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RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/10/2005 10:10:57 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Rayne:

I wish you and your Master well. Kidney Disease is a very hard thing to live with. I also have a kidney disease, altho not nearly as serious as your Masters.

I am offering you a link to a site I have found informative and helpful. There is a Message Board on this site and may be a source of support for you and for He. This site is for dialysis, since you mention he may be going thru that first. I will search my files for info on online MB regarding transplants also if it would be of any help to you.

One thing I would like to mention is that you may want to ask your MD if " at home/self dialysis" is available in Austrailia. I do know it is available in Canada and a few other countries, but not the US. There is alot of documentation that this is far more successful than " conventional" dialysis and is done at night while you are asleep. Much more convenient, as well as being more effective, as you diallyze every night and not on a cyclical basis.

http://www.davita.com/bbs/

maybemaybenot

< Message edited by maybemaybenot -- 10/11/2005 4:14:39 AM >

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/11/2005 1:06:42 PM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello Rayne,
I'm glad you can be strong for your Master when he can't be. I think a good sub wants what's best for her Master and sometimes that's by making sure he's doing what he needs to do to take care of his self. He's very lucky to have you.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/11/2005 5:16:33 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		THANK YOU so much for that link maybemaybenot, I have skimmed the boards and when I have more time I will sit down and read them more thoroughly. It does help to know I am not the only one out there

Master is on home dialysis (peritoneal) and has been for about 4-5 years now. He first got peritonitis in June last year and then the original catheter fell out. The new one worked for a few months but since April it's seemed to be a continuous cycle of infection

He started on oral Rifampicin (antibiotic) yesterday but it's upset His tummy so He's going to try and take it with food and see if that makes any difference. Years of oral pain meds plus a hiatus hernia have made His tummy very sensitive (nausea, bloating ) He has meds to help control it but being diabetic He has to have food regularly and sometimes even the thought of eating makes Him feel yuck. The last time He was ill He didn't eat solid food for 3 days and survived on barley sugars and fruit juice to keep His sugar levels up. In the end I bought some soup in a cup and that seemed to help.

Anyone got any suggestions for light meals suitable for a diabetic with a sensitive tummy.....

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/11/2005 5:38:40 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		RICE... RICE... RICE.. and more RICE !!!! LOL

Seriously Rayne.. Rice meals sound heavy, but they are the best light meals for you when you have a bad stomach... I know he has to be careful with carbs related to the diabetes < i use to be a nurse> But, Chicken rice soup,, home made with celery and carrots and fresh parsley..... Cook some rice in Chicken broth and diced chciken. Cook some rice in beef broth and add a little browned hamburger. There is also a type of noodle called Rice Stick.. you can find it in Asian markets.. It is a very fine noodle and can be cooked in many ways.. It is light and tastes yummy.. I make mine curried , which would not be good for your Master, cooked in vegatable broth with a few teaspoons of ginger sauce is very good and ginger is good on a bad tummy.

I have a good " online friend " who is the Master of Renal diets and can hook me up with some recipes and sites I can send to you. He and I share the same disease and " met" on a message board similar to the one i sent you.. there are a lot of good people who have great info on those type sites. Feel free to post here or e mail me and I will try to help in.
any small way with the Dibaetic/renal diet situation.

Just a thought.. if the antibiotic is upsetting his belly badly, maybe a call to his MD to see if there is another one that can be interchanged. Also.. There is a compounded drug here in the US.... used to treat irritractable nasuea and vomitting, that may also be available in Austrailia. I am pretty sure it would be because it is 4 common medicatons combined into one gel.. that you rub on his wrist and it is absorbed that way. I use to use it on my patients about 1/2 hour before meals and they could eat a little better and not have that dread of food syndrome.

It is called ABHR Gel
it contains A= ativan B= benedryl H=haldol R= reglan

I know the Ativan and Haldol component sound scary, but both are being currently used for treatment of gastric problems. They use them in what is called " out of class" use. Just like Depakote is used out of class to treat people with anger management issues and bi polar disorder, when it's classification is anticonvulsant.
Hope this is helpful.. Good Luck

maybemaybenot

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/11/2005 5:39:28 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

Hello Rayne,
I'm glad you can be strong for your Master when he can't be. I think a good sub wants what's best for her Master and sometimes that's by making sure he's doing what he needs to do to take care of his self. He's very lucky to have you.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne


*smiles* Thank you suzanne I have surprised myself with just how strong I am when I have to be. Master and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He has said He is blessed to have me in His life. He also says I must really be a pain slut to put up with what I have over that time.

