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RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/10/2007 10:00:41 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Anytime you do something unnatural or that requires acting you need a break time. Serving and submitting is "doing something for me" for some people just as dominating and demanding for some other people.

This may be true, but I did not see the OP as having anything to do with taking a break.  I would not fathom taking a break from serving my Master.  All that I do is for him, whether directly or indirectly.  For me it just happens that getting groomed for him as he wishes tends to relax me.  I love that feeling of having my body worked on for his enjoyment. My education is to improve my intellect for him.  My introspection and meditations are to bring a well rounded, calm and complete person to him.  And so on.  While such things are enjoyable and beneficial to me, I would not be doing them if not for him.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/10/2007 10:21:51 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

So I ask those who care to respond... are there things that you do just for you that enable you to give more to others... things that put you at peace, things you enjoy? Do you feel that this is selfish, or do you feel that it helps you be more productive and healthier?


I do, and in fact it's required of me. My Dom can tell when I haven't had enough time to just do me things- I get stressed, compulsive, restless, anxious, and quick tempered. I need that time, and he needs that time, too- so we each kind of make sure our needs are met in that area. I think it makes both of us more productive and happy people, not to mention a lot more pleasant to be around.

Things that I do vary. But here's my standard fallbacks:
- I dance. Dancing is my best form of self expression, and a favorite way of mine to release emotional energy- be it joy or sorrow. I pick music that fits what I'm feeling, I grab my pointe shoes (or whatever I want to dance in, but I'm a ballet gal first and foremost), and head to the studio (or to the gym that's open 24 hours and take over their fully mirrored, sprung wood floored aerobics studio when there's no classes). When I'm there, I just let it all go, feel it, and dance until I'm exhausted. It's exquisite how good I feel after this.
- I work in my journal, write, draw, paint, collage- whatever strikes my fancy. Creative projects are another good emotional release for me, and a way of evaluating where I'm at- plus, I get something that looks cool out of the process that I can be proud of.
- I read, or watch a movie.
- I play an insturment or two. If I want to frustrate myself, I pick up whichever one I've been neglecting, or steal one of my Dom's and try to learn something new.
- I study something I'm interested in. I love to learn, and it's very relaxing to me to just gain information on something I want to know more about.
- I fold paper cranes. I've made (literally) thousands of them. I started folding them long ago in an effort to quell some self destructive behaviors I was struggling with, and now I make them almost on auto-pilot when I'm anxious.
- I spend some quality time petting my kitty cat.
- I take a walk, and just enjoy the air and the colors around me.
- I go to a local coffee shop, sit down with a notebook, and make poetry out of the snippets of conversation I hear around me.
- I take a drive, or take the motorcycle out for a spin in the summer.
- I take a long, hot bath, with insence and candles.
- I sew something- doesn't matter what, really.
- I do really repetitive, seemingly useless activites- for some reason, that helps. I think it becomes like a walking meditation to me. (I'd give a specific, but, well, I'd identify way too much about myself than I'm willing to give out since it relates to my job, too)
- I cultivate a new skill. I keep a box of notecards, with each one listing something I would like to do or learn on it. I will pull one out, and work on it. It gives me a sense of accomplishment to take each card, when completed, and move it into the box of things I have finished.
(The list could go on, but that's a good chunk of things as it is.)

If it's selfish, so be it- I proudly proclaim myself to be a selfish person. I'm important to myself, and I refuse to apologize for it. The thing is, if I believe I'm worth taking care of myself, and treating myself well, I find others in life who feel the same- and that's a really wonderful thing.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/10/2007 10:45:51 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have to say all the responses were great. I agree with those who feel it does not make them selfish to do the little things that add joy to their existence, and indeed adds to their value as a submissive or slave.


As for "the break" business, in my opening post I never mentioned the word "break" from my dominant or from my submissiveness. I wish I was with him enough to feel the need for a break...smiles. The OP meant exactly what it says, doing the things that make one feel good, and that doing these things for one's self is not completely selfish. Indeed I am so glad to see that more submissives answered that they take more time for themselves at the behest of their dominants than they did before when they were single, which is my experience also.

