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askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to become... - 2/21/2007 7:01:25 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		if u get topped by a dom and want to b his slave, but he says he would rather keep it as a once in awhile thing, would u refuse to let him top  anymore or would u continue to see him in hopes it would go further?
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 7:07:23 PM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

if u get topped by a dom and want to b his slave, but he says he would rather keep it as a once in awhile thing, would u refuse to let him top  anymore or would u continue to see him in hopes it would go further?


I will answer from a male sub/female Domme POV.  If that happened to me and I liked her enough I would hang in there to see if it progressed.  Of course, if in the meantime another Mistress came along and we clicked the first one would be left out in the cold.

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 7:10:57 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		dat seems very reasonable

(in reply to porthuronsub)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 7:21:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd hope they wouldn't settle for less than they wanted.  A curse on all women who choose to settle in hopes that 'He'll change in time.'

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 7:22:56 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

if u get topped by a dom and want to b his slave, but he says he would rather keep it as a once in awhile thing, would u refuse to let him top  anymore or would u continue to see him in hopes it would go further?


Continuing to see him in the hopes that he will suddenly want more sounds like an excerise in futility and a sort of masochism that I'm not into.

If I want more then physical from a man and he doesn't, then I simply won't see him. I do booty calls on my terms and if he wants a relationship then we'll talk submission.

Edited to Add:

I speak from experience. I did the whole "maybe if I let him top me and sleep with me, he'll start to love me". I did it multiple times. Amazingly enough - it never works. I just got a bunch of issues and no emotional support. I'm worth a lot more then that.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/21/2007 7:24:18 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 7:33:21 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

if u get topped by a dom and want to b his slave, but he says he would rather keep it as a once in awhile thing, would u refuse to let him top  anymore or would u continue to see him in hopes it would go further?


Did that one to death, although it was His actions (not words) that said He wished it to remain once-in-awhile. It lasted about five years - I dug Him enough, our personalities matched well enough, but I was still hoping for more.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 7:45:48 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I doubt he'll change.  Waiting around for him to change will not only drive you crazy, but keep you from meeting some potential partners who have similar desires.  You want a relationship.  He doesn't.  Why not allow yourself to scene with someone who does want to build something more?  I mean if you can keep scening with him without driving yourself crazy and you don't find yourself wishing for more....then hey more power to you.  But it sounds like the beginning of a self-destructive cycle to me.

Perk up.  There are plenty of fishies in the sea.


_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 7:59:39 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

if u get topped by a dom and want to b his slave, but he says he would rather keep it as a once in awhile thing, would u refuse to let him top  anymore or would u continue to see him in hopes it would go further?


i have never been interested in being a "once-in-awhile" sub and there is no way i could be a slave without it being 24/7/365.  That's just me.  i have always been that way.  i have always been the type to give all that i have to the man i belong to and i invest a whole lot of time, energy and emotion in giving Him the service He desires and deserves.  It takes time to really get to know each other and grow in O/our relationship and, for me, that doesn't happen when W/we only spend time together once in awhile.  For me, it's always been all or nothing and, yeah, that means that i have had some pretty long stretches of nothing but, that's because it's worth spending time alone, until a man who wants the same type relationship that i want comes into my life.  So, my answer to your question is that i would not get involved with a Dom, who wasn't looking for a 24/7 M/s relationship. 

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 8:00:36 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		This gets into individual preferences and mind sets.

To me someone just interesting in occasional topping is nowhere close to being a Master who wants a slave. There is nothing wrong at all in what he likes but there are so many more important things to an M/s relationship then if a person is good in a scene.

As a person who identifies myself as a slave, I would have zero interest in such a question because I find I get zero out of casual play and to me the play only works as an ingredient to the whole M/s experience.

People in general do not change and a person would be playing long odds to expect someone to go from topping once in awhile to wanting something as deep as an M/s relationship. If a person enjoys what the top does and can still move forward on there long term goals for a relationship that they are wanting with someone else and the play is just for fun, then go at it and have fun.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 8:05:12 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		No, don't hold your hopes on someone who isn't serious about you.  Period.  Just my opinion though.

