RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude!

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RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/2/2007 9:43:54 PM

MzMia

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LOL Dolly, I started this thread because many of us hear we are not Real Dominants.
So I wanted the shoe on the other foot.
I have only had to say that once to my current interest, I was really just joking.
I would not want to become involved with someone that I really felt that way about!!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MistressDolly)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/2/2007 11:27:12 PM

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I just like the "dude" part.

Nice.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/2/2007 11:38:33 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

When it becomes clear that they really do not get their rocks off deferring to my judgement.

Jeff asked :
I would like to ask about this particularly. To you, or any of the ladies.

If someone seems to have the right attitude, is not looking for their needs to be met (in the obvious way), and seems to dote on you and your needs and desires, BUT

--

does not physically seem to be 'getting their rocks off'. In other words, whatever you do, he isn't getting an erection. Seems to be enjoying himself, or not making any missteps in his submission, but not obviously excited.

How does he tip the scale on the 'real' or 'sincere' category then?

Jeff

OK let me ask you this:

A guy happily washes his Mum's car for her. He respects his Mum's authority and he loves her. She expects him to do it and he enjoys helping her out. Is he her submissive?

If he happily washes his wife's car too, is he her submissive?

How about if he washes his Mistress' car for her? What makes that situation different?

My house is cleaned by a nice Italian guy and I pay him the standard rate. He does a good job and he likes working for me. Is he my submissive (and a paid one at that!!! )

My best friend is a male crossdresser who comes around and does little jobs around the house for me. He dotes on me and I know I can always rely on him but there is zero sexual attraction between us. Is he my submissive? (Hint: he swears black and blue he will never be anyone's submissive! )

This is a philosophical question. Millions of net pages are dedicated to definitions, labels and theoretical hypotheses about whether B&D, D/s and S&M are necessarily "stimulating" 'sexual' 'erotic' "sensual" etc or need be none of those

IME, the difference between a nice, helpful guy and a submissive is that a submissive's sexuality is hard wired to get a thrill, a rush, pleasure, a woodie (if he still can!) - what ever you want to call it - by submitting to the will of a woman.

There's nothing wrong with feeling good about helping out women you feel no sexual love for at all. Thats noble, selfless and really kind. But it is not D/s IME.

There are lots of helpful guys out there performing services for Dominant women. But if his true feelings about her - or serving her - are really completly non-sexual, then that is not a D/s relationship. It is a very useful kinky friendship :)

I probably didn't answer your quesion, jeff. It would take a thesis!! And in the end, one woman's meat is another woman's poison. There are obviously other Dominants with their own definition of "submissive".

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 3/2/2007 11:53:40 PM >

(in reply to mstrjx)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 1:53:04 AM

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I can't recall saying that someone isn't a "real" anything, but I will say that I am looking for someone who has a particular motivation when serving and they don't have what I'm looking for.

-------------------
Ms. Natalia

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 2:01:22 AM

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Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
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Hmmmm... I have never, and would never, lash out to someone claiming they were not a real whatever. I have, however, heard males, considering themselves dominant, lash out to women, considering themselves submissive, that they are not "real" subs.

Maybe it's more of a male thing to say?

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(in reply to mdmnatalia)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 2:22:49 AM

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Joined: 9/18/2006
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Didn't you get the memo? None of us are 'real' submissives... that title is reserved only for the people that can match up to the archetype of 'submissive'. So here we are, a whole bunch of 'fakers,' who are only trying to please our Dominants ever reaching for but never grasping that title. Stereotypical expectations are so hard to live by!

Honestly, if someone gets called 'untwue' it's just a sign of incompatibility between two (or more, in the case of poly families) individuals, ya? So when you get right down to it, even the stereotypical HNG can be submissive, he just doesn't have qualites, such as 'human decency,' that makes him desireable to others.

A label is just a label... and the English Language is so fallible that almost any word is open to interpretation and could be seen in any number of ways, IMO.

(in reply to MsSophie)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 2:40:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subnstudent

Didn't you get the memo? None of us are 'real' submissives... that title is reserved only for the people that can match up to the archetype of 'submissive'. So here we are, a whole bunch of 'fakers,' who are only trying to please our Dominants ever reaching for but never grasping that title. Stereotypical expectations are so hard to live by!

