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RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/17/2006 9:07:13 PM

Posts: 24
Joined: 6/12/2006
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you know, My biggest issue is that there are few places that make high quality male fetish wear. My slave and I attended FetishCon this year and there were literally just two booths that even sold male fetish wear. 1 had about 4 items and the other was taking orders for items to be shipped.

I was shocked as I was ready to purchase some serious fetish wear. Oh well.

_____________________________

embersMaster

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/17/2006 9:10:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Elegant: You're so lucky!!... well I get to do that too sometimes with his work boots (which are pretty hot too I must admit)...but...on the few occassions he has actually worn the ones I really really love....and gotten me to take them off, its like some comedy routine, I pull and tug and its all very difficult..finally they come off and I end up falling backwards.

Ahh..therein is the problem! Many people do not realize that this is a joint effort between the boot wearer and the 'tugger'. (hey..I like that word..I am a tugger!). The boot wearer needs to help with a bit of 'flex-point-flex-point' of the foot while the tugger does a bit of 'pull-release-pull-release' action.

Master Archer has a pair of knee high dressage boots that often require 5 minutes of this routine for each boot..wearing his leathers tucked into the boots makes it even harder!

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/17/2006 9:20:01 PM

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littleone,

I'm sorry you haven't gotten a serious answer from anyone yet. Personally I think the replies you have recieved thus far are bullshit. I think if a man doesn't want to dress up for any reason they have a self image problem. Granted, he's not going to get too outragous but a suit and tie or boots or reasonable things aren't too much to ask I think.

I see vanilla couples at the night clubs I go to and she is dressed up nice and her is wearing jeans, gym shoes and a sweatshirt, which I think is absolutley disgusting. I agree with you, I want my sub to look at me and see something that arouses her. In my humble opinion anybody that doesn't want to do that for his woman just doesn't give a shit about her.

_____________________________

If it feels good, do it.

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/17/2006 9:22:37 PM

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embersMaster,
Have you checked into gay leather stores? We have found fabulous fetish attire at many gay leather shops.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to embersMaster)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/17/2006 9:22:44 PM

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

Hello Dom's.
I have a query that i would appreciate some male Dom insight into. When i talk to my Dom about it, it gets me too annoyed, as reasonable arguement is blocked. Dead.

Question is.
As a sub, ive found myself dressed up to please him. Certain looks, get him going. Not exactly rocket science is it. I have now, quite a collection of 'outfits' to provide visual stimulation for him.
Why do men feel that providing the same compliment goes against the grain, and cant?

When asked, im told that he would feel uncomfortable in such and such, and wouldnt be able to be himself. Does he think i feel comfortable at 42 in a school uniform!????
"taxi for mrs mutton" is how i feel. But im the sub, so i get that he doesnt have to and i do.

But my argument is this. I also have visual arousal in my repetoire. And there are many 'looks' that do it for me.
And, there are one or two items of clothing, or equipment, that turn me into a salivating pavlov dog. Why would a Dom, not utilise this reaction to their advantage? Madness surely?

littleone

I think you've answered your question in your post. Basically its completely appropriate and within the structure for the dominant (regardless of their gender) to dress in the manner they feel comfortable and require the submissive to dress in a manner that makes the submissive uncomfortable. Seems completely going with the unfairness inherent in a D/s or M/s dynamic.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/17/2006 10:31:30 PM

diamonddreamlove

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No bootjack but take off lots of boots.. Dang my biggest difficulty is figuring out how to get them off without standing on my head or twisting his foot off. Somedays are just more difficult than others

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"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/17/2006 10:53:15 PM

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Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
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Pull the heel loose first - after the heel is off, the rest comes fairly easy.

As for the OP - some of us do. The ones who don't are (my guess) fearing to appear "too theatrical" - guys in my generation were conditioned against that. Pity.

Midnight Writer

_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/17/2006 11:09:49 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
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MW - great point. Even with a lot of support from the cheering section, guys are reluctant to put themselves in a position where they are afraid they will 'look silly.' When girls are playing dress up, boys are off making fun of the kid who's parents dress them. We learn very early on that guys who experiment with their look are either gay or prissy (note: I don't mean to use the term gay as a derogatory statement, only that to an eight or nine year old, there it can be humiliating to be branded such by your peers.)

A lot of gentle encouragement is needed at first, and the slightest 'snigger' or 'smirk' at how silly a guy looks in any new outfit could turn the steeliest hulking man back into that 8 year old.

