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SusanofO -> RE: Intelligence? (1/16/2007 12:16:36 AM)
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The older I get, the more of a premium I find myself putting on common sense, for some reason (I know some really intelligent people, though who don't always appear to have much of it, and that could be one reason).
I appreciate traditionally "smart" as much as the next person, maybe more than that (I don't know) - But -
I really appreciate creative types, although according to some studies I've heard about, creativity doesn't have all that much to do with your standard, academic definition of "intelligence" (verbal and meth skills, etc.). I think if someone has what I consider none or very little creativity, they are just less interesting to me sometimes, I guess. I consider myself relatively creative - at least I try to have a good imagination.
Emotional intellligence is probably (to me) the most important kind of intelligence, though - and that has almost nothing (or very little) to do with "book smarts", I think - although some really smart people I know have lots of it (and some have next to none, too). Somebody who can really hone in on what might be happening in my gut-level emotional self, who can understand me, who really has what I call "empathy" - and can demostrate that.
Or, someone who relates to other people in a somewhat empathic way that demostrates caring - that is always such a turn on to me. I mean it doesn't have to be all sentimental and "mushy" - just even a little concern and caring can be a huge turn of for me, I know.
I think I can express empathy with other people (much of the time, or at least try to, although of course I can't always get it down perfectly, and sometimes entirely miss the mark).
Somebody who has none, or almost no "emotional intelligence" or is just plain too "intellectual" is not really ever that attractive to me, regardless of how "book smart" they might be. I had enough of that with my husband to last a life-time. The man was probably a genius, but he couldn't manage to even hug me, 95% of the time we were married (no thanks!). If I were given a choice, ever, between being with someone "highly intelligent" and someone who knows how to show affection and "be real", I'd choose the latter every single time, from now on anyway.
Of course hopefully, one can find both qualities in the same person. Hopefully.
I have been around intelligent people most of my life, I think - that is - your "traditionally intelligent" types. I can appreciate that, a lot sometimes - I think being smart or being around pretty smart people can be a very enriching life experience, overall.
But I have to say, when it comes to seeking a partner, there are so many other factors that weigh in other than whether they are really very intelligent (for me). Empathy, stability, loyalty, devotion to growth, and a genuine concern for my welfare, etc.- all of these things matter, to me more than whether someone is highly intelligent. Of course I don't think I'd get along at all with someone I considered stupid - but there are so many definitions of "intelligent"; and I do consider emotional intelligence the highest on my list of "priorities" of we're talking "intelligence."
None of what I said (stability, loyalty, etc.) is ever going to be replaced, for me, I don't think, simply due to being bowled over by someone's raw brain power. I might be really impressed by that, maybe even in awe of it, but - if the other stuff isn't there, I know that having a deeper relationship with them won't (ultimately) work out, probably, for me (but that wasn't really the question or part of the topic, I guess, and I probably don't even need to say that).
- Susan
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