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Stepping out - 4/7/2005 7:25:11 AM

MsCameron

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

For the very first time I am seriously considering stepping out of the lifestyle for an extended period of time.

sigh.. never thought I would say that much less consider it.

In a nut shell, right now there is no peace in my life. Not in my personal life, professional or family.
None of it is a quick "fix" and has been going on for the better part of a year.

It's all taking it's toll and having responsibility for someone else has become .. well, not a burden exactly but I feel guilty that I can't live up to my end. Does that make sense?

I almost feel if I can't give it my ALL, I'd rather not give at all. In truth, right now I don't have a lot to give.

Perhaps in feeling so powerless over the events in my life, I'm now feeling that I can't muster it up where I need to.

Anyone been here before? This is a first for me.

Kind regards,
MsC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

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RE: Stepping out - 4/7/2005 10:02:00 AM

MadameBette

Posts: 62
Joined: 9/8/2004
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline

Ms. C,

quote:

In truth, right now I don't have a lot to give. Perhaps in feeling so powerless over the events in my life, I'm now feeling that I can't muster it up where I need to.

It sounds like you are making a very wise decision.
Nothing is forever. You can always come back when you are ready.

I did something similar about a year and a half ago. I was not (thankfully) in a relationship at the time, but I needed a ‘break’ from everything, including casual play for a while. I didn’t want to, but it felt like the right thing to do. I needed to work not only on myself, but also how I approached problems.

Realizing that we are powerless over many things is the first step. From there, we can see we have a choice. We can either bitch-and-moan and stay miserable, or we can make changes.
A simple example: If your clothes don’t fit because you’ve gained ten pounds, you have no ‘control’ over their size. But you can take control of how you deal with it. You can try to squeeze yourself into them and stay uncomfortable. Or you can either work at losing that weight or buy clothes that fit. Your choice.

I don’t mean to trivialize whatever your problems are. You may be dealing with difficult work issues or have a loved one with cancer or other problems. I don’t know.

The fact that you realize that you can’t spread yourself so thin is major. Give yourself a pat on the back and don’t feel guilty for doing the right thing, which in this case seems to be to take care of yourself first.
Find some peace and serenity for yourself. Accept what you can’t change. Change what you can. Pray for the wisdom to know the difference.

When you are ready to come back, you’ll be surprised to see how learning those lessons has changed not only your life, but will carry over to your play as well. It worked for me.
Just take it one day at a time.

Bette

(in reply to MsCameron)

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RE: Stepping out - 4/7/2005 12:13:59 PM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

You have to take care of yourself. If removing yourself from a situation is beneficial then thats the best choice. I went through a similiar thing a few years back but concluded that I was trying to run away from myself instead of dealing with it. I'm not implying thats your case through. To me its just a part of who I am and not something I can turn on or off.

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RE: Stepping out - 4/7/2005 10:55:32 PM

LoneGoddess

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/1/2005
From: Moscow, Idaho
Status: offline

Ah, welcome to the disenfranchised Domme club.

I am having to do the same thing, it's come to the point of being a requirement for survival that I do set it aside and regroup myself.

Good luck, and take care of yourself first... seems we often forget this...

~LG

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RE: Stepping out - 4/7/2005 11:04:55 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I've threatened to leave many times ... only the fact that Holly just can't leave the lifestyle has kept me here (although I have left everything in our search up to her multiple times, as well as dealing with any potential boys that we happened to be talking to at the time). This is something that I would miss if I ever gave it up completely ... and Holly knows that, so she won't let me quit for good (although I have tried). She lets me take my breaks, she deals with anything related to the lifestyle that needs to be dealt with, and waits for me to be ready again.

I hope and pray that you have someone who can help you through this, and that they understand how much you need this break (and that it might be a permanent break). Find your peace and stability again, then come back to us when you can.

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RE: Stepping out - 4/8/2005 1:06:07 AM

GentleLady

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
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It can and does happen when everything else in Your life goes crazy. Personally I think You are being a responsible Dominant when You recognise that You cannot handle everything that everyone wants You to and You reduce Your responsibilities to those You can handle. One person....no matter how Dominant they are....can only do so much without spreading Herself so thin that everything collapses. Think of it this way: You are not taking a break from being Dominant or being in the Lifestyle so much as You are reducing Your responsiblities to where they are manageable.

Gentle Lady

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RE: Stepping out - 4/8/2005 3:00:40 AM

sting516

Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline

Ms Cameron,

rest assured...this is something that happens from the submissives point of view too...the complexities of the bdsm lifestyle and relationships can make things too all-encompassing at times...there have been many times where i needed to take a step back...on numerous occasions, i've deleted email addresses and the like because at that time, i'm SO sure that i'll never be back.

Invariably though, within a few months, the hunger returns...at least for me...i only know You through Your forum posts...but i hope the hiatus brings You the peace You need...remember that we are always here if and when You decide to return.

sting

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RE: Stepping out - 4/8/2005 4:38:40 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

For the very first time I am seriously considering stepping out of the lifestyle for an extended period of time.
[...]
Anyone been here before? This is a first for me.

I take little periodic breaks now and then to "reset". I'll be honest, I'm not really part of "the lifestyle". I'm just kinky. Not all of my relationships are D/s and therefore I am never overwhelmed.

But I did go through an extented period of away time and it did help me put things into perspective. I hope that you gain the same from your break.

- LA

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