Honestly, if someone gets called 'untwue' it's just a sign of incompatibility between two (or more, in the case of poly families) individuals, ya? So when you get right down to it, even the stereotypical HNG can be submissive, he just doesn't have qualites, such as 'human decency,' that makes him desireable to others.

A label is just a label... and the English Language is so fallible that almost any word is open to interpretation and could be seen in any number of ways, IMO.

That's a nice post.

Keep posting!

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to subnstudent)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 3:00:33 AM

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yay, thank you!

I love being smart, sometimes.

</vanity>

(in reply to joyinslavery)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 8:43:58 AM

asubmissiveheart

Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

This is funny, I am a real submissive when I want to be.
Many men are this way, when I feel safe and trust my Mistress, I am very
submissive and loyal to her.

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 10:02:14 AM

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From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I want to piggyback on Diane's thread about not being a real Domina.
I got a little irritated at my new potential tonight, and I told him, "You are not
a real submissive!"
LOL--chuckling to myself here.
Okay ladies, fess up---do you often say this to potential submissive's?
If you do say it, WHY?!

While I might THINK it.. I leave them to their fantasy.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 10:29:47 AM

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Joined: 6/22/2005
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I never use the term. It's not for Me to judge whether a potential is sincere in his submissive intentions, it's only for Me to determine whether his 'idea' of what submission is turns out to be compatible with MY idea of what submission is.

When their 'idea' or 'definition' of submission isn't compatible with My own, I end communication, or ultimately end the relationship if it's gone that far.

They might in fact BE a 'real' submissive, just not the submissive to suit Me. Time usually tells.

TexasMaam

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~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 10:43:06 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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Actually, No. I don't use those words. I have, as others have pointed out, taken the time to let someone know that they tend more toward the kinky bottom area, rather than a submissive who has the mettle to live the lifestyle they think they want. At the very least, they are not the submissive for Me.
In answer to Jeff's very interesting point, I would like to add that I was interviewing a boy a little while back and one of the questions he asked Me was if being in control, ordering him around, etc, made "your pussy twitch". I honestly answered "No". That boy considered that a real Domina should be constantly wet, else She wasn't real. *shrug* It is not in My nature to be nothing but sexually driven. I have a busy life, and there is a time and a place. And not being sexually aroused does not make Me any less Dominant. My happiness and fulfillment is not limited to howmany orgasms I have hadin any given amount of time. Service is something I expect. I am not in a state of sexual arousal just because a boy is mowing My yard or doing My dishes. By the same token, I do not expect a *slave* (because I do seek a slave or slaves) to be in a constant state of sexual tension. That would wear both of us out, I should think! I also look at it this way. There comes a time when life is life, on both sides of the whip. If we are practical about it, most of the time, life is life. If I am constantly striving for or awaiting an orgasm,and the sub is too, then what happens once that is achieved? Does the submission go away? Does the Dominance go away? Until the next time? I am always Dominant. However,it has been brought up before,and quite throughly discussed in other threads, that many male submissives lose their ability to submit, at least for a time, after orgasm.
I am sure I am not a real or true Domina according to the expectations of most of the fantasy wankers out there. Hells bells, I won't even chat! *Smile* Because I expect more than quick and kinky gratification. Way more... And it takes more to maintain an actual relationship. Way more...

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 3:52:17 PM

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I don't need to say it, my profile says it all. Many of the men are not really submissive
men, they are do me's.

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 5:25:00 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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Joined: 2/15/2007
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....and do-mes can be heaps and heaps of fun!

I am a sadist so do-mes (that foolishly say they will "do anything for me") are gifts from heaven....

But are they "submissive"? I think so. They submit a hell of a lot physically for my pleasure.

But they enjoy it. My issue is that vanillas, fetishists, sissies, role players and tops/dominants do not enjoy submission. They might be curious, but their (sexual*) responses give them away. The wild (sexual*) energy that should be generated between Mistress and sub from D/s is....lukewarm at best

I can tell after a while. And I tell them what i think they really might be. I think that is the kind thing to do

*With apologies to those who champion asexual D/s. Each to their own.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 3/4/2007 5:26:06 PM >

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

RE: YOU are not a real submissive, dude! - 3/4/2007 8:34:17 PM

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

LOL Dolly, I started this thread because many of us hear we are not Real Dominants.
So I wanted the shoe on the other foot.
I have only had to say that once to my current interest, I was really just joking.
I would not want to become involved with someone that I really felt that way about!!

that's right, of course you wouldn't :)

(in reply to MzMia)

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