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Here is an Question for Master - 3/8/2005 7:55:55 PM   
tamtam


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		How do you know when your Master is telling the truth and is not playing with you.....Being honest in an dom/sub relationship is very important to me, but what do you do if you think that your Master is not doing the same and really is very hard to get him to open up..Advice please
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/8/2005 8:08:15 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		Ugh. I think the underlying question is how do you force communication with your Master? Honestly, I don't think you can. you can't very well light the communication fire under His rear end or make Him face the corner until He breaks.

I would suggest doing some reading on effective communication techniques. It could very well be your presentation that is making Him clam up. The only way to find out is to do some reading. Effective communication is seldom a gift. It is a learned skill that takes lots of practice.

My suggestion to you is that if He's clamming up and it isn't your approach that is making Him do so that either He is naturally that way and needs to learn effective communication techniques or if He has just started doing it that He may very well have something to hide. Certainly the less He speaks the more it can give rise to doubt. However, there is also truth in the wisdom that dictates that it is better to be thought a fool than to open O/one's mouth and remove all doubt.

Ultimately you will have to decide which of these applies to your situation. Remember, there is more to communication than oral defecation. There is also body language which can speak volumes. Do some research on it and then look for the telltale signs.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/9/2005 6:23:07 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Kenin gave some very good advice. I would say that you are experiencing some red flags; there is something in that brain of yours that is saying he is hiding something and may be playing you. All you can do is give it time to play out. In the mean time, don't sell everything you have to move in with him. Trust is earned and he hasn't earned yours yet. Once he has earned your trust you can be comfortable knowing he has your best interest at heart and would not have to question him. I personally believe some of us sub/slaves jump into these relationships without questioning for fear we are not "sub enough". That is crap. You have a right to ask questions and get to know him first. Okay, I'm stepping off my soap box now.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/9/2005 9:15:15 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

How do you know when your Master is telling the truth and is not playing with you


When he has his mouth open and he is talking to you. If he lies to you he isn't master of himself, let alone you.

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/9/2005 12:04:50 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Why do you think he's lying to you? Be sure you're not painting him with your own insecurities.

If your Dom is lying to you, you are in a relationship with the wrong person. Trust means no lies. This is bent a little bit in the area of the "mindfuck;" but that is a calculated manipulation and is usually something very obvious.. such as being told you're going to be passed around at a party when you're pretty darned sure your Dom would never share you. That comes under the category of teasing, more than lying. If this lying is taking place in daily life, or is about the way he feels or about relationship issues, then you need to consider if this person is actually a Dominant. While being "Dominant" means different things to different people, one of the commonly accepted things is trust = truth. Talk with him and find out why you're getting the lies. If you don't get a satisfactory answer... it's time to spruce up the ole ID on the other side of the site and start looking again.



_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/9/2005 1:47:08 PM   
Harrison


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

but what do you do if you think that your Master is not doing the same and really is very hard to get him to open up..


Listen to the small, quiet voice inside you, the one that gives you the feeling he is not being honest. Respect that voice.

In my experience, things must fit, in order to succeed. From the smallest animals on this planet to the people who live around us, a successful relationship must begin with a comfortable, almost effortless, fit, one person with the other. This is something that can not be faked for very long.

I don't think he is a good fit for you and, listening to your words, I don't think YOU think he is a good fit either. I read the feeling that you hear that little voice inside you telling you that very thing and you are afraid to listen to it. Don't be afraid....listen to that little voice.

My advice....find another master, one that you can trust (dang it, there is that "t" word again...funny how the word "trust" keeps popping up on these boards.)

Harrison

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/9/2005 2:05:19 PM   
Harrison


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		One other thought....

On the General Discussion board, another member (who was just writing about another topic) posted this thought concerning the 4 cornerstones.

"......Without respect there cannot be trust, without trust there cannot be honesty and without honesty there cannot be communication......"

Seems like the last part of ShiftedJewel's writing applies here. Maybe the reason its nearly impossible for you to get him to open up it that there is no honesty there.

