A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (Full Version)

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MasterShaver -> A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 3:00:47 AM)

I have been a Master for a long time now. I have had several long term relationships with slaves over years. These relationships were formed in a small town community. Since relocating to a larger metropolitan area,I have noticed that the so-called slaves and submissives out there seem to be mostly players or wanna-bees. They are only interested in cyber fantasy play, or are just messing around.

I believe that a M/s relationship does not happen over night, but needs a certain amountt of time to develop trust and respect on both  sides, in other words based on many vanilla relationship qualities....however in the conversations with so-called subs and slaves they don't want to form these bonds....and after a few days of communication break off and move on to another Dominant to p;lay with.

Is there any true submissives and slaves to be found in this lifestyle? What are you...as a slave or submissive truely looking for, and not what you put on your profiles? I think this is a common question that should be asked....How can someone like me...who is very real and grounded find a real slave or a real submissive in a sea of wanna-bees?

In all fairness to the submissives and slaves out there....I think the reverse is true...a real slave or submissive can also get lost in a sea of Dominant wanna-bees....So how can the real deals separate themselves from the fakes?



FukinTroll -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 3:03:26 AM)

*sets up vending table*

I have beer, coke, pepsi, and hot dogs... get your hot dogs here.



KatyLied -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 3:11:36 AM)

quote:

So how can the real deals separate themselves from the fakes?


Less whining may help the cause.



bandit25 -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 3:15:31 AM)

Nope. no true anythings to be found here or anywhere...next!



soultoshare -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 3:36:23 AM)

Well, if it's any consolation, it happens on the sub's end also.  It seems that play is all that most Doms are interested in.  I have been involved with several men since I started my journey into the lifestyle, and yes, I've had fun, and yes, i've learned many things, but play seems to  be all they are interested in.

As for my profile, it clearly states that I am seeking a R/T long term commitment.  I too realize it's not going to happen overnight, but I keep hoping.  There is no real way to weed out those wannabes until you meet them in a R/T setting, as anyone can write anything, or be anything that they want online.  Judging someone based on what's in the profile probably isn't the best way to go either...even I'll admit I don't update mine as much as I should.

I'll just keep plugging along, talking/chatting, and meeting the ones that pique my interest.  These are usually the polite men, not the ones that think that just because I'm submissive, that I can be treated without respect or manners.  That seems to be the only way to "weed out" the players.  I just refuse to settle.  Hang in there, I've seen it said many times, persistence seems to pay off.....there are many couples here that found each other on the site.

Good luck!



Quivver -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 3:40:09 AM)

Groan......... the pile to pick from grows when you move to town.  I think you cant see the forest from the trees right now.  You said it yourself that the Nilla relationship qualities are what builds trust with time, I'd
say their Nilla and yours just are not mixing and they've moved on. 



FukinTroll -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 3:52:46 AM)

I'll take a pervy girl behind all my tree's.



LeatherLord2003 -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 4:00:15 AM)

I am not a slave or a submissive, but it is mho that if one is a Master, self proclaimed or otherwise, that he should have the ability to nurture submission from those he desires a relationship with and that want to have a relationship with him. It is not about beating your chest and proclaiming to the world your greatness, instead it is about fueling desire, touching their mind, caressing their heart. It is about falling in love, yes I said love. I have never quite understood why people think that everyone they talk to should be a perfect match instantly. I have talked to lots of people and told many of them no thank you. It wasn't because they were not what they claimed to be, it was because our hearts didn't connect. Say what you will, but without love, it is a job. I place the highest expectations on myself, not my submissive, and yes I have one, and yes she wears my collar... proudly I might add. when we started talking, we talked for 11 straight hours on the phone... that was the begining of a week of talking for more than 6o hours on the phone, so by the time we met, we had a good idea of the other persons thoughts, ideals, and hearts. We didnt talk about play, kinks, or perversions, we talked to each others heart... when we met, you could have taken the chemistry and bottled it, it was so intense.

Bottom line is, maybe the place you should look is in the mirror, see what it is that you convey to others. It's just my opinion, and opinions are like a-holes, everyone has them, most of them stink.



sub4hire -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 6:26:59 AM)

More than likely the problem is in your small town you were the only dominant in town.  Now that you are in a larger area you are competeting for attention and more than likely losing out. 
While it appears to you there are more people playing with you in reality there are just more people not choosing to be with you.

