RE: Punishment Suggestions (Full Version)

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koimizu -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 1:27:10 AM)

Troll, oddly enough, your post was one he was looking forward to the most....and i am beginning to see why.  Sweet gods in hell most of that is wrong, just plain wrong....and yet....>.>.

Mm...forgive that LA, your posts are always the most inciteful and well thought out that they are a pleasure to read.  You are correct that a part of the punishment is having to ask here though the Trainer is local and can be on hand promptly.  You see, these suggestions were to be weighed and used in placement of the ones he Did think of that frankly make me vote any other suggestions as the lesser of two evils.

....however Troll is making me rapidly rethink that outlook!

To dcnovice, CandleInTheWind, WiseCracknSadist, ayasha, Sulieman, LuckyAlbatross, maybemaybenot, facinated, N4SDChastity, AquaticSub, FukinTroll, Rose4Mistress and Slavetrainer2007....my humble and deepest thanks.

...even if i have to go through the whole list, i am thankful for the responses.  You have no idea how much. 

Safe Journeys and Troll...just because i know he will ask, i will follow those happy (or unhappy?) links.



FukinTroll -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 1:32:35 AM)

Here ya go doll. I will give you a good one to read.

http://www.atlantissagas.org/Cymora1.html

Slurp!



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 5:50:15 AM)

Taking your post seriously, koimizu, I believe only ONE punishment really works

To ignore you

Yes, completely.  No phone, not email, no attention whatsoever

24 hours to contemplate your error is enough

This is not punishment you will subconsciously enjoy.  Being told to get lost for 24 hours and ignored is not sexy or something you can gloat about online in places like this.  It is pure, clean, effective punishment



servantforuse -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 5:57:31 AM)

i was once 3 minutes late to clean a Womans house. For that i was put in a small dark closet for 3 hours for my punishment. i have never been late as a slave since then.slave michael 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 7:53:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Taking your post seriously, koimizu, I believe only ONE punishment really works

To ignore you

Yes, completely.  No phone, not email, no attention whatsoever

24 hours to contemplate your error is enough

This is not punishment you will subconsciously enjoy.  Being told to get lost for 24 hours and ignored is not sexy or something you can gloat about online in places like this.  It is pure, clean, effective punishment

I had a thread about this awhile ago and I think a key component should also be that she's grounded from everything- going out, good food, and definitely the internet.  Too many go online and find other subs to commiserate and even brag about their punishment.

On the other hand, ignoring might drive home the feeling of badness- it doesn't really build any good memory or time management skills, which is in theory the truly desired outcome.

If people focused on building new behaviors rather than just punishing and reacting to old bad ones, we'd have much healthier relationships IMO.

But everyone just goes immediately the punshing, like candies to toss out.



whipingherfeet -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 9:09:51 AM)

have him removed your shoes and socks .then have him put a bed of un cook rice on the floor.next have you stand on it  barefooted for a least 3 hours ,the rice will bite in to your soles of your feet..you will beg and beg to get off the rice  that  will work



simplyangelic1 -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 2:53:45 PM)

I hate it when Dominants send their slaves and submissives to the internet to solicate punishment ideas from total strangers.  I personally think this is lazy on the part of the Dominant and could potentionally be dangerous for the sub/slave.  For instance getting punished with a belt would cause me to have flashbacks from childhood abuse. 

And if this Dominant isn't your Sir, who exactly is he training you for anyway?  From my experiences, most Dominants like to train a sub/slave to their liking.  Everyone is different and may not necessarily like what another has trained you to be.  Think about it.  Sounds to me like another "Mentor" gone wild.




Celeste43 -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 3:00:13 PM)

I don't get punished for accidents. However if I locked his keys in the car and we needed to call a locksmith, I would have paid for it. Same if he had to buy a second phone charger. As far as missing the time for a phone call, he would have tried me at the set time. He isn't hung up on who calls who first or other sophomoric things.



MadRabbit -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 4:20:48 PM)

Unfortanely, I am questioning the competancy of your Trainer at this point. If he cant provide ways to correct these simple behaviors without asking for online help, what exactly qualifies him as a Trainer?