Harrison

(in reply to Harrison)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/10/2005 5:46:19 PM   
Histeacup


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/7/2004
Status: offline 		How do you know if your master is telling the truth?...you don't know....Mark

(in reply to Harrison)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/10/2005 10:41:49 PM   
RexLongBeach


Posts: 58
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		If you think he's not being honest with you, spend some time thinking about why you feel that way. Most commonly, it'll be along the lines of his not honoring commitments, or in his actions not matching his words.

If it is either of those, then you'll know why you don't think he's being honest, and you can choose what to do about it.

If you can't identify what it is that's giving you the feeling that he's not being straight with you, but the feeling remains strong after reflection, you need to let him know how you feel. His reaction will help you choose what to do next.

Finally, many Doms do not find it easy to be open. If you're feeling that he's not trustworthy simply because he's not open, you may be being unfair to him.

There are ways to help your Dom open up, but they'll take time and effort. It's not worth it unless you're sure he's being straight with you.

Your original question was how do you know he's being honest with you. Fact is, you don't. You have to trust him enough to know that he's honest.

If you can't trust him enough to know that he's honest, you can choose what to do about it.

Yours in good choice-making,
Rex

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/11/2005 9:40:07 AM   
Wicken


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/10/2005
Status: offline 		tam, your profile says he's a very loving and caring Master yet recently you seem to doubt his word. It's possible something has happened that he is either ashamed or afraid to tell you for one reason or another. If (and it's a big IF) you feel he HAS been honest and straightforward with you till now perhaps letting him know you feel something is going on in his life will help him to open up. A lot of men find it hard to express things even to a loved one. He may be feeling guilty about something real or imagined. Let him know whatever it is the two of you can face it TOGETHER. Be supportive and non-judgemental. Lying, for whatever reason, is a vicious cycle and only hurts everyone involved. And eventually, the truth will come out.

Everyone here has given some really good advice, but, unless they know the two of you personally, we're all just guessing and giving you our perspective on things. You are the only one who knows how your relationship has been in the past and how it has evolved to this point.

If he is honorable, and as loving and caring as you say he is, he'll understand your concerns.
Being vulnerable or fallible is a hard concept for a lot of Doms. Whatever it is, it needs to be brought out into the open and dealt with.

Just my 2 coppers worth.
Good Luck

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/11/2005 7:58:53 PM   
tamtam


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		hello...I would like to say think you for all the good advice..yes his life has been very busy at this right moment...and im starting to understand that it can be hard for an dom to share alot of their emotions. As his sub i would do anything for him...I do love him dearly and his concerns and fears are mine also. i must im very blessed and proud to have him as My master. Well thank you all again

(in reply to Wicken)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/12/2005 12:49:19 AM   
Overlord218


Posts: 53
Joined: 1/26/2005
Status: offline 		Very short... Very succinct... and VERY VERY true! My response? Enough said.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

How do you know when your Master is telling the truth and is not playing with you


When he has his mouth open and he is talking to you. If he lies to you he isn't master of himself, let alone you.



_____________________________

Overlord 218

A little pain is good for the soul. Ask any masochist.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/30/2005 12:59:25 AM   
match2u


Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline


quote:

One of the greatest and most important points of personal honor is a person's word. This is the yardstick whereby personal honor may be measured. Naturally, it is not always wise to tell the truth, and in certain circumstances the unfailing adherence to veracity can cause great complications, the death or injury of the speaker not withstanding. However, there is a difference between always telling the truth and breaking one's word. A person's word, is, quite literally, his word of honor.




sorry, sorry, sorry..... how often did i heard - i am a man of my word, i am held by my words.....

finally there is one truth also

ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS

in the meantime i have learned one thing: i give a ****** about the word when at least i see the action does not fit. the result is either the word is not true, the person is not true or may i am just the wrong person at all....

i am able to turn whereever i wanna - it will not fit at all

and in being respectfull - does a sub/ slave do not have the right to get the truth? thats a human basic at all.....

just my little view...

petra



(in reply to CernusJai)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/30/2005 2:43:24 AM   
MzBerlin


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/3/2004
Status: offline 		Ummm. No offense or anything, but I'm confused by CernusJais' post. Is he quoting a book? Is that an essay? Is he the OP's master who just happens to write in third person?
**confused**
B

_____________________________

new pictures!! www.ropexpert.com
also- you can catch me on www.ksexradio.com every tuesday. I co-host Baadmasters' Dungeon!!

