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being a switch is a choice - 2/9/2007 9:23:37 AM

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In some minds of those in the lifestyle the choice of being a switch is one who can not decide if they are a dom or a sub or slave my choice is i am a switch this choice is not baded on confusion it is based on i am able to enjoy both world.

_____________________________

switch/submissive male walking in the path of and learning of my true desires and enjoying what i am discovering

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/9/2007 9:30:26 AM

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Such is life. People act like 'dom' and 'sub' are so solid and universal- when they are anything but. Switches are simply more obvious and open about their fluidity. That does not make them any less of an innate orientation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to steviemichael)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/9/2007 1:07:06 PM

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Well said LA.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/13/2007 8:02:47 AM

Aine

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What I -am- is a switch.

A choice would be doing one and not the other.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to LordVelvet)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/13/2007 8:46:41 AM

hereyesruponyou

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A switch to me is someone who enjoys both sides of the paddle. Most i know are more toward one side or the other, or feel a specific need with particular people.

I identify myself now as a Domme, because i have chosen that side to pursue and it seems to be my "more natural" inclination. It just so happens i am also a little bit of a masochist and like to be forced now and then, unfortunately there are few who inspire this in me. I refuse to be so hung up on being a label that this is no longer fun

(in reply to Aine)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/15/2007 8:18:53 PM

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I choose to be a switch as well. I find that the person I'm with will tend to draw out the side of me best suited to compliment their natural tendencies. To say that we are just confused or haven't decided is kind of silly and, well, insulting. It's similar to those who say there are no such things as bisexuals, when, quite obviously, there are. I've found that folks who deny the possibility that switches even exist are those that have such strict and limited definitions/categories and they have to fit everyone into one of these. If someone doesn't fit, then obviously something is wrong with them, not the classification system.

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/17/2007 10:45:36 PM

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There are just some days where I have been in charge, and need to come home, and give up control. Then there are other days when I am in need of being in control. My husband is the same, and so we are a perfect match.

When we first joined a local group, we were told that some individuals would look down at us for being switch. Funny thing is that we have never encountered anyone that has had an issue with it, plus we have encountered a great number of switches as well.

~poe

_____________________________

~poe

I'm mad, you're mad, we're all mad here, it's the fad for many a year, if you think we're crazy my dear, you're right cause I'M mad, YOU'RE mad, we're ALL mad here! - Mad Hatter

(in reply to steviemichael)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/18/2007 6:34:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Such is life. People act like 'dom' and 'sub' are so solid and universal- when they are anything but. Switches are simply more obvious and open about their fluidity. That does not make them any less of an innate orientation.

LA,

I wouldn't say switches are necessarily more open about their fluidity.

The element touched on, but not fully expanded on, seems to be that of self-awareness. People often assume a role through lack of age, experience, or introspection, thus the common joke about the 'bi poly transgendered switch' which, on the surface, suggests either you are seriously kinky, or seriously confused.

I don't believe in the absolute dominant or the absolute submissive. I think everyone should try their hand at both sides of the whip, if only as a learning experience. I don't think less of people who haven't tried both (or either) side, though. I bottomed once or twice and while I found the experience interesting, it wasn't either magical or fulfilling. The experiences (along with boot camp) did a great deal for me in terms of understanding the psychological events a bottom or submissive might face.

Not everyone will take BDSM as seriously as the mainstream; just as some will feel the mainstream is a little watered down. For anyone with more than a casual interest in BDSM, introspection is key. Having said that, I don't feel that being a dominant is a choice anymore than enjoying a roller coaster is a choice; I figure I either will, or won't be this way. 'To' dominate, on the other hand, is a choice; I choose who, when, where, and how to dominate. I don't imagine a switch chooses to enjoy switching to any greater or lesser degree than I enjoy dominating; but the choice of role would seem to be more a reaction to the other person than any active choice to assert that role, with that person. For this reason, I can't imagine meeting a switch who was heart set in 'playing' with me, with them in the D and me in the s role (excepting, perhaps, to satisfy a 'Topping the dominant' kink) because it would be contrary to my natural personality tendencies, and likely put us into conflict. It'd also waste an opportunity to be submissive, with me, in roles that (I suspect) would be more comfortable and natural for us both.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/18/2007 7:05:31 AM

