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New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 12/31/2006 3:49:43 PM   
youngmistress500


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		My boyfriend and I have decided to explore female domination in our relationship; our journey began only a few days ago. It is something that we both want to do and we want to make sure to avoid as many “rookie” mistakes as possible. Neither of us are hesitant in any way, but we do want to avoid mistakes.
 
I have found the message boards to be very informative, but most of the advice seems to be for situations different than my own.  I am a brand new domme and the advice which I am seeking is very situational in nature.  I hope that some of the more experienced dommes, having dealt with similar situations in the past, can shed some light on some of my issues.  I have visited sites like FrugalDomme, but am really much more interested in tried and true methods used by others with firsthand experience.
 
I would like to develop a few rituals to guide the early stages of his training.  For the past three nights, our femdom play has consisted of one ritual that I developed.  It is the only ritual that we have so far.  My boyfriend lays over my lap for a spanking while I explain, over and over, my expectations for him.  (Repetition is my strategy right now.) This lasts for about 30 minutes and I gently rub his balls and his penis with my other hand.  However, he is not allowed to cum for four more days.  I want him to wait one week for his first femdom orgasm as a sign of his submissiveness towards me (is this too long?).  We have agreed that all of his future orgasms will be humiliating in some way.  Although I’ve checked the forums, I am still trying to think of a good idea.  I would also like it to involve him eating his own cum, but I’m not sure if it would be too much for a new sub.  I would welcome any humiliating ideas for his orgasm, or any thoughts about a new sub eating cum.
 
I would also really like to hear about any rituals that other mistresses have found to be successful.
 
I already miss having sex with him, but the increased frequency of oral sex has more than made up for it.  He has been licking me to orgasm multiple times each day and, so far, seems to be more attentive in other areas as well.  I intend to allow him to penetrate me again in the future, but I want to make sure he can control his orgasm first.  I really want him to make it through his orgasm denial periods, especially in the early stages.  Does anyone have any suggestions for teaching a sub to control his orgasm during sex?
 
Other areas of interest include ass worship, foot worship, some nipple play, verbal humiliation, butt plugs (for him!) and I definitely want to get a riding crop.  In the near future, I would also like to explore watersports, cbt, and strapon play.  This might sound weird, since I haven’t seen anything about it on the forums, but I have a burning desire to see him finger his own ass.
 
I really want to make sure I do this right and any suggestions from experienced dommes (and other dommes and subs as well) would be greatly appreciated!  I would be happy to answer any questions or fill in any details that I might have left out.  I also would love to set up recurring mentoring/tutoring when new situations arise.  Thank you in advance!
 
 
 
 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 12/31/2006 5:22:24 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear youngmistress500, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I will state up front, that the journey in the lifestyle is never an automaticly smooth road, as it is personal experiences and knowledge gained first hand that is worth keeping.  Forums, books, articles and such should be treated as guides but, not gospel or the 'bible' of BDSM, D/s and or M/s. 
 
Communication is the key, to which you have presented in your original post taking place at this time.  It is a series of negotiated understandings.  Establishing boundaries and limits to both of you.
 
My 'wondering' out loud is; why does submission or being in service humiliating?  In my mind's eyes it should be empowering and reining in the slave/submissive's power to where your control is absolute without resorting to humiliation, devalue of another and such behaviors that may be negative in the long run.  I do realize within a scene context humiliation scenes may have a place however; I do wonder if this will be the power base you may wish--humiliation over the feminine magic that is more noble/regal in its manifestation.  If you still wish to stay on the humiliation course--that is fine.  Just know that as you look into future goals, what tactics of humiliation at your disposal's reach short term through long term.
 
Have you considered beyond 'sexual' service and humiliation?  Have you thoughts on his service in a domestic manner?  Getting a beverage or serving it?  Meals? Laundry? 
 
Have you considered beyond 'sexual' service and humiliation?  Have you thoughts on him giving you a bath in gentle and well mannered ways?  Have you thoughts of him assisting in dressing you?  Assisting with your stockings, shoes, lacing your corset, brushing your hair, pedicure and or manicure?  Have you thought of massages of your legs and feet, increasing circulation and or further, relaxing of the body.
Then to massage lotion into the skin to keep it soft or applying body powder?
 
If your slave/submissive is willing--the manifestation of service can be in many levels without humiliation but of pride, appreciation and affection serving a lady.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 
 

(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 12/31/2006 6:49:01 PM   
youngmistress500


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		LadyHugs (and others),
 
Thank you for providing such a thoughful response to my inquiries and, more importantly, pointing out a few omissions on my part.  The short response is that domestic servitude has always been a part of our relationship and it won't be hard for me to make improvements there.  He cooks, does the laundry, attends to personal care, gives massages, etc.
 
