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"playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 11:13:27 AM

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Ok, this is kind of a survey, but I would really like to know just how far off base I am...

How many say it's ok to "scene" or "play" or what ever you chose to call it... on the very first face to face meeting with someone you have been talking to online only?

Personally, I don't, and I won't. I think that's a "get to know you" time, and by that I mean get to know you as a person, find out if we "click", that sort of thing. And I know it's each to their own, but is it common to expect that?

Jewel

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 11:24:35 AM

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I do it all the time. I play with people I've just met at a club, too, without any prior contact.

But it's a personal choice. You shouldn't be EXPECTED to play with someone you've never met offline before and it's good form to generally go out to dinner first. I wouldn't NOT meet someone just because they didn't want to play on a first meet.

And some people don't have good sense or are too frenzied to make a sensible choice in who to play with.

But people play and have sex on first meetings ALL the time, even lots of the ones who say not to do it. As long as you're behaving like an adult with good sense, using condoms, I say enjoy.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 11:25:57 AM

ruffnecksbabygir

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i never played on the first meet....i wait til the second date

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 11:49:24 AM

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I never would. On the 5th metting I still would'nt. Not until enough trust has been earned.
Not until there was a bond between the two of us.
Of course I'm not looking for play partners either when searching but for a relationship.

I would however, if wanting to learn something play with a new person at a play party with a DM present. Only under strict supervision. Never alone.

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 11:50:26 AM

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ShiftedJewel-
It changes for me. If I'm meeting someone who I KNOW I'm not going to have a LTR with, and it's just going to be a casual thang, I am more than likely going to play on the first date. If I'm meeing a guy and I think we have LT potential, I won't sleep with him, or play. I usually wait until date 4 or 5.
I know this may sound backwards, and it's caused a few potential suitors a bit of grief, as they don't understand why I won't jump in the sack with them, but it works for me.
I don't think that first-meeting play SHOULD be expected, but it seems that it is, at least *in my experience*.
B

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 11:51:57 AM

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It depends on the situation of the face-to-face. If we're meeting for the first time in a group, like at a social, yes, I'll play with them IN PUBLIC. If we've never met and they're looking to come to my home to play one-on-one, no. I meet them somewhere vanilla and chat with them first. It might be the second or third get together for this situation because I'm asking myself WHY they don't want to come to a social.

Fire

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 11:53:02 AM

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We won't generally play on the first meeting. Its a chance to get to know someone and see if you really click without the "will we or won't we" hanging over everyone's head.

That being said we spent three days with v when we first met her, and did NOT play on the first meeting, but did the second, which was the next morning...lol. I don't see anything inherently wrong with it if that's what everyone wants, but at the same time, I like the fact that my owner prefers to take things one step at a time...with the first meeting being just that.

best regards,
fate

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 12:21:59 PM

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I will tend to do what feels comfortable, can/would play on a first meeting depending on how much I've gotten to know the person and what mood I am in.. I do tend to follow MzBerlin's pattern...
I'll say again limited experience, but I basically do what feels comfortable for me and the other (my comfort coming 1st, lol). I tend to be a lil anxious at 1st, but if I'm comfortable and in the mood, I will play. M

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 12:39:32 PM

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It's a lot to do with personal beliefs, securities and just experience level. Some women still think it's slutty to sleep with a man on the first date and he won't respect you, and that's their sole reason for not doing so.

I played with the Owner the first five minutes after he walked in the door of my apartment. The first time I met my Boston partner was an arranged scene between the Owner and his Boston sub (my Boston partners wife) and that blossomed into a long-term loving partnership.

However, the boyfriend and I didn't do anything sexual for a month after we met and even longer for play. He was totally new to everything. While I would have been happy to have sex and play on our first date (which I told him later), it took him a few times before he even really was ok with holding my hand. Part of it is that it was SO new to him, and part of it was that he wanted to respect me and that was his way of doing so.

I go with whatever I'm feeling up for and whatever connection is there with someone.