However if searching on the internet you also have to take into consideration that there are many people who just want to play here.
My suggestion is, look your best and get out and meet people at real time events.
Yes, some who are not true to the cause show up at them but the chances are much lower.



viperess -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 6:32:30 AM)

Greetings Sir,
The change from small town to large can be quite a shock. If i may be so bold as to suggest do online searches in the area for different group meetings. Try going to some munches and such if any are set up there and get to know others with similar interests. As in any walk in life there are many that are just players and wannabees but there are also many who are stable in how they live their lives and in what they are searching for.
Respectfully,



wandersalone -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 6:43:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShaver

I have had several long term relationships with slaves over years.

How did you meet your past slaves?

They are only interested in cyber fantasy play, or are just messing around.

Are you focusing on the internet to find a slave?

I believe that a M/s relationship does not happen over night, but needs a certain amountt of time to develop trust and respect on both  sides, in other words based on many vanilla relationship qualities....however in the conversations with so-called subs and slaves they don't want to form these bonds....

I would not assume a person is a 'so-called' sub or slave simply because they do not have the same goals as you. If you have found a pattern of subs and slaves who do not share your interests and break off communication after a short time it may be helpful to look at your own behaviours - repeated unfulfilling patterns can be a sign that it is time to look inwards. Also, are you giving them unrealistic and uncomfortable timeframes to meet or progress?

How can someone like me...who is very real and grounded find a real slave or a real submissive in a sea of wanna-bees?

Continue posting your dismay in here. If nothing else it will soon get rid of the vanilla cone next to your name so that we know that you are real.[:D]




rascallymisty -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 7:12:37 AM)

Greetings LeatherLord,
 
Good to see you on the forums and congrats on finding that in which you sought....best of luck to you both. ~smiles~
 
~ misty ~
{ PS .... sorry for the highjack Shaver }



sublizzie -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 7:32:21 AM)

I think those who are real separate out the chaff from the wheat by taking it slow and easy. Generally those who are only looking to play or for kinky sex disappear quickly without nearly instantaneous gratification. I don't provide that so they go *poof* really fast.



LokisBrat -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 7:33:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherLord2003

I am not a slave or a submissive, but it is mho that if one is a Master, self proclaimed or otherwise, that he should have the ability to nurture submission from those he desires a relationship with and that want to have a relationship with him. It is not about beating your chest and proclaiming to the world your greatness, instead it is about fueling desire, touching their mind, caressing their heart. It is about falling in love, yes I said love. I have never quite understood why people think that everyone they talk to should be a perfect match instantly. I have talked to lots of people and told many of them no thank you. It wasn't because they were not what they claimed to be, it was because our hearts didn't connect. Say what you will, but without love, it is a job. I place the highest expectations on myself, not my submissive, and yes I have one, and yes she wears my collar... proudly I might add. when we started talking, we talked for 11 straight hours on the phone... that was the begining of a week of talking for more than 6o hours on the phone, so by the time we met, we had a good idea of the other persons thoughts, ideals, and hearts. We didnt talk about play, kinks, or perversions, we talked to each others heart... when we met, you could have taken the chemistry and bottled it, it was so intense.

Bottom line is, maybe the place you should look is in the mirror, see what it is that you convey to others. It's just my opinion, and opinions are like a-holes, everyone has them, most of them stink.



Excellently written, IMO.  I agree whole-heartedly about "nurturing submission" as this is how our relationship has evolved as well.  I feel Loki puts a great deal of time and energy into doing just that, and it's a remarkable ride! [:D]



Brat[:)]



juliaoceania -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 7:44:44 AM)

quote:

I have been a Master for a long time now. I have had several long term relationships with slaves over years. These relationships were formed in a small town community. Since relocating to a larger metropolitan area,I have noticed that the so-called slaves and submissives out there seem to be mostly players or wanna-bees. They are only interested in cyber fantasy play, or are just messing around.


Cities move faster than rural areas. Perhaps there is a cultural difference that you are having trouble navigating. I would ask you not to question the realness of a submissive or a slave just because they were not the submissive or slave for you. I do not go around questioning the realness of dominant people. I find that rather rude, and if I were talking to you as a dominant that wanted to date me I would be repelled by that to be honest.

quote:

I believe that a M/s relationship does not happen over night, but needs a certain amountt of time to develop trust and respect on both  sides, in other words based on many vanilla relationship qualities....however in the conversations with so-called subs and slaves they don't want to form these bonds....and after a few days of communication break off and move on to another Dominant to p;lay with.



