RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (Full Version)

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AquaticSub -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/6/2007 8:14:14 PM)

We try to pay things equally but I end up paying for a lot right now as I have more disposable income.



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 8:14:27 PM)

SCDommie and AquaticSub: Thanks much for the reply.

- Susan



ownedgirlie -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 8:15:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I also am buying a corset, and have puchased a vibrator (very top-of-the-line, expensive one), lots of lingerie, and a digital camera. I'm not complaining, it was my choice to do or not do, but am wondering if there needs to be some sort of plan for how we will work this out in the future. I appreciate all replies. Thanks a lot for the replies, people.

- Susan


Susan, since so many relationships are so different in their conduct, this would be the type of thing to talk directly with your dominant about.  We could all come back and post that we have to pay for everything, but maybe your Dominant doesn't want that for you, and would have concern over the money you are spending?  It is my opinion that any "plan" such as the one you speak of, would be managed by the Dominant in the relationship.



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 8:18:32 PM)

ownedgirlie: I agree, but if he doesn't bring it up, and I am concerned about it, I am going to bring it up. If I bring up a concern about an inequity I perceive here, at least at the beginning, and he tells me that is "un-sub'' like all I can say is "he's a goner". But I doubt he would. 

I should have stated at the beginning that we are not committed (yet). This is the first time we will have met eachother in person (next week). But, we do appreciate what we've seen of eachother, so far. 

- Susan



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/6/2007 8:26:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
0) Plane tickets and hotel rooms for travel to visit the other person.

Depends on who can afford it. Usually, we pay for ourselves, but if one had to pay for the other, that's happened, too. Of course, this is for people that I already know and trust.

quote:

1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so)

We each pay our own. girl and I are on the same network, so our calls are free. For others, I have minutes up to wazoo, so I don't worry about it too much.

quote:

2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery, shoes -  or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) in a bdsm scene - IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want or buy for yourself, that may be sexy that you buy because you like it)

We each pay for our own. If I've requested something they can't afford, then we either split the costs or I pay for it (if I can afford it!).

quote:

3) BDSM Toys (floggers, vibrators, electrical toys, small whips, etc.)

4) BDSM books and-or magazine, or instructive materials

5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)

6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions)

7) Anything else that is bdsm related, that two share in a D/s relationship (because it is a D/s relatonship, specifically) that you can think of.

Each his/her own...unless they are gifts.

Master Fire



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/6/2007 8:37:36 PM)

Daddy pays all the traveling costs to drive to and from me, and he stays with me.  When I have to go over there in April if I do go for a few days he's paying for the hotel. And daddy has top 5 so we can talk till our jaw's fall off, and it's no more than a normal bill. When I ran up the bill on my house phone I payed it. I think it'd depend on what the item was in regards of wearing, daddy might buy it one time an another me. BDSM toys I pay for since I have a CC and daddy don't.
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

. In your relationship, who pays for (or do you split the cost, or does the submissive pay) for things like:

0) Plane tickets and hotel rooms for travel to visit the other person. 

1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so)

2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery, shoes -  or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) in a bdsm scene - IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want or buy for yourself, that may be sexy that you buy because you like it)

3) BDSM Toys (floggers, vibrators, electrical toys, small whips, etc.)

4) BDSM books and-or magazine, or instructive materials

5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)

6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions)

7) Anything else that is bdsm related, that two share in a D/s relationship (because it is a D/s relatonship, specifically) that you can think of.

Thanks for any responses, they are appreciated.

- Susan 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/6/2007 8:45:44 PM)

It's something like the "when to talk about sex" question- the answer is that when you are seriously thinking about it, it's time to discuss it.

Since you're seriously thinking about money issues, it's time to discuss it together.



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/6/2007 8:59:51 PM)

Thanks for the replies, people. LA, good to know and think about.

I should mention he is not an unfair person, this is just a general question, re: How others handle this stuff. Because it's the first time I've ever been in this particular circumstance, I guess that's why I am thinking about it more. We are going to discuss it, and I know he will talk about it with me.

- Susan



hisannabelle -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 9:08:46 PM)

0) Plane tickets and hotel rooms for travel to visit the other person. 

N/A

1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so)

we have the same wireless provider and pay our own cell bills, and it's free to talk to each other.

2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery, shoes -  or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) in a bdsm scene - IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want or buy for yourself, that may be sexy that you buy because you like it)

i buy my own lingerie and corsets and such. if He requests something specifically He'll sometimes reimburse me for it (He requested once that i pretty much replace all my underwear with a different style, and paid some of the expense even though i tried to refuse the money).

3) BDSM Toys (floggers, vibrators, electrical toys, small whips, etc.)

usually Him, unless i buy it as a surprise or a gift.

4) BDSM books and-or magazine, or instructive materials

as far as i know, He doesn't have any bdsm books/magazines/materials. mine are paid for with my own money (i have a few books and workbooks).

5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)

N/A

6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions)

N/A

7) Anything else that is bdsm related, that two share in a D/s relationship (because it is a D/s relatonship, specifically) that you can think of.

i think you pretty much covered it all  ;)



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 9:10:16 PM)

Thanks.

- Susan



Lordandmaster -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/6/2007 9:28:32 PM)

My personal rule is that if she's from Nigeria, I'm not paying for the plane tickets.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

0) Plane tickets and hotel rooms for travel to visit the other person.



