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Bottoming from the Top - 3/31/2005 1:14:15 PM

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Joined: 3/7/2005
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I have just had my first experience woth Topping and I feel like I was bottoming from the top. I had to keep telling him and me that he asked for this , he made me do this and that is why I was using the flogger or spanking him. I know this sounds really lame but I had to make it his fault to be able to do it. I guess I need to have a certain mind set and not socialize before I do this again. I need to have a game plan.

He has said he likes servitude. What does that mean. I am a submissive I know what it means for me but I'm a women. Does it mean something different for him. What can I do to take better control next time? What kind of mind set do I need? HELP!!!!

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/4/2005 2:42:26 AM

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I tested out topping once with my Mistress, but it absolutely did not work.

I guess I'm just not a top.
Plus my Mistress is in no way a bottom, she likes being payed attention to, and having all her needs met, but she gets that when topping.

(in reply to carefulsub)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/4/2005 1:27:02 PM

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Just relax and try not to feel insecure about exploring something you are new to.

It will help you to have enough confidence later on not to get into the weak mindset so many Tops have,of needing to be in total control to feel strong. It's not so much about what you can take,as what you can share.

As far as the bottom,just be honest with him and have him explain his needs. And that he will have to work with you with as little PRESSURE from his side as possible,or he's going to blow it.

(in reply to KarbonCopy)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/4/2005 10:12:06 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
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From: Ontario, Canada
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I think you just have to have fun, enjoy it. Don't pander to his wants or some grocery list of what he wants you to do. What do YOU want to do? YOU are in charge, YOU are the one making the rules, lists and whatever else. If you're doing something as a top that does not interest you stop doing it. Consider what turns you on. Do you want to boss him around, treat him like a child, or just tease him mercilessly? You have to be the top, rather than feel you are trying to fill those shoes. Skip the shoes if you want, do it barefoot, your way.

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RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/4/2005 10:14:57 PM

Laura

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From: Ontario, Canada
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Every now and then call him a slut or whatever gives you that feeling of power over him. I love that, never fails to make me grin, though sometimes only on the inside, where he can't see.

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(in reply to Laura)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 6/3/2005 9:08:51 AM

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Joined: 6/1/2005
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I had a sub/wife who loved to top from the bottom. It drove me crazy. She only wanted spanked and punished how and when she felt like it. For a Dom it's hair pulling..... good luck on that one.

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(in reply to Laura)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 6/9/2005 7:30:45 PM

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http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html
http://www.akashaweb.com/forwomen.html
http://www.akashaweb.com/stuck.html

all three of these are from the same web site, but they are some of the best beginning femdom/ female dominance why to's i've ever run accross. give them a good reading, and if topping just isn't your thing...that's OK!

< Message edited by firefey -- 6/9/2005 7:31:47 PM >

(in reply to foreverfrost)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 6/9/2005 10:24:36 PM

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Joined: 10/5/2004
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First, you need to communicate more with anyone that you are playing with - if you don't know HIS definition of "servitude" after he's told you that's what he wants, then it is your responsibility to find out.

Second, if you are with a PYL who is maso, then when he tells you to beat him, then you are serving him - if he tells you to talk dirty to him while you're doing it, then do it and you are serving him ... if you can't do it any other way, then just keep that in the foreground of your thoughts. I know a few PYLs who are maso, and they make sure that any subs who serve them know it and that they will be expected to fullfill their needs as a maso as part of their submission. They pick subs that will take this in the manner that it is intended - which is that it is all still serving their PYL no matter who is holding the instrument of pain. It's a mindset that determines who is the PYL/pyl no matter what toys are being used by/on whomever.

*for those who don't know (and I was one of them until not long ago, so don't think that I'm being condecending or anything) PYL = pick your lable (for a Dominant), pyl = pick your lable (for a submissive)*

(in reply to firefey)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 7/29/2005 1:24:01 AM

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Joined: 3/7/2005
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Thank you all for your suggestions. I have had a second experience and it was much different. Although Idid take it as topping for the bottom. The Dom thinks it is quite healthy to make me get out of my BOX from time to time. I did have great fun this tiem and teased him unmercifully. It was great knowing that I could somewhat take control and then lead him into taking me later.

WEG

careful

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 7/29/2005 4:16:39 PM

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Joined: 7/28/2005
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carefulsub, You did better then I did!!

when I was first introduced to BDSM as a submissive, a few years ago, My first attempt at Topping was a total disaster with my ex. I tried to use a flogger and I burst into tears...the thought of hitting her just totally brought fear and sadness to my mind.

I realized later I had submitted so much to Her that I could not Top her in anyway. However, I had no issues or hesitation other then fearing I might harm for lack of knowledge when I met My submissive I am with now. I doubt I could ever switch as her submissive either...w/we just naturally clicked together.

