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CreativeDominant -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/7/2007 8:16:37 AM)
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Hey there Susan...I saw your request for more dominant input so I came back here to your original post. What I have stated in answer to your questions is how I have done it in the past and note that it always worked out well and seemed fair to both me and the submissives I was involved with at the time. As a disclaimer though, this is what worked for us...you have to do what you and your potential are comfortable with and these areas seem to me to be a very good time for honest communication so that there is no resentment, however minor, shoved underneath the surface.
quote:
ORIGINAL: SusanofO
I am inquiring about this strictly out of personal curiosity. I'd like to know, if you are a male Dominant (or a Domme) I am most interested in your answer - but submissives and slaves, or Switches, please feel free to answer as well. In your relationship, who pays for (or do you split the cost, or does the submissive pay) for things like:
0) Plane tickets and hotel rooms for travel to visit the other person.
Whoever was coming to see who paid for the plane ticket. When I went to see them, I paid...when they came to see me, they paid. The exception was the one submissive that came here to live with me for awhile. At that time, I took on her travel expenses when she went home to see her family one time.
1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so) I tend to call more than the other party. When the submissive calls me, she has paid for her own calls. I've never put a set schedule of expected calls out there or anything like that so I knew that I was not asking them to do something that they could not afford.
2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery, shoes - or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) in a bdsm scene - IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want or buy for yourself, that may be sexy that you buy because you like it)
If I see something or have a visual of my head of something I would like to see a submissive in and it is not part of her wardrobe, I would buy the specific outfit for her. If, in the midst of heated play, I was to tear something of hers that had not been worn for the specific purpose of being ripped or shredded, I would offer to replace it. But, if I tell her that I like a specific type of lingerie best and she chooses to go out and buy some of it, then that is a choice she has made.
3) BDSM Toys (floggers, vibrators, electrical toys, small whips, etc.)
If there've been toys I wanted to use on someone, I bought them. When a submissive has told me that she thought she might like to try a certain toy, I have gone out and bought it. I've also known submissives who had quite an extensive collection of their own for their own reasons...see the thread about owning toys...and we've enjoyed all of them. This is not something that has come up a lot for me, in all honesty.
4) BDSM books and-or magazine, or instructive materials
If I had suggested that she might want to read a certain book or watch certain instructive materials, I made the offer to buy it for her or just went ahead and bought it for her. If she saw something and wanted it, she bought it as many times, they were not always with me when they ran across something that interested them.
5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)
It would depend on who wanted it and who was going to keep it. As an example...the submissive I was involved with who was married decided she wanted a Sybian (spelling?) with attached cuffs. This is rather an expensive BDSM toy and I knew we were not going to be staying together. She bought it. If I was into keeping a submissive caged, I would buy the cage.
6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions)
This was always my expense and I felt it should be.
7) Anything else that is bdsm related, that two share in a D/s relationship (because it is a D/s relatonship, specifically) that you can think of.
It depends. Most of the time, for shared things, I either paid for it or paid for the majority of it. A bit of cynicism has crept in though and at this point, it would depend on what it was and where it fit into our relationship and what level the relationship was on.
Thanks for any responses, they are appreciated.
- Susan
You are welcome...[;)]
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