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RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 6:56:44 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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There is very little in my life that has ever come ‘naturally’. The person I am today exists because I worked on what I felt needed to be improved upon. I even had to learn to have a sense of humor because 30 years ago I was a strait-laced sour faced sad person. I sure spent a lot of energy frowning in puzzlement at the world, but oh I wanted to be able to laugh! So I undertook the task of taking a look at the absurdities of life and taught myself to lighten up.
That is a rather extreme (but true…..twue?) example, I suppose. My point is there are very few ‘naturals’ at anything. Those who find something comes naturally, easily to them are lucky. The rest of us might have to work at it to become what we want to become, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I would even be so bold as to say it’s more than okay. Isn’t it better to be what we want to be, get to where we want to be rather than say “I can’t be that/get there because it’s gonna take some work”?

And I would also say that even that which brings me joy in life, that which fills me up, cannot be done without a break. Every day is filled with things that are work for me as well as things that are big and little joys. I love to read. I often read a book from cover to cover in less than a day. But my eyes get tired, my shoulders get sore and so I get up and vacuum the carpet or throw in a load of laundry to take a rest from something that is a great source of fulfillment to me.

I am master’s slave. But when I’m lost in a good book, my mind is on the words and not on master. When I am doing household chores, my concentration is on the task at hand and not on master. Is that taking a break from slavery/submission? I believe it is. I believe that every various thing we do is a break from whatever we were doing before.

I’m tired of typing so I’m taking a break.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 41

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 9:31:27 PM

gailcd

Posts: 48
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline

a question, i think , that everyone asks not just "submissives". self help books and "agony aunts" claim to have answers

why do you matter? - if your Master bleeds you dry he can throw you away then finds another submissive. why do you need to be renewed? are you special? do you think he can't just pick another sub off the shelf?

on the other hand - if your Master would would be better off taking care of your needs so that you can serve better why doesn't he realise this? are you more intelligent than your Master?

if you want to fill yourself up so you can give - why don't you give to homeless, drug addicts, young people etc.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 42

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 9:45:00 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gailcd

why do you matter? - if your Master bleeds you dry he can throw you away then finds another submissive. why do you need to be renewed? are you special? do you think he can't just pick another sub off the shelf?

I matter because he says I matter. Your posts suggests all submissives are alike, submit the same, and can be trained the same. Like paper plates - one is no good, toss it and get another one just like it. I made the mistake once of suggesting this to my Master. He became irritated at me. He said it took a lot of work to obtain and train a slave that serves him as I do - - why would he want to toss that out and go through all the hassle of training someone new?

Unless of course you just want a hole to use...by all means.

quote:

on the other hand - if your Master would would be better off taking care of your needs so that you can serve better why doesn't he realise this? are you more intelligent than your Master?

Some of us have owners who instruct and teach us to care for ourselves, to save them the effort of doing so. In other words, by teaching me to be what I am, he gets what he wants from me. I'd say that's pretty intelligent, no?

quote:

if you want to fill yourself up so you can give - why don't you give to homeless, drug addicts, young people etc.

Huh?

No really - - Huh??

(in reply to gailcd)

Post #: 43

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:03:19 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gailcd

a question, i think , that everyone asks not just "submissives". self help books and "agony aunts" claim to have answers

why do you matter? - if your Master bleeds you dry he can throw you away then finds another submissive. why do you need to be renewed? are you special? do you think he can't just pick another sub off the shelf?

on the other hand - if your Master would would be better off taking care of your needs so that you can serve better why doesn't he realise this? are you more intelligent than your Master?

if you want to fill yourself up so you can give - why don't you give to homeless, drug addicts, young people etc.

You assume that I do not give, the last two years I have gotten out of the habit because I was caring for a terminally ill family member, but I do enjoy volunteering very much... it fills me too, although if I did it without a break it would end up depleting me.

For two years I cared for a man that could not take a shit alone. Who could not see to wipe his ass. I put off graduate school to care for this person because he had been in my life since I was 14, and my mom loved him, and needed my help with him. That was filling and depleting at the same time.

