CreativeDominant
Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: afraid
I need some help and guidance. I have a man that I play with on a repeat basis. He is not my owner we're just playmates. He's recently asked that I perform a gang bang for him. Although, I'd like to, it's one of the few remaining activities that I haven't done yet.
Should I wait to perform this activity until I have an owner? Kinda like save my gang bang virginity?
~smiles~...you've gotten some interesting responses but none of them have been bad advice.
I am a 52 (today...yea! me) dominant. Many of the submissives I deal with are going to be in the age range of 37 - 50. Though I have dealt with a few younger than that, that is the age range I feel most comfortable in. So, as expected, many of them have already experienced many of the "firsts"...first anal, first girl - on - girl, first 3-some, etc.. I could either sit back and wait for that elusive first-timer to everything or I could do as Wulfchyld notes and that is... look at the motivation behind their indulgence of these acts. Were they just seeking "fun"? Nothing wrong with that but it indicates to me that a particular act may not have the deep psychological complexities as something else. Were they engaging in it with someone they loved deeply at the time AND because they trusted this person AND because doing it with/for them enhanced their D/s BDSM feelings in some way? Perhaps in the way you noted...humiliation, objectification and ownership. That would indicate to me that the act was something special and not engaged in "lightly" (for lack of a better term and used simply as a comparison).
There are things I love to do. I don't do each and every one of them with every submissive I have ever played with casually. A major reason for this is because I prefer to engage in certain ones of them with someone that I am more closely tied to. There are at least two specific acts I would not do unless I was involved in a long-term relationship and had been for quite awhile. There are other factors tied to the D/s aspects and the BDSM aspects that are also included in these decisions but when taken together, these acts represent things that really matter to me.
I know a young submissive who looks to me for guidance. She had a habit of indulging in whatever act the dominant she was with wanted her to do and prided herself on doing so but at the same time was bothered by the fact that once these dominants knew that she would do this for any dominant she trusted enough to play with, they soon seemed to disappear...after playing with her for awhile of course. When I brought up the above and suggested that she might make a list of those things she likes to do and attach some sort of emotional/spiritual "grade" to each act in terms of her own morality/spirituality/importance to her when considering another partner and his indulgence in the act with many vs only those he was deeply involved with, and what she was seeking from each act and then...look at it from the viewpoint of how a prospective, long-term dominant might look at the list...she began to find acts which she felt might be better suited to "saving" to share with someone special.
You have to find what works for you. This is what I feel about things and what I have tried to share with others who've wanted a differing take from their own "do what feels good right now" view of things.
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