This is exactly why I don't do clubs, and avoid the scene like the pock marked hell it is - no shirt, no shoes? No service.
What the hell man.. I wouldn't set foot in a club, pub, bar, restaurant, or crackden that demanded I dress a certain way to enter, or required I make myself uncomfortable to 'keep the riffraff out' (hire a half decent fucking bouncer you cheap-skate fuckers), or provide other people with amusement.
Sod 'em all. Wear beat up jeans, a baggy t-shirt, and skate shoes. :)
Heh, there was this event here in Toronto called Vazaline. It was a pretty neat monthly party for queer people who weren't into the gay circuit clubs and wanted something that was darker and edgier without the issues of having harrassment from straight folk who didn't want them in their clubs. A lot of people just showed up in their T's and jeans and tried to look as grubby as possible. One guy was a naturist and was in the buff, and there were plenty of men and women in all sorts of sexy or fetishy attire.
I liked the atmosphere there because it was about no rules. You just were who you were and we were all there to just drown ourselves in the music, dance, and maybe meet someone. One guy had the balls or maybe enough intoxication to feel up one of my nipples as I walked by. I knew the venue could bring this out in people so just said thank you and kept walking. If someone did that at a fetish night it would be so not okay.
It's sort of art punk if I had to give it a simple description. I loved the playfulness and the chaotic energy of that club. Too bad it closed down.
The funniest part was when this slightly intoxicated university student was hitting on me in the coat check line and I don't think he realized that I was trans. The gay couple behind me were killing themselves laughing since they had already figured me out. The guy was so straight laced that I don't think he would have been able to deal with anything I'm into. He was there for another club on a different floor where the music and activity was more main stream.
I still prefer the punk and goth clubs to the fetish nights for pure entertainment value. The fetish nights are great for learning and experiencing more about different things related to BDSM.
The thing with the dress code is that it doesn't have to be leather, rubber, or PVC. You can wear a tux and they'll let you in. They just don't want walk-in's from bar hoppers looking to galk and possibly make trouble. It's creating a safe space in a lot of ways. Actually the fet night I went to allows punk and goth looks too.