But...thats my opinion and you know what they say about opinion.

Personally, neither of these two things would warrant a punishment from me unless you were just flat out non carring or malicous about them both. Shit happens, accidents happen, mistakes happen. If I punished someone everytime they made a mistake, we wont really have much fun together, would we? I would also have to punish myself for all my mistakes as well. I prefer to just sit down and talk about mistakes like adults and how to correct them. If you keep making the mistake over and over again, then maybe its time for something more serious.
 
quote:
Not only did i lock my trainer's keys in his car,
 
 
If I was going to punish for this, then I would probably lock you in the car for awhile after I got the keys back without any heat/AC/music/anything to do. (See? This is what it was like to be my keys a few minutes ago.)
 
quote:


i kept his cell charger and forgot to return it or mention it, was late on a return phone call because of a tiny lacking in mathematical skills. (40mins after 5:40 is not 6:30 ><;;).

 
I would take your cellphone and not return it to you for a period of time or not answer your calls for a period of time (so I can save my battery power so it doesnt run out the next time you forget my charger).

 



Elorin -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 6:11:42 PM)

Two of your things have to do with distractability/foggiheadedness/absent mindedness, and the other has to do with bad math.
I don't think punishment will change either of them.
In fact, as M and i picked up the structure of D/s again recently, he asked me about something I frequently forgot - and I told him flat out that punishing me for having ADD was NOT going to make me remember more often, it would just make me bitchy. Consequently, it's not one of my rules.

So, I think that making you feel sheepish for bad math and locking keys in the car and forgetting to return something are all well and good, but let's hope the goal is just to make you feel sheepish and not to actually make you remember next time, because it might not actually work.

Having said that, here are some of the punishments I've given and been given in the past:

Kneel on rice for 10 minutes
Eat a plain bagel out of a dog bowl, with my hands tied behind my back, while kneeling, in front of a mirror. Oh, let's remember he filled the bowl with piss first. I was to watch myself eat each bite and then repeat something while watching myself in the mirror. (I don't remember what it was, but I remember why I was punished and what Sir said as he gave the punishment, and that's what counts.)
Kneel, facing a wall. Scrunch up until my nose is touching the wall. Put quarter between nose and wall. Move knees back the equivalent of one step. Hold quarter to wall until timer dings.
Stand in a corner until the timer dings, then come out of the corner, tell me what you did wrong, why you were punished, and how you will do it differently in the future.
Write out sentences by hand. First infraction, 500 sentences. It increases by 500 or 1000 depending on how recently you were last punished for the same item.
Piss in a cup. Drink it. (only works for those not into water sports)
Write an assignment, topic chosen by the Dom/me.
Admit to 5 of our lifestyle friends what you did, how you disappointed me, and ask for their forgiveness or permission to seek another's forgiveness. Let them know you have to get the forgiveness of 5 people for your mistake and how many you have so far, plus how many you've had to speak to so far.
Publicly announce at a play party that your upcoming scene is a punishment, and what it is for. Invite others to watch and help you be chastened.

Good luck.



dreamsndesires -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 8:04:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: koimizu

It seems that on the beginning of learning more about the service aspect of D/s, i seem to be stumbling heavily.

Not only did i lock my trainer's keys in his car, i kept his cell charger and forgot to return it or mention it, was late on a return phone call because of a tiny lacking in mathematical skills. (40mins after 5:40 is not 6:30 ><;;).

Well, as such, it was told to me to humbly ask for ideas on how to bring this less than stellar little one back in line from other Dominants.

*tries to look brave*

Any ideas Sirs?



Haven't read all of the replies to your question, I'm taking the chance of repeating what someone else may have already brought up.  I'm a submissive, and once a Dom suggested I would come up with my own punishment suggestions.  This in itself was punishment enough.  He advised me, if I was too lenient, he would triple the punishment.  If I asked for more than He would have thought appropriate, I would get it.  Hence my dilemma.

Serve proudly, serve with love.



