Is it just me or.....

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Is it just me or.....

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> Is it just me or.....

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Is it just me or..... - 4/12/2007 11:35:48 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

This switch thing,Is it just me or is it confusing and annoying to others also?A week or so ago,I became very submissive,more so than normal,now though I do still feel that way,it is less so,I feel I am going to change again soon.With reference to meeting others,in the past,I had sought submissives and now dominants,I think it would be easier in future to look for just switches,so that they may understand the change.The worry there,is what if both were the same orientation at the same time?What do others do,how do they understand their switch?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/13/2007 7:26:52 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you can work to get rid of the notion that the enjoyment of SM is linked to Ds role, it might help. I know lots of Masters who are masochists, including myself on some levels. I know lots of slaves who are excellent Tops (sadists; Top being different than Dom or Master for me). Finding like-minded people might help, but since you find the topic to be confusing an annoying yourself, I doubt that it will. You need to first come to terms with yourself before you'll be able to totally come to terms with other people.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Aneirin)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/13/2007 8:03:09 AM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

One of the problems I've heard with dating other switches -- even a friend of mine had this as a problem with her primary lover -- is figuring out who gets to top or bottom at any given time. If both feel a need or desire to bottom, then the one who compromises may end up being a less than inspired top ... and vice versa.

I've seen people trade off within the same night: B tops C, then aftercare, then C tops B, then more aftercare. There are probably people who just go after each other similtaneously: impact play, biting, sratching, pinching etc., during what would otherwise be considered typical intercourse or otherwise "vanilla" sex. There could also be compromises along the lines of service topping vs. service bottoming.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/13/2007 8:06:33 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin
This switch thing,Is it just me or is it confusing and annoying to others also?A week or so ago,I became very submissive,more so than normal,now though I do still feel that way,it is less so,I feel I am going to change again soon.With reference to meeting others,in the past,I had sought submissives and now dominants,I think it would be easier in future to look for just switches,so that they may understand the change.

It's rare for a switch to switch WITHIN one relationship. Far more often they are stable in one position in on relationship, but had another position in another relationship.

But they are out there.

quote:

The worry there,is what if both were the same orientation at the same time?What do others do,how do they understand their switch?

On the rare time that happens, we just snuggle and watch movies, or one of us tops the other for fun. Our relationship is based on us being together, not on one of us having authority.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Aneirin)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/13/2007 9:32:09 AM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

The worry there,is what if both were the same orientation at the same time?What do others do,how do they understand their switch?

On the rare time that happens, we just snuggle and watch movies,

That was my first thought..... If both are feeling sub maybe just catch up on some quality cuddle time??????

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/13/2007 12:23:12 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

Some people need their labels. Some people need to have a certain rigid structure around which they build their lives. Switch is just another label. You are whom you are. Your partner is who they are. Neither of you can be anybody else. If they can't cope with you occasionally wanting a change of pace, then they can't cope with you. If you have been misleading them, not admitting to your occasional shift in tastes and desires, they may well have a right to be annoyed. Love whom you love, and be honest with them. If they love you, they will accept you. Everything else is just a matter of negotiation.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to Aneirin)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/13/2007 7:35:46 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

Switching neither annoys nor confuses me. It's who I am.
I like to be zapped w/ the violet wand. I like to zap others w/ the violet wand.
I like to be tied up with rope. I like to tie others up with rope.
I like vanilla ice cream. (Breyers Vanilla Bean preferably) I like peppermint ice cream. I like bubblegum ice cream.

It is easier to be a switch if you are poly because you KNOW that if you go to partner X, you can get dominated, and you KNOW if you go to partner Y, you can get to be the one in charge. But if you get with another switch, then the two of you decide what to do. If you both feel sub you may as well flip a coin to find out who gets to be the Top first, and then swap later. If you both feel Dom, do the same thing. If you are in complimentary moods, awesome.

Life is confusing, ya just gotta think about it and work it out. If switching confuses you, take some time to look at yourself and figure out what causes your switch first, and then try to find a partner with that knowledge in hand.

For me, there are certain activities I'm almost always game for (needles, fire, knives, rope) as a bottom. But I don't feel submissive off and on. My submission is only inspired by those for whom I have a great deal of respect. So submission isn't a mood, it's a response to a person. Dominance is my primary personality, but I only use it on those who have chosen to engage my dominance - those who have consented for me to dominate them. And I'm always game for LOTS of activities as a top.

Hope some of that helped, somehow.

~Elorin

(in reply to Suleiman)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/13/2007 8:06:41 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Human beings. this is just one facet of my complex personality. No it doesn't annoy me or Daddy. I am who I am. We allow each other the space to be fully human which means somewhat variable. We allow ourselves that space. Now I don't switch with him. But my personality is not static.

If I were also in relationship with a switch we would figure it out together. Don't need power exchange nor bdsm to love each other and just fuck and wallow at times. And at other times fight for supremacy. So many wonderful possibilities if you don't insist on painting yourself in the corner and if you are truly open to some of the complexities of being fully human IMO.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Aneirin)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/14/2007 7:12:56 PM

jthorne

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

If it's annoying, then you're in the wrong relationship. Same for if it's confusing. Either work out your switchiness outside the confines of a relationship, or find someone who can help you with it.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/14/2007 7:49:38 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

Ahhh....Switch. I was in a relationship as a collared submissive to a very Dominant man. He watched me dominate others and it was fun for him to see me in that role; in that pleasure. Over time he realized I was good at what I do and found himself wanting to submit to me. He did just that. It took me completely off guard but we made it work. I kid you not, we were collared to each other.

When we were in private we typically were a very average couple. Movies, dinner, sex... When we went to a dungeon I always submitted to him first, as it should have been in my mind. We didn't even speak of it, it was simply something we just knew and felt. And as someone mentioned earlier...I submitted, received aftercare, socialized a bit and then flipped the switch and he submitted, received after care and socialized.

To this day, while we are not together for reasons totally unrelated to our BDSM life, I treasure every moment I had with him regardless because I love him; because he loves me.

D~

(in reply to jthorne)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Is it just me or..... - 4/14/2007 8:58:38 PM

WeltedBuns

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline

I appreciate Collar Me for giving those of us who prefer an alternative lifestyle the freedom to communicate and grow together, but I do have to say that I have NEVER in my life met so many people be so DEPENDANT on labels, social etiquette, status, and role definitions just to make it through one more day. Just go with the flow...the more pins you stick in a relationship to try to fix it into a definitive shape simply ends up leaving behind a bunch of holes.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Profile

Post #: 11