And for the first couple of questions, I have no doubt of my specialness, no matter whether another sees it or not. And that took 38 years for me to "know" for a fact. I could get a new dom just as easily as he could find a new submissive. I think it would be a tall order for us to find people as suitable as we are for each other though.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gailcd)

Post #: 44

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:05:44 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Some of us have owners who instruct and teach us to care for ourselves, to save them the effort of doing so. In other words, by teaching me to be what I am, he gets what he wants from me. I'd say that's pretty intelligent, no?

I'd say your master is downright brilliant owned!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 45

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:08:38 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Catize, your entire post resonated deeply with me, thanks for sharing it with us.

This portion is definitely worth highlighting because it is something I am shooting for, trying to find joy and laughter in unexpected ways, what is life if not to laugh? (BTW that is only my personal opinion applicable only to me, I do not expect everyone will want to laugh all the time)

quote:

There is very little in my life that has ever come ‘naturally’. The person I am today exists because I worked on what I felt needed to be improved upon. I even had to learn to have a sense of humor because 30 years ago I was a strait-laced sour faced sad person. I sure spent a lot of energy frowning in puzzlement at the world, but oh I wanted to be able to laugh! So I undertook the task of taking a look at the absurdities of life and taught myself to lighten up.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 46

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:23:09 PM

gailcd

Posts: 48
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

You assume that I do not give, the last two years I have gotten out of the habit because I was caring for a terminally ill family member, but I do enjoy volunteering very much... it fills me too, although if I did it without a break it would end up depleting me.

sorry, i am not wanting to appear to assume. i am trying to say if we (not just you) feel we are submissive why don't e only give to those who don't necessarily give back in return

where we have a personal relationship that we get something from then we are already taking something from the relationship , from the other person. we have our needs/ desires

so then why such a big deal about having your own time?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 47

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:30:42 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gailcd

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

You assume that I do not give, the last two years I have gotten out of the habit because I was caring for a terminally ill family member, but I do enjoy volunteering very much... it fills me too, although if I did it without a break it would end up depleting me.

sorry, i am not wanting to appear to assume. i am trying to say if we (not just you) feel we are submissive why don't e only give to those who don't necessarily give back in return

where we have a personal relationship that we get something from then we are already taking something from the relationship , from the other person. we have our needs/ desires

so then why such a big deal about having your own time?

I did not make this post about "free time". It is about doing anything that fills you. I think that is what others misunderstood in reading this. It is necessary for optimal health to exercise and eat correctly and to get enough rest. I mentioned those things as a part of filling up. I also mentioned that giving what I did for those two years was filling, but it was also depleting because it is extremely hard to watch someone you love suffer and know they will never get better.

Different experiences fill us in different ways. Eating is not exercising, exercising is not sleeping, etc. Doing only one thing to the exclusion of all other experiences is not the sort of life I personally want. If I did not get to experience the variety of life I would feel sad about that. It is not that giving is not filling, but it is like a certain food group... lets say it is protien, well I need dairy, fruit, and veggies too... with a little ice cream thrown in. Protien is very filling, but it cannot meet all my needs. It is a flawed analogy for some I am sure, but it is what came to mind

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gailcd)

Post #: 48

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:30:47 PM

gailcd

Posts: 48
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Huh?
No really - - Huh??

so what i am trying to say is what drives people who say they are submissive? the original question is about balance between the needs of Master/Mistress and the needs of the submissive.

if we want balance in our life, if we want to be respected and also to work for others why don't we just be normal people ( demand others to respect us, take time for ourselves without asking if this is selfish) and work for others through normal caring jobs or volunteering or charity giving?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 49

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:35:08 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Some of us have owners who instruct and teach us to care for ourselves, to save them the effort of doing so. In other words, by teaching me to be what I am, he gets what he wants from me. I'd say that's pretty intelligent, no?

I'd say your master is downright brilliant owned!