Ok, maybe I'm over-dramatizing, but there's no question in my mind this is one of the reasons many men stick to 'tried and true.'

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to emdoub)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/17/2006 11:37:31 PM

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~Fast Reply~

My personal take on the issue? Either they are scared of looking stupid (which doesn't make sense to me because at my weight I really don't think I look all that good in a fishnet bodysuit but he likes it) or they are of the opinion that dressing up to please us would be undomly. Either one.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 12:21:32 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
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Well it can't be about "I'm a Dom and I don't have to" or else there wouldn't be so many Domme's who look incredibly good!

I can't submit to someone I'm not attracted to. Lazy and slobbish people don't attract me. Therefore everyone I've submitted to knows how to present himself well enough to attract me ;)

It's not always about the suit and tie, although that certainly does it for me. But really, I wouldn't be with a guy if he didn't enjoy dressing up nice every so often to turn me on.

Superficial? Extremely! But then again I would rather be single than be with someone I wasn't compatible with. And that includes physically.

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 12:31:04 AM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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IMHO from the men i have had the pleasure of being around who were or werent into fetishwear...
Most men just seem to think its too much work to dress themselves up. For most, minimal effort is the goal, and putting a lot of work into dressing to impress just doesnt hapen on anything but special occasions. And quite honestly, it IS a lot of work to dress up. Women have it easier becaue we have a lot more variety to work with, but really there are very few outfits for men to get into.

my 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 6:47:08 AM

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Joined: 10/19/2006
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- fast response - I wear what pleases me and what is appropriate. I don't consult with my property on what pleases her, in regards to wear. I am aware of what has certain effects, but it's not her place to demand or have expectations that I wear something for her.

OTOH, I'm an adult, I know how to dress myself and as a professional, I dress in whats appropriate. If I am working on cars, or in the yard, then I wear the work clothes. Going to a social outing requires appropriate wear.

As I am not one to keep up with the fashions, I use my property to help me with understanding what is fashion, what will look good - she's my valet, in other words.

Regards,
EO

< Message edited by ExtremeOwnerIL -- 12/18/2006 6:48:58 AM >

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 6:58:32 AM

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This might sound strange, but - I honestly don't care what they wear because - hopefully, they won't be wearing anything very often, so it will be moot (Oops. Maybe I am just feeling "riled up" or something today. Feel free to ignore me)...

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/18/2006 7:00:23 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 8:17:18 AM

Mavis

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Joined: 2/8/2004
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my Mister will change His appearance if it seems to please other women, but not just to please me.. something in the "pussy-whipped" detector goes off if i suggest something. For instance, i have mentioned His levis could be tighter, He's got a great ass. But in baggy levis, it looks just like any 45 year old white guy with flat-butt. He gave me the sour look. BUT when gal friend at club mentioned she loves it when He wears those tighter jeans, wow, they became a regular part of Saturday night wardrobe.

Same when i pointed out hats make women think there is some balding going on under there.. i HATE hats indoors, and think He looks much better without. But i notice He doesn't wear His hat in the company of some women who have agreed with me on that topic. i guess it's about not looking like the wife dictates.. and that competition thingie that ramps a guy up when He feels attractive to the other girls, but still under the radar of the other men, so they don't look like they're peacocking. The only thing more distasteful to men than appearing pussy-whipped would be appearing to be foo-foo/ peacocking.

(i also hate the expression "pussy-whipped" but it seems the guys have a standard reaction / recognition of it.)

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 1:48:09 PM

Posts: 52
Joined: 11/30/2006
From: new jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I think you've answered your question in your post. Basically its completely appropriate and within the structure for the dominant (regardless of their gender) to dress in the manner they feel comfortable and require the submissive to dress in a manner that makes the submissive uncomfortable. Seems completely going with the unfairness inherent in a D/s or M/s dynamic.

C~

sorry, but this isn't sitting right with me. "require the submissive to dress in a manner that makes the submissive uncomfortable?"

actually, while i ocassionally put a submissive in situations that make her uncomfortable, for the most part i encourage her to feel comfortable, and thus good about herself. training her to respond via certain clothing and my response to it is very effective. however, trying to enforce a feeling of discomfort seems to me to work at cross-purpose to my goals in training and reinforcement, namely to mold her into the shape and form and attitudes that i feel meet my expectations and desires as well as hers.

one more..."Seems completely going with the unfairness inherent in a D/s or M/s dynamic"

can not disagree with you more. the inherent unfairness? frankly, D/s is about as fair as i can imagine a relationship being. both parties get their needs fulfilled, everyone is happy. if a sub felt things were "unfair," i doubt she'd be around too long...

i rarely "dress up," but thanks to the OP, i may go home tonight and break out a suit and a flogger. thanks!

