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RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 10:38:04 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

This is the internet, I really don't get where people come up with this notion that people will behave the same, if not better, than they do offline.

Don't have expectations that anyone will share the same values that you do, be happily surprised when they do.


I seem to be unable to lower my expectations in this area. Why.. why should anyone have to do that?
It feels like saying 'well just accept the rudeness because it won't change'.
Never would I put up with someone I don't know calling me slut to my face, actually I wouldn't accept it from someone I do know lol. Sure the internet 'lets' people lower 'their' standards but dang it I'd rather keep my standards.

OP, it sure isn't just the doms doing it. This is a prevalant and growing attitude on the internet without a solution in sight. When anonymous it is so easy to be snarky, to belittle others. No one can see a flash of hurt come over someone. No one can see a person shocked at behaviour. Eh I'm rambling on about something that won't change but admittedly it is something that bothers me immensely.

I've decided that I do NOT need a thicker skin. I just don't need to communicate with jerks instead.
LA this wasn't directed at you in particular but more the attitude of 'its the internet, its the way it is' and simply accepting that. We needn't be hyper polite, just normal and civil.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 10:44:49 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You shouldn't accept rudeness- but you should EXPECT it.

You don't communicate with anyone who is rude to you.

But that won't stop them being rude, and they will be.  Don't be surprised about it.  Don't get upset about it.  That's just like getting surprised and upset becauseit's raining when they saw clouds forming and it started raining.

Keep your expectations- but don't be surprised or upset when reality proves them be UNrealistic.  Keep your standards- but don't expect most people to follow them.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 11:07:04 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		But.. but.. I want everyone to be nice lol.

Sigh. You hit on something when you said I ought to expect it, I never do and it always surprises/dismays me.

Anyone want to borrow my rose-colored glasses?

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 1:09:46 PM   
BreakHim4Me


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Here's the trick:  You are in control of the people you communicate with.  You even have a block button.  The ratio of goofs here will be higher because of anonymity, so take at least the same care you do in daily life to avoid the jerks of the world.

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 1:33:57 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Of course there are domini with manners. We just don't send out Emails higgledy-piggledy, and if you have something in your profile saying that you are owned or otherwise unavailable, WE DON'T WRITE!

Sorry, hon, but so far as I know, fukkintroll is the only troll who actually frequents this forum, so your laments largely go unheard. Not that the HNGs could be bothered to read it if you put it in your profile, but that is at the heart of your dilemma, isn't it?

(Post Script) This is sort of like the lament I occasionally hear, "Why are guys so afraid of commitment?" - the answer to which is, "We all got married!"

< Message edited by Suleiman -- 4/17/2007 1:36:09 PM >

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to lostsoulskitten)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 5:29:56 PM   
ADom442


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

lostsoulskitten wrote:
Are there any left who know how to show any manners what so ever without calling collared girls sluts and whores, and for calling them fat assed bitches? 
...
Why is it so many of you think just because a girl is collared and slave she will automatically jump at your commands and fuck your brains out? 
...

I think for most it's because they (fortunately) don't know any better, or at least they won't if they don't read this thread.  

Think about it.  There's some guy out there who's horny and has had BDSM fantasies.  Then, he realizes that there are women in the world who share his kinky fantasies.  He's wondered about this for much of his life, and he doesn't want to go into his old age wishing he'd done more than fantasize. 

So, he gets on the internet and poses as what he imagines a kinky dominant man would be, sends out lots of e-mails hoping that someone (anyone) will respond and he'll get to realize his fantasy.

What he doesn't realize is that he's sabotaging himself.  Between the lines, he's very loudly telling anyone who'll listen that he's only trying to dabble enough to make one of his fantasies come true.  BE GLAD they're writing the things they are, and then ignore them.