(in reply to CernusJai)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/30/2005 3:18:35 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		It is a direct copy/paste from this website:

The Gorean Master

I don't know if this is the poster's website or not, but figured either way credit needs to be given to the site just in case

(in reply to MzBerlin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/30/2005 11:41:38 AM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Personally there is no reason why a "Master" should not be totally honest with his slave.
The only reason one would want to be 'less then honest" is to not hurt the slaves feelings or fear that"they" may leave them.
I find that a slight paradox as there is no reason NOT to be totally honest with a slave.. admitted the gift of "self" they have offered is beyond any price. But they are a "slave" for a Master to be worried about hurting their feelings enough to lie.. nah... theyre should be absolutely nothing inhibiting the relationship between two such.. EVER.

For a Master to lie to their slave is to "fear" the slave. and THAT is topping from the bottom by proxy.


_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/30/2005 12:29:17 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		The policy I have with My subs is that I am open and honest in all things. HOWEVER there is an exception that one of My lawyers once shared with Me (and he is a top notch lawyer). His suggestion is that if you did something terribly wrong and telling your partner would only serve to crush them, you should not share it. You would solve nothing but cause bitterness and strife. You should bear the burden of guilt yourself and not pass it on to your partner for them to bear. It is all about the burden of responsibility. Although telling them would take a load off your mind and relieve the guilt, it would put a horrendous burden on them and it simply is not fair.

Before anyone pounces, ponder the concept. It is a deep one. The best policy? Do not put yourself in that jam to begin with.

What I am suggesting, then, is that perhaps He is clamming up to save her the burden. Maybe, just maybe, it is not wise to pry. I do not know. Just a thought.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/30/2005 1:24:12 PM   
Guest
quote:

It is a direct copy/paste from this website:

The Gorean Master

I don't know if this is the poster's website or not, but figured either way credit needs to be given to the site just in case


I deleted the cut n paste post, but anyone interested may go to the link Siamsa provided..

Mod5

(in reply to siamsa24)
  Post #: 18
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 3/30/2005 3:23:41 PM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		Trust is the absolute most essential thing a slave must have. Without that crucial trust everything that goes on--the servitude, the obedience... it's just playing face value without any real emotion in it.

Some people equate emotional honesty with weakness, but I've found quite the opposite. Most slaves relish the knowledge that they can soothe the troubles a Master has. They yearn for that ultimate gift of self where their Master opens up and spills out those troubles/fears/concerns so that the slave is duty bound to clean them up, dust them off, and put them away so that the Master may retire quite content.

I would hope, tamtam, that your master knows just what a special closeness this relationship can become. I would hope that they are truthful enough to give you the opportunity to serve them completely.

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Here is an Question for Master - 4/3/2005 9:21:49 AM   
sexysubbunny


Posts: 145
Status: offline 		~ if your Master says he will do something, whether it be something small or just a phone call, etc, and he doesn't follow through with it, that is a definate warning sign!!
A Master should be a man of his word and do as he says he will. If not, the submissive will have the attitude that he is not for real and he cannt be relied upon when in need, he won't be there for you!
Another virute to watch for is the sensitivity of your Master, is he compassionate and thoughtful at times that should be special for both of you! ie: holidays, anniverserys! If not, another warning sign!

Something very serious to think about..

-- is he a man of Honor, of dignity in that regards, i would say NOT!
a man without true words and actions does not have much respect from this submissive and should not be tolerated!


< Message edited by sexysubbunny -- 4/3/2005 9:25:15 AM >

(in reply to tamtam)
Profile   Post #: 20
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