I have to say a few years ago there I had some major guilt for spending money on myself, because I felt I shouldn't do certain things for myself, and that these things may take away from my loved ones. My Daddy often tells me to do certain things for myself, like ownedgirlie's experience. It sometimes gives him pleasure to give it to me also.

quote:

KnightofMists

I have found that those well-adjusted individuals and relationships are very capable of fullfilling their individuals needs and relationship needs.  It is not an either or thing.  It's a question of managing ones commitments to self and one's relationships


Thanks for those words, they ring true with me. As I get older I realize that it is often a mismanagement of my energy to feel badly and stretched because I am not "fully" there emotionally. All it takes is giving myself the gift of music I enjoy, or reading a good book,  and this can fill me so I have more to give out. Just those little things make a difference.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/10/2007 10:49:19 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/10/2007 11:05:21 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

....  and this can fill me so I have more to give out. Just those little things make a difference.


If the pitcher of water is not refilled from time to time it will run dry and unable to fill any glass so that others my drink.

some pitchers are big... some are small.  Some hold water... some hold ice tea.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 5:35:56 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

So I ask those who care to respond... are there things that you do just for you that enable you to give more to others... things that put you at peace, things you enjoy. Do you feel that this is selfish, or do you feel that it helps you be more productive and healthier?


I tend to see it as a function of balance and priorities.  Having other interests, friends, and involvements allow me to be and stay a well rounded person that has a lot to offer (and talk about) with my owner.  But I do think its important to still keep my owner at the top of my priorities.

Some of the actual things I do for myself are that I indulge in some of my hobbies and things I enjoy - I really enjoy cooking I find it very relaxing, I also love music and going to outdoor concerts during the summer, vegging out at the beach just feeling the sun on my skin, trying out new restaurants/different cuisine, and I like traveling.  I suck at gardening but during the summar I do some volunteer work on open gardens and there's something very relaxing about working with dirt and helping things grow.  I also budget in going to the spa every few months, because there's nothing more relaxing to me then a good massage (or facial). 

C~

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 1/11/2007 5:40:04 AM >

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 7:40:45 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Indeed I am so glad to see that more submissives answered that they take more time for themselves at the behest of their dominants than they did before when they were single, which is my experience also.

Eh that's just because doms are lazy and need SOME sort of break from their needy selfish subs who just won't stop begging for more orders! ;)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 8:06:24 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Eh that's just because doms are lazy and need SOME sort of break from their needy selfish subs who just won't stop begging for more orders! ;)


Or it could be we dominants are sick and tired of their selfless giving giving giving and no consideration that we Dominant like to do it ourselves from time to time.  ;

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 8:52:05 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

We're all such perfectionist control freaks aren't we? :)

For me the main thing is keeping to a regular sleeping/eating/masturbating schedule.  That's the most important thing I need for myself to stay steady, secure, emotionally present and strong, and happy.

And yes, it's terribly selfish- but it's also terribly necessary.  We need to stop making "selfish" a bad word- just like "judgement."


Ditto on the sleeping/eating thing.  I think they're are other things, but i honestly think my Dom would know better then i.  i'm not one to take care of myself (doing better though) and he just seems to know what i need.  He'll come and say "you havent been out in awhile, lets go some where nice."  Or he'll say "you need a hug".  Sometimes he comes and says "you havent been out to dinner in awhile, lets go eat"  or he'll bring me gifts.  Small things that i need.  A body pillow for sleeping (life saver), roses, other little romantic things that i would never think to want, and just other things that i need that i dont pay much attention too. 

i dont know if i especially need these things, but he seems to think i do and i always do abit better after i recieve them.  Do i feel selfish or bad?  No, i feel more wierd about it.  I think gee, i dont really need that. 


