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etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/18/2004 4:51:14 PM

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Joined: 2/1/2004
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hi i was wondering how should we as doms relate to submissives that dont belong to us
for instance greeting them, talking to them (when their masters arent around) i would assume
that in the case of the master being around we would first ask if we may talk to his sub
(at least thats what i would like any dom wanting to talk to my sub to do) my sub has had
instances over irc where a dom would private her and immediately start refering to her as slut and
if she doesnt greet back politely be called disrespectful anyway your thoughts please ? ;)

< Message edited by WipeoutXL -- 5/18/2004 4:57:30 PM >

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/18/2004 5:02:00 PM

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The best rule is to treat them as you would expect them to treat you. With respect. Some dopes don't get this and expect that calling themselves Doms allows them to be disrespectful to all subs. Tell your sub to rip them to shreds in that case.

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/18/2004 5:04:39 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WipeoutXL

hi i was wondering how should we as doms relate to submissives that dont belong to us
for instance greeting them, talking to them (when their masters arent around) i would assume
that in the case of the master being around we would first ask if we may talk to his sub
(at least thats what i would like any dom wanting to talk to my sub to do) my sub has had
instances over irc where a dom would private her and immediately start refering to her as slut and
if she doesnt greet back politely be called disrespectful anyway your thoughts please ? ;)

Wipeout,
I can't speak for others. I can only speak for myself here. I am only submissive to my Dom. The rest of the world well they see me however they see me. Whether submissive or Dominant. Doesn't really matter. They really don't affect our relationship.

I can tell you if a person puts me down. Or dis-respects me in any way. I can also rip them to shreds. However, my Dom reads these boards. Also has control when it comes to the pc...he tells me when he feels I am acting like a "jackass"
He certainly condones free speech.

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/18/2004 5:15:02 PM

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Thanks for your thoughts its pretty much the way i feel about it too

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/19/2004 4:07:18 AM

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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I treat everybody with friendliness, respect and courtesy and pretty much the way I would like them to treat me. I do not read their name tag to see if they are Dom or sub (I wear a different color nametag just to throw a wrench in the works) and treat them differently.

When they have proven themselves undeserving of respect, usually by insulting somebody else (Good luck trying to insult me

) then I become extremely polite and civil and cold.

quote:

The best rule is to treat them as you would expect them to treat you. With respect. Some dopes don't get this and expect that calling themselves Doms allows them to be disrespectful to all subs. Tell your sub to rip them to shreds in that case.

I have generally said this to those in my care. I have had the opportunity to be there to witness it as well, which I find extremely amusing. The thing I do request of my submissives is to avoid dropping to the offenders level in the case of conflict. Name calling and yelling is so coarse and bourgeiosie. ;)

I also tend to be extremely protective of those in my care.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/24/2004 5:32:21 PM

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From: England
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I don't really understand this thing about having disrespect for subs. Personally I respect subs a great deal.
As a leader, I don't normally ask anyone to do something that I'm not prepared to do it myself.
But submissives, that's different. I'll get my submissive to go through things that I am just not prepared to do. Sure, I respect that.

I think some people just feel that dominance=putting people down. Maybe they've only ever experienced this upon themselves and imagine that those who have put them down are dominant, since they were submissive enough to allow it.

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/25/2004 2:25:41 PM

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
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For the most part, I treat Dominants and submissive exactly the same- If I approch someone unknown to me in a SM enviorment, I start by asking "may I speak with you?", as It might be the case that they need permission to speak with strangers, or perhaps feel I need their permission to speak.

As to refer to someone else girl as 'slut' in IRC... I dunno. Kinda seems to me like forplay, and, IMO, it's bad form to engage in foreplay without the awareness of the others partner.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/25/2004 7:16:46 PM

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From: Sacramento, California
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Everyone is my equal unless it has been negotiated otherwise.

About it, really.

~ShadeDiva

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(in reply to topcat)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/25/2004 7:59:30 PM

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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

I start by asking "may I speak with you?",

I usually start out with:

Hi, my name is tesuji *extends hand*
How are you doing?
(In a bdsm setting) I would love to talk to you, but dont wish to intrude where it is not
appropriate.
(If the person indicates they are collared/mastered) I do not wish to intrude on your relationship, will your significant other mind an unattached Dominant talking to you?"

If the answer is "I dunno" or "no" I ask them to go make sure before I carry the conversation any further.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/25/2004 10:47:19 PM

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From: Tidewater, VA
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quote:

Everyone is my equal unless it has been negotiated otherwise.

My Shady Lady-

I wouldn't go _that_ far. I certainly treat everyone equally, untill such time as stronger measures are called for, But at this point in my life, I don't think everyone is equal- there's a whole lot of stagnant water in the gene pool!

