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abandonment... - 4/9/2007 6:45:45 AM

byrdygirl

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Why do Doms/Masters wait so long to call or IM when they must know how hard it is for us to breathe let alone function without them...?

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 6:49:25 AM

AquaticSub

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Just got to say - Valyraen wouldn't be interested in me if I couldn't function without him.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 7:03:51 AM

MasterFireMaam

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If you change you perspective/attitude, you'll find that they no longer wait to call because you are no longer desperately attached to them in a negative fashion. If I stop getting angry at the people who cut me off, they stop cutting me off. Instead, they become people who are hyper focused on getting where they're going...and that doesn't bother me because I let them into the flow of traffic willingly.

Master Fire

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 8:15:32 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well I've certainly been where you are, and even though I live with my partner, there are still days I'm dying to talk to him and find it difficult to function otherwise.

But I still do. And I don't sit around anymore and just wait.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 10:30:51 AM

Suleiman

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A few possibilities come to mind.

1) to reinforce your desire to serve, by making themselves a scarce commodity

2) they have a life, and expect you to have one too.

3) you're being kind of clingy and it might be giving them second thoughts

By the way - why did you post this quetion here? Wouldn't "ask a Master" or "ask a Mistress" be more apropos?

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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 10:51:58 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

Why do Doms/Masters wait so long to call or IM when they must know how hard it is for us to breathe let alone function without them...?

Because they don't want to be with someone who screams "co-dependent" and "needy".

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 10:59:15 AM

Celeste43

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Because you are incompatible and you didn't bother to discuss how much contact you both need to be happy upfront. Which makes me wonder how many other topics you forgot to discuss.

I've read a woman's posts that said all she wanted from her then partner was a quick call on Thursday to firm up plans for a weekend meet. When, where, how casual or dressy the restaurant would be. That was fine for her and her ex.

Me? I'd go screaming into the woods with that limited contact. It doesn't make her cold and heartless. It doesn't make me co-dependent. What it does is make me a bad match for her ex and her a bad match for my partner.

We talk several times a day and try to get together for lunch a couple of times a week, all this despite the fact we live together. We like a lot of contact and the fact that it makes us both happy doesn't mean we're both codependent, it means we're compatible in this area.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 11:06:18 AM

BrutalDemon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

1) to reinforce your desire to serve, by making themselves a scarce commodity

"Treat 'em mean... keep 'em keen"?

That's only ever worked once for me... and that was a stalker who wouldn't take "No!" for an answer... or even "Fuck off and quit calling me!".

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 11:09:03 AM

Celeste43

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

1) to reinforce your desire to serve, by making themselves a scarce commodity

Wouldn't work on me, being not adolescent anymore. Instead that says that you're just not into her and she should do better to find someone who is.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 12:44:24 PM

LaTigresse

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I am one of those people that can go for days without any thought of contact. It does not mean I value the other person any less or am playing any weird games. I simply means that constant contact is not my thing. I talk to someone when I have something I want to ask or tell them. Mindless chatter is a waste of my time.

This is something I try to explain early on when getting to know someone because I know there are those that require alot more communication that I care for. In addition, I do not believe my way is right or wrong, just different and what works for me.

I will also add that sometimes I just purely space off stuff. I will be busy doing something when I cannot write or call, think about what I want to tell them, then later on when I actually have the time I forget that I wanted to write/call. OR, being the space cadet that I am, by thinking of what I wanted to tell them, sometimes my brain registers that I did. Therefor, no need to do it again...........when I really didn't

.

All of these things are points I try to remember to explain. Of course I may just think about doing it and never get around to it also....................

All in all, don't ASSUME that you know why they are not keeping in touch. There could be any number of factors involved that do not reflect on your importance to them at all.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 2:02:15 PM

spanklette

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Because they read the Dom version of "The Rules"...rule #3 Wait exactly 3 days before contacting again.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/9/2007 5:42:54 PM

Suleiman

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I didn't say that #1 was a GOOD reason, just one possible explanation for the described behavior...

