Advice needed in a major way

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MasterLostsoul -> Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 11:59:33 AM)
WARNING!! If you do not like long book like posts stop reading now!!! I figured this would be the best place for this, since it is BDSM related in a way, but also not. It is more me trying to get my head straight, plus trying to give support to one very scared young lady who is the love of my liife who just moved down to me. She has a very difficult prediciment she is in right now, and really I am caught in the middle. First let me give some of the background leading into this so ones can better understand everything. Her parents are divorced. Her mother lost custody of her at a very young age to drugs and what her father believed was child endangerment. Her mother had tried repeatedly to regain custody, but the courts thought the abusive father was the "great parent." So, that let her with her father. Since she was a baby pretty much she has been beaten by him and at the same time undergone severe mental abuse as well. She has fallen in love on two major occasions. The first was with a girl she loved and adored. One day, he hired some of his friends to beat the holy hell out of the girl to end the relationship and nearly killed her. They beat the poor girl so badly, she was in a coma for several months. Her father claimed innocence and of course law enforcement did nothing ("insufficient evidence") to bring justice to that girl. His motive was simply to fuck the girl over and end the relationship they had together. This was just the first incident. The second one was with a fiance she was deeply in love with. The father basically dictated terms to end the relationship or there would be hell to pay. So the boy took a stand and refused to give in and was stabbed several times by one of his friends to end that relationship.. (see a minor pattern forming?) Of course her father got off scot free pleading innocent and all of it was in his daughter's head. To add insult to injury, of course being very distraught on her part seeing this happen twice so far sent her into a couple of suicide attempts. Her father claims all of the abuse is in her head, and when she was sent in for counceling. Instead of pulling her out of the house and ending the cycle right then and there, they basically tried brainwashing her to think it was in her head and not happening (her aunt is a psychiatrist and purposely forged and doctored records to make it appear all in her head and not him... Lovely aunt I know).. Now knowing all of this ahead of time, we knew we had one shot when we met on collarme to get her out of her situation at home. At one point her father got wise to some of our planning and threatened either we end the relationship or he would put her in a state hospital for the rest of her life. (She is 18 and legal age as of last december. I know I have seen her Id card and birth certificate). Rather than us stop talking, and ending things, we came up with a plan that we hoped would work. It had been decided early on she would be coming down on the greyhound buses. That worked into our advantage. We began talking in code using essentially dog track races and everything to plan out the rest of the details, keeping her departure date a very closely guarded secret. The plan worked. By the time he started to catch on she was not coming home, she was already in my arms safe and almost 1,800 miles away from the abusive little fuck of a father. This of course pissed him off to think his "fat stupid sow of a daughter could pull it off (and quite easily Imight add). Now with that said so far on background, let me back up and answer the question why she was not driving down. Simply put in her father's words a fat, stupid sow did not need to learn how to drive. This was the same for working. Now for the main crux of this entire message and the dilemma (and yes she needs a lot of POSITIVE SUPPORT). She lost a grandmother about 2 months ago, who left a fairly large sum of money to her. Because she is out of state and safe, he basically has refused to forward the checks and is holding that against her, among more threats and bodily harm. (I'm not all that worried... If they want to play I have no problems letting them meet my friend by the door... namely a steel bat) He has said the only way to get her money that is promised to her in the will is to fly back up there, and given his past reputation, it would be a suicide mission. On one hand, she knows she is madly in love with me, and wants the cycle of abuse she has known most of her life to end. On the other hand she is slightly home sick, and at the same time terrified of her father, which is devestating her further. I can truthfully feel for her and know the abuse happened based on the nightmares she has pretty much every night. She tries to hide them, and the trying from everything but i know she is shattered inside from everything. So right now she has a choice as I see it. She can remain safe, and no amount of threats on her father's part will get her to run back home to the abuse and hell that she got out of, and basically lose her father and his brainwashed family who thinks it is all in her head.. Or, she can remain with the love of her life, shrug off everything, start a new life and have all of her wildest dreams fulfilled she has ever hoped for. So the question is this. Given she is out of the situation at home and totally safe with me and work on making a new life for herself, if it were you being eighteen and torn apart inside, would you stay with theman you love or cater into the threats from the psychotic father? Eager looking for a lot of positive advice and support. And yes I compliment her daily on how brave she was to make her stand to get out of the abuse. It took a lot of guts on her part and I have nothing but high praise for her. I just would like to let her see other people's perspectives on things from ones who have been through the abuse, how they dealt with it. No one should have to make the decision of giving up the man they love over more abuse at home. Thoughts and comments welcome. She will be reading the replies. Master Lostsoul and his adorably cute kitten

onestandingstill -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 12:08:03 PM)
I'd get away from the evil man and be with the one I love. It's not always that easy due to the power the abuser holds over the person. If she picks you I hope if she picks you you'll be ready to handle her mental state as I'm sure she's got to be a handful after all that abuse and negativism. suzanne

zindyslave -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 12:24:22 PM)
I think she did the right thing getting away from him and now you are there to protect her from further harm. The only thing now is to stay away from him, and it will be hard for her but it is the best thing for her to do. She does need counceling for the stuff she has been through. I know she was put in counceling at her fathers choice but this needs to be something she wants to do with someone that knows about abuse and how to help people through that. But she has already done the biggest part by leaving the abuser.

