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A question for switches - 12/16/2006 8:28:47 PM   
AlexAussieSub


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Do you ever meet people who you find attractive to the Dom/me part of you, but not to the Sub part of you, or vice versa? Or is someone just attractive to you and it doesn't really matter whether you go Dom/me or Sub to them? An example of what I'm talking about might be wanting to go Sub to Britney Spears but not wanting to Dom/me her and wanting to go Dom/me to Christina Aguilera but not wanting to Sub to her.

If you're bisexual, do members of one gender tend to be attractive to the dominant side of you more than the submissive side, and members of the other tend to be attractive to the submissive side of you more than the dominant side?
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RE: A question for switches - 12/16/2006 11:18:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub
Do you ever meet people who you find attractive to the Dom/me part of you, but not to the Sub part of you, or vice versa?

Sure.

quote:

If you're bisexual, do members of one gender tend to be attractive to the dominant side of you more than the submissive side, and members of the other tend to be attractive to the submissive side of you more than the dominant side?

Yup.

"Switch" doesn't mean "want to switch with everyone" just as "bisexual" doesn't mean "want to fuck everyone."

It just means "I am oriented towards both types of relationships with others."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/17/2006 1:24:36 AM   
Voltare


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As a non-switch, hetero, I would suggest that even if we identify in one role (Dom or sub) being flexible or open to exploring another role isn't impossible.  My military experiences have left me thoroughly exposed to my own 'submissive' qualities (essentially, I would hate to be almost anyone's submissive) but I think it would be short sighted for anyone to say "I could never be a (insert opposite role here.)"

Dominance and submission are personality traits.  We all have both, in some measure, just as we all have some degree of 'tidiness' and 'messiness.'  Usually one trait outweighs the other, but that doesn't mean the one or the other don't exist.

With this in mind, it's fair to say we can all find people attractive for our own reasons - I tend prefer the company of dominant men, while I enjoy the company of both dominant and submissive women.   I don't mind the company of submissive men, though I tend not to seek it out (for my own reasons.)

_____________________________

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/17/2006 10:59:37 AM   
Kramel


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub

An example of what I'm talking about might be wanting to go Sub to Britney Spears but not wanting to Dom/me her and wanting to go Dom/me to Christina Aguilera but not wanting to Sub to her.


Surely you mean the other way round ? 

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/17/2006 8:31:03 PM   
Aine


Posts: 820
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub

Do you ever meet people who you find attractive to the Dom/me part of you, but not to the Sub part of you, or vice versa?


Actually..I find that to be more often true rather than those I meet being a kind of personality that I could switch with.  Much like some of the friends that I've made within WIITWD, some see me as more of a Domme and some as more of a sub...and some see me at all times as a switch.  It's just how the personalities react off of each other.

quote:


Or is someone just attractive to you and it doesn't really matter whether you go Dom/me or Sub to them?


I don't think it's a question of one or the other or something different alltogether.  I think it's strictly a case to case basis.  Some people are just people to me, some are just friends, some I see as Dominants, some I see as submissives, some I see as switches, some I see as assholes....you get my point?  I can't just point at a person and be able to instantly say "Oh that person is (whatever) and I could only be (whatever) with them.  I have to know the person, the personalityin order to even start to think about making that distinction for myself and my association with that person.

quote:

If you're bisexual, do members of one gender tend to be attractive to the dominant side of you more than the submissive side, and members of the other tend to be attractive to the submissive side of you more than the dominant side?


Much of what I said above goes along with an answer to this question as well.  As a bisexual.....and in -most- cases for me considering I'm in a monogomous relationship has absolutely no bearing on the possible sexual attraction to a person.  So...not sure how well I can answer this one.  It's just not something I think about or deal with on a regular basis.  Although I'll make an attempt from the time before I was in my current relationship.  To be perfectly honest, as an open bisexual in my first dealings with BDSM and those involved in it...I would venture a guess at being hit on as a sub and as a Domme from either sex to be fairly equal.  (Then again.....there tends to be absolute influxes at times of subby boys online lmao), but in general, I can't really say that there was any real difference in numbers and combinations.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/17/2006 8:33:38 PM   
Aine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kramel

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub

An example of what I'm talking about might be wanting to go Sub to Britney Spears but not wanting to Dom/me her and wanting to go Dom/me to Christina Aguilera but not wanting to Sub to her.