*As you can tell He has a great sense of humour despite all He has to go through!*

(in reply to plantlady64)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/11/2005 10:25:40 PM   
hurtgame


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/25/2005
Status: offline 		All I can say is good luck to you both. I am a sub and I have fibromyalgia and endrometrotis. Both can be very painful at times and frequenlty makes sex painful and very difficult to get into some position (ie: like on my knees) I have never been with a master during really serious bouts of these illness (both tend to have bad flairs that can last hours to months to years) I did have a dome for 2 years when endro was bad and he was great!

I give you kottoes for working this out together. I wish the best to both of you!

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/19/2005 6:56:04 AM   
Prunesquallor


Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58
Anyone got any suggestions for light meals suitable for a diabetic with a sensitive tummy.....


Ice cream is always useful when you can't eat anything else.

When it comes to hypos, and refusing to take a glucose drink, my daughter discovered that the one thing that would work with me was the sentence: "Ok Dad, I will have to call the ambulance now and they will take you to hospital." The word 'hospital' has an instant effect.

Good luck to you.

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/19/2005 7:50:40 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58
Anyone got any suggestions for light meals suitable for a diabetic with a sensitive tummy.....


Ice cream is always useful when you can't eat anything else.

When it comes to hypos, and refusing to take a glucose drink, my daughter discovered that the one thing that would work with me was the sentence: "Ok Dad, I will have to call the ambulance now and they will take you to hospital." The word 'hospital' has an instant effect.

Good luck to you.


Oh yes "hospital" is a dirty word around here too I do have ice cream here and I make thickshakes with flavoured milk which He can sip slowly if tummy is doing flip flops. I wish He would eat yoghurt but he absolutely hates it even the flavoured ones.

We've given up on the antibiotic it's just not worth it. He is supposed to take it for 6 weeks as a precautionary measure. Imagine feeling like crap for that long plus the time it will take to recover from taking it.

He had an angiogram on Tuesday which has revealed blockages in His coronary arteries. The follow up appointment is next Wednesday when we will find out what will be done - they mentioned either stents or bypass surgery. I hope they choose the stents it is less invasive, even though it will mean more than one stay in the hospital it will only be for overnight as opposed to several days. His back plays up so badly in those beds - after the angio He had to lie still for 2 hours and He was in absolute agony even though they gave Him enough medication to knock out a horse. I stood beside the bed with my hand pushing on His back which was supported by a pillow, that was the only thing which eased it.

The worst thing now is no sex for 3-4 days after the angio - He cheated this morning though and had a blowjob, He figured as long as I did all the work it would be ok. Didn't Clinton say that blowjobs don't count?? j/k

(in reply to Prunesquallor)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/19/2005 7:52:21 PM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		<*smiles* Thank you suzanne I have surprised myself with just how strong I am when I have to be. Master and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He has said He is blessed to have me in His life. He also says I must really be a pain slut to put up with what I have over that time.

*As you can tell He has a great sense of humour despite all He has to go through!* >

----------------------------------------------------

Hi Rayne58,

Your Master is truly blessed to have you as his partner. This is the first thread in a long time that really warmed my heart though saddens it a bit because of all the two of you are going through. But the two of you are a testiment to what love is all about. My prayers are with you both and I hope everything works out and your Master's health improves greatly soon.

Hugs to you and your Master,

Rosa

< Message edited by RosaB -- 10/20/2005 4:09:42 PM >

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 10/20/2005 2:01:55 PM   
Prunesquallor


Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

The worst thing now is no sex for 3-4 days after the angio - He cheated this morning though and had a blowjob, He figured as long as I did all the work it would be ok. Didn't Clinton say that blowjobs don't count?? j/k


When doctors prohibit sex, I often wonder whether they do so with a wry smile. I remember when I had a vasectomy, they told me no sex for three weeks. In the event, we managed 20 minutes. :)

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 8/23/2006 6:39:37 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		Ok I am bumping this thread up (because I can )

Since my last post on here (October last year, how time flies) Master has had to give up peritoneal dialysis and go on to haemodialysis at the hospital 3 mornings a week. It happened on Feb 3 (His birthday of all days) when He got peritonitis again when He was just finishing the antibiotics from the bout before. That's when we knew things were getting worse for Him. He ended up in hospital for 5 days during which the catheter in His tummy was removed and a vascath put in His chest to allow Him to be connected to the machine which cleans His blood. That is the best way I know how to describe it, the dialysis also removes excess fluid which He cannot excrete normally.

