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daddysprop247 -> RE: depression become a disability? (2/27/2007 9:30:18 AM)
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ownedgirlie, you pose a really good question, and from the often unheard/ignored perspective of a loved one of someone with a psychological/emotional illness. i believe that a person should always be held accountable for their own actions, especially if they are effecting others. it also infuriates me when those with mental illness use it as an excuse to generally treat those around them like crap, and i wouldn't expect the loved ones to tolerate this. however it must also be understood that medical treatment for depression is not always effective...and in some cases can only exacerbate the situation....not to mention the deplorable ways with which those with illnesses like depression are still treated by the mainstream medical community....so if a person is resistant to seeking treatment, they may have a very good reason for doing so. unfortunately there is no guarantee that any drug or combination of drugs, any sort of talk-therapy or shock therapy or whatever else, is going to give a person suffering from depression even one ounce of relief. there comes a time for many of us when you just get tired of trying....tired of treatment after treatment not working, tired of building up your hopes only to end up as miserable as always in the end. and then when those around you see you still suffering, and are effected by the behavior caused by your depression, they look at you in frustration wondering, "why don't you just GET HELP!"...not understanding that it's just not that simple.
but i'm not so self-centered that i don't see how my depression (which has been with me since about 5yo) effects my Master, the person closest to me in this world. i know the pain, drama, heartache, frustration i put him through. times when i've struggled with eating disorders and SI, months-long periods where i could do nothing but sit and rock humming to myself in a corner, or scream constantly at the top of my lungs...and him just watching, not understanding this, not knowing how he could help and probably wondering what the heck had he gotten himself into. you mentioned expectations. well other than expecting him to tire of it and release me at some point, i have none. how could i expect a person to tolerate something like this year after year after year? i question his own sanity sometimes just because he does tolerate it. there have even been times when he has been like, "I just can't deal with this," and has begun the process of releasing me. but for some reason in the end he just never gives up.
this is why, to spare him further agony, suicide often comes to mind. yes i have no right to do it, and yes he would be very angry and hurt, but in the long run i know he would be spared so much...all the pain that comes with loving and living with someone with this disease. oftentimes the thought crosses my mind when i'm feeling unusually clear-headed, logical and emotionally calm. like duh, this is the obvious solution. it will just be better for everyone all-around. no more dealing with my fits, no more happy moments shattered because of my gloom and doom moods, no more checking me for cuts and bruises, or thinking that i'm dead everytime i don't answer the phone. just no more drama.
i can't respond from the perspective of a depression person with no compassion or concern for those around them....it may sound cold, but perhaps such people just need to be left alone. personally, thinking of the effect my illness has on my loved one keeps me constantly riddled with guilt.
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