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You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 12:17:01 PM

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I was reading a journal entry of mine from my very early years when I was pondering my odd desires and interests and wondering if I would grow out of them or they would away on their own. I knew I was different; I know other girls my age were not interested in tying up boys more than kissing them, and I knew other girls didn't get huge butterflies in their stomach when the saw men on the big screen bound and gagged. I certainly knew other girls my age were not watching "MacGyver" simply hoping for some token bondage.

Over the years, I went through some frustrating periods with my "urges" but nothing that was really dramatic. I symapthize with the sub men who had to hide their kink and never indulge it at all, or those that bought toys only to throw them away swearing they were giving up kink because it complicated their life too much.

I never wanted to "get rid of my kink." Sure, there were times where the urges irritated me because they were inconvenient, obsessive, a pain in the ass. But I always came back to the notion that it was a delight that I was able to get such intense pleasure out of some fairly simply things; merely tying up my boyfriend would put me in space. I would get completely out my my own head with lust and exictement and such an amazing rush -- not needing drugs, alcohol, or anything else. I felt like I had a free "high" button to fiddle with and a way to play with passion that made "normal" sex seem so boring.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you were not wired this way? Even in my most dormant "down" times when I feel my femdom side has gone into hibernation (due to sadness, stress, or outside life circumstances) I still get butterflies in my stomach when I see a hot man on the big screen bound and gagged. I know the women sitting next to me get nothing at all out of that. I feel like they got jipped. It's fun to feel that excited over and over again.

Akasha

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 12:29:51 PM

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Actually I have wondered if I truly liked and pursued my Dominant side if life would have been different.
Would I have gone further? Done more things that were on my list? Would my children respect me in a different light? ...... Would my marriage turned out differently had I taken control? or worse yet, what if I'd trusted that submissive side more then I did and not ridden the fence for so long! Hell I might have ended up with butterflies too when I saw that guy tied to the stake ..

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 12:36:22 PM

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It's a common step in the "coming out" process that when someone finds "this new part" of them and learns to accept it, it can take over their lives for awhile. Their previous interests, friends even, get lost in the wake of "this new big thing" as it swallows them and they become completely taken up by it.

Given enough time (usually 2-3 years), they start to come back and learn how to balance it all within their new "self."

I suppose mountain climbers think about not being mountain climbers sometimes, and married people wonder what if they'd never gotten married- but we go with our choices down into the rabbit hole. Hopefully by staying true to ourselves and being aware, we end up just where we need to be.

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 12:39:42 PM

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my only regret is not acknowledging it sooner. In retrospect i had these desires from a very early age. i can remember - and your account of seeing the man on screen tied made me remember this - being at the movies with my older sister - i was young maybe 6 and there was a scene going on where this woman is tied to pole in the middle of a bull ring - shes wearing a very ornate mexican style dress with a flower on it, she is about to be whipped and shes struggling - this was the first time i can remember having an orgasm, i was fidgeting in my seat squirming around and whamo, i didn't know what it was of course but knew it sure felt good!

My question is sort of like the age old chick or egg dilemma. Did this experience imprint me to be who i am today? Was it coincidence that i was squirming and no matter what i was watching i would have had that little orgasm anyway? Thats a scary thought - i could have been watching Heidi and grown up to have a yoodling fetish LOL. OR - did the movie sequence excite me, thus making me fidgety, resulting in my orgasm?

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 12:41:58 PM

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I occasionally get asked something to the effect of "what are you", and the questioner obviously means dominant or submissive, homosexual or heterosexual. My answer is "I'm a scientist". (Actually I state the specific sort of scientist I am, since it's not a very well kept secret in my local community.) And that's really what I primarily identify as. My work means a lot to me, and it's an important part of my life at home too. In some ways I even think of it as a spiritual calling of sorts, though I don't mistake spirituality for science by any means. So that is really what is at the core of who I am, more so than even my kink.

Me without the kink would still be me. The gender of partner I seek, and what I do with them in my own home (and well, okay, at public play parties and dungeons) is certainly a part of who I am as a person. But it's not the ultimate definition of who I am and the path I walk in life.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 1:41:37 PM

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I'm kind of like this with being a masochist, though for me, masochism encompasses much more than my sexuality. It's more of a general feel for the way life is. Being able to convert various sorts of pain into something akin to pleasure, even sublime pleasure, is like having some kind of secret because it means nothing totally and unremittitantly bad happens. If something good happens, something good happens and if something bad happens, with some reflection, it still satisfies.

I've been like this since I was a kid, and it doesn't have a whole lot to do with my kink. Kink just provides another means through which my masochism is expressed. I'm am pretty sure that without kink, I wouldn't have much interest in sex. At least, that's been my experience. "Pleasure," by itself, just isn't that interesting.

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 4/1/2007 1:42:36 PM >

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 2:02:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

[Much good stuff snipped for the sake of brevity.]

quote:

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you were not wired this way? Even in my most dormant "down" times when I feel my femdom side has gone into hibernation (due to sadness, stress, or outside life circumstances) I still get butterflies in my stomach when I see a hot man on the big screen bound and gagged. I know the women sitting next to me get nothing at all out of that. I feel like they got jipped. It's fun to feel that excited over and over again.

Akasha

[Speaking as a sub]

I began to experience dominant/submissive fantasies at a very early age (before puberty). Even with that, I might have gone on to law and politics very easily, but then there would always be the chance that my past would have caught up with me. So, for that reason, I chose to circumvent the path of public service in favor of my privacy.

