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littlesarbonn -> RE: bondage (1/18/2007 9:52:29 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
quote:
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
You know, one of the hardest things of being a service-oriented submissive, especially one that tries to be one at all times, is that I love bondage, and when involved in the kinds of relationships I'm in, it's often difficult to "ask" for something like this because in every relationship I'm in, it's about her, not me. There are nuances involved in asking for what you want, when your main pleasure comes from pleasing her in whatever way she desires. That doesn't mean that other little desires, like bondage don't just go away, and when you're around the environment a lot, where a lot of others are getting exactly that, it does become frustrating and quite often forces me to reexamine why I'm what I am in the first place. It's not always a cut and dry situation in this kind of lifestyle, unfortunately.
In a situation like this, which is very similar to what Fox has with me, the degree that other interests are pursued is a matter between the two people and a matter of the owner's personality. I like to make my slaves happy. Fox loves bondage so I use bondage to increase his happiness. Degree of bondage reflects the time we have to spend. Other things are easier to address -- Fox loves duct tape. I can give him a thrill by duct taping his mouth shut a few nights a week -- take little time on my side but gives him a raging hard-on.
I applaud your perspective on this. For me, at least in the past, what usually happens to me happens because of this femdom fantasy stereotype that comes from the femdom, which is usually not discussed that much because most failings tend to be submissive male fantasy related (and I don't really argue against that for most cases). You see, there's this fantasy submissive that a lot of women have of this service type submissive who wants NOTHING but to do service related things ONLY for the woman to whom he is serving. I'm about as close to being that as you can, but even I admit that part of the reason I identify as a bdsm submissive is that every now and then it's kind of nice to have the bdsm as part of the submissive relationship. And I'm considered one of the service submissive extremists.
But I can't tell you how many women over the years have approached me with this fantasy they seem to have of me being their submissive, but what they really want is a unobtrusive, self-sufficient, no-energy requiring house boy who will clean and do all sorts of service related items and pretty much NEVER expect anything but that. The "other" things they will take care of with hot guys who are attractive and approached for the sexually related bondage and discipline kind of stuff. I had one woman that wanted to collar me because she needed a slave to clean her mirrors. Yep, JUST to clean her mirrors. Nothing else. Another that wanted to collar me on the first date because she knew all about me and really needed a good, reliable, sincere cleaning slave. It sounded great until she informed me towards the end of that "date" that she would have me report to her male, crossdressing slave because she didn't want to be "bothered" with having to deal with the mundane things in her life.
Anyway, I'm not saying that's what's happening now, but it concerns me because I often find myself trying to be what I really am, and I am sometimes struggling uphill against a fantasy paradigm that I don't believe is a reality paradigm, but because of previous guys who would say anything to get what they desired, women think it is more the norm than it really is.
I'm not sure that makes sense. There's a secondary problem that comes from the advice I always hear that says: "Let her know so it's out in the open." For male submissives, that can sometimes be the kiss of death. I know we don't think that too often, but people in this scene are so looking for reasons to shut someone out (just read some of the ads on people's profiles here) that there is quite the danger there, especially if you feel you may have found someone who may just be what you are seeking, but you are scared of moving too fast and scaring her off. If that makes sense.
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