Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend

Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (Full Version)

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DawnFire -> Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 3:37:27 PM)
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 months and in that time we've experimented a bit with D/s. He enjoys scenes and is truly a submissive but he's never heard anything about D/s culture. He said he would like to try being my full time submissive for a while but he didn't know what his "role" would be. I wanted to explain that this wasn't a game but I told him I'd explain everything next time we're together since he had to leave. I need some help defining his "role", some simple rules to set out, and other various ideas. If anyone could help I would really be grateful. Thanks, DawnFire

Griswold -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 3:39:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DawnFire Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 months and in that time we've experimented a bit with D/s. He enjoys scenes and is truly a submissive but he's never heard anything about D/s culture. He said he would like to try being my full time submissive for a while but he didn't know what his "role" would be. I wanted to explain that this wasn't a game but I told him I'd explain everything next time we're together since he had to leave. I need some help defining his "role", some simple rules to set out, and other various ideas. If anyone could help I would really be grateful. Thanks, DawnFire Well, seeing that you're from Salt lake City, I'd inform him that you're, from this point forward, going to have multiple boyfriends.

mstrjx -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 3:45:30 PM)
Pleasing you. I realize that's broad, but I'm going to assume you have common sense not to push too hard too fast. Figure out what pleases you that he can accomplish, or that can be done to him, such that he will want to continue to please you. Jeff

pixelslave -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 5:21:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DawnFire I need some help defining his "role", some simple rules to set out, and other various ideas. If anyone could help I would really be grateful. Each relationship is different. The real question is what do YOU want his role to be?? I think you need to think of it in those terms first. Given an ideal situation, what would you want from a submissive? I suggest that you write down your vision for yourself of what that would look like, then work backwards from there. Obviously, as you clearly seem to recognize, you can't take someone new to this or to a relationship with you, from zero experience to the ideal that you'd like to have overnight. I suggest that you start with several ground rules that you select based on what you think are the most important things in the ideal relationship you'd like to have. Selecting rules for him that will help you build the foundation toward that ideal would seem to make the most sense to me. I'm not suggesting that you select rules that go all the way toward what you ultimately want, but instead that you select rules which point him in that direction, so you can build on them in a stepwise manner. One might be that your boyfriend always defer to you when a question is asked while in public at a restaurant, etc. This could include that he always asks permission to go to the restroom, or for whatever he'd like to do when the two of you are together. You could tell him that you always get to choose the activities or approve of what he is to plan for your dates (give him assignments like that). You might tell him he's always to open doors, offer to carry bags, etc. In general, he is to follow your instructions without arguing, park wherever you want, etc. I've turned down roads that I knew were in the wrong direction because a Mistress has told me to and I wasn't to argue with her. At the same time, there's a balance to strike in that I presume you want your boyfriend to be able to think for himself and do what is the "right thing" for the two of you. If you're into orgasm control, you could insist that he isn't to masturbate or ejaculate when with you without your permission. This one seems to be a common one for Mistresses to use. You may want him to call you each night at a certain time to check in with you; leaving a message on your machine if you don't answer. Let him know how much leeway he has or the consequences if he doesn't meet them. These are all just examples, and not recommendations. It all depends on how much control you want to exert over him and how much submission you want him to display in private and in public. Those can all be distinct from each other. You'll also note that what I've mentioned includes sexual as well as non-sexual elements. You may want to ask yourself (and perhaps your boyfriend) if this is to be something that is limited to the sexual arena or to your entire relationship. The "rules" you set for him will greatly depend on the areas of his life you expect to incorporate into your D/s relationship. For some, including a sexual element, such as frequent sexual teasing/innuendo or overt flirting, to their service or obedience elsewhere makes it easier for them to be submissive in all parts of the relationship. It provides the motivation they need to keep them going and focused on being subservient outside the bedroom. I'd also suggest rewarding him when he follows the rules you've set for him with things that you know he really likes. This will encourage him to continue the same behavior that you want. [;)] Hope you find some of this to be of help. [:D] - pixel