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From: Nunya!
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I'd have to agree with everyone so far. I particulary enjoyed LA and Stephan's views. LA you're always so insightful!
Anyway. As a switch, I've encountered the occasional scoff of "why can't you choose? Don't you know what you want?" Those are usually the people I almost always stop speaking to, unless they're simply looking for stimulating conversation. Then I'm happy to argue till I'm blue in the face. It's fun!
Then again, I also have such radical views as capitalization of personal pronouns is for God only, submissive does not equal doormat, submissives don't submit to every dominant simply because they are submissive, etc etc.
I consider myself a bi-poly-switch, though I am most definitely female LOL! I have had the same argument many times about the whole choice to be gay. *sigh* I don't even argue anymore, I just stop talking. My baby brother is gay and I have so many gay friends that I know it's not a choice for them, but it actually is a choice for others. Never understood that, but ok, whatever makes you happy. Judgement is something I won't do and just because I don't understand it doesn't mean I won't like you anyway. Same applies to the whole dom/sub/switch thing. You are or you aren't, but you're something, both, or neither. I switch because different people inspire different reactions with me. There's no way in hell I'd ever Top my roommate. There's no way in hell I'd ever co-sub or submit to my subby boy. We talked about it and we both found it freakin hilarious! And my true love demands obedience, but begs to be punished every now and then. *shrug*
The choice is fitting yourself into someone else's mold or slipping into the skin that feels good, doing what makes you happy or trying to fit in somewhere. I have found many people to love and befriend. Male, female, CD, Dom, sub, switch. It's the person that matters, not how they get their kink out.

(in reply to Stephann)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/18/2007 9:34:32 AM

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I don't think it's a "choice" for me, because I could not choose to be exclusively dominant or submissive without missing the other side. I NEED to switch.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to KalynDomme)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/18/2007 12:07:57 PM

theGuideGoddess

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Such is life. People act like 'dom' and 'sub' are so solid and universal- when they are anything but. Switches are simply more obvious and open about their fluidity. That does not make them any less of an innate orientation.

LA,

I wouldn't say switches are necessarily more open about their fluidity.

The element touched on, but not fully expanded on, seems to be that of self-awareness. People often assume a role through lack of age, experience, or introspection, thus the common joke about the 'bi poly transgendered switch' which, on the surface, suggests either you are seriously kinky, or seriously confused.

I don't believe in the absolute dominant or the absolute submissive. I think everyone should try their hand at both sides of the whip, if only as a learning experience. I don't think less of people who haven't tried both (or either) side, though. I bottomed once or twice and while I found the experience interesting, it wasn't either magical or fulfilling. The experiences (along with boot camp) did a great deal for me in terms of understanding the psychological events a bottom or submissive might face.

Not everyone will take BDSM as seriously as the mainstream; just as some will feel the mainstream is a little watered down. For anyone with more than a casual interest in BDSM, introspection is key. Having said that, I don't feel that being a dominant is a choice anymore than enjoying a roller coaster is a choice; I figure I either will, or won't be this way. 'To' dominate, on the other hand, is a choice; I choose who, when, where, and how to dominate. I don't imagine a switch chooses to enjoy switching to any greater or lesser degree than I enjoy dominating; but the choice of role would seem to be more a reaction to the other person than any active choice to assert that role, with that person. For this reason, I can't imagine meeting a switch who was heart set in 'playing' with me, with them in the D and me in the s role (excepting, perhaps, to satisfy a 'Topping the dominant' kink) because it would be contrary to my natural personality tendencies, and likely put us into conflict. It'd also waste an opportunity to be submissive, with me, in roles that (I suspect) would be more comfortable and natural for us both.

Stephan

I am sure the openness about being a switch is as personal as any other 'intimate' choice to be open on a given trait. As a switch it feels exactly as you say: a fluid role that is defined by the parties involved. It took a lot of introspection to confess that my role is defined as a 'reaction' to the other person. That being said it does not mean that my soul would sing for joy or remain in the submissive position if the position was not, in my perspective, absolutely perfect and deserving of my submission. Other wise FORGET ABOUT IT! On the other hand the Goddess position has always made my soul sing.

http://theguidinggoddess.com

The Guiding Goddess

(in reply to Stephann)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/18/2007 2:05:22 PM

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I believe you used two mutually exclusive concepts. I don't believe in any sort of perfection, in any situation or setting. I believe in meeting, or failing to meet, expectations.