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 8:08:35 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Expecting your partner to change is unfair. Change is hard and therefore unlikely. If you cannot be satisified with what they are willing to offer, you're doing yourself and them a disservice by trying to make it into something its not.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 8:19:01 PM   
violetangel


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Nope,  people don't change just because you want them to do so.  It's kind of like beating your head against a brick wall. 

_____________________________

L'Enfer, c'est les autres. par Sartre.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 8:40:33 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

if u get topped by a dom and want to b his slave, but he says he would rather keep it as a once in awhile thing, would u refuse to let him top  anymore or would u continue to see him in hopes it would go further?


I would be too busy finding one that wanted to own me one day to play with one that did not esteem me high enough to consider me that way. I am not into trying to change people or their minds

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 9:19:00 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

if u get topped by a dom and want to b his slave, but he says he would rather keep it as a once in awhile thing, would u refuse to let him top  anymore or would u continue to see him in hopes it would go further?


I would not continue to see him in the hope it would go further, but if I was having a good time, we were both enjoying the scenes, then sure, I'd continue to let him top me for the fun factor as long as he realized he was just getting a target and not a submissive or slave. I can play without expectations if we have the energy and chemistry to play with one another and I'm very good at separating out 'play' from 'relationship' which is all moot now, of course, because I am in a relationship and Himself does not share his toys or play well with others.. and hasn't since 1st grade. First born Alpha males.. go figure.  

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/21/2007 9:22:00 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		this is interesting to me. u c, i topped this girl last sunday and spoke to her once since then. she is really trying to push things 4wrd. no way am i goin 2 b pushed. personally i think she is way outa line tryin to take it so far so quick, but i was interested in how others might c it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/22/2007 5:32:27 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		depends on the situation. at this point in my life, were i not owned, i'd probably only seek out serious, long-term committed relationships. actually, i can't really see myself at any point just wanting to be topped by someone without the context of a 24/7 relationship, because i need a foundation of trust and reassurance in order to be able to fully submit. i'm not interested in just playing bottom every now and then, personally.

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/22/2007 8:30:50 AM   
touchthesky


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline 		i would say i would feel it out, but never try to figure out if i wanted to get serious after one play session. thats wack

(in reply to hisannabelle)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/22/2007 8:33:56 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

if u get topped by a dom and want to b his slave, but he says he would rather keep it as a once in awhile thing, would u refuse to let him top  anymore or would u continue to see him in hopes it would go further?

he wouldn't have been allowed to top me in the first place because that piece of info would have been established long before any face to face meeting took place.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to azzmaster)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/22/2007 8:50:17 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Different relationships have different dynamics. So what if you were a twue slave in your last one, that doesn't preordain what this one will be. Nor does it mean you can only have sex while loaded down with chains just because that's how it was in your last relationship.

Who said you can't have sex without whips and chains or you aren't twue? FFS maybe the man has a rough job and only has the energy for all the toys on Saturday nights, and the rest is simple and easy sex before bed.

But if you insist on chains every night, then go find someone else just as rigid as you. For me, our relationship involves two real people, not blow up dolls. We get sick, we get tired. There are days he wants total control and days he hardly wants any. I go with it because that's what he wants.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
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RE: askin subs, if u get topped by a dom and want to be... - 2/22/2007 9:59:44 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i agree each relationship has different dynamics however i'm not going to meet anyone let alone have that person top me if we have conflicting objectives of what we seek in a relationship.  for example - Daddy and i connected on different levels on the vanilla side before any talk of Him being my Daddy ever entered our relationship. besides it's not about sex all the time for us nor is it the "meat and potatoes" of our relationship. we have other interests in which we explore together that may or may not be BDSM-related.  i never said i was a true submissive and with that being said, i wouldn't use sex as way to shop around or test drive a man to find the right Daddy or Dom for me.  

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 20
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