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RE: Does Age Matter? - 3/26/2004 12:16:07 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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"A 19 year old who proclaims himself master and proceeds to take a slave or slaves is probably heading for trouble, and so are the slaves. I know that nobody wants to hear or acknowledge it, but the mundane truth is that you need to have your own life together, and be pretty damn savvy about human nature and the day to day dynamics of dominance and submission to successfully own a slave or be a full time dominant to a collared sub."

agreed.
however i feel that people who have dominant desires should be just as free to explore and get a feel for what they can and want to do as are submissives.
i feel that young dominants are often dismissed as needing more of everything before they should even start experamenting. i wonder how someone gets that experience if no one is willing to try things with them.

i would and have accept(ed) a collar from someone my age or younger, however i would under no circumstances be a full-time slave to someone that young, for the very reasons mentioned. we simply -don't- have ourselves figured out at this age.

however, for part-time submissives and dominants, or for ones in relationships without 100% power exchange, i think that age is not necessarially as much a barrier as it is made out to be. i honestly think i prefer partners with the same level of experience as i, because i find them much less intimidating.

(in reply to BlackGoddess)

Post #: 41

RE: Does Age Matter? - 3/26/2004 6:03:15 PM

Leonidas

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Joined: 2/16/2004
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You answered your own question quite well. A young man (or woman) who has natural dominant tendencies does have to start somewhere. Your assessment that the place to start probably isn't in a TPE relationship is right. There is nothing at all wrong with you playing with someone your own age who doesn't know any more than you do, as long as you both have some respect for the fact that you are inexperienced. Don't be surprised though if you find that the experience of submission in play will make you want more before your young partner is ready to offer it.

I can't encourage you strongly enough to seek out community to help both you and your partner learn to play well and safely. Your young partner isn't going to do much damage with his bare hand on your ass if you want to experiment with spanking, or by tying you up (as long as you aren't in a position where circulation or breathing is at risk), or by playing around with less hazardous toys like clamps, restraints, blind-folds, butt-plugs, etc. If you want to progress toward heavier forms of play, do yourselves a favor and go to a workshop or two, and find some experienced people to talk to about the things that you want to try.

May you have a long and wonderful adventure in front of you.

Leonidas

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 42

RE: Does Age Matter? - 4/15/2004 3:51:25 PM

SarcasticBitch

Posts: 10
Joined: 3/6/2004
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I was 19 years old when I started in this lifestyle. I at the time thought I might be submissive because pain made me happy to a degree. I started gaming with a friend who I found out was also into the lifestyle, I told him I was a submissve and I've never heard someone laugh so much in my life. He took me under his wing, and guided me through the process of weilding a flogger. It took about a year before I was deemed ready to hit a real person. At around that time, I met my now husband, who was very strongly interested in the lifestyle. So we learned together how to be a good Dominant and a good submissive.

So yes I think it is possible to be a Dominant at 19, and hopefully most will have the wisdom required to realize that they can't really be an experienced Dom at that age. I still hear from a lot of people that I'm too young at 27 to be a good Domme, without knowing anything more about me than that I'm under 30.

Trinity

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 43

RE: Does Age Matter? - 4/15/2004 6:40:35 PM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
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Whether Dominant or submissive there are those of us who were literally born into the lifestyle. I can't speak for some of those I have seen here on collarme, or other sites, but I was, and by the time I was in my late teens I was active in the lifestyle as a very Dominant Mistress. Of course I didn't have the skill and the wisdom then, that I do now, but I certainly wasn't a "newbie". I also had strong lifestyle figures to reference at that time.

I don't believe that age qualifies one as a good Dom/Domme, but rather experience, knowledge, and application. Not to mention considering what were the influences surrounding that experience, knowledge and application? One can't simply single out one factor and say "there it is!".

I was a mother at 14. True story, I had my son at home, alone. He was 10 pounds 2 ounces, beautiful and healthy. Now if I had never been around children, and had no experience at all, what is the probability that I would have been able to pull that off? Luck may have been on my side, but the probability would have been slim to none. However I was the second oldest of 14 children, and my Mam was a midwife, so I knew what I was doing.

It's not always about age. Knowledge, which we acquire a little more every single day; skill, and confidence.

No matter how much experience we have, how much we know, every experience is actually unique and we learn something. That's the way it is, which makes forums just like this pretty darn cool. I'm always learning.

< Message edited by LadyBeckett -- 4/16/2004 10:05:46 AM >

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Post #: 44

RE: Does Age Matter? - 4/16/2004 8:54:23 AM

Voltare

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From: Santiago, Chile
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You better believe it matters.