They have a right to want what they want and to do what is necessary to find it, just as any other human being does. It does not make them fake to want to feel out a situation before they become owned. Some of us view being owned as something serious that we do not engage in lightly, although play is something enjoyable. I see nothing wrong with playing the field until one settles down into a serious relationship and I would not waste a dominant's time on me if I was not really interested in a long term relationship with him

quote:

Is there any true submissives and slaves to be found in this lifestyle? What are you...as a slave or submissive truely looking for, and not what you put on your profiles? I think this is a common question that should be asked....How can someone like me...who is very real and grounded find a real slave or a real submissive in a sea of wanna-bees?


I found what I am looking for, I have that on my profile, but before I decided that he was the one for me I played the field and met other dominants for coffee, exchanged emails with many, and went through the process of making sure I found the right dominant, and not just any old body. Now I know for a fact many of the dominants I talked with think I am a fake for rejecting them... I find that is because it is easier to assume there is something lacking within me and that is the reason I rejected them as dominants... instead of looking at it as I found the right person by my methods.

quote:

In all fairness to the submissives and slaves out there....I think the reverse is true...a real slave or submissive can also get lost in a sea of Dominant wanna-bees....So how can the real deals separate themselves from the fakes?


I did not expect anything from anyone I spoke with. I did not expect them to be true or real. People do not have to live up to our expectations of their behavior.. be happy when you find someone that exceeds them. I found people separated themselves out quite nicely



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 7:53:54 AM)

NO matter where you go you find players,bdsm is alive and well this day with people living and serving,perhaps you are looking in the wrong places,Don't depend on theses sites all together you must expand your search broaden out and yes perhaps you are bitchin" too much smiles MY momma told me if you don't like things the way they are you have three choices !Live with the ways things are, make some changes or get the hell out of dodge...... As always just the views of this ol" master.....bounty



innatedesire -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 8:19:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

*sets up vending table*

I have beer, coke, pepsi, and hot dogs... get your hot dogs here.


Any coffee? And by chance you would not happen to have a fire extinguisher handy would you?



findmedaddy -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 8:23:20 AM)

Be honest about who you are. Feel lucky that those aren't attracted to you move on rather quickly, hence not wasting your time. Keep being sincere about what you want. What else can anyone do to find a good relationship?



danreeves -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 8:31:51 AM)

I am about to start a relationship with a salve--we have chatted for 4 months and decided that perhaps we will meet shortlty and have lunch--what would I expect to discover with this slave when we do meet-and how should I react. I am a Dom and very exceited-I am going to suggest to her we talk about each other-learn more before going any further--can someone shed more light on this subject for me.



sweetkcredhead -> RE: A question from a Master to any slave or submissive.... (3/4/2007 8:43:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherLord2003

I am not a slave or a submissive, but it is mho that if one is a Master, self proclaimed or otherwise, that he should have the ability to nurture submission from those he desires a relationship with and that want to have a relationship with him. It is not about beating your chest and proclaiming to the world your greatness, instead it is about fueling desire, touching their mind, caressing their heart. It is about falling in love, yes I said love. I have never quite understood why people think that everyone they talk to should be a perfect match instantly. I have talked to lots of people and told many of them no thank you. It wasn't because they were not what they claimed to be, it was because our hearts didn't connect. Say what you will, but without love, it is a job. I place the highest expectations on myself, not my submissive, and yes I have one, and yes she wears my collar... proudly I might add. when we started talking, we talked for 11 straight hours on the phone... that was the begining of a week of talking for more than 6o hours on the phone, so by the time we met, we had a good idea of the other persons thoughts, ideals, and hearts. We didnt talk about play, kinks, or perversions, we talked to each others heart... when we met, you could have taken the chemistry and bottled it, it was so intense.

Bottom line is, maybe the place you should look is in the mirror, see what it is that you convey to others. It's just my opinion, and opinions are like a-holes, everyone has them, most of them stink.


LeatherLord,

AMEN!!!! So well written, thank You. This was basically the same for my one real deep relationship to date. Chemistry. Something in me instinctively responded to Him. It was almost like it had a life of its own and neither of us were completely in control of what course things would take. Surreal and magical. If it could be bottled, I would gladly buy another lolol.

sarah1



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