thinking outside the box? (Full Version)

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DomforDomme -> thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 2:25:57 PM)

It should be obvious from my "name" that I'm seeking something different.  I've talked with enough dominant women over the years to know that many of you are just as dissillusioned with the male submissive population as I am with the female.  However, when I message dominant women on here, I am invariably met with silence.  I know there is a segment of the dominant male population that believes that all dominant women are just subs that haven't met HIM yet, but I am not one of those.  I'm not seeking a dominant woman to convert her to a submissive.  I'm just seeking to explore other options.  I know of several dom/domme couples and they seem to be far happier and more stable than the vast majority of dom/sub couples.  In my case, I'm open to just about any way of structuring the relayionship dynamics.  My feeling is that if I find the right woman, we can work things out to make it work for both of us.  But the reason I'm writing this is not to troll for potential partners, but to get some advice from those of you who care to take the time.

Does the concept work for you at all?  Would you consider a dominant man as a life partner, and if so how do you see it working?  Please feel free to message me privately if you prefer not to answer publicly.  And oh what the hell, since I'm here...  I'm single and available if anyone wants to talk. :)



gooddogbenji -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 2:28:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomforDomme

And oh what the hell, since I'm here...  I'm single and available if anyone wants to talk. :)


How painful was holding that second shoe up until you finished that post?

Yours,


benji



DomforDomme -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 2:35:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomforDomme

And oh what the hell, since I'm here...  I'm single and available if anyone wants to talk. :)


How painful was holding that second shoe up until you finished that post?

Yours,

benji


It's called being honest.  If I hadn't said it, everyone would have thought it anyway, but I was also being honest about looking for advice as my primary purpose for writing.  It's known as market research in the real world.



MzMia -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 2:45:44 PM)

Hello there!
I love this topic thread.  To tell you the truth I WOULD consider a Dominant male, if
the chemistry was right.  The problem is, who do we get for a submissive?  A male or
female?  Do we share?  You see the problem here is, I don't share well.  LOL  I am NOT
sharing you NOR my submissive {if I ever get one}.
So where does that lead us ducky?
[:D]



LaTigresse -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 2:48:03 PM)

Consider, hell I consider alot of ideas.

Do I see it working well long term. Probably not. I can be......difficult.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 3:41:26 PM)

Worked well for me... my husband is also a dominant and we have a female slave here that is bi and are looking to get a male as well... but then again... we share well with each other.
 
Jewel



Stephann -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 3:48:48 PM)

As a topic, it's great.  It's one of the non-traditional BDSM relationship styles, and works great for the right combination of people.  Once upon a time, when I was single, I occasionally wrote to Dommes who I thought I might have a lot in common, and actually had some good responses, though nothing that moved offline.  I was looking to get involved again, and I found a Domme who matched other interests of mine, I wouldn't think twice about writing her.  I also wouldn't be too frustrated or put out if I didn't get a response.

But benji is spot on, that shoe must have been heavy.

Stephan



devoT -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 3:59:21 PM)

Well, thinking outside the box is good...
I used to be a dominant vanilla male, by which I mean dominant but without the bdsm. Have been since my teens (about 30 years ago). Then I met the love of my life, who happened to be a dominant vanilla woman. We had so much in common, and hit it off so well, we considered each other our soulmates. But 2 dominants in a relationship does lead to conflict. Both want their own way LOL. Something had to give eventually, and it turned out to be me. I decided to try being more submissive, and despite a few things still to be ironed out, it seems so far to be working well. This bdsm scene has helped us resolve conflict, and is a lot of fun. I'm quite enjoying seeing things from the other side, and my wife is enjoying getting her way without another dominant always fighting her. There has to be give and take in any relationship. I think there's only one top spot, and only one person can occupy it a time, but as long as that isn't a permanent position and you can share, then it should work.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 6:13:00 PM)

As long as it wouldn't be a power struggle, it could work for me. What I don't want is for someone constantly trying to Top me, especially emotionally.

Master Fire



LadyHugs -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/4/2007 7:16:23 PM)

Dear DomforDomme, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see, that I could consider a Dominant male as a companion and would have to take me 'as is' as a very intense Domiant woman and not make any moves as to manipulate, trick or the like into making me submit to anything from soup to nuts in my life.
 
I don't expect a Dominant Man to submit to me and I expect the same.
 
How the slaves come into the picture will have to be negotiated at that time.  If I have no slaves, I see no problem however--my slave takes priority of my love, devotion and fierce protection and rather loose a Dominant in the 'life partnership' then a slave and or slaves.  After all--the slaves begged for my collar--not a joint one.  However, should slaves beg a collar after a union of Dominants, then they would have to understand the service of both however there will be a fixed 'head' of the household.  I will be that 'head' Master/Mistress.
 
I do not agree with having slaves struggle with the authority chain as to who is on top or head of the household. 
 
If the male Dominant has their slaves in ownership prior to my entry into the picture, I expect him to be as loyal and fierce as I am.  I'll seek my own slaves.
 
If we're both without, I only see it fair as to both seek together and make sure the slave knows what the authority chain is.  It is only fair.
Or, they can be designated as personal slaves, serving one owner not the both of us intimately however, will serve in general.
 
