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RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 9:12:45 AM   
FatDomDaddy


Posts: 3183
Joined: 1/31/2004
Status: offline 		submissives

(in reply to LadySpoilMe)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 9:18:11 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Interestingly, the subs who jump the quickest to tell you what a real domme is or isn't are usually the ones who've had the least real time interaction with them.  I've come to the conclusion that terms like "real" and "true" can be translated to "what comes close to one's own personal fantasies", and we all know how how much fantasies can vary from life. 

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to FatDomDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 11:07:25 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Right now my favourite fantasy involves a nice WARM white sand beach, turquoise blue waters and maybe a few mostly naked women.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 12:17:29 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: steviemichael

in defense to the sub who claims you are not a *real D/ subs do know what we are looking for and normally seek and find One maybe just 'maybe'he/she had differnt requirements that you had on offer.


That may be true. And while I myself have defended the CAUTIOUS use of labels to help define someone, telling someone that they are not a "real/twue" dominant/submissive because they do not fit into what you are looking for is rude and insulting. It becomes even more so if more people than not do view the person as a dominant/submissive.

Someone who is a "do me" submissive is still a submissive...not my type and not one I would pick...but in their world and for a certain type of dominant, they are a submissive. The "brat" submissive, to use another label, is a submissive...again, not my type and not one I choose to deal with...but in their world and for many types of dominants, they are a submissive.

The same holds true with dominants. There may well be some femdominants who are hell on wheels all the time and ready to beat and flog and whatever day or night...there may well be dominants who want to be a sugar daddy type of dominant to a little "needy-girl" submissive...AND there may be dominants who maintain civility and courtesy and respect when dealing with their submissive even while beating them to the point the blood flows...or not...

Are there certain submissive ways and dominant ways? Hard to define completely what they are and I am sure there would be disagreements about what one person sees as submissive/dominant ways vs. another but sure...but the ones spoken of by the OP as being representative of the "Twue Domme" are the sexual fantasy part of it.

(in reply to steviemichael)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 12:56:24 PM   
sarbonn


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Right now my favourite fantasy involves a nice WARM white sand beach, turquoise blue waters and maybe a few mostly naked women.


Wow, we have the same fantasy!


_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 12:57:35 PM   
SassySue


Posts: 54
Joined: 2/12/2006
Status: offline 		Anyone that has an image of Tough Leather Babe happening with me will soon be disillusioned.  I have a male submissive that I see semi- regularly.  He is often greeted by me in lounge pants or other "normal" clothes.  He has yet to complain about my ABILITY.  Wonders what's up with that...

(in reply to sarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 2:39:39 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Right now my favourite fantasy involves a nice WARM white sand beach, turquoise blue waters and maybe a few mostly naked women.


Wow, we have the same fantasy!



Shall we pool our piggy banks and head for Mykonos?

I am one sexy hot domina today. I had to break out the long johns and wool socks, under my regular work clothes of course. It's not a leather skirt and thigh high killer boots but I am waaaaaaaaaaarrrrmmm and happy! Besides, I think it would scare the guys around here if I wore the boots and skirt.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 3:15:21 PM   
LadyTY2Uall


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySpoilMe

I realize that I am relatively new to the CM community and even to the BDSM scene itself but I do sincerely seek to improve myself as a Dominant Individual, so I have a question and would appreciate the views and opinions of those wiser and more experienced than myself.  :D
I have been told by more than one sub that I am not a 'normal' or 'real' Domme so I thought I would ask those more experienced and more enlightened that me what the definition of Domme 'really' is.   I am by nature a polite, caring, compassionate and considerate woman, I treat subs with the same good manners that I treat everyone and always say please and thank you.  I will phrase a command in a way that it sounds like a request rather than a command .... 'I would like you to ..... I would prefer if you.....I think it would be a good idea if you.....' etc.  It's just how I was raised but if the sub disobeys, complains, whines or pushes me then I can and often do drop the civilities and reveal the selfish, demanding bitch within.  'Obey me or walk'.  Does this mean I am not a 'real' Domme?  Am I simply a selfish, demanding bitch who enjoys being waited on hand and foot, catered to, pampered and obeyed in all things?  Am I just sadistic because I often bring out the belt, crop, paddle and other assorted 'toys' to play with? 