Since then He's had two more surgeries to create a fistula so needles can be inserted in His forearm for connection to the machine. We are both learning how to set up machine ourselves (well I am doing it!) and how to set up the trolley and eventually cannulate Him ourselves. They want to teach Him first because He is going to have more difficulty with it than I will - right now He can't even look at the needles going in His arm much less do it Himself. He freely admits to being a wuss when it comes to needles (oh how lucky I am that He isn't into needle play! ) He spends 4 1/2 hours on the machine, plus setting up and getting on and off takes another couple of hours altogether.

We have also decided not to go ahead with getting Him on the list for a transplant. We talked with the surgeon and together with His other health problems there would be a less than 50% chance of a successful outcome even if He were to make it through the testing. We didn't like those odds. So we have decided to just carry on with things as they are. He is a lot better these days now He isn't dealing with infections all the time, plus we have more free time now that we don't have to get home at night to get Him on the other machine.

He had an angioplasty in December, and has recovered well from that. One artery needed a stent put in, and He's now on blood thinning medication. That was one good thing about the hope of a transplant, they caught the heart disease before He had any symptoms.

His other meds have changed. He was having too many hypos on dialysis days plus His sugars were too high on other days. He's now on a long acting insulin injected once a day plus a short acting one to take at mealtimes if the sugar is over a certain level. Some days He only has to have the one needle (he's all for that ) New blood pressure pills as well (and more of them) - I'm sure He rattles!

He gave up smoking too when He got ill in February, and I have just joined the gym and He is making an effort to get out and walk to help keep His weight in check. Bad knees are a problem there, but we both went and got our feet measured and bought quality sport shoes so hopefully He'll be able to walk a bit further. We want to have as much time together as we can

*Gee I have written another novel*

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 11/3/2006 9:31:27 PM   
prefer2sub


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/24/2004
Status: offline 		As a caretaker of my elderly mom, I think you are doing a MARVELOUS job taking care of your Dom. you serve Him well by doing all you do, but never not take time for yourself. I'm doing that this weekend and next by housesitting for a friend.  Fortunately for me, Mom is able to be alone for short periods of time so I am able to get away and have time to myself.

My very best wishes to the two of you and may God look over you both.

Sincerely,
J/jenn

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 11/19/2006 9:21:07 PM   
Lenis


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		I am a Dominant living with disabilities and have had mixed results with people.   Some tend to stay away when I tell them I am disabled at a young age, never bothering to learn the full story.  Others think I am not much of a Dominant or a horrible masochist (I am one) because I would complain about pain.   I mean, being 32 and on full disability is not something one see's every day.

Living with a disability is all about adapting, for both involved.   Over the course of 20 yrs or so had to adapt in how I walked, put on shoes and sneakers, reached for things to playing with others.  One great thing about humans is this ability to adapt, and you never know the best session you have ever been in could be from a Dominant or submissive/slave with a disability because you have to think outside the box for something.

-Brian

(in reply to prefer2sub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 11/20/2006 12:51:16 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58
My Master has diabetes which has caused His kidneys to fail. He is on peritoneal dialysis at home and does not feel well much of the time. He is not eligible for a transplant.

My local centers transplant diabetics with ESRF (end stage renal failure) all of the time!  I'm betting there is something I'm not hearing here that would cause him to be ineligible for a renal transplant.  (The situation *might* be different there Sydney, but I can't say for certain until I get on the horn with some of my colleagues down there.)

Transplant is an acceptable treatment and preferred by insurers to the long term prospect of HD or PD.  Unfortunately, not every transplant center (read: hospital administration) will accept higher acuity patients because they tend to have a less favorable graft and patient survival rate.

I strongly encourage you to challenge another transplant center and his healthcare team to FIND a transplant center who will accept his case.  If you need help or direction on this, specifically, finding a center more aggressive in his type of medical management, please contact me on the other side.  I'd be happy to provide you with my personal website on organ donor awareness and advocacy for recipients and transplant candidates.  In the meantime, some generic resources for you:
Transplant Australia Ltd is the national support organization for transplant and donation in AU.
http://www.transplant.org.au/Home.aspx
Kidney Health Australia (it's like our National Kidney Foundation here in the states, and offers alot of support information for families of renal patients.)
http://www.kidney.org.au/

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 11/20/2006 1:25:16 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Edited because I'm apparently really behind on this thread!

I'm sorry that you've decided not to go the transplant route, however, relieved that his heart disease was found before it caused untoward problems for the both of you.