Having said that, I do agree; the only role that matters in our choice of role, is the role that we find joy in.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to theGuideGoddess)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 2/25/2007 1:12:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: steviemichael

In some minds of those in the lifestyle the choice of being a switch is one who can not decide if they are a dom or a sub or slave my choice is i am a switch this choice is not baded on confusion it is based on i am able to enjoy both world.

*raises hand meekly* There are some of us who are confused, about what to call ourselves if not what we want in our relationship(s). I consider myself a switch because while I'm fair from truly submissive, there's no way I can always be Dominant. Frankly, I hope for an equal relationship, and switch seemed to the best option under which to list myself in order to find it.

Just commenting on an interesting topic.

_____________________________

"Don't Dream It, Be It"
-Dr. Frank N. Furter
The Rocky Horror Picture Show

(in reply to steviemichael)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 3/7/2007 10:56:37 AM

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From: San Antonio, TX
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Confusion is such an amusing term when applied to a switch.

Do you like to eat or drink? What, you like both? You must be CONFUSED!

Personally, I like to bottom. Nothing that I know of will ever change that I enjoy the feel of the violet wand, flame on my flesh, rope biting into my skin and encasing me, the all over body hug of mummification, the slowly warming through my entire body of erotic spanking, the bite and sting of blades tasting my skin, or needles puncturing. I like these things, they bring me joy, pleasure, and experiences both emotional and spiritual as well as the physical.

I love to Top. I'm a sadist. I like to bring someone to tears. I like to hear whimpers of pain. I enjoy the creation of body art with rope, body paint, welts, or needles. I like to use canes, paddles, my hands, clips, clamps, weights, and someone's mind. I love the intoxication of power when someone gives control into my hands and trusts me not to kill them, wound them, break their limits. It is a craving, and a hunger, and a dizzying joy. No one that I know of will ever be able to carve those loves and desires from my psyche.

I am not "a submissive." I am HIS submissive. I do not have the desire for someone to "complete" my life, I don't long for someone to control me, I don't seek out a Dom. I do have someone in my life that I trust implicitly, whose orders I willingly obey, whose joy is my joy. I find pleasure in doing simple things for him, making him happy, in enduring pain because it pleases him, in relieving his physical pain and in doing things so that he doesn't have to do them. I trust his judgement. I am his submissive and get just as much joy from serving, submission, and obedience as does any other sub who craves a dominant - I just don't have the desire or need to submit outside of my relationship with HIM.

I am a Dominant. I like to be in control. I like giving guidance, teaching, mentoring. I like expanding someone's limits, helping him to see other points of view, helping her to experience new vistas of joy, bondage, pain, or service. I like having someone dedicated to my pleasure in life, relieving me of work, spoiling me, and listening to my judgement. I crave someone who will trust me, follow my directives, and accept my discipline when I feel he has overstepped bounds.

I am ~all~ of these things. I am not fluid. At any time, I am all of these things. At any time, I am a sadist, a submissive, a bottom, and a Top. I do not bottom to everyone, or Top everyone. I submit to only one. Around everyone else I am definitely a Dominant.

Is who I am dependent upon who I meet? Not by any means. When I meet Stephan, I will be a dominant. I will not suggest that he let me cane him, out of respect for ~his~ role. But neither will I immediately submit or ask him to tie me up.

While each person is different, and perhaps many find their role defined by who they meet and how they react to that person, I am who I am all of the time. And I am a switch, quite happily. I meet people, get to know them, and based on what I learn of them, I might ask them to engage with me for BDSM or not. I might treat them as contemporaries (sharing evil plans w/ Dom/mes, going through toyboxes with Tops) or as complimentaries (asking a Top to tie me, happily tying a bottom, discovering that a Switch wants to be pierced and I will happily be lit on fire in exchange). But I make those choices based on experience, trust, comfort levels. None of those choices change that I'm a happy lil switch at heart.

~E

(in reply to softcoresicko)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 3/7/2007 6:28:33 PM

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Being switch is simple sexual role orientation...similar to sexual and gender orientation. Lifestyle role choice is something altogether different.

Why is there still so much confusion regarding this topic? Is it that some ppl truly do not understand or is it that ppl just don't accept switch as an orientation?

MNN

(in reply to Elorin)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 3/9/2007 4:03:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
Being switch is simple sexual role orientation...similar to sexual and gender orientation. Lifestyle role choice is something altogether different.