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 8:09:15 PM)

quote:




I had a thread about this awhile ago and I think a key component should also be that she's grounded from everything- going out, good food, and definitely the internet.  Too many go online and find other subs to commiserate and even brag about their punishment.

On the other hand, ignoring might drive home the feeling of badness- it doesn't really build any good memory or time management skills, which is in theory the truly desired outcome.

If people focused on building new behaviors rather than just punishing and reacting to old bad ones, we'd have much healthier relationships IMO.



Agree completely

The challenge is to disentangle why the sub is being punished

The D in BDSM is discipline.  Being disciplined is a kink all of its own. 

Hence all those ideas like kneeling/standing on rice and drinking piss are actually really hot....if your kink is being disciplined.  Asking online for ideas is an interactive kinky fantasy.  The exchange of ideas is titillating the OP, her "trainer"  and some readers.

Real punishment (designed to alter behaviour, not titillate) can backfire on the Dominant badly IME.  It is a human right to be treated with dignity, love and respect.  Submissives are desparate to please anyway, so why deliberately hurt them (physically or emotionally)?

Real punishment (even if not dealt in anger) can kill a D/s relationship.  Submissive men are terribly sensitive IME and the rejection implied in real punishment can spoil the dynamic you once had for good






Totalmaster4you -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 8:58:57 PM)

When I read your request the first thing that came to mind was why you acted as you did? Part of the answer is that "he is not your Sir" but that's not the whole answer. I don't get the sense that you are giving Him all the respect you should. Why is He "only" your trainer? Are you being trained for someone? If so maybe they should come up with your punishment. Understand punishment can be for fun or corrective as it is in this case. So what would you have done to you so you would never repeat the action again?



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 10:36:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Real punishment (designed to alter behaviour, not titillate) can backfire on the Dominant badly IME.  It is a human right to be treated with dignity, love and respect.  Submissives are desparate to please anyway, so why deliberately hurt them (physically or emotionally)?

Real punishment (even if not dealt in anger) can kill a D/s relationship.  Submissive men are terribly sensitive IME and the rejection implied in real punishment can spoil the dynamic you once had for good

And to boot as a thinking evolving adult if I want to change my behavior I can find incentive enough to do so.  I don't need real punshiment.  It has not proven to be a great behavioral modification technique IMO.  Getting to the root cause and putting ones mind to changing what one can is so much more me.  I don't want to be in relationship with a man who needs me to punish him for him to do what he has agreed he would do. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 11:16:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin
Admit to 5 of our lifestyle friends what you did, how you disappointed me, and ask for their forgiveness or permission to seek another's forgiveness. Let them know you have to get the forgiveness of 5 people for your mistake and how many you have so far, plus how many you've had to speak to so far.
Publicly announce at a play party that your upcoming scene is a punishment, and what it is for. Invite others to watch and help you be chastened.

Good luck.

Unless you get the permission from the others to do this, I'd consider this SO rude and inappropriate.  It's your mess and intruding on other peoples time and energy with your mess is just really imposing, arrogant and pointless.



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/13/2007 11:50:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin
Admit to 5 of our lifestyle friends what you did, how you disappointed me, and ask for their forgiveness or permission to seek another's forgiveness. Let them know you have to get the forgiveness of 5 people for your mistake and how many you have so far, plus how many you've had to speak to so far.
Publicly announce at a play party that your upcoming scene is a punishment, and what it is for. Invite others to watch and help you be chastened.

Good luck.

Unless you get the permission from the others to do this, I'd consider this SO rude and inappropriate.  It's your mess and intruding on other peoples time and energy with your mess is just really imposing, arrogant and pointless.


No actually I think this is a fantasy for those who love discipline as a kink mixed with exhibitionism.  The third parties can decline to be involved of course but people at play parties often love being invited to join in other people's head f*cks.  Its not a bad way to get to know others. 

I can think of plenty of evil pre-conditions I would require to make the girl earn my forgiveness.

 I would probably have a crack at pinching her from the Dom/me silly enough to send her out to play with 5 other too......

It would not work as real punishment of course - way too much fun would be had by all!!