_____________________________

constitutionally incapable of using the shift key...

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 2:24:56 PM

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From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catfood

sorry, but this isn't sitting right with me. "require the submissive to dress in a manner that makes the submissive uncomfortable?"

actually, while i ocassionally put a submissive in situations that make her uncomfortable, for the most part i encourage her to feel comfortable, and thus good about herself. training her to respond via certain clothing and my response to it is very effective. however, trying to enforce a feeling of discomfort seems to me to work at cross-purpose to my goals in training and reinforcement, namely to mold her into the shape and form and attitudes that i feel meet my expectations and desires as well as hers.

one more..."Seems completely going with the unfairness inherent in a D/s or M/s dynamic"

can not disagree with you more. the inherent unfairness? frankly, D/s is about as fair as i can imagine a relationship being. both parties get their needs fulfilled, everyone is happy. if a sub felt things were "unfair," i doubt she'd be around too long...

i rarely "dress up," but thanks to the OP, i may go home tonight and break out a suit and a flogger. thanks!

I think it all depends on what your vision and belief is about D/s or M/s relationships - I think we just have differing ones. For me at the essense of a dominance and submission relationship someone is making the decisions and steering the ship (so to speak) and specifically in my relationship my owner likes the benevolent dictator model so that much of what happens is guided by what the dominant wants, desires and needs. My desires, needs, and wants are factored in and weighed (in some magical formula that I don't personally necessarily know the gristly details about) and he makes a decision. But because I'm not the one making the decisions or guiding the decisions some decisions he makes have been unfair, but to me a relationship where one person is making all the decisions isn't going to be fair or equal. Its going to be power/control/authority imbalanced. I think there are tons of other structures besides D/s that are far more balanced in those areas, but to me D/s and M/s are not those structures.

In terms of the issue of what to wear his decisions are guided by what he personally wants to do and feels comfortable in, and really what he wears to a BDSM party is fairly inconsequential to me so long as he's comfortable and I'd be willing to bet that he feels the same way. On the other hand I know that he likes to see me dressed in certain things (thongs, heels, stockings) and certain colors (he likes me in white for instance) so it makes complete sense to me that I'd wear what he likes even if its uncomfortable or I just don't necessarily feel like wearing it. I don't view the relationship as being guided by what I want or by what I view as being comfortable.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to catfood)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 2:54:21 PM

Xeath

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Joined: 12/10/2006
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I know I'm new, but I figured I would share My thoughts on it. My kitten has occasionally asked me to wear a specific outfit for going out or to put something on. I use that as a reward for when she has been good. All to often the excuse I don't have to is used, and i'll admit I have used that myself because I didn't want to. However I must point out that as others have said the subs needs must be met as well otherwise is just an abusive take relationship of with power subversion involved. Rewarding a sub is always fun and also necessary to show them We truly care about them when they deserve it. Just my two cents in a round about the bushes answer heh.

Xeath

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 3:09:24 PM

agirl

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You *find yourself dressed up to please him*?

Do you mean you do it because he asked you to, told you to, or that it was a voluntary thing, because you wanted to please him?

What is this *returning the compliment* thing you speak of?.....lol

I really couldn't give two hoots what my Master wears.......I certainly notice if he's looking especially sharp but to me, he looks bloody great in anything or without anything.

agirl

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 3:20:03 PM

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Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
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i suppose i don't have this problem - He dresses up when we go out (dinner, shopping, tennis, whatever) but if we are relaxing at His place, it's mostly casual.

_____________________________

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about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: why wont you guys dress up for us? - 12/18/2006 3:23:34 PM

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Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
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I hadn't ever seen my Master dressed up at all. I have to tell ya though, we went to get our pics done the other night and WOW, he was hot..lol.

I know that our life consists of him going to work and evenings at home for the most part, so I don't expect him to wear anything special. When we go out though, I have no doubt he can turn a few heads and I am even more proud to feel this collar around my neck.

Masters Kasha

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Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
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(in reply to embersMaster)

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