A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible?

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SarinSyn -> A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 12:51:20 AM)
Is it possible for a Domme (female) and a Dom (male) to have a loving and loyal relationship and switch out who plays which role on which night? And to potentially have a slave to share? I've for a while wanted a female slave, but also a male lover who is not my Master, as I'm too dominant, but not my slave, as I also do have times when I would like to have someone to step up and be strong for me during the hard times, and do the same in return. Has anyone ever had a successful and loving version of this relationship?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 7:17:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SarinSyn Is it possible for a Domme (female) and a Dom (male) to have a loving and loyal relationship and switch out who plays which role on which night? And to potentially have a slave to share? Yes. If you can imagine it, it exists and very happily. In this particular case, yes it definitely is out there. It might take quite awhile to be picky and to find people willing and desiring to stay in that situation, specially over a long term period, but it can work.

SimplyMichael -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 7:19:58 AM)
If you think of your partner as having a dial on his forhead that you can adjust according to your mood, I doubt it is going to work. Personally, it sounds to me like you are hung up on labels. I have known both submissives and dominants who could fit the bill of what you are asking for but recognizing that requires maturity and experience.

toservez -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 7:40:28 AM)
My first owners were a Master and Mistress and have been happily together for over thirty years. She at times did some very light switching but for the most part depend on bringing in others to satisfy the domination part of themselves.

MistressDiane -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 8:19:52 AM)
It certainly is possible. We don't "switch" out with one another we are what we are and in fact the relationship between us could even be seen as more vanilla than anything else. A slave in our life would not be serving with one or the other of us but rather serving us both. We're both head strong and we are both very dominant individuals. It does cause for some serious head butting at times but as with any loving couple and successful relationship there is always compromise involved. edited to add.....there are times and situations where I do depend on his strength there are also times that he depends on mine. It's not something we even think about, it's just there for one another.

SCDommie -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 8:35:17 AM)
Sure it is possible. I would not worry so much about you or him being a Dom/Domme. I would just do what I felt comfortable at the time. It is called fun. SCD

LODK -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 10:42:51 AM)
Yes, such a situation is absolutely possible. Both my partner and I are strongly dominant and we're going on 7 years now. I think the key to making a relationship like that work is trust. I think to achieve trust in a Dom/Domme relationship you have to know your partner - explicitly. We understand we are strong in different ways and at different times - we both know when we need to pick up the ball, and we both know when we need and should surrender to the strength or needs of the other. We don't "switch" on some kind of regulated schedule, rather we are attuned to each other. I just somehow know when I have to carry the ball for a time, as does he. Yeah, there is some headbanging sometimes, but I think that keeps us both stimulated and interested. I'm easily bored by immediate submission, as is he. In our situation, who ends up on "top" at the end of the day is never a foregone conclusion, and we both like it that way. I can't answer the questions about potentially having a slave to share. We talk about it in fantasy, but at the moment we're still too wrapped up in each other to really see anyone else anyway. Were such a triad to happen, I think we'd both enjoy dominating the hell out of her (or him) as a team. I think the reason we haven't done a scene like that, even though we've talked about it and the thought excites us to no end, neither of us thinks it's right to use some third person like a toy - even if she/he enjoyed it that way. And that is precisely what she/he would be - a toy for us to use. Not my thing, or his, so I can't really answer that. But as a duo, the Dom/Domme thing works just fine for us. This is my first post, BTW. Hi everyone! ~LODK~