Why is there still so much confusion regarding this topic? Is it that some ppl truly do not understand or is it that ppl just don't accept switch as an orientation?
MNN

Perhaps the "confusion" comes from those who cannot envision ever taking a role other than the one they have. And then, confusion comes from statements likes yours, above.

I am a Domme. I am his sub. That is NOT sexual role orientation. Those are both lifestyle role choices.

Many do not understand switches because they simply cannot conceive of being able to step into the other role. Their role feels natural and right, as does sticking in it and not changing. So truly, they don't understand how someone could take on both roles. And yes, there are many people that don't like accepting switches. It's similar to being reviled as a bisexual - you get to draw from both dating pools (male and female). I think switches are threatening because they are both potential partners AND competition for potential partners, for some.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 3/9/2007 6:06:37 AM

Phin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Having said that, I don't feel that being a dominant is a choice anymore than enjoying a roller coaster is a choice; I figure I either will, or won't be this way.

that almost my exact thought on "switching" I truly enjoy both ends of the whip. I was introduced to the lifestyle as a sub, but through the learning process I saw a desire to Top, and when I did the rush was as good as feeling the whip on my back.

I can never see myself "abondoning" either top or bottom. to quote the old adage I want my cake and eat it too.

(in reply to Stephann)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 3/9/2007 7:31:51 PM

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Please explain what exactly was confusing about my statement. I'd be more than happy to clarify.

MNN

(in reply to Elorin)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 3/10/2007 6:22:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
Please explain what exactly was confusing about my statement. I'd be more than happy to clarify.

Your statement is not confusing at all. It is, however, a unilateral statement about a situation that is not unilateral. While your statement may be true for YOU...and even for many of those you know...it is not true for me. And I would guess that it is not true for a fair number of other people.

Confusion is generated when those new to the lifestyle come across "statements" like this, and think they are law. Therefore, if the statement doesn't apply to them, they worry if they are wrong, or if somehow they do not understand their own desires.

Therefore statements like yours, and statements like "Switches just haven't made their minds up yet" or "switches are just greedy and want more chance to play" or "Switches are just looking for more sexual partners" all cause confusion. They may be accurate SOME of the time, but are far from being accurate ALL of the time.

~E

(in reply to MistressNoName)

RE: being a switch is a choice - 3/10/2007 2:10:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
Please explain what exactly was confusing about my statement. I'd be more than happy to clarify.

Your statement is not confusing at all. It is, however, a unilateral statement about a situation that is not unilateral. While your statement may be true for YOU...and even for many of those you know...it is not true for me. And I would guess that it is not true for a fair number of other people.

Confusion is generated when those new to the lifestyle come across "statements" like this, and think they are law. Therefore, if the statement doesn't apply to them, they worry if they are wrong, or if somehow they do not understand their own desires.

Therefore statements like yours, and statements like "Switches just haven't made their minds up yet" or "switches are just greedy and want more chance to play" or "Switches are just looking for more sexual partners" all cause confusion. They may be accurate SOME of the time, but are far from being accurate ALL of the time.

~E

Well, Elorin, here's what's confusing me. I'm not sure from your statements here exactly what you think I meant from my first post. If you could explain that then I could answer you a little better. As it is, I am left with the feeling that you may have misundertood my statement and/or my intention...and perhaps it was not entirely clear, so I would like an opportunity to clarify...as it is certainly not my intention to cause confusion and I certainly do not want to give any newcomers the wrong or any misleading ideas about thing.

Thanks

MNN

Edited to take a stab at where I think the "confusion" may be coming in.

first let me say I am using the word "orientation" to indicate who/what/how one is...just as in gender orientation one person identifies as male another female another bi-gendered, another intersexed, yet another trangendered and so forth. With sexual orientation, one person identifies as straight, another gay another lesbian another bi and so forth to varying degrees...To me then sexual role orientation is how a person defines themself along sexual role continuuum - bottom, top, dom, sub, master, slave, owner, property, daddy, girl, mommy, boy, pony, puppy...so on and so forth. But as you so clearly pointed out in your first post, how on identifies oneself is not necessarily the Lifestyle role they choose to play or live at any particular time or with a particular person or persons. So, I'm not so sure that I am saying anything so different from what you have said. Except I do think there is such a thing as sexual role orientation vs Lifestyle role choice.

MNN

< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 3/10/2007 2:21:12 PM >

(in reply to Elorin)

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