There are two reasons that I wish to humiliate my sub sexually.  First, he wants it 100% and I want to help him achieve his goal.  He wants to submit in this fashion as a symbol of his submissiveness.  Second, wants to be able to learn control so that he can last longer during intercourse.
 
I understand that this lifestyle is not a smooth path and I want to be able to find people that I can discuss the bumps in the road with.  I hope that all of you will be able to help me with my journey!
 
 
 

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 12/31/2006 7:05:47 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline 		Hello,

You already have a great start....search the internet if you need ideas, and education on how to do certain things...I'm researching milking right now myself..lol...I also read bondage/bdsm books, like the Beauty series, I got a lot of ideas from there....

Mostly I will find common sense things that I've already been doing...but sometimes there is one gem out there that makes me smack myself and say, "how the hell did I miss that?"   LOL

the main thing is...communicate, communicate, communicate....that is where the road gets bumpy, when you don't talk.   Neither of you should "assume" anything....I always have this certain time of day, usually at bedtime just before we drift off...and we have an honest talk....where he can say anything with no fear of punishments for what he says to me.  

I get ideas just from plain talk from him...not that I want to hear some long list of "I want you to do this to me and do that to me" but a little word here and there is fine, but as I said, usually just talking over the events of the day, my widdle bwain kicks into overdrive....LOL

Feel free to contact me anytime :>

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 12/31/2006 7:17:30 PM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: youngmistress500

My boyfriend and I have decided to explore female domination in our relationship; our journey began only a few days ago. It is something that we both want to do and we want to make sure to avoid as many “rookie” mistakes as possible. Neither of us are hesitant in any way, but we do want to avoid mistakes.
How long have ya'll be together in total? and who's idea was it to change the dynamic?
 
I have found the message boards to be very informative, but most of the advice seems to be for situations different than my own.  I am a brand new domme and the advice which I am seeking is very situational in nature.  I hope that some of the more experienced dommes, having dealt with similar situations in the past, can shed some light on some of my issues.  I have visited sites like FrugalDomme, but am really much more interested in tried and true methods used by others with firsthand experience.
Don't limit yourself to only femDom pages, you can learn alot from the MaleDom ones too, just an fyi.
 
I would like to develop a few rituals to guide the early stages of his training.  For the past three nights, our femdom play has consisted of one ritual that I developed.  It is the only ritual that we have so far.  My boyfriend lays over my lap for a spanking while I explain, over and over, my expectations for him.  (Repetition is my strategy right now.)
repetition is a good thing.......it's tried and true in all worlds
 
This lasts for about 30 minutes and I gently rub his balls and his penis with my other hand.  However, he is not allowed to cum for four more days.  I want him to wait one week for his first femdom orgasm as a sign of his submissiveness towards me (is this too long?). 
One week is not too long, no matter what a man may say lol
We have agreed that all of his future orgasms will be humiliating in some way. 
I do not understand the proposed benefit of this.... is it a fetish or training method?
 
 Although I’ve checked the forums, I am still trying to think of a good idea.  I would also like it to involve him eating his own cum, but I’m not sure if it would be too much for a new sub.  I would welcome any humiliating ideas for his orgasm, or any thoughts about a new sub eating cum.
I think cum drinking isn't something to hard for a new sub to do, in my experience most have already done it when they were younger. I really can not help with the making an orgasim humiliating part, kinda at a loss with that.... unless you made him cum in his underware or criticizing his preformance.....
 
I would also really like to hear about any rituals that other mistresses have found to be successful.
By ritual you mean? I can tell youhere in Our house there are rules that are posted till memorized then removed and reminded or tested. That way everyone knows the basics of what is expected.
 
I already miss having sex with him, but the increased frequency of oral sex has more than made up for it.  He has been licking me to orgasm multiple times each day and, so far, seems to be more attentive in other areas as well.  I intend to allow him to penetrate me again in the future, but I want to make sure he can control his orgasm first. 
Cock ring can help with holding back orgasim. I would actually encourage penetration during this time, but controled by you.... ride him as you like but stop before you get to that point, settle him down a little and do it again, and again and again lol not that can be fun! or painfull stimulus when he has an erection, so long as he doesn't like pain that can work but if he likes pain it cam make him cum instead .... dealers choice
 
 I really want him to make it through his orgasm denial periods, especially in the early stages.  Does anyone have any suggestions for teaching a sub to control his orgasm during sex?see above
 
Other areas of interest include ass worship, foot worship, some nipple play, verbal humiliation, butt plugs (for him!) and I definitely want to get a riding crop.  In the near future, I would also like to explore watersports, cbt, and strapon play.  This might sound weird, since I haven’t seen anything about it on the forums, but I have a burning desire to see him finger his own ass. Sorry to say but the reason you don't see that posted too often is because it is a common activity among most sexually liberated people. Thats why ya won't see any posts about kissing.....
 
