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Control - 3/5/2005 8:08:59 PM

CuteNSassy

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/14/2005
From: Barrie
Status: offline

How do Y/you know when it's time, to give your Dom/me contol? As time passes, and Y/you trust them more... Can Y/you take it back? How long should Y/you wait? i know that Y/you would not give them total control right away... But what do Y/you think a good time line would be...

Cute

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RE: Control - 3/5/2005 8:43:01 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

When is the right time to give your lover that special first kiss? when is the right time to take your beloved to see the dark ocean glitten in the moonlight. Can a bood tell you that, no you will know when the time comes.

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RE: Control - 3/5/2005 9:45:34 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Always use good sense and condoms.

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RE: Control - 3/6/2005 12:23:27 AM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

Hi cute,

an old saying but a true one, if you need to ask you aren't ready. Giving over control is a slow process. You give over control little by little, first the things that aren't so important to you and you see how They handle that. Do they treat that part of you as precious or do they walk all over you? If so, you can always walk away and not be too emotionall scarred. If you hand over control of something which matters greatly to you and it is abused or mishandled, you could potentially be scarred for life.

Take it easy. See what parts of your life the Dominant wants to control, try it out and see how it goes. If that feels good, then proceed to the next bit. Just take your time, there is no rush.

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RE: Control - 3/6/2005 10:54:40 AM

tomtom1877

Posts: 14
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

an old saying but a true one, if you need to ask you aren't ready.

Well said chainedgirl!!!

Meditate and listen to that small quiet voice inside you. It speaks the truth.

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RE: Control - 3/6/2005 3:56:53 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

How soon would you hand someone a key to your front door in a vanilla relationship? Assume about that amount of time.

All good things take time. You give over a small measure of trust at first and see if it is broken or abused. As time passes, you are willing to give over more trust. Anyone who expects it all up front is someone I'd stay away from.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Control - 3/6/2005 4:25:07 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

The advice given already is spot on. chainedgirl's answer was perfect. If you are asking the question, you aren't ready. When the time is right, it won't be a question, it'll be an obvious fact.

BDSM sometimes seems like an overnight cure for everything from broken hearts, to self-esteem issues, to the cure for cancer. It's not. It's not all that fundementally different from what 'typical' vanilla relationships are based on, it just adds a few options that aren't usually availible on the LS model. (note: LS is usually the basic car model) If you are miserable in your vanilla relationships, you will probably be miserable in your BDSM and Ds relationships. The root has nothing to do with control or chains.

The other problem is that answers and change are expected overnight. It really doesn't work that way. It takes weeks to really fall in love, and months for it to grow into something substantial. The feelings initially may seem real, but it takes time and communication (in real life, in person, and not through a chat room or IM window) to develop the serious and real trust required in a healthy relationship.

I know some of my comments seem a bit heavy handed - but rest assured they were learned the hard way.

Stephan

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