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Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:19:24 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		This question has always floated in and out of my head and came back when I read the picture post thread.

I have seen many profiles and gotten a ton of messages from people when I was looking that were not willing to post or share a picture because of their career or status in their community. My question is not why someone does not post a picture in their profile, but for people who fear being outed because of their job and community status.

Now a career like a teacher or politician I can certainly see why, but I have had to out myself a couple of times and outside of good intention teasing and some behind the back whispering it was relatively no big deal but I admit my occupation makes negative consequences minimal to none at all. It has always confused me that so many, not all, would lose their jobs if outed.

I know outed is a done to death topic but I have not seen it focused on this as much. I guess I am asking is the fear of being outed really is losing your job or status in your local community or is it just not wanting to go through real or perceived hassle and embarrassment?


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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:22:33 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Dont forget the Surgeon General who was fired for talking about masterbation.  The right wing republicans are crazy nuts about anything related to sex.  They hunt gays in public then snort meth and fuck little boys in the ass in private.

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:25:58 AM   
rapunzel2


Posts: 13
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline 		You know, i don't know if someone could actually be fired for their sexual interests, as long as they are not being public about it in an inappropriate manner.  But, losing community respect is a big deal for many.  I don't know about others, but I do fear that humiliation and rejection and total misunderstanding.  I don't want to be judged according to my sexual inclination, and I am very certain that I would be should those I work with and associate with find out.  Some people don't care as much and I do admire that, but for myself, I do not want to be outed, and that is simply because I am not prepared to face the consequences of rejection and ridicule.

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:31:38 AM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		Imagine being a tradesman and people finding out that your bi or gay lol.

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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:31:51 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Depends on how tight knit your comunity is. For some it is better to stay closeted. What purpose would it serve for to to come out in a vanilla community anyway.

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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:34:31 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Look at how being gay is often an issue for teachers, you guys are crazy if you think being outed as a pervert isn't going to cause big problems.  I say that and I live in California!

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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:40:01 AM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline 		I was accused of sexual harrassment for a single word.... "yes"

And the person who asked "Are you bisexual?" was not even written up.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that just because YOU don't bring up your sexuality, and avoid any detail, or explicit info  I fought it and won, but it was not worth it, and my lesson is learned that the right answer unless you're prepared to become the poster child and get into huge legal battles is:  "I do not discuss my personal life in the workplace, thank you for your interest"

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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:45:13 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not very 'out' with anyone.  But eventually I see myself being more open when certain circumstances change.  I cannot imagine living the life of a politician, public figure or anyone who had to keep up a certain facade that was clearly not...them.  But I do know some people who do this seemingly with ease.  So who knows?  I once dated a guy who didn't want anyone to know because he was afraid he'd be kicked out of his ultra-conservative religious college.  Sadly, there are some valid reasons to keep it private and I believe it's always the individual's choice. I do fear that judgment and have experienced it to some degree.  If I lost a job, I could probably find another, explaining choices to people who refuse to accept or try to understand is a bit of a lost cause.

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(in reply to rapunzel2)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:45:58 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rapunzel2

You know, i don't know if someone could actually be fired for their sexual interests, as long as they are not being public about it in an inappropriate manner. 


Well, how about this scenario:

Someone gets ahold of the information that "perverts" are teaching your minor family members...With men and women in the news all the time regarding adult activities with minors, just how long do you think anyone's going to take the chance whatever constitutes a "pervert" is just what people do in private?

I'm actively in this life but before I was - before I knew a thing about all this, I was a mom and I can tell you that if someone told me there was a "pervert" (notice how there's never any real explanation as to what constitutes that word?) in the school, I would not have been so accepting of their right to do whatever they wanted to do in private. I don't know that it would have even crossed my mind to wait to find out if what they were doing was indeed "in private" and between adults. As far as I'd have been concerned, someone else can find that out someplace else, but definitely not around the people I'm responsible for. I don't think very many self-respecting, school boards would have been all that ready to wait to figure that out either.

juliet

(in reply to rapunzel2)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:54:43 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		Don't forget that some people are forced to deal with "morality clauses" too, so being outed could cost them dearly.

(in reply to julietsierra)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:57:17 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I'm an insurance agent. I work for a very small office. It's jsut my Boss and I.
He's VERY conservative. So extremely conservative his wife left him and until the divorce was final his girl friend couldn't come in his home as he lived alone and it was not right for a single woman to be in a married man's home in his eyes.

Well the day I registered as a slave in the slave registry I printed the certificate to take home to my then Dom.
He came out and unexpectedly had printed just then too. He grabbed my paper read it, and threw it on my desk saying "I don't know what you printed. It looks like some slave crap to me.".
I almost died!!!!!
He'd already seen this June CLeaver dressing woman wearing the leather collar you see on my neck in this photo for a year daily.
I'd also like to say neighboring offices also noticed my collar.
When asked I told them it meant I belonged to my guy and he owned my heart.
Some of them are now BDSM aware, some just looked puzzled, but most knew what I meant and accepted though it's not their path it's OK it's mine.
In the 2 years almost now I've been in the life I've been wide open about it.
My 23 & 19 year old kids know and accept it.
I have not had any friendship end, no one who knew me acts differently to me (of course except for uys who think that's hot or that means I'll screw them too).
It has never caused me ONE problem with others knowing I'm into S&M. Not even with my vanilla conservative Doctors.

I indeed have heard horror stories where it cost people kids, family, loved ones, and their freedom.
I guess it's all in who's involved and the luck of the draw really.
I personally decided a long time ago will not live in fear like some coward.
I am not asamed of myself.
I choose to be out fully.
LOL and like Popeye (the cartoon not our friend here specifically)
I am what I am and That All that I am.
If I can't accept and be proud of me who else has a chance to?
suzanne

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 9:58:23 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra


Well, how about this scenario:



i agree...