DawnFire -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 5:27:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL:Griswold Well, seeing that you're from Salt lake City, I'd inform him that you're, from this point forward, going to have multiple boyfriends. Haha, yeah, apparently that's only in southern Utah. And I am big on the loyalty thing anyway, it goes both ways. quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx Pleasing you. I realize that's broad, but I'm going to assume you have common sense not to push too hard too fast. Figure out what pleases you that he can accomplish, or that can be done to him, such that he will want to continue to please you. Jeff Yeah, tons of common sense. I know what I want him to do, that's not an issue, I was mainly just looking for that "role" definition, I know what I am, but I've never really defined what a sub is. I suppose I know, just having a bit of trouble putting it into words that someone that understands nearly nothing about D/s would understand. Not to mention he's a Utah boy, born and raised. I have a tough time explaining sexual egalitarianism to most of these guys. quote: ...These are all just examples, and not recommendations. It all depends on how much control you want to exert over him and how much submission you want him to display in private and in public. Those can all be distinct from each other. You'll also note that what I've mentioned includes sexual as well as non-sexual elements. You may want to ask yourself (and perhaps your boyfriend) if this is to be something that is limited to the sexual arena or to your entire relationship. The "rules" you set for him will greatly depend on the areas of his life you expect to incorporate into your D/s relationship. For some, including a sexual element, such as frequent sexual teasing/innuendo or overt flirting, to their service or obedience elsewhere makes it easier for them to be submissive in all parts of the relationship. It provides the motivation they need to keep them going and focused on being subservient outside the bedroom. I'd also suggest rewarding him when he follows the rules you've set for him with things that you know he really likes. This will encourage him to continue the same behavior that you want. [;)] Hope you find some of this to be of help. [:D] I like some of those ideas, though a few would be a bit much for him right now. But thanks for the ideas, I appreciate it. -DawnFire

DianeB269 -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 5:37:18 PM)
Make sure you do fuck him in the ass with a strapon at least once just to let him know you mean business. Diane

mstrjx -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 5:38:39 PM)
'Strength through yielding'? Finding his own internal strength by yielding to you and your wishes. Just a thought. Jeff

AAkasha -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 5:39:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DawnFire Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 months and in that time we've experimented a bit with D/s. He enjoys scenes and is truly a submissive but he's never heard anything about D/s culture. He said he would like to try being my full time submissive for a while but he didn't know what his "role" would be. I wanted to explain that this wasn't a game but I told him I'd explain everything next time we're together since he had to leave. I need some help defining his "role", some simple rules to set out, and other various ideas. If anyone could help I would really be grateful. Thanks, DawnFire Men respond better if they are given context by listing things as a series of actions or descriptions. Tell him what he will be expected to do, how often, and for what reason. Tell him how you want him to act and dress. Tell him why you are requiring him to do this - explain that it arouses you, it pleases you, it makes you feel good as a woman. The more specific you can be, the better. The more graphic you can be, the better. Remember, this is about what you want -- the more clear you can be about it, the less chance for miscommunication and frustration. Akasha

sweetmanI -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 7:48:14 PM)
I would say introduce the scene to him in a gentle playful way. For example, "the only rule is do as I say.", at which point you would direct his actions. Seduce him with your sensuality and playfulness. Then add different aspects over time. I would say if he is vanilla then go slow.

SLAVEBOY32 -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 8:10:36 PM)
Ask him how much he knows about it, ask him what got the idea in his head, is it just because he wants to please his girlfriend? or is it because he is genuinely interested in being submissive. Ask him if he understands what he has stated, and what his thoughts are on how the dynamic of the relationship will be changed.

stlmatt -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 8:48:07 PM)
Bondage... Porno! sorry, no, i do not have a real answer.