FukinTroll -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 12:49:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SarinSyn Is it possible for a Domme (female) and a Dom (male) to have a loving and loyal relationship and switch out who plays which role on which night? And to potentially have a slave to share? I've for a while wanted a female slave, but also a male lover who is not my Master, as I'm too dominant, but not my slave, as I also do have times when I would like to have someone to step up and be strong for me during the hard times, and do the same in return. Has anyone ever had a successful and loving version of this relationship? The first problem you are going to encounter is ego. A lot of Dom & Domme’s egos will not allow them to understand the concept of deferment. They are going to constantly be pushing to get submission from the other partner. They think they need the petty victory before they can be “Real” or “True”. It is more pronounced in men, however women are guilty as well. As for the “switch” thing I am not sure where that is going but I will take a stab at it. A D&D relationship shouldn’t have to “switch”. You can bottom and be a D and you can top and be a D. So as for switching top/bottom I think the mood should dictate. As a couple you will have and equal amount of play time with /s’s as a couple or on an individual level. We have some fine examples of D&D couples here and I am sure they will find the thread. Now for deferment: I am skilled in many things, and educated in many things. My ego is in check and I have no problem what so ever in deferring to another who is superior in a field, skill, or ability than myself. Many people will scream about the use of Superior here, but we all don’t make millions of dollars playing football because superiority does not exist. That said, I would defer to my partner just as I will defer to this forum of my peers when I am ignorant of a situation. They enlighten me and I grow from it. I can manage money very well, in the sense I can turn a miniscule amount into a great deal. Nevertheless if it weren’t for Mrs. Troll paying the bills on time most services would be cut off. It is not that I cannot do it… time just escapes me. My calendar is fuk’d because I look at the objective to be completed and not the calendar itself. I will defer to a Domme in all things that she can do better or know more about. I expect the same courtesy and respect from her. I would do the same for a sub/slave. Because they are submissive doesn’t make her my inferior, it makes her my submissive and she may very well be far superior to me in many things. Now I have Domme friends from here that I communicate with in IM, e-mail, or the phone that often lend their wisdom and superior knowledge to me and help me with the situation that has me befuddled. Their has been a few times that I have contacted Dom’s to ask questions and only know of a few that have their ego’s in check enough for me to seek their council. I have also contacted sub/slaves and asked questions about things I do not understand and they have enlightened me and I have grown from it. I do not Dominate through my ego. It is through my presence, command, and strength. I use my perception to discover what you are telling me without words and I will exploit that to assert dominance. Some people convey an energy to you that guides your hands; we call that chemistry from time to time. That same perception can be turned to a partner D and you can D simpatico.

MadamTee -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 1:33:51 PM)
My dear... My hubby and I have been married more than 50 years and I am Domme and He is Dom. We have no problem, in fact ... it is a joy to have a loving Partner with the same desires. xx

TheShadows -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 7:02:16 PM)
Though we haven't ever really had a head-butting problem, as we've found our balance in the arena of deferment, as Troll put it, we concur with M.Diane on all other counts. We're actually a pretty vanilla couple who happen to be Dominant and Sadistic, and very much enjoy working with each other on a commonly owned slave. We've had a very successful, loving, and supportive D/D relationship for over 5 years. Best of Luck, ~MrsShadows~

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 8:30:08 PM)
Hi LODK , and good first post, welcome to the forums....Tempting

LODK -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 8:53:22 PM)
Tempting, Thanks for the welcome. ~LODK~

WhiplashSmile -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 9:08:36 PM)
Yes, and it can be totally FanFuckingTastic!!

WhiplashSmile -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 10:15:43 PM)
FuknTroll hit upon a very important aspect - Deferment! Thank you troll... I have been in the process of trying to Analyze a past relationship I had with a Domme. There were a lot of things which naturally worked for us, without having an manuals or hanging labels on things. Who was better skilled at what or knew more about a given subject. Deferment will not work well if your partner is very Narcissistic, or little sense of self esteem. Both the Domme and Dom should be grounded in the fact they are not all knowing fucks, yet be very proud of what they know and can do. At least this is from what I have glemmed from a previous relationship like this. A Dom and Domme can learn and grow from another. Now there were times when Amanda and I would engage in a debate over something, which is a logical argument. Some times we'd confuse people and friends around us, as to why we would argue so much at times, but it was all a process of constructive debate. Humiliation tactics were never part of these arguments. The result was a kind of mind expansion for both of us. You'll know what I'm talking about when it comes time to change the decoration of the house! The thing with having a D/s relationship. The D might insist upon things being a certain way regards if it's of really bad taste or not. Some D's might not care how it's all done up, as long as it's all clean. A Dom and a Domme, will both have certain ideas.. inorder for a compromise to be made, they simply enter into constructive debate. This is where the bouncing of multiple thoughts and ideas comes into play. The list of likes and dislikes get explored back and fourth.. perhaps hours on end. Until some form of common ground is reached. Both are happy and satisfied and proud to show the place off to company! Both have bragging rights, and feel like they are living in their home, and not the others. Again, Humiliation tactics were never part of these arguments. If you don't enjoy having constructive debates, and can't stay away from playing low ball humilation tactics... then I would think twice about a Dom Domme relationship. I am giving you an example of something when simple defferment does not work! When Domme and Dom butt heads a little. It is not a pretty sight, if humilation tactics get played out in these types of debates!! You end up with too pissed of Dominate types together in the same room... I'm sitting her laughing in reflection to a couple of memories! But in the end, as always honest good communication works wonders. Along with apologies! How should I say, apologize for one's behavior without giving into compromise. To say, I'm sorry I acted like such a bitch/bastard without giving into what the debate was over. In other words, how to say I'm sorry without simply kissing ass! Amazing as it sounds, you'll have vanilla friends mind puking at times... actually I find most vanilla relationships are D/s based but they are clueless about it! lol...