Stephan

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(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 45

RE: Does Age Matter? - 4/16/2004 3:31:12 PM

GoddessMarissa

Posts: 247
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Las Vegas NV
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I personally think what matters is the level of maturity, not age. All different individuals mature at different rates. I myself started exepting donations at 18. As the years went on I had become more understanding to my own needs as well as my slaves. I became sexually active at a very young age, so I feel that I matured much faster than others. I had my first expirence with D/S 12 years ago. I felt so powerful and loved being in control, I guess you could say I have had some control issues even before my first expirence. I can say I am now a Pro Dom at 25. I did not start pro, it came in time and expirence. I do have a hard time believing that someone could be a pro dom at 19. She probably would like to get to that level. Personally, I dont think someone could have enough expirence to be a pro at the age of 19.

< Message edited by GoddessMarissa -- 4/16/2004 5:43:03 PM >

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Post #: 46

It's about maturity - 5/6/2004 11:30:35 AM

1Cowboy

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I think it has to do with maturity, especially for a Dom, and also, but not quite as much, for a sub. Some people are fairly mature at 18-22, some at 30something, some later, some NEVER mature. Enough said.
Cowboy

(in reply to MrKing)

Post #: 47

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/7/2004 10:56:01 PM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

I have a topic that may invoke some interest. Does age matter for a Dom or Domme? I bring this up because the other day I saw a Dom online who was 19 years old. Is that possible?

The circumstantial logical fallacy applies to this discussion.

Although 19 years old (to me) implies 2 things.

1) The person does not have a particularly vast education or worldview, generally. However, a former boss of mine earned his PhD at 16, so there are exceptions to the education level. Additionally, the person may have spent their childhood in Bosnia and know a lot more about certain aspects of life than I would ever want to know.

2) The person has a certain level of biological maturity which will influence their decision making. I use the term "influence" gingerly, because people do not all have the same biological influences.

It does not, however make it impossible for them to be a Dominant.

This may just be me, the problem with speaking in infinitives (no 19 year old can be a Dom/Domme) is that anybody can throw in an example of a 19 year old Dom/Domme that would prove the infinitive wrong.

The rule I tend to go with is to judge the person a) as a discrete individual and b) based on what they DO, not on what they are (19 years old).

Sinergy

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(in reply to MrKing)

Post #: 48

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/9/2004 3:50:20 PM

MsNikki13

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Joined: 5/5/2004
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I've found it very common for many people to call themselves Dom or Domme when what they really want is to be top in kinky sex. I've also heard tell from many submissve fems that some men calling themselves Dom are only Dom because it's the only way they can get a date. I'm sure there are Dommes the same. It's easy to hang a shingle and state you're anything you want to be. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a giant marker warning us all? I've found the same issue with subs.

But I digress. I agree with Mz Suz when she states we need to let them explore. If we can do nothing else, we may open a few more eyes and thoughts. We may bring a few more people to understanding.

Anyone can call themselves anything, but all of us have the choice to be served by them, or in the 19 yo Dom cased, to serve them.

Ms

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 49

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/10/2004 7:03:23 AM

nysub29

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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I think we all progress and evolve differently and that would make age irrelevant. Our life experiences dictate a lot of who we are and it is conceivable that a 19 year old would be mature and knowledgable enough to be a Domme.
I agree that it is best to look at the individual and not the age. I am certain there are plenty of 19 year olds who aren't mature enough but I think we could find some 30 or 40 year olds who aren't either.

< Message edited by nysub29 -- 5/10/2004 7:05:37 AM >

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(in reply to MsNikki13)

Post #: 50

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/10/2004 8:11:53 AM

DivanDaddy

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Joined: 4/5/2004
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With age comes wisdom, the ability to discern sincerity from deceit and within this lifestyle - years only make a more well rounded person, in our opinion. For some, age does matter - in our case - we definitely know much, much more than when we started some 25+ years ago, but it depends on the persons and their ability to mold their experiences, at any age, into positive character traits..

Diva & Daddy
http://www.deliciousdecadence.com/

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(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 51

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/13/2004 8:32:33 PM

CruelDomina

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Joined: 4/29/2004
Status: offline

It is maturity that matters, not age. HOWEVER, no teenager can possibly have the depth of self-awareness and life experience to really understand the profound psychological aspect that draws so many of us to this lifestyle. Many pro Dommes are very young girls..but they "play" at it....anyone can learn a "role" and act it out, if being paid to do so. So My vote is NO...it takes life experience, deep self awareness and maturity to do the real deal.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 52

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/13/2004 10:08:33 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

i still want to know how one gets the experience.

say you CAN'T be dominant untill your 30. do you suddenly turn 30 and get that ability? say you are draw to dominance from the time your a kid-can you learn about it from then on?

i agree that emotional maturity -must- come first, but if one is unable to be a dominant untill one is older, where does the experience that older dominants are supposed to have come from?

is the same true for submissive? are submissive people unable to be "truly" submissive untill they are older?

