matters. Why should you second guess your own intuition?

Life is short. Get out of it what you seek. Don't waste time.

I recently had a similar situation on my hands. Someone contacted me and acknowledged that they had issues with depression. In under five days I came to realize that said person's own personality issues were going to be hugely problematic in pursuing anything further. That's a deal-breaker for me so I called off any further communications.

I noticed a lot of replies in this thread seemed to go off in the direction of you having to educate yourself, and that with loads of "politically correct" rhetoric thrown in for good measure. But why bother with something that makes you uncomfortable? I can't speak for anyone else, but I do not need to "learn" what is attractive to me; and things that put me off are pointedly not attractive to me. I make no excuses and I offer no apologies for wanting exactly what I want, nor for not wanting what I don't want.

One of my own long-standing complaints about the scene and in trying to find suitable partners is a lot of the double-thinking and nonsense that gets thrown around on the topics of polyamory, physical health, and mental health. Just because you and I are kinky doesn't mean we don't have good common sense. Just because we are different doesn't make us mentally ill. But let's be careful to acknowledge desires, physical problems, and behaviors that might make someone an unsuitable partner. And you can easily decide what is right for you and what your precise comfort level is going to be for each type of issue.

So, how would one deal with this? I wouldn't reject a mentally ill person out of hand, but I would spend enough time with them to discover for myself if the issue was problematic or not. I guess that's the difference between an insignificant problem that is well under control and one that is out of control and most likely going to be problematic. No one is going to be perfect, but I do not actively seek out partners that are akin to nested dolls of hassle.

BTW, it goes without saying that many people that would tend to make unsuitable partners for someone like myself are going to disagree with my view and cry "foul" on me. Thankfully, my private life is not a democracy. What I say goes for me. And that's all there is to it.

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 8/17/2005 7:19:22 PM

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Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Hi all,

This is kinkyslaveboysub4u, I am making a post on my Mistresses s/n (with her permission).

I just wanted to say something about mental illness, mainly Bi-Polar or (manic-depresive). While those with mental illness that goes untreated can potentially put you in dangerous circumstances, those who are medicated are usually fairly balanced out. I tell you from my own experience of being bi-polar and having borderline personality disorder. It is imperative to know how long they have been on meds, it usually takes 6-10 weeks for a person to become balanced out providing the pyshciatrist is prescribing the correct meds. I have been a human guine pig and have been on a dozen different anit-depresents and various mood stabilizers. I currently am on depakote (a mood stabilizer and wellbutrin (anti-depresent) and xanax for anxiety. I have been prescribed haladol, serequel, clonapin, zoloft and god know what else over the past 10 years.

I presently feel fine on my meds but suffer from extreme insomnia none the less. there are millions of people in the U.S alone with some type of mental disorder or another. we are people that sit next to you every day in school, work, the movie theater etc... Many problems i have experienced with my bi-polar was and still is at times the suicidal possibilities. I don't remember the figures but a large population of people diagnosed with bipolar end up commiting suicide. although it has been difficult maintaining sanity while being bipolar I am still here alive, a great father and hard worker.

YES, USE CAUTION WITH MENTAL ILLNESS, IT'S NOT A JOKE, IT'S REAL AND MINDS PLAY TRICKS.

NOW, I have a question for ya'all. I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse by my priest from the ages of 14-16. (yeah,the ass wipe only got a slap on the wrist and was sent back to Florida because of statues of limitaitons and technicalities. This poor excuse for a man of god also coherced me into anal sex when I was 20 on 5 occasions. Now I am a hetrosexual male, but have request and been granted by Mistress for her to rape my 128 lb, 5'6" ass with a 10" (jeff stryker model) strap-on, it has progessively become more and more intense while I am demeand and put down while she pounds me as hard as she can for 1-2 hours nonstop. where am i going (don't know) but I was wondering if anyone thinks these two issues are related. am i creating deeper emotional scars, is this safe to do not only physically but emotionally. please feel free to send us an email or post here your comments.

respectfully yours,

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by MistressStar -- 8/17/2005 7:38:57 PM >

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 8/18/2005 10:10:54 AM

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline

The key is communication between partners. Everyone has either an illness/issues/problems that they have to deal with. The key is approaching it and getting the help that you need. Thus you can effectively relate to your partner anything they may need to know or answer questions that they may have. If the partner refuses to get treatment, then that is where the problems arise. A mental illness must be treated as a medical condition which it is.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 8/18/2005 6:12:11 PM

kinkyslaveboysub

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

(a little background info)

I was sexually molested and raped by my priest from the ages of 14-15 and then again, coherced at the age of 20 in to anal sex 5x. My mother died when I was 4 and stepmother was an verbally abusive drunk. I am bipolar(manic-depresive) and have BPD (borderline personality disorder) with 10 doucmented suicde attempts.