I thank you on his behalf, Julia, that was sweet :)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 50

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:37:15 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

if we want balance in our life, if we want to be respected and also to work for others why don't we just be normal people ( demand others to respect us, take time for ourselves without asking if this is selfish) and work for others through normal caring jobs or volunteering or charity giving?

I see my Ds dynamic as balanced. We have a ying yang thing about our power exchange. I do what he tells me, I try to anticipate what he desires, I love to please him. It is the way I prosper in intimate relationships. I prefer my partner be dominant, I prefer to follow him. It is not the same type of thing.

I respect myself, I do not demand respect from anyone else, but if they choose not to give it to me I will not associate with that person. My Daddy respects me a great deal, or he would not want to dominate me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gailcd)

Post #: 51

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/11/2007 10:39:52 PM

gailcd

Posts: 48
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline

julia

you make perfectly good points about the need to look after yourself or you will be worn down

of course you must look after yourself or there will be health consequences and then you are no good to yourself or those you care for

this is true for someone like yourself who has had to care for someone. in UK the state gives some help by providing "respite care" where social services or health services takes care of the ill person to give the carer a break

this is a necessary service but one which the carer may agonise about because they are giving the loved one over to someone they don't know

in the context of your previous circumstances i can 100 % see your dilemma (although i have not been in this situation so i don't speak with your understanding)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 52

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/12/2007 3:11:33 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I have to admit that I rarely worry too much about doing things that I like. I'm more likely to think *Why not?* than *Why?*. I like the people around me to be happy and enjoy pleasurable things, why would I exclude myself from that? I'm selfish at times, they are selfish at times. Sometimes we can analyse ourselves into a corner.......

agirl

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 53

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/12/2007 3:15:54 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

are you more intelligent than your Master?

If IQ points were one of the determining factors in D/s or M/s, I'd be a dominant.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to gailcd)

Post #: 54

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/12/2007 4:05:31 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I have to admit that I rarely worry too much about doing things that I like. I'm more likely to think *Why not?* than *Why?*. I like the people around me to be happy and enjoy pleasurable things, why would I exclude myself from that? I'm selfish at times, they are selfish at times. Sometimes we can analyse ourselves into a corner.......

agirl

I agree. Its been said that submissive doesn't mean stupid. I think its also true that being submissive does not mean being a saint.

In the context of my life, doing this stuff IS one of my selfish pursuits. Whenever I manage to get away from my regular life for a bit (either in reality or fantasy), and pursue my own version of submissive/masochistic happiness with a compatible Dominant, I am being self-centered and self-absorbed. Whether that detracts from my ability to serve a Dominant is up to the Dominant in question to decide.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 55

RE: Filling Ourselves Up - 1/12/2007 9:09:05 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gailcd

why do you matter? - if your Master bleeds you dry he can throw you away then finds another submissive. why do you need to be renewed? are you special? do you think he can't just pick another sub off the shelf?

on the other hand - if your Master would would be better off taking care of your needs so that you can serve better why doesn't he realise this? are you more intelligent than your Master?

if you want to fill yourself up so you can give - why don't you give to homeless, drug addicts, young people etc.

- i matter because he has told me that i do. i am his property, but that doesn't make me disposable. i wouldn't get involved with someone who simply uses submissives until they are used up and throws them away; to me, that's not taking care of property. i have a piano. i love my piano; i've had it for about 8 years now. i get it tuned regularly and play it regularly so that it remains in good condition, for my use. i don't leave it untuned or put it in places where the climate might damage it or let people misuse it, so that i can simply throw it away and get another piano. to me, it's childish to treat all property as disposable, and i would not seek a dominant with such a careless attitude.
- i'm pretty sure he does. as for intelligence, i haven't ever really thought about it, nor do i much care.
- and i do, all of those things. :) i've done most work with the homeless, i guess, but i've been involved with work with all of those populations in the past. i also give to my family, i give to my friends, i give to my local religious community, etc.

(in reply to gailcd)

Post #: 56

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