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 9:31:36 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		this slave does not feel stretched thin, drained, like an "empty pitcher" or in need of some sort of self-refreshment from her service to Master, or "as a submissive" and frankly, doesn't understand the one-true-way ism inherent in the posts that insist one must, or else one is not "healthy".  this slave is (ful)filled through  service, not just the physical activity, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually lifted.
 
when this slave is physically, mentally or emotionally tired from an active day, she gets sleep at night that recharges her for another day.  some sort of special alone time, or activities done with "me-me-me" in mind aren't necessary or expected for this slave to be a calm and complete servant for Master.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:08:02 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

this slave does not feel stretched thin, drained, like an "empty pitcher" or in need of some sort of self-refreshment from her service to Master, or "as a submissive" and frankly, doesn't understand the one-true-way ism inherent in the posts that insist one must, or else one is not "healthy".  this slave is (ful)filled through  service, not just the physical activity, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually lifted.
 
when this slave is physically, mentally or emotionally tired from an active day, she gets sleep at night that recharges her for another day.  some sort of special alone time, or activities done with "me-me-me" in mind aren't necessary or expected for this slave to be a calm and complete servant for Master.


If you are referring to my post, where did I say that one had to see the world as I did in order to be healthy? For me I find it healthy to find time to do the things that give me joy.

I was asking how other people feel, not telling them how to feel. You and your master have made your feelings abundantly clear. He has been the one that has more or less told ME I am not naturally submissive.

Twisting words is fine if that is what you want to do, but I never stated I needed a break from who I am, but I do need to fill myself spiritually. I do this, and I do not feel it takes away from my relationship.  I have no judgment for what others need or do not need. I really do not care what they need.

It seems as though my opinions, words, motivations have been clearly twisted here. Everyone has an opinion, but at least use my words to ascribe opinions to me, not your own imaginings of what I have said.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 12:28:57 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

this slave does not feel stretched thin, drained, like an "empty pitcher" or in need of some sort of self-refreshment from her service to Master, or "as a submissive" and frankly, doesn't understand the one-true-way ism inherent in the posts that insist one must, or else one is not "healthy".  this slave is (ful)filled through  service, not just the physical activity, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually lifted.
 
when this slave is physically, mentally or emotionally tired from an active day, she gets sleep at night that recharges her for another day.  some sort of special alone time, or activities done with "me-me-me" in mind aren't necessary or expected for this slave to be a calm and complete servant for Master.


If you are referring to my post, where did I say that one had to see the world as I did in order to be healthy? For me I find it healthy to find time to do the things that give me joy...
It seems as though my opinions, words, motivations have been clearly twisted here. Everyone has an opinion, but at least use my words to ascribe opinions to me, not your own imaginings of what I have said.


this slave wasn't twisting your words, merely responding to the post in general.
 
you said, in your OP:

quote:

I would like to offer an argument for feeding one's self to actually be a way of becoming a better submissive, and a better person. There is something to the view that someone who respects themselves and takes time for themselves is going to be a more healthy, happy, more giving individual than one who does not.

and
quote:

...My well ran dry, and I was always thinking about what I "should" be doing, or what I had not done yet.. it was overwhelming to me. At times it has made me physically ill... who can give feeling like that?...


this slave was offering an alternate view, hence the references in her post as to how she feels "filled", as per her experience, not pointing out your exact words or trying to "twist" them into something else, however, obviously you are free to assume whatever you like.

others took that thought and ran with it, such as:
 
quote:

If the pitcher of water is not refilled from time to time it will run dry and unable to fill any glass so that others my drink.



hence this slave's reference in her post, with quotes included, to "the pitcher".

quote:

...I was asking how other people feel, not telling them how to feel. You and your master have made your feelings abundantly clear. He has been the one that has more or less told ME I am not naturally submissive...


this slave responded to this thread about how she FELT.  this slave's post came from her point of view and opinions and did not accuse or imply or insist that anyone, YOU included, was not naturally anything or a healthy individual because of or in spite of their specific self-serving activities.  Master posted an opinion about "taking a break" and how some don't feel they need to.  YOU are the one who took umbrage at what He posted and took it as some sort of personal attack on the validity of your natural submissiveness, or motherhood.
you brought up requiring "break time" from your wee one and how it doesn't make you feel as though you are not a mother.  this slave would offer a different point of view on this as well.  this slave didn't require "break time" from being a mother, she relished those moments, serving the wee ones.  being in a similar situation as you, faced with being both MOM and DAD, this slave needed "break time" from being DAD, which was something she was "acting" as, being a single parent without the DAD fulfilling his obligations including visitation and financial support.  it helped her to be a better mother that the father "role" was getting to take a break for awhile.
 