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 12:43:00 PM

ajewl

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Hmm, I never have played on a first face to face meet and never will, no matter how we originally met... it is just my personal preferrence. We all have to make those decisions for ourselves based on what we are looking for and with whom we are experiencing things with.

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 1:08:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
It's a lot to do with personal beliefs, securities and just experience level. Some women still think it's slutty to sleep with a man on the first date and he won't respect you, and that's their sole reason for not doing so.

I know what you mean EmeraldSlave...
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21 with 1st husband...
I grew up with some very conservative beliefs of not having sex unless it's with someone you are married or intend to marry... What a crock, I mean either accept that as a crock or marry more times than liz Taylor...

I read somewhere that mother nature fosters clicking between two people immediately or she doesn't... If you two click, than only your hangups/issues can hold you back from a potentially powerful relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that I care more about what I am than what he thinks I am, and if he is uncomfortable with who I am, he shouldn't let the door hit his ass on way out. Indeed if I am horny and feel like behaving in a slutty manner, than it's my prerogative, and I make no appologies for it... Now, if only I believed this more to enjoy much more fun, lol... My point is I do what feels right to me, without worrying about having to lie to him that I'm practically a virgin.. M

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 4:24:20 PM

lil1v

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzBerlin

ShiftedJewel-
It changes for me. If I'm meeting someone who I KNOW I'm not going to have a LTR with, and it's just going to be a casual thang, I am more than likely going to play on the first date. If I'm meeing a guy and I think we have LT potential, I won't sleep with him, or play. I usually wait until date 4 or 5.
I know this may sound backwards, and it's caused a few potential suitors a bit of grief, as they don't understand why I won't jump in the sack with them, but it works for me.
I don't think that first-meeting play SHOULD be expected, but it seems that it is, at least *in my experience*.
B

*laughs loudly* Ok. that just sounds so backwards. In my nilla dating experience, "playing" on the first date would seem to signify a casual relationship. Yet you say that "play" on the first date seems to be expected here. *giggles* Seems the rules get reversed for BDSM.. woo hooo!

I also agree that it shouldn't be EXPECTED. But I'm not certain that it needs to be ruled out either. I've met several who tell me that they don't play blah blah blah until they really get to know someone.. like for a month or so real life. Which would be torture for me.

For me to want to play with someone, we have to CLICK.. once I click with someone and its mutual, I'm all over it.. *laughs* I don't like waiting.

When Mark and I met rl for the first time, we had agreed to play it by ear (though we both knew what we wanted to happen). We left room for the possiblity that rl we wouldn't click as well. Well we met.. and it was better than online. Fireworks.

I just do what comes naturally. If I feel the connection and it feels right, go for it. If its not there or uncomfortable.. wait or you'll probably regret it later.

*shrugs*

I've met many people from online over the years and some the chemistry online was better, some were better offline, and some were the same on or offline. I do believe in being safe. So if you're "Dom/me judger" is broken and you have a horrid past at picking out good people.. then you might want to be a bit more cautious.

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 4:29:14 PM

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quote:

How many say it's ok to "scene" or "play" or what ever you chose to call it... on the very first face to face meeting with someone you have been talking to online only?

I follow my instincts. I have often played on the first meeting. I'll do it again. But it doesn't always have to be like that. Though, I usually only play on the first meeting when I only want there to be one meeting ;)

- LA

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 4:31:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzBerlin

ShiftedJewel-
It changes for me. If I'm meeting someone who I KNOW I'm not going to have a LTR with, and it's just going to be a casual thang, I am more than likely going to play on the first date. If I'm meeing a guy and I think we have LT potential, I won't sleep with him, or play. I usually wait until date 4 or 5.
I know this may sound backwards, and it's caused a few potential suitors a bit of grief, as they don't understand why I won't jump in the sack with them, but it works for me.
I don't think that first-meeting play SHOULD be expected, but it seems that it is, at least *in my experience*.
B

I should have read your post first Berlin. It sums up my sentiments exactly.