After 15 years of being told I am a fake because I don't walk around with a cigarette holder, clad all in leather with a scowl on my face, it's good to see I am not alone in my non "real"ness and style of mutual respect and appreciating the human factor in a person (first) slave (second).  Keep doing what you are doing.  Most of those that contact you are only fantasy players anyway, they are not looking for a relationship that will continually give them what they need, they are only in it for the moment.

edited to add the following

I read your profile and there is a controversy over the words "real" and "true"  I noticed you used the word "real" in your profile....Although you go on to describe what you desire in a slave perhaps you want to reword your "real and genuine" statement to flow better into what you consider "real and genuine" rather than it being a blanket statement.  As you have found out, what is "REAL and TRUE" to one might not be "REAL and TRUE" to another


Thank you for pointing that out to me, I had not considered that I was being somewhat hypocritical in my statements.  I am going to rephrase that right now. lol 

_____________________________

Domme does not mean slut.

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 3:26:57 PM   
LadyOunce


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		The problem is that too many think "real" domme means ball breaking bitch. They've seen too many movies, read too many stories and heard too many sensationalized tales and expect that to be what there is.

Who is this telling you that you aren't a real domme? Is a masochistic sub that seeks something rougher? Is it other dommes that only know the rough/physical way of domming?

Neither way is wrong. What makes the domme is the mind and the intent and follow through not the cruelty.

_____________________________

Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. -Jackson

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. -Einstein

Do not consider painful what is good for you. -Medea

(in reply to LadySpoilMe)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 3:40:28 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		 This is when I'm thankful for the Pro dommes.  I joyously send them a client.  The jerk can pay them to do the "theater" they fantasize about, It's a win-win for both;  for me , that I don't have to mess with the guy. and for the Pro..as she makes a few bucks :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to LadyOunce)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 3:45:27 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I agree completely Lotus.  If someone wants acting, let them pay for it.
I had an arrangemet with a friend in Boston way back when, who was a Pro.  She took me out to dinner and movies every time I refered her one of the subs I met out there that was looking for someone REAL.
Real should be about the control he have, not the costume we wear. But of course, since I am not "real", my opinion doesnt count

DV 

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 3:54:06 PM   
Jauque


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/11/2007
From: Texas.
Status: offline 		Control. 

How you get it is an ends to a mean I would imagine.  Wether the Dom says 'please' and 'thank you' or merely points a finger.  Control is the issue.

~J

_____________________________

The surest way to see what someone is made of is to break them apart.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 4:29:48 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I agree completely Lotus.  If someone wants acting, let them pay for it.
I had an arrangemet with a friend in Boston way back when, who was a Pro.  She took me out to dinner and movies every time I refered her one of the subs I met out there that was looking for someone REAL.
Real should be about the control he have, not the costume we wear. But of course, since I am not "real", my opinion doesnt count

DV 


I'd like to add, that the Pro Dommes are just like us when the leathers are hung and  the boots are put away :)  Nice doesn't mean weak  The strongest order you can give is in a whisper (IMO)
 
Women are women  What I think is that,the men don't realize ithat we are showing them the core of what we are and  what we can be.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 1/31/2007 8:34:05 PM   
LadyTY2Uall


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		I would like to give a heartfelt Thank You to each and every one of you, I discovered elements of myself in so many of your responses and it's encouraging to know that I am not an oddity. I shall take the advice that seems to be shared by all and continue to be exactly who I am, a nice, friendly, polite, considerate, caring and thoughtful Dominant Woman  who does not need to carry a big stick to prove my strength. Thank You.  


_____________________________

Domme does not mean slut.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 2/1/2007 7:20:29 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Right now my favourite fantasy involves a nice WARM white sand beach, turquoise blue waters and maybe a few mostly naked women.


Hmmmmmmmmmmm....I have a fantasy that is remarkably similar to yours and sarbonn's...but you know, I have a feeling that what is GOING ON within the depths of those fantasies is different for all three of us.

Ya think???? 

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 2/1/2007 10:55:19 AM   
ObedientYYC


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		I think that all Dommes are "real" Dommes, if they genuinely enjoy dominating a submissive. 