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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/12/2007 10:24:51 PM

slavegyrl

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It's called a mind fuck.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/12/2007 10:47:46 PM

defiantbadgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: byrdygirl

Why do Doms/Masters wait so long to call or IM when they must know how hard it is for us to breathe let alone function without them...?

There's a simple solution for that. When he talks to you, don't talk for more than 10 minutes. Be the first to end all conversations, dates, and/or playtime. The idea is to always leave him wanting more.

Always remember:

"That which is unconquered is appealing and that which is totally conquered loses its fascination."

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RE: abandonment... - 4/12/2007 11:16:44 PM

FukinTroll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: byrdygirl

Why do Doms/Masters wait so long to call or IM when they must know how hard it is for us to breathe let alone function without them...?

There's a simple solution for that. When he talks to you, don't talk for more than 10 minutes. Be the first to end all conversations, dates, and/or playtime. The idea is to always leave him wanting more.

Always remember:

"That which is unconquered is appealing and that which is totally conquered loses its fascination."

And when sitting in bootville send dbg a thank you note.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/13/2007 9:10:35 AM

wandersalone

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[/quote]
And when sitting in bootville send dbg a thank you note.
[/quote]

FT you made me laugh very loudly at that ...grins

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RE: abandonment... - 4/13/2007 7:40:33 PM

Elorin

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From: San Antonio, TX
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Some guys don't think to call. I had an issue with how long it took to hear from M if I didn't call him. Result? We sat down and talked about it, and now, most of the time when we end a conversation it is with "talk to you ____" or "see you _____" The net result is that if I think of something sooner, I call him, but if I need to find validation, if I need to KNOW that _he_ wants to talk to _me_, I can wait until that time for him to call. And he does call at that time, most of the time (sometimes he falls asleep before he can call, and doesn't wake up till 1 AM, and then he just waits till the morning).

It has helped me out a lot, and I get bitchy about "you didn't call me, you never call me, I always call you" much less frequently.

Maybe he thinks contact every three days or so is ok. Maybe that's what he expected from you.
Maybe you are WAY more attached at this point in the relationship than he is. That's possible too.
But you'll never know why YOUR Master didn't call until ya ask him, instead of us.

:)

~E

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RE: abandonment... - 4/13/2007 8:24:21 PM

Mustardseed

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From: Seattle, WA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: byrdygirl

Why do Doms/Masters wait so long to call or IM when they must know how hard it is for us to breathe let alone function without them...?

Weaning? My Daddy did this to me. At one point, we spoke for about 10 hours a week on the phone, on average, and seeing each other every weekend. Then we lowered it to two phone dates a week, plus weekends. That was painful, but I managed. Then one phone date a week, and seeing each other every other weekend. By then, we both had a bit more social life back (previously I'd been dealing with family stuff, and he was a bit isolated, so we were each other's lifelines), so it made sense.

Now that he's going back to school and is feeling more isolated, we're having teeny weeny mini phone dates almost daily, and seeing each other pretty much every weekend.

Life that doesn't involve the romance of D/S happens. It might be best to be able to keep oneself happy, healthy, educated, entertained and thus interesting during what might be considered downtime.

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RE: abandonment... - 4/13/2007 8:31:07 PM

dreamsndesires

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I find if a Dom calls me 20 times a day I have power over him. As a submissive, I don't want the power. So if he waits a couple of days to contact me, my mind is deliciously occupied by him.

Serve proud, serve with love

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RE: abandonment... - 4/14/2007 7:11:08 PM

jthorne

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I think you're too attached and your dom is not reciprocal. Try being a little less dire. Seriously, you WILL breathe and function without him. Promise. You're doing it now, aren't you?

Wait to get so attached until you live with your dom. It'll save you a lot of heartache.

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