Stay Warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to ShadeDiva)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/25/2004 11:12:49 PM

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From: Las Vegas NV
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I think if a so called Dom/Domme were to message anyone and start addressing to them as slut and such they shouldn't be expecting any respect back. Especially if they have never interacted to that person before. I thinks that just shows how ignorant they are.

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(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/26/2004 9:06:54 AM

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Whether online or RL, I interact with a submissive as an equal until he or she cedes submission. To approach it differently would be arrogance and a gross misunderstanding of the generally accepted D/s dynamic. There are group scenes where this may not apply.

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"It isn't that life ashore is distasteful to me. But life at sea is better." -Sir Francis Drake

(in reply to GoddessMarissa)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/26/2004 9:12:04 AM

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Joined: 4/17/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WipeoutXL

<snip> my sub has had
instances over irc where a dom would private her and immediately start refering to her as slut and
if she doesnt greet back politely be called disrespectful anyway your thoughts please ? ;)

I try to be tactful, but ICK! The irc "doms" accosting your sub are out-and-out idiots! Why on earth would anyone assume that every sub in the universe gets off on humiliation (by strangers, no less)? Just because it's one of the few things you actually can do on Cyber, doesn't mean a "dom" should.

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/26/2004 5:29:27 PM

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From: Sacramento, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat
My Shady Lady-

I wouldn't go _that_ far. I certainly treat everyone equally, untill such time as stronger measures are called for, But at this point in my life, I don't think everyone is equal- there's a whole lot of stagnant water in the gene pool!

Well yanno I wasn't speaking in that context. I was referring to the power-role a person identified with - not if they are equal as a human or in mind. In other words, dominant and submissive, you are the same to me on the power spectrum as some stranger I pass on the street in my personal life - I consider them equally human, not by which role they identify with - unless their power identification plays some part in my personal level in some level.

In regards to whetrher I feel someone is on the same plane of evolution and growth as I am - well that's a different topic to me, lol.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
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HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to topcat)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/26/2004 5:59:12 PM

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WipeoutXL
sub has had instances over irc where a dom would private her and immediately start refering to her as slut and if she doesnt greet back politely be called disrespectful anyway your thoughts please ? ;)

Quite an easy solution to that. Tell her to greet them back politely with something like the following little remark:

"Hello to you too. I don't believe my Master/Owner/etc. has granted you permission to address his property in such a fashion. Do direct any of your comments to him first - as I highly doubt he would appreciate such a manner of addressing that which is his property. I will cut and paste your comments to him right now so that he is informed of who you are and so that he can be expecting your contact with him on this manner immediately."

Bet that backs their cyber crap right back up their ass where it was spawned from.

Or, have her yammer out fun little shit one of the fav things I used to do way back when with trolls when I was REALLLLLLLY bored and they hit me at just the right sarcastic moment was tell them that I am actually a man, and I, too, am looking for some fresh meat to sink my manly cock into because I've been in jail for SUCH a long time, and follow that with a "tell me little girl, is your mouth purty?" while I *cyberstoked* my imaginary tool. Most of the time they are homophobes and so would run as fast as they could the other way.

Or give them a hideous description followed by "but I have a great personality" and then followed by the worst pic I could find of someone that I had saved on my puter. Sometimes I'd be 90 with a bunch of oozing ulcers, or have boils, or whatever the hell struck me as something they'd find REALLY revolting and then stick to that until they bailed. Made it into a game, and became a LOT less annoying.

I once actually convinced some guy I was his mom's best friend once and that I was going to tell on him.

Then again, I'm the kind of freak that when I get obscene phone callers I will OUT-obscene them. And yeah, I'm mean enough to hit star 69 over and over again, until they either beg me to quit or simply don't pick up the phone. I once did this at a play party at a friends house, where the kids were dumb enough to call twice, so we slapped them on speaker phone and I went off on some bizarre tangents - then when they hung up, we star 69'ed them back about a dozen times - the whole group was howling.

I rather doubt they called anyone else that night. Some of the lines I spouted has stuck with me since then: "I cant be monogamous without ze sheep" and "Oh please yes, microwave the peaches make them all so hot and bubbly, yes yes I hear the mircowave oh the humming it is so exciting". We still aren't sure if it was the weird stuff I was spewing that freaked them or the one guy in the backfground that kept urging me just loud enough for them to hear of course to keep them on the line *just a few seconds longer* so we could trace the call to the address it was originating from, lol.

Just some different and amusing ways to turn an annoyance into entertainment.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 5/26/2004 10:40:43 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WipeoutXL

hi i was wondering how should we as doms relate to submissives that dont belong to us
for instance greeting them, talking to them (when their masters arent around) i would assume
that in the case of the master being around we would first ask if we may talk to his sub
(at least thats what i would like any dom wanting to talk to my sub to do) my sub has had
instances over irc where a dom would private her and immediately start refering to her as slut and
if she doesnt greet back politely be called disrespectful anyway your thoughts please ? ;)

Being a Dominant or Master does not make Us any better than anyone else. We are a fortunate few Who have been given the gift of submission by a creature eager to serve and please. This alone should earn Your respect. I personally will not tolerate anyone disrespecting my submissive nor would I consider mistreating Someone else's. If You're not sure about talking to someone, ask permission.

