pixelslave
Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DawnFire
I need some help defining his "role", some simple rules to set out, and other various ideas. If anyone could help I would really be grateful.
Each relationship is different. The real question is what do YOU want his role to be?? I think you need to think of it in those terms first. Given an ideal situation, what would you want from a submissive? I suggest that you write down your vision for yourself of what that would look like, then work backwards from there.
Obviously, as you clearly seem to recognize, you can't take someone new to this or to a relationship with you, from zero experience to the ideal that you'd like to have overnight. I suggest that you start with several ground rules that you select based on what you think are the most important things in the ideal relationship you'd like to have. Selecting rules for him that will help you build the foundation toward that ideal would seem to make the most sense to me. I'm not suggesting that you select rules that go all the way toward what you ultimately want, but instead that you select rules which point him in that direction, so you can build on them in a stepwise manner.
One might be that your boyfriend always defer to you when a question is asked while in public at a restaurant, etc. This could include that he always asks permission to go to the restroom, or for whatever he'd like to do when the two of you are together. You could tell him that you always get to choose the activities or approve of what he is to plan for your dates (give him assignments like that). You might tell him he's always to open doors, offer to carry bags, etc. In general, he is to follow your instructions without arguing, park wherever you want, etc.
I've turned down roads that I knew were in the wrong direction because a Mistress has told me to and I wasn't to argue with her. At the same time, there's a balance to strike in that I presume you want your boyfriend to be able to think for himself and do what is the "right thing" for the two of you.
If you're into orgasm control, you could insist that he isn't to masturbate or ejaculate when with you without your permission. This one seems to be a common one for Mistresses to use. You may want him to call you each night at a certain time to check in with you; leaving a message on your machine if you don't answer. Let him know how much leeway he has or the consequences if he doesn't meet them.
These are all just examples, and not recommendations. It all depends on how much control you want to exert over him and how much submission you want him to display in private and in public. Those can all be distinct from each other. You'll also note that what I've mentioned includes sexual as well as non-sexual elements. You may want to ask yourself (and perhaps your boyfriend) if this is to be something that is limited to the sexual arena or to your entire relationship. The "rules" you set for him will greatly depend on the areas of his life you expect to incorporate into your D/s relationship.
For some, including a sexual element, such as frequent sexual teasing/innuendo or overt flirting, to their service or obedience elsewhere makes it easier for them to be submissive in all parts of the relationship. It provides the motivation they need to keep them going and focused on being subservient outside the bedroom.
I'd also suggest rewarding him when he follows the rules you've set for him with things that you know he really likes. This will encourage him to continue the same behavior that you want. 
Hope you find some of this to be of help. 
- pixel
_____________________________
Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!
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