One thing to suggest -- has his care team brought up the possibility of an insulin pump?
http://www.minimed.com/pumptherapy/
http://www.insulin-pumpers.org/

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 11/20/2006 2:09:42 AM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 11/20/2006 1:53:25 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Just hugs ya Rayne, (you already know I've been through what your going thru and can empathize)...I think some of the best advice was "make time for yourself...its seriously important). When my husband died, I was literally exhausted, it was like my brain collapsed, couldnt remember a damn thing, my memory is still not what it used to be even after 3 and a half years...hugs again.

Regarding the domination/submission issue and having to take charge, just remember even when you are having to take charge, you are serving him

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 11/20/2006 3:06:26 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		Hi MisPandora

Thank you for your input The insulin pumps I'm told are mainly used by children with Type 1 diabetes. Master is now on Lantus (a long acting insulin, one dose of 20 units in the morning) and Novorapid (2 units) for if His BSL goes above 9mmol/l (I'm not sure about the US system of measuring blood sugar). I've had a crash course in diabetic management over the last 3 years!

Jali *hugs back* I have recently joined the gym and I work out my frustrations on the machines there (and have lost some weight in the process so it's all good). While He is at the hospital is "my time" - I go shopping, or have a facial, or just go home and veg out for a while. We each have a mobile phone now so if He needs me I am just a call away. We take things day by day and enjoy being in love (pre wedding nerves are setting in big time now - not cold feet tho, just wanting everything to go right!) Less than 3 weeks to go now


(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 11/20/2006 3:08:08 AM   
JerseyKrissi72


Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline 		My prayers are with all those suffering illness and those who love them and care for them every day..When my late Master was in the hospital with what was a staph infection, I did not know at the time..his condition kept getting worse and worse and finally a doctor told me that if he did make it through the infection he would live on dialysis, oxygen and probably not be able to do much of anything on his own...That was like a knife to the heart because he was a strong, healthy man and I could not imagine him that way...When he officially collared me I promised to stand by his side no matter what and that is what I did...I can't imagine how difficult it must be caring for someone you love so deeply who is so sick...but when you love someone, that is just what you do...God bless you all..

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 11/20/2006 4:06:12 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

I am interested in hearing from other subs/slaves whose Dom/Master has an illness or disability that is ongoing and not likely to improve.
My Master has diabetes which has caused His kidneys to fail. He is on peritoneal dialysis at home and does not feel well much of the time. He is not eligible for a transplant. There are other concerns as well such as arthritis which means He is in pain, and digestive problems which make eating difficult sometimes.

There are lots of things we have to cope with on a daily basis. My training has been limited because of tiredness. However that has been something of a good thing because I am new to the world of D/s

How do you manage when sometimes you have to be the one in charge ......it does feel wrong to be telling my Dom "Hey you have to eat now" but there is a very good reason for it!

I do know I am loved and cared for but the worry of things does get to me sometimes. We take things day by day and I know that is all we can do. He is the best thing to ever happen to me and I hope we manage to have many years together but there are no guarantees.......




Hugs to you, Rayne. i think it is important for you to take time for yourself to replenish. i also agree with slavejali, that being in charge when that's what He needs is serving Him.
 
i have spent much time analyzing what is submission and have come to the conclusion that it is serving in whatever manner my Master wishes and needs. To me that means bringing ALL of myself to Him - my intelligence, compassion, kindness, skills, talents, opinions (when asked), as well as the sex and kinkiness. Let's face it i don't sit around waiting for Him to snap His fingers and then i magically come to life. I'm not in His presence 24/7, although i serve Him 24/7. i work to keep myself well-rounded and interesting so that i have much to bring Him.
 
i think one of the most difficult things for a sub/slave to relinquish is our ideas about what being a sub/slave is. And next to that is letting go of what we want and training ourselves to seek what He/She wants. i hope this has been helpful to you.

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Living with a Dom who has a chronic illness/disability - 11/20/2006 4:38:48 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

Hi MisPandora

Thank you for your input The insulin pumps I'm told are mainly used by children with Type 1 diabetes. Master is now on Lantus (a long acting insulin, one dose of 20 units in the morning) and Novorapid (2 units) for if His BSL goes above 9mmol/l (I'm not sure about the US system of measuring blood sugar). I've had a crash course in diabetic management over the last 3 years!


Not here in the states they're not, and I know for a fact that they're aggressively used in adults in Germany and the rest of Eastern Europe.  I've got two community members locally who have finally stabilized after 20+ years of brittle diabetes, and I treated a FtM transman at an event in Holland whose pump malfunctioned (kinked feed line) in overnight hours in our hostel and who was having seizures from hypoglycemia.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 40
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