As far as the jerks on IRC...look at where they are and what they are. They wouldn't have a clue in The Life in the real world.

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 6/10/2004 8:51:44 AM

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Joined: 6/4/2004
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I dont think the answer to this has anything to do with dominance nor submission. It's common courtesy. I don't expect a submissive/slave to respect me simply because I can type the words, "I am a Dominant" (I hear that there is a team of monkeys in a lab at Berkley accomplishing that as we speak) I do expect them to be courteous, as I will extend that same courtesy to anyone I happen to meet.

Just seems like the right thing to do.

~Thorns

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 6/10/2004 10:09:30 AM

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Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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I let anyone address my how they wish...if its a slave asking if Mistress Jasmyn would like another drink then I respond in a similar fashion, if it is a submissive asking me if I had a good day in friendly chit chat manner then thats what they get, me, humourous funny intelligent tart...I switch between the two easily...but it comes back to common courtesousy d/s or vanilla... and how you wish to be respected and in inuitively knowing the persons agenda. But if I see a slave hovering around me, wanting Mistress to grace them with attention, then its Mistress they get and I'll expect a respectful response from them.

Dom to dom contact, is again up to us individually...some in the scene will address me as Mistress Jasmyn and I'll respond in kind, others will call me by my first name, or Jasmyn, or Flower if they have known me for sometime.

I tend to think though in cases of unknown people approaching me or someone in the group I am chatting with, or if I learn of someone with little idea of scene ettiquette to use it as a learning curve for them and politely point out where they are going wrong.

Despite whatever the 'rules' are, someones going to break em...

(in reply to MrThorns)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 6/11/2004 12:25:41 PM

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WipeoutXL

hi i was wondering how should we as doms relate to submissives that dont belong to us
for instance greeting them, talking to them (when their masters arent around) i would assume
that in the case of the master being around we would first ask if we may talk to his sub
(at least thats what i would like any dom wanting to talk to my sub to do) my sub has had
instances over irc where a dom would private her and immediately start refering to her as slut and
if she doesnt greet back politely be called disrespectful anyway your thoughts please ? ;)

Everyone has different rules and protocols. It's impossible to know where you stand, so I used to just stand aside.

At events I used to just smile at someone (top, bottom, dom, sub, master, slave, switch, however they identify... ) and leave it up to them to say hello. Sometimes after a presentation at a conference, I would talk to the dominant who did said presentation, figuring that he was open to questions, but never to the submissive (unless I was introduced). I certainly never extended my hand to a submissive (as that might be interpreted as stepping over the line... how was I to know that that was not acceptable behavior?) and only recognized someone after their dominant partner introduced me. If the submissive was single and unescorted, then I waited until a mutual aquaintance introduced us, or until she said hello. I supppose I was less of a horn-dog than others I saw around me, and the end result was that I made some nice friends.

Just one person's perspective,

Lawrence

(in reply to WipeoutXL)

RE: etiquette in behaviour to submissives - 6/11/2004 12:30:58 PM

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/10/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lawrence111

quote:

ORIGINAL: WipeoutXL

hi i was wondering how should we as doms relate to submissives that dont belong to us
for instance greeting them, talking to them (when their masters arent around) i would assume
that in the case of the master being around we would first ask if we may talk to his sub
(at least thats what i would like any dom wanting to talk to my sub to do) my sub has had
instances over irc where a dom would private her and immediately start refering to her as slut and
if she doesnt greet back politely be called disrespectful anyway your thoughts please ? ;)

Everyone has different rules and protocols. It's impossible to know where you stand, so I used to just stand aside.

At events I used to just smile at someone (top, bottom, dom, sub, master, slave, switch, however they identify... ) and leave it up to them to say hello. Sometimes after a presentation at a conference, I would talk to the dominant who did said presentation, figuring that he was open to questions, but never to the submissive (unless I was introduced). I certainly never extended my hand to a submissive (as that might be interpreted as stepping over the line... how was I to know that that was not acceptable behavior?) and only recognized someone after their dominant partner introduced me. If the submissive was single and unescorted, then I waited until a mutual aquaintance introduced us, or until she said hello. I supppose I was less of a horn-dog than others I saw around me, and the end result was that I made some nice friends.

Just one person's perspective,

Lawrence

Ooops! Being new to this site, I just realized that there is another "Lawrence" on-board, so to differentiate, I suppose I had better sign,

Lawrence
Ithaca, NY

:)

(in reply to Lawrence111)

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