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(in reply to julietsierra)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:18:23 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Dont forget the Surgeon General who was fired for talking about masterbation.  The right wing republicans are crazy nuts about anything related to sex.  They hunt gays in public then snort meth and fuck little boys in the ass in private.


To begin, I'm sure you won't be shocked to learn that hypocrisy runs across all political parties.  You might also not be shocked to learn that all Republicans do not hunt gays, snort meth, or fuck little boys in the ass.  And for a lifestyle that preaches "tolerance", you demonstrate very little of it yourself (though you get high marks for stereotyping, prejudice and bigotry).

And truth be known, you're delusional if you think "we" are any more attractive to the left (where they consider us all hateful misoginysts).  The right may want to damn our souls to eternal hell, but the left wants to throw you in jail in this life. 
 
The lesson to be learned is that radicalism, whether it be left, right or Islamic, is an ugly business.
 
John
 
P.S. - Jocelyn Elders (Bill Clinton's Surgeon General) was not fired for talking about masturbation.  She was fired for suggesting that it should be taught in school.  Think about the repercussions associated with age appropriateness, demonstrations, parental choice, etc.  While those issues may not concern you, they did concern a great many people, many of whom were not Republicans.

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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:20:08 AM   
MsOpal


Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline 		Another aspect about being "outted" that many never think about is this:  Once you are "out there", especially your picture on the internet, every single person that you have contact with is then put at risk by association to you.  Yes we have a photo up on our joint profile and Argent has one up on his profile, but we are both very job and family secure.  The risk is that vanilla persons with whom we associate or other family members might be at risk.  Up until a few years ago my "day job" was very public.  My picture was in the local (big city) newspaper from time to time and if you knew me, you might even catch a glimps of me on television from time to time.  My job put me live in front of 100's of people every week.  Personally, I did not care if they snickered because they might have a hint that I was "different".  On the other hand, did I have the right to expose my business partner or the people who worked with or for me to the same questioning snickers?  What would my grown daughter say if a colleague or in-law somehow saw my picture and asked her if she knows? (She does)  Sometimes we are not aware at first of how far reaching the trickle-down factor might be.

Now a  good reply to someone who finds my picture here and questions it would, of course, be "and why were you on a page that had that sort of information on it?"  But our friends, co-workers and other family should not have to be put on the spot to defend our life-choices.  I had to think a long time before I was willing to put a picture out here.  I no longer have a "day job" in the big city and our (grown) daughter has said she is "OK" with our choices.  So,  most of my concerns have been mitigated.  But for some, it just isn't that easy.
MsOpal

(in reply to dawntreader)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:30:12 AM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		Heh, nurses have a reputation for sexual appetite - maybe it's being around death all the time - it probobly gives your patients something to live for.

But yes, there's a theocratic, Puritanical streak in this country bordering on hysteria that can get pretty vicious - a guy can cheat all he want's to, boys will be boys, but flog your wife in private and suddenly you're a dangerous pervert; gay=pedophile, expressing female sexuality=slut, etc.

It's allright to drop cluster bombs on children and buy products made by slave labor, but use anything but the missionary position and the hole god intended, and civilization will come to an end.

God's vengence works too slowly and inconsistently for some.


(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:37:42 AM   
MistressYlwa


Posts: 263
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline 		When I was teaching, it was a BIG deal that I keep my private life private. Should my lifestyle be made public, any contact with a child could be misconstrued and I could have been arrested/sued, based on this.
 
As a therapist, I have none of those fears. My practice is restricted to members of the lifestyle. However, I am always concious of the repercussions by the public sector. My daughter always asked me not to discuss my lifestyle with her and to keep it private.  As she has always respected me, I respect her and have honored her request. Though she is one of the most dominant vanilla women I have met. LOL   But for myself, I have no fear of being "outed".  It doesn't matter to me, now, one way or the other.
 
Each person has his/her reasons to keep their private life private. Is this a real fear? For some it is. But whether it is real or perceived, I would never presume to question their decision. There is no room for judgements, in my opinion, in this lifestyle.
 
Mistress Ylwa

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Mistress Ylwa

You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

(in reply to MsOpal)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:41:50 AM   
blmtrsne


Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline 		In certain environments there would only be interest. But at my job, they would at least see me in another light. It would certainly make my life less pleasant: some guys would go wild, other more serious people would be shocked. I just am not interested in showing off my Femdom site. It does not make a lot of difference from my site seen.

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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:43:11 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		So, query for a couple of posts up......Openly gay teachers not allowed?


Curiously,
Ron

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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:47:00 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		If you signed a morality clause then was seen in a sleezy bar or doing bdsm, yeah I bet you could be.

I know a domina in real life who's husband got outed at work and it cost them both big time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rapunzel2

You know, i don't know if someone could actually be fired for their sexual interests, as long as they are not being public about it in an inappropriate manner.  But, losing community respect is a big deal for many.  I don't know about others, but I do fear that humiliation and rejection and total misunderstanding.  I don't want to be judged according to my sexual inclination, and I am very certain that I would be should those I work with and associate with find out.  Some people don't care as much and I do admire that, but for myself, I do not want to be outed, and that is simply because I am not prepared to face the consequences of rejection and ridicule.

(in reply to rapunzel2)
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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:50:59 AM   
JustUsTwo


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't think that there would be much impact on my career, a colleague was "outed" (domme) and it was mostly raised eyebrows.  The community I live in is another matter. The potential for ostricism is significant where I live and it isn't hard to imagine a neighbor's web browsing leading to talk. It seems that the most exercise that people get is jumping to conclusions. I don't ask details of my vanilla friends sex life and I'd just as soon not encourage speculation as to mine.

He

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 20
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