Surely you mean the other way round ? 


Y'know....I personally would have imagined Christina being the Domme and Brit to be the sub, lmao


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Kramel)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/20/2006 4:16:38 PM   
fergus


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There is infinate variation.  Not only within all the people that you meet, but within yourself as well.

fergus

(in reply to Aine)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/20/2006 4:17:50 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kramel

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub

An example of what I'm talking about might be wanting to go Sub to Britney Spears but not wanting to Dom/me her and wanting to go Dom/me to Christina Aguilera but not wanting to Sub to her.


Surely you mean the other way round ? 


Y'know....I personally would have imagined Christina being the Domme and Brit to be the sub, lmao



Keep talking, I'm almost 'there' ;)

fergus

(in reply to Aine)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/23/2006 10:55:43 AM   
Aine


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I'd almost want to see that....Christina with the whip and Brit in shackles.

Almost.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to fergus)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/23/2006 1:16:23 PM   
SmokingGun82


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If it was offered for viewing, I'd watch. The trainwreck appeal alone is high.


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to Aine)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/25/2006 2:10:55 AM   
JpnsTigerrrlily


Posts: 161
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As a switch, people that I meet push buttons for me.  Dominant buttons, submissive buttons or neutral buttons. There are a small number that push both dominant and submissive buttons for me.

I'm also bi, and though I have not felt submissive towards other women, I don't discount the possibility. 

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/25/2006 5:30:05 PM   
nikaa


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Do you ever meet people who you find attractive to the Dom/me part of you, but not to the Sub part of you, or vice versa?

Yes.I have NEVER meet a person I wanted to or could be both Domme and submissive with.

Or is someone just attractive to you and it doesn't really matter whether you go Dom/me or Sub to them?
 
Yes, there are some people who I simply feel drawn to physically it has nothing to do with Dom or sub simply chemical and physical attraction.

If you're bisexual, do members of one gender tend to be attractive to the dominant side of you more than the submissive side, and members of the other tend to be attractive to the submissive side of you more than the dominant side?


Yes, I have NEVER felt submissive towards a woman.

< Message edited by nikaa -- 12/25/2006 5:34:30 PM >


_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika


The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.


Wakan Tankan Nici Un




(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/25/2006 10:58:54 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
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"I don't think it's a question of one or the other or something different alltogether.  I think it's strictly a case to case basis.  Some people are just people to me, some are just friends, some I see as Dominants, some I see as submissives, some I see as switches, some I see as assholes....you get my point?  I can't just point at a person and be able to instantly say "Oh that person is (whatever) and I could only be (whatever) with them.  I have to know the person, the personality in order to even start to think about making that distinction for myself and my association with that person."
 
I feel this way too.  I react to different people differently.  It is definitely an energy thing for me.  Sometimes I do not have to know the person long to figure out whether I could be dom or sub to them, or whether they do not appeal to me in a D/s way at all.  But, I do have to meet them and get to know them a little.  I couldn't accurately figure out my inclinations toward someone I had only seen and not actually met.  Chemistry and personality have a lot to do with how my buttons are pushed.

(in reply to nikaa)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/28/2006 7:56:34 PM   
polyFidelity


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You may wish to look at "Kinsey's scale".  Do a google.
the scale defines a spectrum from 'only does it with men' to 'only does it with women".  Along the way, there are an infinite # of variations possible.  Take me for instance.  I am a bi switch.  That doesnt leave much out.  But the entire population cannot be described.  "All possibilities arise in time-space", it is written.
  No holds barred.  All in.  

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
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RE: A question for switches - 12/28/2006 7:58:38 PM   
polyFidelity


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you got it. infinite.  
Happy day. Otto

(in reply to fergus)
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RE: A question for switches - 2/4/2007 3:47:37 AM   
MasterDWS


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Joined: 2/1/2007
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Personally I don't believe in "switches" and reading what I did I see that its exactually as I said. Just an excuse to have sex with anyone you thinkl may please you.
I would never come home to My slave and say"today your in charge."
BDSM is  not all about sex and any Master/Mistress that is what they claim devotes all their time towards improving the one they own . I know thats unpopular but to each His/Her own I guess. For Me there are no switches nor are their any submissives.
Consider the fact that I would also not come home and have My partner say  she has a headache or whatever. Asubmissive has the right to say "no" So does a slave if you go beyond her set limits. The trick is to slowly work her limits to what shes actually capable of being. Bring out what her natural talents are and then you have the perfect slave.That takes more work than most of the  BDSM community wants to do today.
8 Yrs in the lifestyle -5 yrs in it- and so on .
Thats not even enough time to understand what you want. A slave is born that way just as a Dom is. I have been in this over 35 years now and am still learning everyday.