MadRabbit -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/14/2007 4:35:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

quote:




I had a thread about this awhile ago and I think a key component should also be that she's grounded from everything- going out, good food, and definitely the internet.  Too many go online and find other subs to commiserate and even brag about their punishment.

On the other hand, ignoring might drive home the feeling of badness- it doesn't really build any good memory or time management skills, which is in theory the truly desired outcome.

If people focused on building new behaviors rather than just punishing and reacting to old bad ones, we'd have much healthier relationships IMO.



Agree completely

The challenge is to disentangle why the sub is being punished

The D in BDSM is discipline.  Being disciplined is a kink all of its own. 

Hence all those ideas like kneeling/standing on rice and drinking piss are actually really hot....if your kink is being disciplined.  Asking online for ideas is an interactive kinky fantasy.  The exchange of ideas is titillating the OP, her "trainer"  and some readers.

Real punishment (designed to alter behaviour, not titillate) can backfire on the Dominant badly IME.  It is a human right to be treated with dignity, love and respect.  Submissives are desparate to please anyway, so why deliberately hurt them (physically or emotionally)?

Real punishment (even if not dealt in anger) can kill a D/s relationship.  Submissive men are terribly sensitive IME and the rejection implied in real punishment can spoil the dynamic you once had for good



I agree with this strongly.

I think its harmful to relationships because people cant make the distinction between real punishment and play punishment (much like they cant seperate fantasy aspects of power based relationships from aspects grounded in reality). This is what really confused me when I was trying to gain some understanding of the notion of "punishment" in power based relationships, because a lot of people treat it like a game.

Any punishments I do think up are going to be mundane, boring, annoying and in no way whatsover "hot" since I dont have interest in fantasy punishment. Otherwise, its just talking like adults.

Also, I've noticed the more experienced and older dominants I talk to in long term relationships who DO use things like kneeling in the corner tied up and blindfolded or corporeal use them as a "last resort, no other option, I am really unhappy with your behavior and this is your last chance to fix it"



daddysliloneds -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/14/2007 5:51:52 AM)

hmmm, punishment for being too self involved, absent minded, or however you wish to interpret it; i'm not a dominant/trainer/whathaveyou, but i'll bite...

no communication to/from the domianant/trainer for one week for each infraction...

perhaps the absense of attention will help you think more; think more of others, less of self, and more of what you 'are' doing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: koimizu

It seems that on the beginning of learning more about the service aspect of D/s, i seem to be stumbling heavily.

Not only did i lock my trainer's keys in his car, i kept his cell charger and forgot to return it or mention it, was late on a return phone call because of a tiny lacking in mathematical skills. (40mins after 5:40 is not 6:30 ><;;).

Well, as such, it was told to me to humbly ask for ideas on how to bring this less than stellar little one back in line from other Dominants.

*tries to look brave*

Any ideas Sirs?





KnightofMists -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/14/2007 6:24:52 AM)

koimizu..... I am not going to bother with the punishment suggestion... since it serves no effective purpose to change the behavior of lack of consideration that is getting you in trouble in the first place.

do yourself a favor... Read the book "Mindfulness"  by Ellen J. Langer



Elorin -> RE: Punishment Suggestions (4/14/2007 8:10:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Unless you get the permission from the others to do this, I'd consider this SO rude and inappropriate.  It's your mess and intruding on other peoples time and energy with your mess is just really imposing, arrogant and pointless.

I know my friends and my submissives well enough to feel comfortable doing this. I wouldn't send a sub out to ask others for forgiveness lightly. It is far from pointless if the sub is ashamed and would like to sweep it under the rug, and now has to tell others, and not just random strangers, but others that he knows and will interact with in the future, what he did. Arrogant? Again, I know my friends and my subs well enough to feel comfortable. If it would be imposing, I wouldn't let the sub talk to that person.

And honestly, I WOULD ask a list of friends first if they would give the sub their time and respond honestly, and possibly explain why (though few people that come to mind would need the explanation).

This isn't a matter of sending my sub out to accost strangers.

As for the scene at a play party, well it's your choice if you watch or not. The announcement is generally going to be understood to be acceptable.

~shrugs~
~E



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