slaveish -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 1:38:33 PM)
That is one more bastard of a problem there. Eighteen is young and she's been with that man for 18 years, her whole life until now. As abusive as he was, and as scary as he is, he was / is the first man in her life. This is going to be an uphill battle for both of you, most especially her since she is the victim. Your support is quite meaningful, your unconditional love is essential, your understanding of her moods and inconsistencies is critical ... but this is her war and hers alone. Professional therapy. Lots of it. And fast.

nyrisa -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 2:42:09 PM)
I would recommend she see a lawyer to advise her about the best way to pursue her legal rights to her inheritance, and also work on establishing herself as a mentally capable independent adult, to forestall future attempts by her father to have her declared incompetent. This means doing the mundane stuff of life, such as working, paying bills, establishing credit rating, etc. If she goes from dependent on her father, to dependent on you, then she has no way to demonstrate her ability to make her own decisions when her father tries to coerce her home at some future time.

CrimsonMoan -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 2:52:11 PM)
Ok I just have to say one thing she is damn lucky she foudn a guy who was willing to stand by her. As for the situation first and formost hire a lawyer when it comes to the inheritance. He has no LEGAL right to hold onto that money as it was left to her and not him by the grandmother. As for the DICK aka dad, if she goes YOU go. Before going over that day do a few drive by checkign the place out to see if anyone else is there just incase he has his boys over for a lil back up. Now mind you I am being nice and not putting up when I really think you should do to him and trust me it would be not even close to what he deserves. AS for your kitten as much help as you have given her she does need to find a therapist who specializes in helping victims of abuse. It will help you both because there will be an unbaised account of HER side of things, it will also help if restraining orders are ever needed. I hope this helps and good luck.

untamedshysub -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 3:01:27 PM)
First if her father has cashed her checks that is fraud and a felony and he can go to jail unless the grandmother put him as a guardina until a certain age , if not she simply has to call the atty in charge of her grandmothers estate and give them her new address to have the checks sent to her. I know a few things about crazy fathers, she needs a real threapist to deal with the trauma and since she is safe with you , she can began to heal but she does need the help of a professional, I am speaking from experience. she can also have a stop pay placed on the checks and reissued to her, and the executior of the estate cannot give out her address if she tells him not too. Good luck to both of you

MasterLostsoul -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 3:17:47 PM)
Thank you everyone that has posted, about this topic. It has helped in a lot of ways. Kitten here: I love you guys thank you! Mwah! My Aunt's (my dad's sister's, the bitches.) have the will, and they know when to give the money, the basicly owned my grandmother. They watched everything she did, and when I was younger they would tell her not give me money. So yeah. CONFUSION! meow

Domspaintoy -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 3:35:27 PM)
Something about this just doesnt ring true ... BUT thats my opinion. In this country if you make a will its legally binding and no-one can alter/tamper with it. The soliciters, (lawyers in your case) who held the will are the ones to get in touch with or is this one of those typical american deep south towns/villages of a bygone era where the 'sherrif' dominates or has the whole town afraid of him and in his pocket? 'kitten' your father is not above the law NOT in this day and age, as someone has pointed out if he has cashed in cheques that are legally yours thats fraud and theft, either go to the police where your father is or go higher and take it to the FBI or whoever it is that deals with such issues over there. When it comes down to it doll, good auld papa is breaking the law and is accountable as is the rest of the family by sounds of it. if this is not the figment of someones imagination then i would go all guns blazing with the law behind you (because they will be on your side) and scare the bastard witless then go live your life with your saviour, under no circumstances go back without the law behind you, that if all that 'background' was true, would be suicide. Dpt. X

kiwisub12 -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/13/2007 7:04:05 PM)
Think seriously about getting a therapist. A good therapist can do wonders with a co-operative patient( been there, done that), and for a true submissive it goes faster because we follow directions. Really need to get those issues out in the light of day, and your Master can't help you with that ( too bound up in the situation to be impartial) Barbara

