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Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/11/2005 1:20:13 PM   
FragileRose


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In real life, nobody enjoys being humiliated or embarrassed. In BDSM some people immensely enjoy erotic humiliation and embarrassment. I don't know is there is a gender bias or not - I read somewhere for instance that women submissives often do not respond well to verbal humiliation, perhaps because women have to take it up to the chin every day. I had a furious knee jerk reaction a month ago when my Master asked if he could introduce me to someone as his "slave" yet some people love being identified this way even if they are not in fact slaves. Yes, my Master pushes my limits in the humiliation arena in other ways, and I either am neutral or enjoy it.

I would love to hear from others on several sub-topics: 1) What kinds of humiliation and embarrassement do you enjoy the most? 2) Are you able to deal directly with your Master/submissive to clear up those times when humiliation and embarrassment are perceived as cruel rather than exciting - recognizing that some people will enjoy cruelty, but many don't. 3) Can you identify any specific benefits to being humiliated or embarrassed - for instance, learning to be less sensitive and enjoying being out of control when it is happening.

For some people, humiliation and embarrassment may be too close to Sadism for comfort. I am especially interested in hearing from non-Masochists involved in D/s relationships for whom humiliation and embarrassment may be challenging or exciting.


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RE: Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/11/2005 4:04:54 PM   
MrThorns


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FragileRose

In real life, nobody enjoys being humiliated or embarrassed. In BDSM some people immensely enjoy erotic humiliation and embarrassment.


I consider BDSM to be a part of my real life, but you are entirely correct in that some people really enjoy humiliation, even if it isn't "erotic".

quote:


I don't know is there is a gender bias or not - I read somewhere for instance that women submissives often do not respond well to verbal humiliation, perhaps because women have to take it up to the chin every day.


From my experiences, I have yet to play with a submissive that didn't enjoy some form of verbal humiliation. Terms like, "Slut" "Whore" "Fuck puppet" "Pig" and the like seem to have quite the opposite reaction. I am aware that there are plenty of women out there that do not enjoy humiliation in any form, but again, this is from my own experiences.

As far as women having to take it "up to the chin every day" I'm curious about how many women agree with that statement. I know sexual harassment still runs fairly rampant in our society, but I highly doubt that any of the women I know, submissive or not, would put up with that for a second.



quote:


1) What kinds of humiliation and embarrassement do you enjoy the most?

In conducting humiliation type scenes, I perfer verbal. I also enjoy taking a girl shopping while she's wearing a remote vibe and turning it on while she asks some clerk a question. Hours of fun...and well...she really seems to enjoy it too.
quote:


2) Are you able to deal directly with your Master/submissive to clear up those times when humiliation and embarrassment are perceived as cruel rather than exciting - recognizing that some people will enjoy cruelty, but many don't.

Perceived by whom? And what is cruelty? Many would suggest that it is cruel to whip someone with a flogger until their back and ass is raw. I think having to listen to Country music is cruel and unusual. Also, I'm curious about what you mean by "clear up those times". If you suggest that the slave gets her way because she perceived my actions as cruel...well then the answer is a definate "no." But if you are suggesting that a slave has the opportunity to speak with me about her concerns, well then absolutely.
quote:


3) Can you identify any specific benefits to being humiliated or embarrassed - for instance, learning to be less sensitive and enjoying being out of control when it is happening.


Freedom. Total release of control into the hands of another. Obedience training. Trust building. Bonding between Master and slave. (Just to name a few)
quote:


For some people, humiliation and embarrassment may be too close to Sadism for comfort. I am especially interested in hearing from non-Masochists involved in D/s relationships for whom humiliation and embarrassment may be challenging or exciting.


I'm still of the belief that sadism exists in all D/s relationships. It's simply that many people simply don't seem to see it for what it is....but that's another topic. I'm very interested in hearing what others have to say.

Take care,

~Thorns






_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

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RE: Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/11/2005 5:35:19 PM   
FragileRose


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quote:

I'm still of the belief that sadism exists in all D/s relationships. It's simply that many people simply don't seem to see it for what it is....but that's another topic. I'm very interested in hearing what others have to say.


Real life, I meant in our ordinary dealings with bosses, the milkman, the person ringing up our groceries, most people don't enjoy being humiliated. Gender bias: Hard to know if all women take it up to the chin every day, but you have to walk a mile in a woman's shoes to find out.

It is off topic, but not entirely. I am not an expert in Sadism, nor do I claim to be. I am probing because this topic interests me and because erotic humiliation is an entirely new experience for me. I am interested in hearing that you think Sadism is part of all D/s relationships. My own experience is very limited, but isn't it usually the case that it is mostly masochists that enjoy and seek out the infliction of heavy duty pain at the hands of a Sadist? Many submissives are not masochists. I personally dislike mental, physical and emotional pain intensely. Humiliation can be very subtle, creative and inventive, but not necessarily painful. In a sense, humiliation is a heightened level of awareness about an issue that rattles my cage. Done properly, it can be a mind expanding experience. If humiliation is painful and the submissive expresses her feelings about being in pain, then it seems to me the Dominant would immediately stop the behavior. At leat, my friend and Mentor stopped immediately and apologized when I became upset about the idea of being introduced as a slave. Other submissives of his had loved this title. To keep going on a path of humiliation after being told that language or behavior is genuinely hurtful suggests that one is in the hands of a person that wants to inflict pain without regards for the recipient's feelings. That works for some people, especially for a Sadist and a masochist.




< Message edited by FragileRose -- 3/11/2005 5:45:27 PM >

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RE: Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/11/2005 6:19:55 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FragileRose
In real life, nobody enjoys being humiliated or embarrassed.