- LA

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 4:46:03 PM

domtimothy46176

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I may have a different perspective than some, but I prefer to limit my interactions with those I've just met to the intellectual. I want to crawl around inside a girl's mind and really understand what makes her tick beofre committing to a physical relationship. I'm also pretty uninterested in casual scening so I'm also biased in favor of playing only with those with whom I share some sort of connection.
Timothy

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 4:47:11 PM

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Before beth and I met we exchanged information. We sent each other emails, talked on the phone, exchanged pictures (mostly "PG" rated) and tried to get to know each other as much as we could through the limitations cyber and phone communications. We never did anything that would be considered sexual, but there was a lot of sensual exchanges.

Most important to me was trying to get her to trust me. Very early on I gave her my name, business phone number, home phone number etc. Since she had no lifestyle experience I felt it incumbent to have her go overboard with safety precautions. I told her every trick I knew about how to verify I was who I said I was.

What I told her was more important than anything else was that we would NOT be playing when we met for the first time. I told her that especially in her case considering her lack of experience I wouldn't even CONSIDER playing with her. I was so positive it shouldn't happen I told her I wouldn't even take any of my "toys" with me.

beth was very interested in toys and begged me to bring a small collection of stuff that, until then, she had just heard about and never seen. I thought that was pretty harmless. In fact after thinking about it decided is was another way she could see that I was "real". Experience is tough to prove without a demo, but even if I couldn't "prove" my experience at least I could prove I had gone through the effort and expense to have a toy collection. her first "dom" that she met from her ad came to the meeting with a bag of clothespins and a bundle of clothesline packed in a K-Mart bag. (still a running joke between us) But I was going to stick to MY convictions, meet her, get to know her better, go out to a nice dinner, determine if we liked being with each other, and then head back to LA, about 180 miles from her place.

About three hours from seeing her for the first time, she was naked before me in a hotel in Pismo Beach! It would have been sooner but the first place we stopped at didn't have any rooms.

As BTF points out, "Clicking" happens! So much for convictions huh? Or was I just "easy"?

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 5:10:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
About three hours from seeing her for the first time, she was naked before me in a hotel in Pismo Beach! It would have been sooner but the first place we stopped at didn't have any rooms.

As BTF points out, "Clicking" happens! So much for convictions huh? Or was I just "easy"?

Yup! Though you and beth got to know each other very well online first. I consider the time spent courting online as being time you spent getting to know one another. It isn't the same as face to face, true. But I find sometimes it's almost better because people tend to be more candid during online communication then face to face, providing they are being upfront and truthful but then again, there are liars/players as much in RL as online.

Same thing sort of happened when I met Rapier. A few months of talking on the phone, then I went to NYC for a visit. I took a flight that landed there at 8am so that we would have the whole day to get acquainted. He also told me that he was in no rush. I was naked and bound, bruised and bitten by 11am. Oh what fun! (For the record, I instigated it... with a simple little peck on the cheek!)

- LA

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 9:05:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
I was going to stick to MY convictions, meet her, get to know her better, go out to a nice dinner, determine if we liked being with each other, and then head back to LA, about 180 miles from her place.

About three hours from seeing her for the first time, she was naked before me in a hotel in Pismo Beach! It would have been sooner but the first place we stopped at didn't have any rooms.

As BTF points out, "Clicking" happens! So much for convictions huh? Or was I just "easy"?

LOL, you probably are easy...

, but
What a beautiful story... I believe convictions are for safety (of body/emotions) not for preventing destiny. M

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 9:26:59 PM

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Do I think it's 'okay'? Well, I don't condone others doing it. To each their own.

I have made two 'bad decisions' in this lifestyle, one physical, the other emotional. The physical was playing with someone I didn't know on the first meet. It was awful. It scared and disillusioned me enough to the lifestyle that I slammed the door shut for almost three years.

So, for me? No, I can't see me doing it again after that experience.

< Message edited by FuriousAngel -- 4/22/2005 9:27:40 PM >

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RE: "playing" on the first meet? - 4/22/2005 9:37:29 PM

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Here are some more comments on this topic:

playing on a first meeting

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