this slave doesn't feel any animosity towards you or any of the others on this thread or any of the other threads which infer or even outright claim that one must do _________ in order to be healthy, or able to give, or be a "twue" whatever.  if that is your or their opinion, so be it.  this slave has had a bit different of an experience than many report here, and tries to bring that to the table with whatever she posts.  no offense to you or others intended.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 12:47:26 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It is so much better to leave things in context of the original post

quote:


I would like to offer an argument for feeding one's self to actually be a way of becoming a better submissive, and a better person. There is something to the view that someone who respects themselves and takes time for themselves is going to be a more healthy, happy, more giving individual than one who does not. Someone that takes the time to eat correctly, exercise, read for enjoyment, or watch a favorite comedy is going to be able to radiate that satisfaction to others, and this is not completely selfish to do.



I have been giving this a lot of thought because in overcoming my anxiety I had to realize that part of the reason I felt it was because I expected more from myself than I could possibly give, I ran out of "stuff" to radiate out. My well ran dry, and I was always thinking about what I "should" be doing, or what I had not done yet.. it was overwhelming to me. At times it has made me physically ill... who can give feeling like that?

So I ask those who care to respond... are there things that you do just for you that enable you to give more to others... things that put you at peace, things you enjoy. Do you feel that this is selfish, or do you feel that it helps you be more productive and healthier?



I was not speaking to those who are satisfied and joyful to do nothing else but serve their master/dom, I was speaking to those who feel that they get depleted by giving and need to rejuvenate. I am happy for YOU that YOU feel as though YOU are totally sated physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually by your master to the exclusion of any sort of joy outside of that. That is not MY experience. I find joy in MANY thing and with MANY people in my life. I do have needs outside of my relationship for family and friends and love and connection with my creator as I know him.

I think that if I feel depleted then I need to fill myself up. I think this is healthy. I was asking for input from others, not judgments. I had no idea that you would think that I was judging you. I am not into judging people or the validity of their relationships, and the rare instances I have, I apologized for it.

Before my present situation I often gave of myself to the point of depletion. I gave to everyone but me, and it was unhealthy for me. I think this is often a submissive trait, although it does not have to be, and yes I am glad I do little things for myself, like watch a movie I am interested in, or when I am with my Daddy I make a point of going to the beach and listening to the waves and feeling the ocean breeze everyday I am with him. I go alone, contemplate, and this fills me spiritually. He encourages this.

If you are happy and healthy, Go YOU! It should not matter what I think makes me happy and healthy.

And I found Merc's last comment to me highly offensive, snarky, and flame bait, but screw it,you do not know me or know what sort of partner I make in a relationship and the kind of mother I am. I have lost some respect for a person that would use someone's motherhood to slam them, but you know what, it is his thing and I am not sinking any of my energy into it.


< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/11/2007 12:49:42 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 1:03:52 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

And I found Merc's last comment to me highly offensive, snarky, and flame bait, but screw it,you do not know me or know what sort of partner I make in a relationship and the kind of mother I am. I have lost some respect for a person that would use someone's motherhood to slam them, but you know what, it is his thing and I am not sinking any of my energy into it.


Julia,
Who interjected motherhood? Why YOU did didn't you.

quote:

Well even if I was acting, my son did not know the difference, and it certainly does not feel that way, just like my submission doesn't... but thanks for you "help".


Like most of the arguments you make, when you didn't like the response you changed the focus to appear to make the context different. If you were thinking about needing to be "re-filled" due to obligations to a replicant it sure didn't appear that way from your initial post. Which was what generated my response.

I realize that is a common debate form that you use, but in our case we read the words without reading into them. You spoke of being "filled-up" and in need to refresh yourself within your D/s dynamic. That position is 180 degree opposite to our experience. That was the only focus and content of our post.

Once you enlightened me to the "real" or the amended focus all I said was good luck with that - because it wasn't addressing any of what my post was talking about. Lord knows, beth and I love the 'vacation' from our replicants. But we are "filled-up" by our respective dominant and submissive responsibilities of our life, not drained by it in any respect. Our goal is to have the opportunity to "fill-up" more every day; and wanted to point out that distinction to the sentiments you had in your original post. Anything else taken from it was because your perspective, outside the words, was consider by you - not us.