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
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RE: A question for switches - 2/5/2007 7:43:44 AM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
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Master DWS over 35 years so you started before you were 15? I am wondering what you think a Switch is if you don't think they are real. I call Myslef a Switch but it doesn't have to do with getting more sex. It is mental and physical. You can do that and not have sex with someone, so I agree that BDSM is not always about sex. It is however, for Me always sexual.
LV

(in reply to MasterDWS)
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RE: A question for switches - 2/6/2007 6:52:21 AM   
MasterDWS


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I am 60 yrs old that means I was approx 25 when I started not 15.
Anyhow I was and still am not interested in only the sexual part of BDSM. Thats just a plus. The relationship as a whole is much stronger than any marriage I have seen. Of course you need to know your place. That would for Me anyhow be the 1 that decides any and all I dowith no hidden agenda, just to improve Myself and My slave... Truth ,Honesty and Respect mean a lot so I know what I am and what I will be when I get home everyday just as she does.
This switch shit has only grown since the internet took over some BDSM teachings and allowed a few to make them what they seem to need out of a one time perfectly safe lifestyle.
You have your views and I have Mine. Good luck

(in reply to LordVelvet)
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RE: A question for switches - 2/6/2007 7:12:33 AM   
LordVelvet


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MasterDWS, I stand corrected. Your profile said you were 50. I will agree to disagree with You. Good luck to You as well.

(in reply to MasterDWS)
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RE: A question for switches - 2/6/2007 7:23:02 AM   
Mustardseed


Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexAussieSub

Do you ever meet people who you find attractive to the Dom/me part of you, but not to the Sub part of you, or vice versa?


My Daddy seems to prefer switches because he likes a bit of pushback, and loves geeking about toys.  However, my Daddy is a top and a dominant, and therefore has absolutely no interest in bottoming, subbing or switching.  This has caused a teeny bit of pouting in our local community, not in the least of which because he has a high pain tolerance.  However, he just doesn't go there.

I respect that simply because I want others to respect my own orientation, and try -- at the outset -- to treat people with at minimum the amount of respect I'd want to receive.


quote:

Or is someone just attractive to you and it doesn't really matter whether you go Dom/me or Sub to them?


I had a brief fling with another switch who tried domming me, but that didn't really work out.  However, she mentioned an interest in being submissive to me and my Daddy -- that worked out a bit better.


quote:

If you're bisexual, do members of one gender tend to be attractive to the dominant side of you more than the submissive side, and members of the other tend to be attractive to the submissive side of you more than the dominant side?


Despite being polyamorous, I find it difficult to take submitting to multiple people seriously.  I'll date folks, I'll top folks ... but I'd rather bottom and submit to just my Daddy.  It takes a lot to build up the amount of trust we have thus far, and some people seem to look at our relationship and think, "Oh!  If I date one of them I can have that immediately!  They'll just make a copy of it and give it to me!"  Um, no.  Clock in a couple of years of intensive and difficult conversation on both sides, among other things, and we'll see. But I digress.

Generally, pretty much everyone who does seem attractive to me seems so as potential bottoms or submissives.  I guess that since I'm getting my submissive side taken care of, the other side is starting to peer out.

I see bisexuality and switching as somewhat sister orientations:  a lot of people seem suspicious of them, or don't believe that they exist.  I think it's mainly because they see the concept that orientation isn't so much black and white as a spectrum a little threatening: 
  • "If other people behave this way, they'll expect me to as well!" An interesting opinion, but my own is that anyone worth knowing will respect boundaries and take "no" for an answer.

  • "If I admit that I want both sides, nobody will take me seriously in my primary role!"  Again, I think that this can be solved by surrounding oneself with far more understanding people.
*shrug*   If it adds spice to the lives of others to believe that I'm part of some lurking conspiracy to come and force them into a role that they detest simply because of my own orientation -- well, everyone's entitled to their own fantasy life.

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)
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