I don’t know if that statement is accurate. Probably most don’t. Sometimes people adore it. A little example is once I was in a hardware store with a male friend who knows about my kink but is not really kinky himself (well he is a little curious, but not so keen). As I walked towards the aisle with the spools of rope, I motioned a young male clerk over. I indicated that I wanted to purchase 15 metres of rope and when he asked me which kind, I turned and looked my male friend up and down and then looked back at the clerks and said “one that doesn’t leave rope burns”. Both boys had blush red cheeks. I finally put the clerk out of his misery and told him 0.5cm silk rope. He stayed red the whole time he measured out the rope. To this day, my friend goes around and tells mutual friends how “humiliating” it was when I did that to him, but he laughs about it. Did he really hate it? I mean, that was non-consensual humiliation play on my part… tsk tsk. ;-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FragileRose
In BDSM some people immensely enjoy erotic humiliation and embarrassment. I don't know is there is a gender bias or not - I read somewhere for instance that women submissives often do not respond well to verbal humiliation, perhaps because women have to take it up to the chin every day.

I’ve met many submissive women who react very well to humiliation. They also say that this type of humiliation play has helped them get stronger in every day life. Personally, I never take it on the chin. If I see a swing coming towards me, I’m usually pretty good at diverting. And if they actually get one in, it’s their balls <weg>.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FragileRose
1) What kinds of humiliation and embarrassement do you enjoy the most?

I prefer mental/physical humiliation over verbal, though now and then, verbal can be fun. I just find sometimes the verbal humiliation is too easy, especially if it's just insults. Another important factor for humiliation play is getting inside the submissive’s head. The most successful humiliation play I have had was when I understood what exactly was humiliating to my sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FragileRose
2) Are you able to deal directly with your Master/submissive to clear up those times when humiliation and embarrassment are perceived as cruel rather than exciting - recognizing that some people will enjoy cruelty, but many don't.

I find it’s important to gage just how much humiliation a sub can handle. For some, pushing humiliation limits, even if it goes into the difficult to do, hard to swallow category, just going through with it is a rush. For others, there are very strong boundaries that I don’t dare push.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FragileRose
3) Can you identify any specific benefits to being humiliated or embarrassed - for instance, learning to be less sensitive and enjoying being out of control when it is happening.

As I said earlier on, some subs I know say that it make them stronger and more resilient in every day life. For others, it gives them a sense of security.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FragileRose
For some people, humiliation and embarrassment may be too close to Sadism for comfort. I am especially interested in hearing from non-Masochists involved in D/s relationships for whom humiliation and embarrassment may be challenging or exciting.

Though I am Sadistic, not all my subs are masochists. Most of them do however enjoy a good dose of humiliation play.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/11/2005 6:50:43 PM   
FragileRose


Posts: 58
Joined: 3/6/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I prefer mental/physical humiliation over verbal, though now and then, verbal can be fun. I just find sometimes the verbal humiliation is too easy, especially if it's just insults. Another important factor for humiliation play is getting inside the submissive’s head. The most successful humiliation play I have had was when I understood what exactly was humiliating to my sub.


This hit the nail on the head for me. As I made clear, my experience is limited. But, it can become very interesting when the Dom (male/female) loves this sort of play and the submissive serves by "confessing" what she/he finds humiliating. It can be liberating to admit that something is humiliating or embarrassing rather than hiding it if you trust the person enough.

< Message edited by FragileRose -- 3/11/2005 6:52:43 PM >

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RE: Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/11/2005 8:31:17 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


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That's the best part for me. I'm such a secure person in most ways, knowing how to humiliate me is a challenge, it takes being able to lock into me perfectly and knowing just how to twist things around.

How? Doesn't really matter, though suffice to say most sexual ways people get humiliated by are like water off a duck's back to me.

When someone can do that...it's heaven.

I call it a burning. Love/hate.

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RE: Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/11/2005 8:41:58 PM   
proudsub


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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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Here are a few of the numerous threads on humiliation that might interest you:

public humiliation

verbal humiliation

humiliation

question on humiliation

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/12/2005 9:01:16 AM   
FragileRose


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Thank you for the citations, proudsub!

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RE: Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/12/2005 9:38:25 AM   
darkinshadows


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Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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quote:

In real life, nobody enjoys being humiliated or embarrassed.


I think that it depends how important you see someones opinion. Humiliation in 'real-life' doesnt bother me. Because I don't see humiliation, I simply see it as someone trying to exert an authority over me. And if I do not accept their authority, I don't get humiliated. Simple as that.

So when I am humiliated, thats a consensual act. Does it happen in real life? Sure. But not as often as some people may like.


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.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: Erotic Humiliation and Embarrassment: Weighing In? - 3/13/2005 1:58:03 PM   
pantyslave


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Joined: 2/20/2004
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my mistress humiliates me in many ways.
During her time of the month, I have to wear a special pair of panties which has 10 thick pads in it. This is then held tight by a tight girdle.. I must wear this to work and home. I have a tendency to stay away from the guys on these days.

While excort my Mistress/wife shopping, i must rear a tigt bra, panties, garterbelt and stockings under my male clothes, or sometimes she will dildo me and put the pad panties on. Other times she will made me wear a diaper with pads. Anything to get rid of my male walk(gait). I think the women sense it because they always are more attentive to ne when I am being humiliated, i get a lot of smiles......

When she has vanilla friends over, she will make me suck on piss ice cubes that she has made for me or she has made me make for her use. Or she will tie me in the closet and shut the door and parade her friends in the bedroom, them not knowing I am tied in sissy clothes and gagged(safely).

just a few

pantyslave in Md.

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