I really want to make sure I do this right and any suggestions from experienced dommes (and other dommes and subs as well) would be greatly appreciated!  I would be happy to answer any questions or fill in any details that I might have left out.  I also would love to set up recurring mentoring/tutoring when new situations arise.  Thank you in advance!
Wishing you and yours the best of luck on your new path and I pray you find a new level of love and adoration we each other. As I firmly believe that this lifestyle rocks! Happy New Year

 
 
 
 


_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 12/31/2006 8:38:57 PM   
youngmistress500


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Let me provide the missing links as pointed out by BDSM05478:

We've been together for several years and our relationship resembled a femdom relationship in all areas except sex.  We decided to take the plunge after a long discussion about ways to improve communication.  Fetished emerged and we decided to act on them.  Sexually speaking, his fetish is humiliating orgasms and mine is control.  We want to put the two together.  He will indulge his fetish of humiliating orgasms under my control.

Thanks for all of your help so far!  The response has been great and I look forward to hearing more advice!


(in reply to BDSM05478)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/1/2007 7:22:06 AM   
KaramelGoddess


Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline 		You're on the right track .
 
Some books that will help:
The Mistress Manual by Lorelei  (this is My fave)
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Miller (a good BDSM intro)
Different Loving by Brame
The Art of Sensual Female Dominance by Varrin
The New Topping Book by Easton (loved it)  and for him.. The New Bottoming Book...
The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green
 
I find I never, ever stop learning more about who I am and who I want to be.  The more you read the more confident you will feel, and the ladies and gentlemen who write these books will give you some wickedly good ideas to use with your boyfriend.
 
Best Wishes to both of you,
~Kara





 

_____________________________

"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/1/2007 7:27:13 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I just want to say to the OP, for the many young women we see who come out here and want a bottom-line, two sentence rule the world answer,   You Will Absolutely Do Well.


You have got your shit together!!!!!!!!


Ron(ne)


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to KaramelGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/1/2007 8:09:16 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Soiunds like you guys are on the right track.

quote:

I definitely want to get a riding crop

Just so you're aware there are a variety of different types of crops and querts that produce different sensations. Early on stick with crops that have a larger head, they are less likely to leave marks because you "missed" with the head and hit with the actual cane. If you check the online store like stateline tack you can find them with all different shapes. Buying them from a horse tack store is going to be much cheaper than your local kink store for the same item. Pervables are regular items that have multiple uses. Meaning a wooden spoon is not just for dinner anymore.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/2/2007 4:31:53 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		The challenge is that currently there are known unknowns--things we know we don't know. And then there are unknown unknowns--things we don't know we don't know....

Pardon me for that Rumsfeld reference ;-)

I think the communication you describe will mitigate some snafu's. I think it would be a good idea to discuss what each sees to be an expresses of submission and dominance: what makes you feel dominant and see him as submissive, and vice versa.

For new directions, I think baby steps are the safest way to proceed. I also think it is a good idea to have post-play chats to discuss what went well and what could have been different.

I think rituals are a great way to invoke respective states of mind, and to constantly remember and symbolize the dynamics. What rituals would be best suited for you will depend on how you see dominance and submission to be expressed.

Good luck.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/2/2007 10:18:21 AM   
shamedmale


Posts: 135
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		the main thing id advise you is just go with the flow take it easy and dont be in too much of a hurry to make money after all whats more important your money or your well being,  i think you can answer that

(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/2/2007 6:30:04 PM   
CentralNJDomme


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		You also need to remember, every relationship is unique and different, what might work for someone else won't necessarily work for you.

If you want humiliation, make him cum on his own face....make him lie down on his back, spreader bar his legs (be careful what you use for a spreader bar, it needs to be sturdy, a broom handle won't work in this case), make him masturbate and when he is about to cum pull his legs up over his face, make him bring his head up slightly and aim.  Depending on how big or small he is this is awesome!! Or you can make him cum in a dish and lap it up such as a dog would.  Or you can freeze it and make it his dinner on a special friday night.  

I would like to point out not all humiliation is degrading.  Only if you let it touch what is inside, let it become who you are does it become degrading.  It can actually be very rewarding and empowering for a slave to humiliate themselves for the Mistress.

CentralNJDomme

(in reply to shamedmale)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/2/2007 7:07:26 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBlkMistress

Hello,

You already have a great start....search the internet if you need ideas, and education on how to do certain things...I'm researching milking right now myself..lol...I also read bondage/bdsm books, like the Beauty series, I got a lot of ideas from there....