Charles 

_____________________________

It is the business of the very few to be independent; it is a privilege of the strong. And whoever attempts it ... proves that he is probably not only strong, but also daring beyond measure.
- Nietzsche

(in reply to lostsoulskitten)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 5:42:03 PM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		I thinit has to do with ignorance of what Dom means. Plus a misunderstanding of what it is a sub is looking for. I think it takes time and a lil education to get peoples heads on straight. Those who don't learn end up lonely.

(in reply to waterdance)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 5:47:30 PM   
briarrose


Posts: 27
Joined: 8/11/2004
Status: offline 		Well said (plus bonus points for higgledy-piggledy).

The thing is, HNG's just don't care whether you are collared or not, and reading comprehension isn't their strong point.  I wouldn't take an insult on your looks personally--assume they are projecting their own dissatisfaction with themselves.  At least that's always what I think when I laugh to myself as I read their message.

You also have the choice to communicate with them or not.  I like to employ, in the grand Southern tradition, of smiling sweetly and responding likewise, usually like "oh thanks so much for the email, but like my profile says I'm happily off the market.  Bless your heart for writing me though."

I've never had a followup response. teehee.

--b

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

Of course there are domini with manners. We just don't send out Emails higgledy-piggledy, and if you have something in your profile saying that you are owned or otherwise unavailable, WE DON'T WRITE!

Sorry, hon, but so far as I know, fukkintroll is the only troll who actually frequents this forum, so your laments largely go unheard. Not that the HNGs could be bothered to read it if you put it in your profile, but that is at the heart of your dilemma, isn't it?

(Post Script) This is sort of like the lament I occasionally hear, "Why are guys so afraid of commitment?" - the answer to which is, "We all got married!"

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 6:34:17 PM   
TigerNINTails


Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		That reminds me of a phrase a dear friend introduced me to...

"Japanese Diplomacy -- The art of telling someone to go to hell in such a manner that they actually begin to look forward to the trip."

I love that quote. I'm not good at it. lol! I'd rather just tell someone to go to hell, than help them think it's a vacation.

Just me I guess. Those that can't seem to pull their heads out of their behinds are those that prove themselves unworthy of my attention or even response, eventually.

As for surprise... It shouldn't surprise me, as it does, but nonetheless, the attitude I see prevalent does surprise me and I think it's not because I wear rose coloured glasses... But rather I'm not looking to see the negative, till it smacks me in the face.

Of course, that's mainly in dealing with people. If I focused on the negative, I'd be negative to others.

But when it comes down to it, there's also misconceptions of how the word "slut" is used in the lifestyles context too... Vanilla's and wanna-be's (are they really so close together?) tend to see it in a humiliating light, or as a tool to "put someone down", where as I view it as a straight forward call on what my slaves are, even though I say it, not to put them down, but to revel in their nature.

Some people just won't get this finer point though. But no matter what, if you don't know someone, don't just call them a slut, right off the bat... This has a stigma, and they might not like it, if they don't know how you mean it...

And how the hell could they? This same anonymity that allows this fuckwittery is the same cause of misunderstandings, nine times out of ten on the net...

So those that do offend you... Just block them, or tell them politely where to go, or unleash the fury of your owner on them... In any sense, it all works... lol...

It comes down to considering the source. If they're like that and messaging you... They aren't knowing, and they seriously need to seek out further education... But you don't have to teach them... Those of us that are real about it, that live it, that have experience, also tend not to have the time to screw with that sort of thing. We aren't, as Suleiman put it, e-mailing "sluts" higgledy piggledy... lol

That's great chit right there maynard.. In any case... Don't sweat the little shits... And their all little shits... lol.

Peace.