Celeste43 -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/14/2007 9:34:56 PM)
The problem here is that the aunt or father or both probably are the executors. In this case, assuming the money is not to be held in trust until an older age, the best choice is to have a lawyer in your state petition probate court to have the money mailed to her care of her lawyer. Additionally, get an order of protection against the father. However I'd have gotten a private detective to check out the attempted murders with no police interest. That does not ring true here. Neither does an aunt threatening state hospitalization for life. For one thing, it is illegal to treat a family member. If you can prove it, you can have her license pulled. For another, no psych hospital will incarcerate someone forever for a suicide attempt. Six weeks until antidepressant meds kick in at most. Lawyer for the legal issues, inheritance, order of protection, rules and regulations about declaring someone incurably insane. Therapist for self esteem and abuse issues. Work/school/driving lessons for self esteem issues and to help her make her own decisions. Because going from one man's control into another's is not healthy for someone incapable of choosing this. And until she has demonstrated the ability to control her own life, it will be thought unhealthy for her to be in a d/s relationship.

santalia -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/14/2007 11:10:38 PM)
Greetings You are right, she is one brave girl for up and leaving, and she did the right thing. her heart is torn some, as she is co-dependant on him to some extent. Your love and guidance should help her with that somewhat, but as others here have mentioned, she needs counseling to get her through it. i would suggest looking into Kink Aware Professionals (google that term) and see if there is someone who is kink-aware in your area to take her to see for counseling. It would help to have someone who is aware and accepting of the lifestyle so she can be open about her relationship with You. On the situation with her inheritance. The father is not entitled to any of that and he is holding the checks illegally. i also agree with those who said if your girl goes to get her checks, You go as well. When You get there, You might want to go to the local police station and request an officer go with You and her to her father's home to help her retreive her mail and belongings. They will have to go and they will ensure Your and her safety while she is there. Also while there, she can contact whomever is in charge of sending the checks for the inheritance and have her address changed so that it goes to where she lives and not to her father's place. Please let us all know how it goes. Sending good thoughts Your and her way. -santalia{JR}t

cariad -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/15/2007 12:10:26 AM)
Greetings Master Lostsoul: to You and Your girl my thoughts go out. she is indeed one very brave girl for having gotten away from that s.o.b... my apologies Master as i don't usually pass judgement but from what You are saying He is much worse than that. to Your girl my prayers and thoughts go out in hopes that she will soon have a peaceful slumber and that her dreams are filled with laughter and joy. Blessed Be cariad

KatyLied -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/15/2007 4:59:49 AM)
Easy answer: you can't make her leave an abusive life unless she's ready for change.

bellaballanda -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/15/2007 11:13:02 AM)
I don't really have much to offer that hasn't been said except for my hugs for your girl and another push for getting her to be independent. Does she have any hobbies like cooking or crafts? Just a small class at a community center or community college can be a great step towards getting more self esteem. You can take her to the DMV and get her a permit and start driving lessons just you and her. I also think therapy is a great idea. She might have doubts from her bad experiences before, but finding a good therapist can help with that as well. Again, loads of luck and happy thoughts!

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/15/2007 11:18:19 AM)
I agree and an ol" county boy view on things is you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink....you can't change any one unless they first seek to change,,,bounty

zindyslave -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/15/2007 12:14:49 PM)
I agree with Celeste about getting a lawyer to get the money left to her and if he has been cashing them then he can be sued for obtaining money that wasn't his. I would look into that and explain everything to the lawyer that way he can be prepared if it ends up going to court because they won't give her the money.

hereyesruponyou -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/15/2007 12:38:16 PM)
First counseling. You need to get on your own two feet before anything else. Then to the lawyer, have him first get the restraining order that includes not allowing him to know your address. Then he can petition on your part for the money. But if these people are in any way as evil as you claim (and i have known many as bad or worse), then neither of you should venture back to that area for any reason. Discuss with the lawyer about getting a new SS number. I don't know if that is possible but i would think it would have to be.

NakedGirlScout -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/15/2007 12:43:56 PM)
As someone who has also come from a horrifically abusive childhood, I would like to recommend both individual and couples counseling for the two of you. A lot of abused people find themselves weirdly drawn back into the abusive situations they've just escaped. It's not because they want to be there, it's because their minds are messed up to the point that this is all they know and anything else feels unfamiliar. Please get counseling quickly so that this issue is laid to rest. Good luck and blessings for the two of you.

DocTSH -> RE: Advice needed in a major way (4/15/2007 12:57:36 PM)
I would be finding a counselor in your area...like, last week. And, check out a probate lawyer...depending on the amount of money, it may or may not be worth it, emotionally or financially. BTW, I wouldn't be overly concerned about being put in an institution for life. In this day and age, they rarely keep people as long as they should. Once you're over the age of consent, basically you can "check out" at almost any time unless you're declared incompetent by the Dr.s, which sounds unlikely. Like others have said, this isn't your choice. It's hers. She must make the decision and you'll have to stand by her with either one. I wouldn't advise either of you, personally going to her hometown. Even if it's not physically dangerous, I doubt it would be all that productive. Just my 2 cents. Edited to add...this is spanklette under Doc's name. Didn't realize He was still logged in. Oops.[:)]

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