Add another tangent, and that position can, and most likely will, change.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 1:14:45 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Julia,
Who interjected motherhood? Why YOU did didn't you.



As an example of what I was trying to convey, not as a way for you to slam me. I am no longer discussing this with you. I find the whole interchange extremely negative. I posted for input from other submissives on the topic of feeling depleted, and shared my past experiences of feeling that way prior to the relationship I am in now, and was making a point that it does not make us selfish to have the need to view a sunset, take a walk, exercise. You can twist it anyway you like, but this thread was not posted to debate what your individual slave's needs are, it was posted for other submissives. If you feel like you want to interject slams... Go You!

Poke a fork in me I am done, I know my intent, and it was not as presented by you. If it makes you happy, then keep on keeping on slamming me. I did not want to offend you, nor judge you, and I haven't... if you perceive it that way, that is within you.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/11/2007 1:16:09 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 2:37:37 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		The sun shines all the time, giving service to the world with no thought of what it is doing and no need to seek replenishment for what it is doing, that is being, being itself.

Being ourselves is not very complicated, we just need to get rid of all dependence on external sources as a means of fulfillment, nourishment or identity (grin, easy huh). Thing is, we live in a cause and effect world, our actions are going to cause repercussions. If we sat in one spot for a few years, our muscles would atrophy and we wouldn't be able to walk. I've actually met someone like that, sat in one spot for over 30 years, meditating, little creatures had made their homes in his legs, he had to be carried everywhere.  Of course, if we were happy to live like that in solitude, thats very cool, however, if we want to participate in the world and have relationships with people, there is a cause and effect dynamic that will play out and there are jobs we need to do, that will give us a greater sense of functionality. I guess the only trick is not to identify it with nourishment of self, but just a job to be done that allows us greater expression within relationship Example: Going to the beauticians to look after our skin, or exercising to keep fit, or taking some time out when we feel uncentered, or having a sleep when we are tired.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 4:23:45 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:
I was not speaking to those who are satisfied and joyful to do nothing else but serve their master/dom, I was speaking to those who feel that they get depleted by giving and need to rejuvenate. I am happy for YOU that YOU feel as though YOU are totally sated physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually by your master to the exclusion of any sort of joy outside of that. That is not MY experience. I find joy in MANY thing and with MANY people in my life. I do have needs outside of my relationship for family and friends and love and connection with my creator as I know him.

I think that if I feel depleted then I need to fill myself up. I think this is healthy. I was asking for input from others, not judgments. I had no idea that you would think that I was judging you. I am not into judging people or the validity of their relationships, and the rare instances I have, I apologized for it.

Before my present situation I often gave of myself to the point of depletion. I gave to everyone but me, and it was unhealthy for me. I think this is often a submissive trait, although it does not have to be, and yes I am glad I do little things for myself, like watch a movie I am interested in, or when I am with my Daddy I make a point of going to the beach and listening to the waves and feeling the ocean breeze everyday I am with him. I go alone, contemplate, and this fills me spiritually. He encourages this.

If you are happy and healthy, Go YOU! It should not matter what I think makes me happy and healthy.
 
Sorry, this slave thought you were offering “an argument for feeding one's self to actually be a way of becoming a better submissive, and a better person” and asking for responses from “those who care to respond”.
 
your statement that this was an “argument”, and others comments are what this slave was referring to in her original response to this thread, and answered accordingly.  Even though this slave did not agree with your argument as it applies to her experience, she still cared to respond.
 
This slave thought all the ancillary stuff about your own personal issues was just background as to how you reached your position of your stated “argument” as to how “one” becomes “a better submissive and a better person” by engaging in self-centered, self-motivated and/or self-affirming activities, not as a way of weeding out folks with dissimilar experiences or to give finer detail about who could contribute, or not, to your thread.
 