I have often commented that BDSM and D/s is both a blessing AND a curse, though many others in the scene would probably disagree. But life is all about choices, and all of us here have made the choice to live with BDSM and D/s in our lives. So be it.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 3:15:28 PM

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I would have probably never learned to enjoy sex or my own body, for that matter, if it were not for bdsm being involved.

(in reply to addicted2it)

RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 3:52:53 PM

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I understand the question perfectly, but I've though on this and I don't think I would be me without the power exchange. I can't tell you the moment it clicked in my mind, but I can tell you the moment I knew it was for me. It's a long story and not one what would be of much use here, but I suppose that was the beginning of the physical aspects. The D/s had always manifested itself in one way or another.

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 4:08:42 PM

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i was always dominant from before being sexual even... it never occured to me not to indulge myself... my parents were not repressive types tho and still belong to a swingers club..i think that holds alot of people back if their folks are disapproving

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 5:19:50 PM

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I often find myself rethinking about whether or not I really should invest this much energy in being a submissive. It's been awhile since I've actually been in a successful relationship of this nature, and I tend to turn down vanilla relationships in lieu of trying to find something within the community. As a professional writer, I often wonder if I should devote myself to my writing rather than to another individual. I figure if it's so hard to find someone, then perhaps I wasn't really meant to find someone.

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 6:30:00 PM

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I've been me: Minus the kink. I got sucked into a vanilla marriage at the age of 23. I'm now 27 and finally this part of me has come out.

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 7:00:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I was reading a journal entry of mine from my very early years when I was pondering my odd desires and interests and wondering if I would grow out of them or they would away on their own. I knew I was different; I know other girls my age were not interested in tying up boys more than kissing them, and I knew other girls didn't get huge butterflies in their stomach when the saw men on the big screen bound and gagged. I certainly knew other girls my age were not watching "MacGyver" simply hoping for some token bondage.

I really feel you there! I started knowing that s/m and bondage and pain and torture excited me early in my life through getting "that feeling" when watching action movies or tv shows which often put our hero into some sort of situation. Yep, I figured most of my friends didn't.

To answer your question though, I never have wondered about life without all this stuff. I wouldn't want that life! I have found myself more truly than I ever thought possible through my bdsm, kinky, Leather, endeavors. And I've only been actively doing this stuff for about 3 years so I can't wait to see what comes next.

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 7:06:24 PM

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I don't think I'd be much different. I'd e dating a hell of a lot more :)

My being submissive really doesn't affect me in my day to day life, at this point at least. I think i'd pretty much be the same, for beter or worse.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 7:08:13 PM

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Right now I don't want to be minus the kink, it took me too long to live this lifestyle.
So it is not an option for me.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 7:51:48 PM

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Interesting question... it's something i think about a LOT, but because it's always been a pretty significant part of who i consder myself to be, it's hard to really envision all the things that Might Have Been... i think of it as more of a magical solution to all my emotional problems. Poof!

...dave

< Message edited by petdave -- 4/1/2007 8:45:00 PM >

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/1/2007 9:29:23 PM

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quote:

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you were not wired this way?

Sure. I think the way I've framed the question to myself has changed a lot over the years, though. When I was younger I viewed the whole thing as a "problem" that needed "fixing", I guess. I looked for lots of ways to fix it. To no one here's great surprise, none of them seemed to work.

Now I think about it less in terms of a problem that needs to be fixed and more like something I need to find some healthy way to integrate into a relationship with someone. I regret not being more accepting of this part of myself when I was younger. I think I probably missed out on some pretty amazing experiences because my view of myself was narrow and rigid.

I still think if I had some kind of choice in the matter, if I could have a "do over" and decide what did & did not end up in my personal wiring, I think I'd probably not choose to be kinky.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/2/2007 5:26:48 AM

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I never thought of it as a problem needing to be fixed, per se, but it was something that made it more difficult for me to find a satisfactory partner. If I could press a 'kink off' switch and be done with the whole thing, I probably would.

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/2/2007 7:55:03 AM

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I lived my life "blind" for many years. I tried, desperately, to be the good, submissive Christian wife. Knowing what I know now, my first husband was submissive. I was trying to force him and me into roles that weren't suited for either of us. With the second husband, the faked submission worked for us for quite some time, but the Christian stuff finally didn't. I changed.

I don't think I can ever be without the kink (defining kink as being aware of my fetishes, wanting the SM and enjoying the flow of power during sex). I feel like I denied myself for a long time...and living in frustration is simply BAD for me.

Master Fire

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RE: You: Minus the kink - 4/2/2007 8:15:03 AM

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seeing as I have just started out on this journey, I still see the romantic side of it, And have no wish to change. Something that is interesting though alot of people mentioned having kinky desires from a young age, and with exeption of a girl next door,us taking turns and walking on each other, I don't really remember early kinky desires. (I can't remember if I felt turned on when I got walked on,or when I did it to her.) Hmm. A fantasy I used to have just came to me. *I was tied to a bed,and people would come in and stare, and whisper comments to their friends. After a while, some of the people got bolder and came up and started touching me,teasing me.* lol. thats all I remember of that. I do however remember watching Real Sex on HBO late at night. I don't I was extra curious about the bdsm content, Though I remember just being curious about everything. I also used to have a friend who was into bdsm, we used to have looong conversations about it, Though for the life of me I can't remember them. Grrrrrrr

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