I think sometimes (esp if one may be a switch)...it depends on the persons/personalities involved. then again...many Dom/mes are Dom/me to whoever they meet...and likewise to most submissives.

The links provided above look great-thanks firefey! And there are many books available that you can order discreetly from amazon.com or other sites on line.

MLapis

(in reply to carefulsub)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 8/21/2005 7:16:50 AM

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Joined: 3/13/2005
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I quess I am topping from the bottom???
I have to be actively involved somehow in my fetish in order to be real submissive.
Not quite sure what it is called?

diaperedbaby

(in reply to MLapis)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 8/21/2005 7:09:24 PM

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Joined: 5/26/2005
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Topping from the bottom sux and really pisses me off. I kinda look at it like taking the sand from the bottom of my aquarium and trying to float it on the top...Don't work, won't work...and why try?
Although, I do pull the hotfudge at the bottom of my Sundae's up to the top...but that's different...we're talking fudge packing here!

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to diaperedbaby)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 9/7/2005 10:53:53 PM

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Joined: 3/7/2005
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I Must say I appreciate all the input. I was and never have topped from the bottom. I was saying My Dom wanted me to Top and boy am I horrible at it. LOL So to eleviate my problem.. I found a female Domme to Top him with me there. WEG. This worked beautifully. And he was pleasantly surprised and pleased.

careful

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 9/10/2005 1:59:41 PM

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From: Sacramento, California
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*smile* It's amazing how often one can find ways to make things work out well in the end, no?

I was glad to see that you discovered a path and solution that worked well for all involved!

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(in reply to carefulsub)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 9/11/2005 7:28:27 PM

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There is nothing wrong with bringing in reinforcements. Sometimes the best way to learn is first hand one on one...or two as the case may be :)

(in reply to carefulsub)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/6/2006 11:58:00 AM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
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I say if you don't like people who top from the bottom, no worries, don't bed them. I'm certainly not going to bed someone who's primary acts are not what I'm into either. It would really piss me off if someone tied me up and walked away for days, so I just don't go there.

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/6/2006 12:22:43 PM

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I know the sensation.

(in reply to foreverfrost)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/6/2006 1:36:23 PM

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Joined: 6/5/2005
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all is a matter of personal taste

But to quote Mum: "How do you know you dont like it if you dont try a bit?
If you try it and dont like it well ok, at least you know you've had a go and know what it tastes like."

Mind you, she was talking about brussel sprouts at the time..........but i think it applies well to life in general.
another thing rings true also...........somethings take time, they are an aquired taste.

Seems the troubles topping in such a situation is to be expected naturally, its all new, the emotions, the thoughts and feeling but relax, part of it is just plain ole stage fright, more practice more comfortable the new role is. Give yourself and your bottom a chance and time to work it out and if one step each time feels a little more enjoyable for you to Top, then thats your guidepost.

I agree with Gemeni - you definately dont need pressure from the bottom, which I (a sub) encountered when playing Top to a switch friend, his demands to do this n that and this way etc etc ... killed it completely so much so I just cant play with him at all. But that was my experience - it doesnt have to be that way.

BEST WISHES.

(in reply to Dustyn)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/6/2006 1:56:48 PM

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Joined: 4/5/2006
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I know this sounds strange to me, but it oculd be a possible solution for this.

What if you sat down with your dominant/dominantly-inclined switch and worked out at least a vague game plan of what he/she would like to see you try with him/her? Not going detail by detail, or scripting out lines to say, or anything like that, although that is an option I suppose. Kind of like an outline, covering major topics with a few side notes for future reference.

It might work and it might not work, but it's just a vague thought.

Any opinions?

(in reply to rivenmoon)

RE: Bottoming from the Top - 4/6/2006 3:37:09 PM

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Joined: 8/9/2005
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I think it's important to consider why your bottom is bossy. If you're playing with a 'do me' bottom, they've probably got a mental screen play that they want adhered to and anything that deviates from their screen play will suck. If that's the case, your best bet is to pull up your pants and go home.

But what if your bottom is nervous or scared? Their fear might warrant some exploration. Or maybe we need to focus more on building trust before going someplace new or scary.

There's also the possibility that our bottom might be used to playing at a higher level of technical expertise. If that's the case, we might be well served by listening to them. I frequently teach people new types of play by serving as their bottom. However, when I do that, it's understood from the start.

Or, perhaps that masochist you're playing with has a dominant personality. Fortunately, there's also such thing as a submissive sadist for such people to match up with. But if you're a dominant sadist, you probably won't much enjoy playing with a dominant masochist very much.

No doubt there are tons of other reasons for a bottom to turn bossy on us. The point is, rather than just bearing with it, getting through a scene we don't enjoy, and being all resentful after the fact. We can stop and figure out why the scene isn't working for us and see what we can do to fix it.

(in reply to fastlane)

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