Mostly I will find common sense things that I've already been doing...but sometimes there is one gem out there that makes me smack myself and say, "how the hell did I miss that?"   LOL

the main thing is...communicate, communicate, communicate....that is where the road gets bumpy, when you don't talk.   Neither of you should "assume" anything....I always have this certain time of day, usually at bedtime just before we drift off...and we have an honest talk....where he can say anything with no fear of punishments for what he says to me.  

I get ideas just from plain talk from him...not that I want to hear some long list of "I want you to do this to me and do that to me" but a little word here and there is fine, but as I said, usually just talking over the events of the day, my widdle bwain kicks into overdrive....LOL

Feel free to contact me anytime :>


(What she said).

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/2/2007 7:55:08 PM   
aimtopleaseyou22


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/11/2004
Status: offline 		Try the Humiliation section of http://www.frugaldomme.com/esoteric/default.htm.  i think You will find many great ideas there.  Your boyfriend is a very lucky boy and i am jealous.

aim

(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/4/2007 9:35:38 AM   
joekmama


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline 		feminization/sissification can be very humiliating as well, if it's forced. You could do something like only allow him to orgasm when he's wearing panties. When you start letting him penetrate you again, only allow him to come if he knows he'll have to lick it out of you afterwards (sit on his face and let it drip into his mouth). You could only allow him to come while he has a plug in his ass. Overall, forced cum eating is very humiliating and a good place to start. It should be very humiliating if he knows he'll have to eat whatever he shoots, thereby making every orgasm humiliating!

(in reply to aimtopleaseyou22)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/11/2007 5:23:28 AM   
youngmistress500


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		The first thing I want to do is thank this entire community for all of your thoughtful responses--both on the message board and through private messages.  The websites were very helpful and I'm still in the process of deciding which books to order.  Also, I never realized how much gear is made just for this type of play! :)
 
My boyfriend made it through his first week and I let him cum. (I used CentralNJDomme's idea and had him cum on his face.)  Now we are almost through our second week!
 
I have a couple more questions that others might be able to help me with:
 
1.)  Would there be any negative effects if I let him masturbate between orgasms?
2.)  Has anyone had their sub sleep with a buttplug all night?

(in reply to joekmama)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/11/2007 5:39:44 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		1.)  Would there be any negative effects if I let him masturbate between orgasms?
As a man, I can tell you that as you grow older, you are not as able to have sex as often as you wish, and can no longer stick flies to the ceiling with your wad, as you were wont to do in the olden days.  IF AND ONLY IF you allow him to masturbate, make it no more than once a week at a specific date and time, humiliating and in front of you, you are not the fuckin' red cross after all----- something comes up and the appointment is missed ---too bad, so sad, your dad.


2.)  Has anyone had their sub sleep with a buttplug all night?

They have a way of popping out, but should not present too much of a problem if you use some method of retaining it, panties, diapers, whitey tighties, or rope girdle.

Sincerely,
Ron(ne)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/11/2007 5:45:31 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

I would also like it to involve him eating his own cum, but I’m not sure if it would be too much for a new sub.  I would welcome any humiliating ideas for his orgasm, or any thoughts about a new sub eating cum. /quote]
 
Having his cake an eating it too .. mix up fantasy and reality... set the scene verbally, tell him who he is, where he is, why he is there, and what you might have him do ... play a little, blindfold him, put him on a collar and leash, inspect him, mouth, ears, arse, cock, eyes... on his hands and knees, take him 'walkies', tell him everyone watching is commenting on what a handsome humilation slut you have and does he do requests ... have him serve you orally, all over, get to the point of orgasm, stop, tease him about his poor lonely cocks, just aching to fill your hot cunt, oh well too bad, move along..tell him you've been thinking about a wee treat ... but he must obey completely...that he may cum...but there are two conditions ... he must come on your face... the ultimate pussy taboo...and second he must lick it off ... keep him on a tether...work him up to it...

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/11/2007 6:15:20 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Honestly the only rituals that matter and do any good are those that fulfill certain criteria in my opinion and experience.

1) Easy to consistantly do.

2) They have value to both of you.

3) That value is the same or very similar to both of you.

4) They help set your minds and emotions on your roles before you enter scene space.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: New Mistress Seeking Help From Experienced Mistresses - 1/11/2007 8:12:45 AM   
angaothsi


Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		[
2.)  Has anyone had their sub sleep with a buttplug all night?
[/quote]


I would suggest if you try this to use a good quality silicon based lube, I would assume one problem with extended usage would be that the tissue would dry out and possiably tear which is ever so painful.

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to youngmistress500)
Profile   Post #: 20
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