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



onestandingstill -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 5:22:59 AM)





One of my best lifestyle lady friends was a Pro Domme for about twenty years.
She's married to her sub husband and plays with a few select other subs. She also has a Dom who she chooses to submit to as his sub.
She said it takes a special sort of Dom to interest her and that there have been periods where she did not find someone who elicited her sub side for years,

If you met the right Domme and you're together enough of a Dom for her to recognize your quality I'd say it is indeed possible to find a Domme who will submit to you.
Just be ready for her to have sub's she sees while she subs to you as she would probably still want to play with people as a Domme.
suzanne 





MissyRane -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 6:00:40 AM)

I'm sure many like the security inside the box[8|] but then I'm also sure there're some that jump outside the box[8|] personally I'd prefer being submissive and stay inside the box instead of trying the dominant side of the lifestyle[&:]



thetammyjo -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 7:37:50 AM)

I all ready have a life partner so personally it wouldn't work for me.

There was thread on this forum though about being attracted to alpha types (again, not me). I know of several dom/dom and sub/sub couples who have happy marriages. In general I note that they either switch with each other or they have other partners who fulfill those needs.

My guess is that they met primarily the old-fashioned vanilla way and not in BDSM venues then discover their interests are incredibly similar. Or maybe they meet at an SM event and just become friends and lovers because they don't identify as top or bottom as a sexual orientation but as an option.

Again, just based on observation and attempts at logic because I don't really get it myself. That said I do know that my best slaves have been switches themselves so I'm not attracted to the stereotypical sub always person. When I say switches I mean in terms of SM not Ds though in the case of those partners; they also tended to be gender flexible and very much supportive of equal rights and responsibilties in the mundane world.



mam -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 7:50:05 AM)

The idea doesn't turn my crank at all, but if it works for others fine.



DomforDomme -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 8:45:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear DomforDomme, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see, that I could consider a Dominant male as a companion and would have to take me 'as is' as a very intense Domiant woman and not make any moves as to manipulate, trick or the like into making me submit to anything from soup to nuts in my life.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs


You bring up what might be a topic for a new thread, but I agree with you.  Something I see a lot of, is dominants who see submissives as blank slates to be rewritten.  I try very hard not to judge what consenting adults choose to do, but all I can say is that if I want to spend time with ANYONE, it's because I like them for who they are, not because they are a warm body I can change into someone I want them to be.  I find the very notion disturbing.  That isn't to say that when people enter into a relationship they don't change to accomodate their partner.  Relationships require work and compromise, even power exchange relationships.

So if I did find a dominant woman I wanted to explore a relationship with, turning her into a sub would be the last thing on my mind.  Making the relationship fulfilling for both of us would be my goal.  There are certainly plenty of possibilities to explore.



demistress -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 9:01:39 AM)

I prefer strong males, alpha types, but I tend to prefer them on their knees.  I am the queen in my world, period, I would consider allowing a dominant male to be my second in command, but only if he agreed I was the primary.  He does not have to submit to me or turn submissive, but if I felt like I had to battle constantly for control of my world I would be so out of that dynamic.



Lorelei115 -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 9:14:10 AM)

I guess it would depend on the lifestyle you wanted to live together. If you or she were looking for a TPE, 24/7 type of relationship, that obviously wouldn't work with each other. It really depends on what each of you wants out of the relationship. I have been in and enjoyed a Dom/Domme relationship. We each had subs of our own, and had ones that we shared.

Everyone is different. I think the bottom line is that if it appeals to you, there is probably someone else out there it appeals to as well.

Best of Luck in your search. :)



lateralist1 -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 9:47:33 AM)

I think it is quite simple. Find the person who really does it for you and work everything else out later. But don't jump too soon. No one is exactly who they seem on the outside. Relationships are very complicated. We wear masks or we play roles. But we shouldn't have to do that with the people we have close loving relationships with.
We should be able to accept people as they are.
I have always believed that I was an unacceptable person because I am polyamarous. Now I have discovered the lifestyle I no longer feel that I have to pretend. I am a naturally dominant woman I no longer feel that I have to cover that up either. Being able to be honest about who you are is a fantastic feeling. I think a lot of people need help with that. The lifestyle helps because we talk about who we are and what we want and there is often someone a bit more different than you are lol. But it takes time to break down the walls of socialisation that most of us have been surrounded by.
And no matter how different I think human beings all need to find a group to belong to or at least one other person who thinks we are acceptable. If that person happens to be as dominant as you are then you may have a fiery relationship but it can still work perfectly well if you learn how to compromise. And yes one of you may end up compromising more than the other but as long as that person is comfortable with it what does it matter.
Isn't true happiness what everyone seeks?



Lorelei115 -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 7:35:06 PM)

Exactly what I was trying to say but you wrote it much more beautifully. [:)]



VeryMercurial -> RE: thinking outside the box? (1/5/2007 8:06:22 PM)

I doubt a Dom/Domme relationship would work for me.
Most relationships are not 50/50, and I am not willing to compromise.



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