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gender dysphoria and submission - 2/8/2007 7:02:55 AM

rhythmboi

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Joined: 12/23/2006
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I'm sure this has been discussed before, but i'm curious to hear how some folks have dealt with a gender dysphoric sub in the context of D/s.
I've got mild-to-moderate (and occasionally really bad, but only occasionally) gender dysphoria. For a variety of reasons, i've decided not to transition phsyically (from female-to-male) in the short while, though it may happen eventually. So, that means i'm likely to remain really uncomfortable with various gendered body parts and gendered roles. And i'm wondering how this could possibly get negotiated if i'm fortunate enough to end up finding a Dom/me. If i'm in a situation where i wouldn't (and wouldn't want to) be able to just say 'no, you can't touch me there' or 'no, i'm not going to wear girl clothes', how do those boundaries get talked about? I'd like to think that i'd be able to handle those comfort levels being pushed, but i'm not sure i can, and i think they're somehow qualitatively different than other kinds of physical or psychological boundaries, though maybe not.

Anyone with experience in this situation (from the mtf vector of things too), i'd appreciate your insight.

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RE: gender dysphoria and submission - 2/8/2007 7:16:58 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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IME gender dysphoria requires some good thorough therapy for it a person to ever really become secure and stable over the long term. That therapy will help you deal with your relationship issues.

Otherwise, it just takes choosing to be with someone who accepts you for you and will work with you through these issues.

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RE: gender dysphoria and submission - 2/8/2007 7:21:39 AM

LadyEllen

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I'd assume, it could all be discussed beforehand in the same way as any other boundaries would be.

I've only experienced it all, totally t'other way about, as it happens, but the key I've found with interested sub males, is to make it all clear from the start. Mostly, they walk away I have to say, but thats OK. A couple didnt.

What I'm picking up from your OP is that this is more to do with the discomfort you anticipate feeling, in revealing yourself and talking about stuff which is not generally understood by others? Thats entirely understandable, if its the case, and its never easy anyway. Still, its something that has to be done, just to show respect to the other person if nothing else. In this, youre struggling with self acceptance just as anyone "normal" does, but to a much greater extent.

In the end, if you want others to accept you, the first step is to accept yourself - not easy, as I said, especially in a society which in general cannot cope with gender variance. But there are good people out there, and here too. And you are not alone either - there are at least two ftm who participate on the boards, and at least a dozen mtf too. Be prepared all the same, for misunderstandings and rejection, and dont let them get to you.

E

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RE: gender dysphoria and submission - 2/8/2007 8:09:46 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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There are a lot of bois in the greater leather community with various gender identities. Consider going to a national leather event like South Plains Leatherfest, Master/slave Conference, Great Lakes Leather Alliance or Southwest Leather Conference. There's hordes of other event's too. I'm also better that if you search fro profiles of bois on here and ask around, you'll find a support group or two. You might even find some by searching google.

Master Fire

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RE: gender dysphoria and submission - 2/8/2007 9:26:55 AM

thetammyjo

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First, be clear about what you are going through. Now don't be surprised if it a deal breaker; think of it as part of finding the appropriate partner for you.

Second, be in therapy and be working on the issues now and keep with it if you get into a relationship. Asking someone else to deal with things you are not dealing with actively yourself is unfair to both of you.

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RE: gender dysphoria and submission - 2/8/2007 11:27:19 AM

CalliopePurple

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I would be one of the FtMs Ellen mentioned. Personally, if I were looking, I'd really enjoy another TG/TS person to be with since I completely understand the being uncomfortable with breasts and girl parts, as well as female clothing. Example - I have no trouble thinking about and enjoying the thought of anal penetration. But vaginal - hell no!

I've heard that the therapy requirement for gender dysphoria is as much to deal with the insecurity and self-esteem issues as it is to make sure a person is suitable for transition, which makes sense in a way. Just remember - you do not need hormones or surgery to call yourself a man. Change your name, bind your chest, use male pronouns - whatever level of changing yourself makes you feel comfortable in your own skin is all you need to do.

Feel free to message me on the other side if you wanna talk more!

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