MsRose -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 9:11:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stlmatt Bondage... Porno! sorry, no, i do not have a real answer. Actually, stlmatt, why not? I find that with certain men, they enjoy watching pornographic films and respond well to visual cues and/or stimulation. If your boyfriend has submissive tendencies, and he likes porn, he may enjoy watching a film of the F/m BDSM persuasion. Who knows, it might be fun to see his reaction. Better yet (and perhaps more telling) if he doesn't enjoy pornographic movies (and you do) why not pop one in the ole DVD or Blu-Ray device and see what happens. Couldn't hurt, could it?

DawnFire -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/24/2007 10:39:13 PM)
Lol, fun. He does enjoy porn, but I'd rather not give him that fairly warped veiw of D/s.

fortifiedsqual -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 4:05:15 AM)
For his "role" i would tell him to imagine you as a boss at work with a powertrip. If you tell him to do something, he needs to do it or he'll be punished. If he is going to do something that is not already understood as okay with you he needs to ask your permission. That type of stuff... Like the other responders said, give him a structured view of what he will be doing, and that is how he will be able to define his role.

openmindedslave -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 5:56:40 AM)
If you read enought of the comments made concerning newbees, you find that as a Mistress you often have to take the lead and have him reach the goals you set through a stepping process. You know what he likes already in the vanalla world. Those could be the start of his rewards for his commitment to you. If you want to teach him chasity ..and thats importain to you.then try some rope play for example and go to the mall to let him explore a few hours of confinement. Or maybe let him know that to the rest of the world , you are a regular loving couple, but behind closed doors, its a differnt world. with certain rules set by you. Go with a level of conviction to what feels right to you. You can turn this onand off at first with theintroduction of a dog collar , that when its put on , hes a slave , when its not hes someone else. So he can clearly know when he is a submissive and when hes not .From there, you add to his "steps" until you find his limits come into play. Videos, pictures, magazines, ..all great ways to start the exploration. You will do find

KaramelGoddess -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 6:00:18 AM)
quote: Make sure you do fuck him in the ass with a strapon at least once just to let him know you mean business. Diane What if he isn't into ass play? Not every man can be tamed with a strap on... DawnFire: Most of the advice given here has been sound. Make sure you spend a lot of time just talking - about fantasies and wishes and desires and dreams. Really discover what turns you on. Make a list and have him memorize it.. for example My Domina loves pedicures My Domina loves having Her hair played with My Domina loves raspberry sorbet... etc. Let him know he is to rattle off that list when you want it and if he can't then punish him - doesn't have to be physically. You could just deny him orgasm for a bit. Have him keep an online journal, this is very useful in tracking progress for both you and your playmate. I wish you all the best and success in your endeavours, With kind regard, ~Kara

Unrepentant1 -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 6:43:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DianeB269 Make sure you do fuck him in the ass with a strapon at least once just to let him know you mean business. Diane I wouldn't expect that from you Diane! lol. That said, it would certainly eb a defining moment for him,lol.

sjskuared -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 7:16:57 AM)
The best two pieces of advice have already been given. Ask him what he knows about being a submissive or wants and discuss what you want from him. Yes, we can all give you suggestions but only you can tell him what you are looking for and expect. Do you know what you are looking for? You listed some activities, how would he feel about them, what is female supremacy to you and what is it to him? My other advice is to tell or have him do non sexual things for you to get him used to serving you and for you to get used to disciplining him and him to get used to being disciplined. Watch how you (both) feel afterwards. I would have loved to have a dominant girlfriend but I was always nervous about telling girls I was submissive. You are both lucky to have found each other. What a sub is can be different things to different people. To me it is about obedience and service mixed with sex and love. Some ideas: you pick where you go to eat, you pick what he wears (or doesn't), have him wash your car, have him give you a bath or serve you lunch and ignore him. Good luck

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 7:19:41 AM)
you are cute enough so I would start off with rewarding him great sex...it is just a matter of pavlonian responses before he will be eating out of your hand Ross ©º°¨¨°º©

TexasMaam -> RE: Help Turning a Vanilla Boyfriend (3/25/2007 9:09:56 AM)
pixelslave, Just had to say that yours was a most salient response. Love your posts. TM

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