FukinTroll -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 10:18:15 PM)
Glad I could help. I am really just here to make everyone come up with a new term other than Fucking Troll.

SarinSyn -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/27/2007 10:50:24 PM)
Thank you all for your help. I don't mean to kind of be stuck on labels, it's just that I have noticed that most men who claim themselves to be dom's refuse to step down, while most women will do the same. It's all the ego thing. And to what SimplyMichael said...well...it seems someone has had some bad experiences with women. I don't want someone who I can turn the dial on their head to be dominant or submissive. I want that natural instinct that comes when you realize your partner needs you. I also know that the world and other people and their emotions don't revolve around me, thank you very much. I've faced some ridicule from others in the community over what I want. To be a D/D relationship with a female that we both care about and love. The Poly-family thing, but not with a Master and many slaves. I've been told by a few that the best and only way they work out is for the man to be in charge...Sorry, but I'm a bit too bitchy, I suppose, to handle that, LOL! I'm glad that so many people have seen this and responded! It gives me hope that maybe I will find what I want!

Vendaval -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/28/2007 1:48:53 AM)
I know several Domme/Dom couples, including a married couple who mentored me when starting in the Lifestyle. The ability to let go of one's ego and listen to a different point of view and take that viewpoint into consideration is very important. In particular situations I defer to people who are more knowledgable and experienced in a particular field or subject. As an example, I know people in the Lifestyle who are much better trained in medicine as EMT's, medics, nurses, doctors, etc. If a situation were to arise that required their expertise, I would defer to them.

SweetDommes -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/28/2007 2:12:00 AM)
If two female Dominants can have a long-term (7 years and counting ... just celebrated our anniversary grin) loving relationship, then I can't imagine that a male Dominant and a female Dominant wouldn't be able to do the same.

mp072004 -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/28/2007 6:22:55 AM)
Absolutely. You can have a switching relationship. You, a dominant, can also have a relationship with a dominant in which you don't regularly switch with one another. It can be a little hard to have sex without either of you doing any bottoming or submitting at all, especially if BDSM is very important in your sexualities, but it can certainly work. You and your partner would need to be fairly specific about what kinky activities you will and won't do. You might be perfectly okay with receiving pain, and willing to put up with bondage, but not interested in roleplay--begging, "forced" sex, honorifics. Or, you might be fine with power roleplay but willing to accept only a very small amount of pain. My relationship with another dominant goes much better when we each have other people who submit and bottom to us--sometimes jointly, sometimes separately. I think it would be very difficult to have a relationship with another dominant in which neither of you switched much and in which you were monogamous. Whether you particularly can co-own a slave is a different matter--some people don't do well with triad configurations. I tend to think that dominant-dominant relationships occur because both parties are strongly attracted to one another (sexually or otherwise). It seems that dominant people don't go out looking for dominants to have relationships with, but rather go out looking for people to whom they are attracted and that personal attraction occasionally attaches itself to a fellow dominant. You can have someone "be strong for you during the hard times" and do the same for that person in return without any BDSM at all. Vanilla people do this--they call it comforting one another. It's my impression that people whose primary relationships are fixed-role d/s (one uniformly dominant, the other uniformly submissive) do this, too. It hadn't occurred to me that being emotionally supportive was submissive (or dominant--actually, I'm not sure which one you're deeming it). Monica

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: A Domme and Dom together? Is it Possible? (2/28/2007 7:03:37 AM)
WE have a very warm loving relationship.IT works well because we are in love and loved each other deeply...WE don't switch and we share our subs/slaves..OUR motto is you serve one then you serve us both,WE are a very strong team..IN a realationship a bdsm one just won't make it alone.IN addition to our love of this lifestyle we enjoy our vannila passion together,Ie the love of our horses hounds and critters.Nothing beats a day on the river fishing even compeation there as she always try to out fish me.OUR love of family and values..family comes first in our lives even our extended one...YES a married dom couple is the best of both world for some lucky girl...or boi smiles..nounty

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