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/6/2007 9:38:55 PM)

LAM: You are indeed wise, Sir, hehe.[:D]

- Susan



Dnomyar -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/7/2007 4:20:13 AM)

My relationships with women have been different than most. As far back as I can remember women have liked to buy things for me. I won't give my phone number out so they buy me cell phones. They still buy me clothes. Must not like my taste in them. I go to a lot of places free. It is not that I dont have the money to pay for anything. It is just the way it is. When I ask why the answer is always because I want to. After all of these years Im still suprised when it happens. I like to repay with small gifts or surprise trips. I guess that being a romantic has its rewards.



onestandingstill -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/7/2007 4:21:35 AM)

I think in BDSM as with most couples that if both work, both pay for things.
I think it's typical in my life that when we go out he paid, toys we both bought, sometimes I bought my scene clothing and sometimes he did, we shared the phone bill, I don't go to hotels much, I bought the groceries, we split the rent and utilities, and I've not been to any big events yet.
This was the way we split things.
I've also heard others where the man paid all the rent and utilities and the woman used her money for other household things.
I think there's many ways to split funds between couples, but usually if both have jobs both contribute.

I think in households where one agrees to stay home the money the other makes belongs in some degree to both, pays for both, as both are expected to use the funds in some degree or another depending on the relationship.
suzanne



BeachMystress -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/7/2007 4:25:46 AM)

My feeling is that the person who wants to use the toy, read the book go to the convention, see the clothes on the other person or instigates the phone call is the person who pays. Now, on the subject of dinner out.. for me, he pays.




Lashra -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/7/2007 4:30:37 AM)

We split the costs on hotel rooms and when we eat out we each take turns picking up the tab. As for toys well it depends on who wants it. If it is an insertable or clothing for his cross dressing he pays for that. I buy my own floggers/whips etc. We each pay our own phone bills and tickets to events one may buy the tickets and the other picks up the tab for driving there/snacks etc.

We work it out to be as even as possible.

~Lashra



BeingChewsie -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/7/2007 4:49:34 AM)

Hi,

When we in the getting to know you phase and I was flying back and forth from the East Coast to West Coast monthly, he paid the flights, hotels, meals, excursions to other places etc...I paid for nothing..once in a while he would allow me to buy him dinner.

We don't have any BDSM books, toys or gear nor do we attend BDSM events so none of the rest applies.



quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I am inquiring about this strictly out of personal curiosity.  I'd like to know, if you are a male Dominant (or a Domme) I am most interested in your answer - but submissives and slaves, or Switches, please feel free to answer as well. In your relationship, who pays for (or do you split the cost, or does the submissive pay) for things like:

0) Plane tickets and hotel rooms for travel to visit the other person. 

1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so)

2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery, shoes -  or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) in a bdsm scene - IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want or buy for yourself, that may be sexy that you buy because you like it)

3) BDSM Toys (floggers, vibrators, electrical toys, small whips, etc.)

4) BDSM books and-or magazine, or instructive materials

5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)

6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions)

7) Anything else that is bdsm related, that two share in a D/s relationship (because it is a D/s relatonship, specifically) that you can think of.

Thanks for any responses, they are appreciated.

- Susan 



Wildfleurs -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/7/2007 5:47:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I am inquiring about this strictly out of personal curiosity.  I'd like to know, if you are a male Dominant (or a Domme) I am most interested in your answer - but submissives and slaves, or Switches, please feel free to answer as well. In your relationship, who pays for (or do you split the cost, or does the submissive pay) for things like:

0) Plane tickets and hotel rooms for travel to visit the other person. 


Wasn't an issue for us - when I did live in another state for a couple of years for grad school a relative paid for my airline travel.

quote:


1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so)


With cell phones, wasn't an issue.

quote:


2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery, shoes -  or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) in a bdsm scene - IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want or buy for yourself, that may be sexy that you buy because you like it)


I buy it most of the time, I think very rarely he's gotten me that kind of clothing.

quote:


3) BDSM Toys (floggers, vibrators, electrical toys, small whips, etc.)


Almost always him.

quote:


4) BDSM books and-or magazine, or instructive materials


Almost neither of us.  I buy Marketplace books but other than that I don't think either of us get that kinda stuff.

quote:


5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)


Him.

quote:


6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions)


Depends on whoever's got cash handy, I'm notorious for not carrying cash tho.

quote:


7) Anything else that is bdsm related, that two share in a D/s relationship (because it is a D/s relatonship, specifically) that you can think of.


Its honestly not a huge issue for us.  I make more money than my owner so a big ticket item will probably be bought by me, but the day to day stuff he's more likely to buy so it actually ends up balancing out.  Not to mention he picks up stuff for me at least once a week (for instance I've never had to buy socks).  But either way decisions on certain stuff goes through him (he doesn't care about my shoe purchase, but other purchases he does).

C~



KatyLied -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/7/2007 5:49:46 AM)

Susan you need to do what works best for your relationship.  If it's on your mind you need to discuss it with him.  It depends on income and comfort level and independence (not just financially, but mentally/emotionally, some people can't bear for others to pay their way, others have no problem with it.)  You could work out an arrangement where you split costs or alternate on things like airfare and hotel rooms and food. 
It's up to you and him and what you can come to terms on.
I hope you have a nice visit.   [:)]



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/7/2007 6:00:04 AM)

Thanks, Katy. Thanks for everyone's replies, it's appreciated.

*It would be nice to hear from more male Dominants re: Their attitude on this, at the beginning of a relationship.

-Susan 



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