(in reply to CruelDomina)

Post #: 53

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/14/2004 5:54:32 AM

Thanatosian

Posts: 765
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

i still want to know how one gets the experience.

one gets the experience by doing research, whether online or from books, and from attending munches and lectures,as well as demos and play parties (where one can gain 'hands on' experience in new techniques under the guidance and supervision of more experienced doms)

one also get experience by practicing - with inanimate objects at first (pillows, balloons, fruits and vegetables, etc.) and then gradually working ones way up to live human flesh - this mainly applies to the striking instruments (floggers, whips, crops, etc.)

as I have stated on another thread, I *NEVER* use a toy (with the exception of insertables) on a sub that I have not first tested on myself - so that I know from experience how it feels - and I never use equipment I am unfamiliar with or have not practiced with ( to me this falls under the safe and sane parts of SSC )

I also wish to state that there have been times in the past ( as I am sure there will be in the future ) that I have learned a new technique or how to properly use something from a younger dom - but on the flip side of that, he also learned some new things.

Guess it boils down to - my opinion on 'can a 19 year old be a dom?' - my answer would have to be it depends - it depends on many things - his/her level of maturity, emotional development, 'experience' to name a few

one more thing - I learned very young (6 years old) that bondage and discipline interested me - have been active in the lifestyle since I was 16 - was I a 'good' dom at that age? looking back, I would have to say not really - but then again i wasnt really doing any of the harsher aspects of the lifestyle - just tying a girls hands behind her and giving her a spanking, for the most part - or maybe tying her to the bed while I fucked her - it was as I got older and more knowledgeable and experienced (and more 'kinky') that I grew into my role as a master.

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(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 54

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/14/2004 8:46:13 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

you pretty much just summed up exactly what i think :)

and said it better than i can. thank you.

(in reply to Thanatosian)

Post #: 55

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/14/2004 9:43:14 AM

WormWood78

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/12/2004
Status: offline

Hi All,

I personally believe that age isn't so much a factor as much as maturity, emotional well being, and experience. I found that I started learning about our lifestyle when I was really young. That allowed me to find out who/what I am pretty early in my life (being that I’m only 25 now).

Mind you, I wouldn't say that I know everything there is to know about BDSM. I also freely admit and excited about there being so much else to learn. But I am comfortable enough with myself with the skill sets I do have to confidently proclaim myself as a Dominate. And I fully know what I can and cannot do (yet).

Personally I have found that a large portion of the BDSM community is older then myself, and once they learn of my age automatically makes an assumptions about me. Not all, but a large portion does.

Just my view of the topic..

-MM-

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 56

RE: Does Age Matter? - 5/14/2004 12:38:02 PM

Sinergy

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

one gets the experience by doing research, whether online or from books, and from attending munches and lectures,as well as demos and play parties (where one can gain 'hands on' experience in new techniques under the guidance and supervision of more experienced doms)

The sad thing is that many who are drawn to this lifestyle do not take the dangers inherent in a lot of it seriously. To them, it is all kinky fun and they only realize the danger (if they ever do) when the end up in jail or the emergency room or...

And as a martial arts instructor for years, I wont use a toy or weapon on a person that I have not practiced with until I feel it is an extension of my own body.

Sinergy

_____________________________

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David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

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(in reply to WormWood78)

Post #: 57

RE: Does Age Matter? - 10/27/2005 12:46:47 AM

TheChastiser

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From: Hemel Hempstead
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one of course cannot really be what is considered an 'experienced' dominant at a young age because experience is gained over time. however, one can of course be considered 'dominant' at any age if such a posture is part of a persons nature.

in the case of the person you commented on, i guess the important thing is that he isnt pretending to be something he is not, which in this lifestyle is not really an age issue as many seem to do this. so, if he stated he was a dominant thats fine, however if he stated he was a very experienced one, i would have my doubts.

Mike

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(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 58

RE: Does Age Matter? - 11/12/2005 11:12:02 AM

badkitty123

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I agree with those of you who said age does matter. I prefer men with experience, and that usually implies they have been around for a while.

(in reply to Toya)

Post #: 59

RE: Does Age Matter? - 11/12/2005 12:05:23 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Yes, too young, they havent even lived life yet. No major life experiences in anything. But they come on the interent and they see and read things and POOF! they are a dom or sub or a slave.

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Post #: 60

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