In retrospect, guess that was this slave’s bad.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 4:28:58 PM   
ardelle


Posts: 63
Status: offline 		greetings
 
i read this thread with great interest
 
personally, since i have been uncollared, i find myself in more need of 'break' time than i did when Master was alive. Service to him was what kept me filled up and going strong; with him gone, i find myself on empty more than on full or half full.
 
not all need time out from doing that which they feel most happy doing; which is seeing to the happiness and well-being of another.
 
i mean no offense by my remarks; they are personal opinions and nothing more.

_____________________________

i wish you well

josie

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 4:33:05 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I don't seem to be required to *give* in any way that SEEMS like giving, in my relationship. In fact, I'm *given to* mostly, in my perception. This may not be the perception that other people would have, if they glimpsed it, though; seeing only the surface, obvious things. I can honestly say (and I've thought about this) that I have never felt depleted and in need of time to *fill-up* in my relationship. Not once. Interaction with him, whatever that might be, fills me and edifies me.

I don't feel guilty about doing things soley for myself.......nor do I do them for any other reason than the fact that I want to do them and like them. If I had to go through some convoluted debate with myself about whether I deserved it, I'd not even bother. When I eat properly, I do it for myself, I exercise for myself, I watch programmes that I enjoy for myself and read books for myself.

If my Master wants something from me, he'll ask........It would be rare for me to have much angst about that, otherwise.

However, I can feel drained when it comes to my sproglings, grand-sproglings and my parents. This is mostly because they, in total, make 8.....and there's only one of me. I'm relied upon to an extent that I find challenging and tiring at times. As a rule, all I need is an amount of time alone to think, to gain equilibrium, though.

I only feel drained in situations where I have responsibility of a certain KIND.......and I don't have that kind of responsibility with my Master.

Sometimes I feel I ought to *give* more, or *take* less.....but my Master soon knocks that on the head, pointing out that if something isn't how he'd like it, he'll change it.

For me, the point is, HE is in control......he can have what he wants, when he wants, however he wants it.....What is there to be gained by fretting about what I might potentially be giving to me and not to him when all he has to do is ask?

agirl



< Message edited by agirl -- 1/11/2007 4:34:26 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 5:03:41 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

This slave thought all the ancillary stuff about your own personal issues was just background as to how you reached your position of your stated “argument” as to how “one” becomes “a better submissive and a better person” by engaging in self-centered, self-motivated and/or self-affirming activities, not as a way of weeding out folks with dissimilar experiences or to give finer detail about who could contribute, or not, to your thread. 
 


You know, I could come up with some snarky reply, but all I am going to say is... If it works for you, well do it! I am all for people filling themselves no matter how they do it. If service fills you, well that means you are doing what you should be doing! Go You!

Perhaps you took one word "argue", and expounded that to mean I wanted to be slammed and snarked and attacked by your master in the submissive forum... well I did not post this for that reason. I posted this to get feed back from other submissives, you gave your feedback, which I treated with respect if you ask me. I never insulted you once. Now you do not agree with me, well that is fine, and you can think that people who enjoy life outside of their relationship as being any sort of selfish awful people that you like. No skin off my nose.


Signed Proudly,
A self motivated, self centered, imperfect human being with needs


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 5:14:57 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I don't feel guilty about doing things soley for myself.......nor do I do them for any other reason than the fact that I want to do them and like them. If I had to go through some convoluted debate with myself about whether I deserved it, I'd not even bother. When I eat properly, I do it for myself, I exercise for myself, I watch programmes that I enjoy for myself and read books for myself.

 
I used to have that debate with myself all the time. I used to measure my wants and desires as being second to everyone else's. I think that in someways expressing my desire to be submissive was a selfish choice. I used to put all my energy into my unmentionable, but I decided my desire to have a relationship with a structure that worked for me was "ok". I decided I had been alone long enough. In some ways I felt dating was selfish when I was younger. In some ways I feel as though I have more permission to do the things for myself that I want to do. I often ask my Daddy if it is "a good idea" if I do certain things for myself, wanting his approval. It feels good when someone else affirms it is ok, that I do not need to feel guilty for doing the things I enjoy.

I am getting to the point I do not feel I need to justify it in my own mind either, and it is ok to want things for myself... the world will not come to an end.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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