BUT... in my experience, almost half of the self-identified Dommes I have ever met turned out to be submissives at heart, who turned to domming primarily because it greatly increased the number of partners interested in them.   So while at some level they may have enjoyed being dominant,  to me it makes things difficult if their heartfelt wish is that *I* would dominate *them*.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 2/1/2007 1:28:42 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear LadySpoilMe, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I have a few decades in the lifestyle and speak from my personal experiences, knowledge and skills.  These are the standards I operate by.
 
1.   Be honest and true to myself first.  Honesty to self will set the foundation on being honest and true to others; regardless if others are not honest or true to you and others.
 
2.   Treat others as you wish to be treated.  The Golden Rule.  Just don't expect others to treat you well though.  Sticking with the Golden Rule, as others break it--is an inspiration not a handicap.
 
3.   Give of yourself freely, as much as you can comfortably loose.  Giving of time, knowledge, skills sharing, compassion, tolerances, is something given without expectations on a return or exchange of equal value.
 
4.   Listen to your gut instincts.  Instincts are bred into each human being, since humans existed.  Fight or flight, like primal animals is there for survival.
 
5.  Being a Lady is not a nasty four letter word.  Being a Lady is more than a title--it is a state of behavior.  A Lady knows how to fight fair but, knows all the cheap shots and low blows by others, as to expect them and field them appropriately.
 
6.  People are packaged for public consumption.  The package isn't the contents of a person's character.  The contents of a person's character is more important than looks and or the possessions owned.
 
Just some thoughts.

Repectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to LadySpoilMe)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 2/1/2007 6:26:08 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySpoilMe

I realize that I am relatively new to the CM community and even to the BDSM scene itself but I do sincerely seek to improve myself as a Dominant Individual, so I have a question and would appreciate the views and opinions of those wiser and more experienced than myself.  :D
I have been told by more than one sub that I am not a 'normal' or 'real' Domme so I thought I would ask those more experienced and more enlightened that me what the definition of Domme 'really' is.   I am by nature a polite, caring, compassionate and considerate woman, I treat subs with the same good manners that I treat everyone and always say please and thank you.  I will phrase a command in a way that it sounds like a request rather than a command .... 'I would like you to ..... I would prefer if you.....I think it would be a good idea if you.....' etc.  It's just how I was raised but if the sub disobeys, complains, whines or pushes me then I can and often do drop the civilities and reveal the selfish, demanding bitch within.  'Obey me or walk'.  Does this mean I am not a 'real' Domme?  Am I simply a selfish, demanding bitch who enjoys being waited on hand and foot, catered to, pampered and obeyed in all things?  Am I just sadistic because I often bring out the belt, crop, paddle and other assorted 'toys' to play with? 


if i may say, Ma'am, You sound very genuine to me. Already i feel a level of respect for You, and believe me that's not commonplace. my Master is a blend of all the fine qualities You have. i absolutely adore Him. Without His kindness and politeness i'd feel that He found no value in me as a person or His slave.
 
i tend to agree with those who've stated that many subs are seeking a theatrical Domme to fulfill their fantasies. i don't think there's anything wrong with that, if that's what's mutually agreeable. For me, i wanted and do have a full relationship with Master. O/our dynamic is dominant and submissive outside of play. i actually find it a bit similar to the attitude i'd have if i were working for Him - He's in charge, period. i'm allowed to ask for what i want and need, but as a request only and not a demand. So, my feeling about those who say to You, You're not a "real Domme" let em go flog themself. lol. Hey - You're dominant and You're real - that's all there is, how You express it is Your option, not theirs. i was told alot in the beginning that i wasn't a real sub/slave because i didn't agree with every wanker out there.

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to LadySpoilMe)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 2/2/2007 11:32:38 AM   
MsStick


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/4/2006
From: Ireland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyTY2Uall

I am, a nice, friendly, polite, considerate, caring and thoughtful Dominant Woman  who does not need to carry a big stick to prove my strength.   



Awwww.... but i LOVE My big Stick!  Can I keep it anyway?!

(in reply to LadyTY2Uall)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What makes a 'real' Domme ? - 2/2/2007 11:42:21 AM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I would ask those more experienced and more enlightened that me what the definition of Domme 'really' is.


My answer:  Human.  Anything beyond that is subjective and/or relative to me.

For clarity's sake, I will add I use that definition to define 'real' for anyone, Dominant and submissive alike.  If you claim to be a giant squid, you'll have an uphill battle in convincing me.


_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to MsStick)
Profile   Post #: 40
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