Tora


_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to briarrose)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 6:40:06 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		EVer since Angel put that he was collared in his profile, he has gotten al sorts of nasty mail.  Everything from being told he wasnt worthy of serving me, to he should obey someone elses commands becasue I would be remiss if he wasnt trained to ... Dommes and Doms who cannot get their own pets seem to find the need to abuse someone elses.  Some are ust HNG who get off on the idea that they have either ruffled someones feathers or the possibility that the sub in question is into that sort of treatment.  There are some out there that are.  As for the rest, read everything with a grain of salt.  If it is unnecessarly abusive and out of nowhere, block and delete.  Some people just dont understand the basic manners. It goes for subs, as well, it is not limited to Doms.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to waterdance)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 6:46:44 PM   
Jevousadore


Posts: 57
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

(Post Script) This is sort of like the lament I occasionally hear, "Why are guys so afraid of commitment?" - the answer to which is, "We all got married!"


Ah, now it is all clear.....I am laughing so hard right now.....jevousadore

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 7:13:13 PM   
Jevousadore


Posts: 57
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline 		Good evening, Pulpsmack....

I believe you just repeated what I disagreed with in different word, which would mean repeating myself in different words, and so on....laughing.

But I understand where you are coming from.

jevousadore

(in reply to Pulpsmack)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/17/2007 7:47:01 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP...do not let strangers get your panties in a wad..if you wish for wadded panties , go to your Master, I am sure he will be more than happy to do so!.. Tempting

(in reply to Jevousadore)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/18/2007 5:01:26 AM   
ShogunSensei


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I look at this dynamic from a couple of different perspectives.  First as LA and others have said, it's about managing your expectations.  Hope but the best and be prepared for the worst.  The very anonymity of the Internet allows those you would never speak with in real life approach you online.  Discernment is a key aspect to this here as well.  It's important to be able to discern who are full of shit and quickly block them as many have recommended.

The second perspective that comes to mind...Reading through profiles and the boards, I observe just as much disrespect being emitted from the submissive side of the equation.  It's nothing personal.  I am not about to allow someone's lack of manners any power over my emotional state.  Wouldn't be very domly number one....and not very intelligent number two, would it?

So, I wonder if a question to yourself might be in order....   Given that you are a collared submissive and have a dominant to whom you have given power over you, why are you also granting power over you to those you don't even know?

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/20/2007 10:54:25 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		"Are there any left who know how to show any manners what so ever without calling collared girls sluts and whores, and for calling them fat assed bitches?"

Nope, sorry, I got the last one here about a year ago, and I don't wanna share!
Iggy the jerks, make sure your profile isn't inflaming them to be jerks, and move on. 
Never let those who are beneath your dignity drag you down to their level.

(in reply to ShogunSensei)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/20/2007 2:30:02 PM   
N4SDChastity


Posts: 327
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline 		^^^Well, I, for one, have certainly NEVER called ANYone on here, sub or otherwise, a slut OR a whore.  And, I can't see me using the term "bitch" regardless of someones' size.  My Mama taught me manners, and I do my level best to adhere to the things my Mama taught me.  Of course, I wasn't ALWAYS this enlightened, but, somewhere along the way it occured to me that Mama knew a thing or two, and I cud do much worse than listen to what she tried to impart.

So, the one you got MAY have been the last one, at the time, but...

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/20/2007 2:56:01 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		*lolol* okayyyy...
actually, I know of many Doms on this site who deserve that title, and all that goes with it.
I was just teasing her!

(in reply to N4SDChastity)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/20/2007 3:24:40 PM   
BondageTopJere


Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		Lol, I can't bring myself to call a woman a slut or a whore, even if she needs me too.  Cuts so against the grain of my being it makes rubbing a cat the wrong mild in comparison.  I had to turn down one offer in the past specifically for that reason.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/20/2007 3:33:32 PM   
N4SDChastity


Posts: 327
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I was just teasing her!



Well, it's ALL fun and games until someone loses and eye...





Then it's ONE-EYED fun and games, WHOO-HOO!!!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What is with the Doms here? - 4/20/2007 4:21:01 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I thought it was all fun and games until someone has the first orgasm...

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to N4SDChastity)
Profile   Post #: 40
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