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RE: Really long, really need constructive advice. pleas... - 12/31/2006 7:31:11 PM   
MasterDaveCincy


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline 		It seems to me there are some deep trust issues. If the relationship has got to the point of being violent that is not a good situation to say the least. Resolving the past doesnt rest on the shoulders of your spouse it rests on your shoulders. I know for myself in being in an abusive relationship with my spouse (ex now ) it took away every bit of self esteem I had to stay in it. It is doomed for failure when it gets to that point and points to some serious issues on both sides. Counciling will point you in a direction of dealing with yourself and the issues you have not those of your spouse. Is there alcohol abuse or other substance abuse going on? Thats quite common in most abusive relationships. Support each other in dealing with issues. Such as dont put pressure on them for going to different counciling groups because it takes a lot of time. Encourage each other with by listening and not taking it personal when emotions are coming out. I hope that helps. Dave

(in reply to fireflyred)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Really long, really need constructive advice. pleas... - 12/31/2006 7:53:01 PM   
angharad


Posts: 229
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		You screamed your safeword and he said I'll safeword you?  Caning on the stomach?

Do you really need the writing on the wall for this one?


(in reply to MasterDaveCincy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Really long, really need constructive advice. pleas... - 1/6/2007 6:06:33 PM   
notjustsomesub


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

not at all I completely distinguish between the two and have overcome limit after limit after limit that I thought I'd have, just through feeling owned and accepted, that's gone, I'm constantly critisized, I don't know what I did, I've asked him what he thought changed and all he says is I don't know but you changed. and each time we agree to a fresh start I find myself fucking up in some unrecallable way.



too often the words used in ANY realtionship that failed are the reason..s, "I", me" You"..... that is not what this Lifestyle is about (at least to me)... it is about 2 people creating an "Us". This is like a pottery class gone bad. 2 artists, with different creative ideas.

All advice has been given independently and  indiscrimately. i personally would suggest, you take some time off to re-read the advice given... perhaps a path to "your" nitch in this Lifestyle would show thru.

I have been uncollared (not 24/7 anyways) for 22 months now.... and proud of my growth. It DOES happen! For those who allow it.... Then again, at 19... I certainly thought I knew it all too  *sigh*. "You" can stop the pattern in your life, only if you choose to. Make the choices to make a difference.

jeannie
aka-smidge

(in reply to fireflyred)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Really long, really need constructive advice. pleas... - 1/6/2007 6:13:15 PM   
notjustsomesub


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Do you really need the writing on the wall for this one?


One last thing, having come from an abusive relationship at 19... it wasn't until I had a broken nose, broken wrist & cracked ribs that I finally accepted and believed what I was being told.... there is "still" a fog  in the air at that age, I don't care who says what. He got away with it, because he took off with my infant son, in exchange for my dropping charges, I received full custody. (Baby was returned 3 days later). But, it should never come down to that... but THAT my fellow readers, is real life. 22 yrs later.... I have my son, and now, my grandson, it was ALL worth it.

jeannie
aka-smidge

(in reply to angharad)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Really long, really need constructive advice. pleas... - 1/6/2007 7:04:57 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angharad

You screamed your safeword and he said I'll safeword you?  Caning on the stomach?

Do you really need the writing on the wall for this one?




I agree with angharad. A person who supposedly loves you would not ignore your safe word then cane you in anger and on the stomach no less.
 
The one question I have ... it may already have been answered and I missed it ... what is the age of the Dom in this relationship?

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to angharad)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Really long, really need constructive advice. pleas... - 1/6/2007 9:45:29 PM   
cumulus


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		I'll go with Pupper on this one. You're 19. You're way over your head in this relationship. Since it's been suggested already that you should get out of it, and you haven't really demonstrated that this advice will be heeded and acted upon, here's some more advice along those lines:
 
- You've accepted a submissive role in this relationship. It doesn't at all seem as if you're mentally or emotionally able to submit to anyone right now. Your interactions have been reduced to hand-to-hand combat. There's nothing positive that can be gained at this point. If what you say is true, then your dominant has neither the patience nor the self-control required to lead you in a successful D/s or M/s relationship. You have a chip on your shoulder the size of Montana that will takes years of therapy to get rid of. Your significant other is drowning in a sea of indecision and is allowing his emotions to guide his reactions. His male ego lashes out verbally and physically without thinking. You both use sex as a remedy since you know no other mechanism. Any of this sound familiar?
 
- The fact that you're willing to wax extensively about the various egregious failures in your relationship, yet continue to focus on responding to the posts, rather than getting the hell out, indicate a self-destructive degree of co-dependence that will spiral downward over time.
 
In summary, both of you have issues that cannot be healed from anonymous internet advice. Seek help immediately.

_____________________________

Regards,
Cumulus

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Really long, really need constructive advice. pleas... - 1/7/2007 8:55:59 AM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		 Read the story you wrote here, it sounds like a movie.
You need to get out of that situation and get some help. 

< Message edited by LadyIce -- 1/7/2007 8:58:16 AM >

(in reply to fireflyred)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Really long, really need constructive advice. pleas... - 1/8/2007 8:15:44 PM   
Solinear


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		You just need to leave this guy.

I could spend 2-3 hours pointing out all of the issues (I'm not kidding in the least bit!!), but he is not a Master and, while you may be naturally submissive and want that kind of relationship, you need to have a good Master to be under, not some jackass who is under the impression that the fact that someone has given him the title, that gives him the right to do whatever the hell he wants.

To put it in terms that are more accurate:

Manipulative Bastard is NOT a Master.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Really long, really need constructive advice. pleas... - 1/8/2007 8:38:09 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		People wonder why I ask potential partners what their vanilla relationships were like, this is why.

I think you are on the verge of some wonderful change and growth but as many have said you are going to need a lot of help, counseling, and probably living alone. 

He sounds like a putz but since your pattern seems to be picking putzes the only way out is to learn what is going inside you that keeps putting you in these situations.   Something inside you needs to have an idiot around, deal with that and you will have a much better life.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 29
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