The Mistress that I have, we engage in a lot of strap-on scenes. It has progresivly become more and more intense. at my request of raping my ass with a 10" (jeff stryker) strap-on while verbally humiliating and demeaning and putting me down. She is new to this and likes doing it quite well. She laughs at me and calls me names telling me how pathetic I am while pounding my ass as hard as she can for 1-3 hours depending on her mood. Are all of us subs/slaves like this because of childhood traumas?. Now, for those who don't know Jeff Stryker, it's one freakin huge fat strap-on. Am I setting myself up for further emotional abuse. Am I using this as a comfort zone because of my childhood issues? Am I having her abuse me? Is this the right kind of thing that I should be doing? Even if it hurts I tell her not to stop, she ties me to the bed, gags me with her panties and a tie tied around my mouth. She does not want to hurt me and is only doing what i ask. she would pull out and use smaller if hurt before but lately it has progressivley become rougher.[image][/image]

Attachment (1)

(in reply to greeneyedangel)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 8/18/2005 6:13:48 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ok, I was checking out these boards and found this post. Maybe ya'all can shed some light on me please.

Someone who wants attention? How many people do any of us know who would spill their guts to complete strangers if it were all true?

(in reply to kinkyslaveboysub)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 8/19/2005 6:45:40 AM

kinkyslaveboysub

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

ATTENTION, I don't think so. Spill guts to strangers, why would I have anything to hide. You know there are just so many closed people in the world sub4hire, you are just one of those who have to make waves. I know lots of people on many boards who ask advice. What do you think the health and saftey thread is? Don't you think people ask pretty private std related questions. Open you eys, open you mind and treat others the way you want to be treated.

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 8/19/2005 7:17:02 AM

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

quote:

ok, I was checking out these boards and found this post. Maybe ya'all can shed some light on me please.

Someone who wants attention? How many people do any of us know who would spill their guts to complete strangers if it were all true?

Wanting attention? Maybe.

As far as opening up to "complete strangers"....it is sometimes much easier to do so, without being face-to-face with someone we know. Talking, or posting somewhat anonymously makes it easier, and "just talking" about it sometimes really helps, regardless of the forum. Could make it makes it easier not to feel so judged, or embarrassed to do some on message boards, such as this one.

Just my take on it.
K

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 8/19/2005 8:02:12 PM

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

I believe the prior post of learning what is involved with the illness is a wise decision. Proceed carefully with knowledge.

There are facets you may need to be aware of, irrespective of the illness that may need to be taken into consideration in play. An awareness of the illness is important to all involved.

Loving disipline and adherance to regimine is very important. You will not fix the illness, sometimes the "fix" is not possible. But it may be possible to live with the illness, so long as understanding is involved. But take the time to learn the foibles which will occur.

SirRah

Your mileage may vary, objects are closer than they appear.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 9/19/2005 5:12:19 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline

Like many have said, communication is key. If they tell you of their own free will, then you are getting somewhere - if they come up with bizzar behavour and then deny it, then you might not want to play with them. Honesty is a must just like in all other aspects of the scene. If you can't handle playing with them, then I would ask that you be gentle just like you would with anyone else. Good luck.

_____________________________

All power corrupts, but absolute power is kinda neat . . .

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 9/19/2005 7:26:08 PM

Hallittlelolita

Posts: 253
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

i have adhd (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) it is simialar to add and i take medicine for it as well i have different moodswings like i'll be happy one minut and sad the next but that is if i dont take my medicine. Master has to remind me because somtimes i forget but He is very patient with me

Sincerely andie and her Master Hal

(in reply to JamesLynn2005)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 9/22/2005 8:48:15 PM

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSilvie

Just to be clear, not everyone with a depressive or other disorder is looking for someone to rescue them. The majority recognize that they are responsible for their own well being. There is a minority that never will acknowledge that. And it has less to do with having a mental disorder than it does with maturity and responsibility.

Nor is that restricted to submissives when if someone is looking for a savior. I've heard more than one dominant personality whine, "if I only had a submissive to sacrifice everything in their lived to make me happy..."

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityFix

My usual response personally to dealing with the drama from mental illness,et al,is simply NOT to.

Too many seem to feel that a dominant personality is somehow going to be strong enough to "fix" them. Those Dominants arrogant enough to think so are usually in for quite a bit of self inflicted emotional masochism if they try.

Try therapy and psychiatry when you have earned the plaque on the wall profesionally, people.

Not until then.

I would add to the above post... recognizing ones responsibility is not just a question of speaking the words... but taking the action that Demonstrates Responsibility of ones own Well-Being. Words are cheap... look for the behaviors to support the words

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MsSilvie)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 9/22/2005 8:55:16 PM

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Joined: 9/5/2005
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my dom is bipolar and it can be very difficult to deal with longterm, though i do love him lots. he is better than he was before i knew him, now on meds but i'd still say be careful

(in reply to RiotGirl)

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