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RE: Pick a side - 4/20/2007 7:08:20 PM

Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
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I think for those of us who can switch, and enjoy the duallity of it, would limit our experiences and enjoyment my 'picking sides'. Granted, there are those who for one reason or another, cannot switch, and that is fine, but whether by choice or design, they literally miss out on half of an experience.
Having been a top most of my life, i understand how difficult it can be to let go and trust someone else with my safety and needs, but I was fortunate enough to find someone who was able to allow me that freedom, and for that I am truly grateful.

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to michaels4evr)

RE: Pick a side - 4/21/2007 7:55:44 PM

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
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Choosing one might be fun as long as it's a choice. Constant repression leads nowhere positive. And yes, I do find it discriminatory for someone to ask that of a person every time. Occasionally is not so bad, but every time is pushing it. It's limiting.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to michaels4evr)

RE: Pick a side - 4/22/2007 6:34:53 AM

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

I would not have a hard time attending a party with M as his slave. Whether others called me Ma'am or not for the evening, I would be deferring to him, serving him, and playing as a bottom only.
If I was accompanied by a sub, I would not have a hard time attending a party as a Top only, or Domme only.

However, I do prefer when going to a party to be free to interact and respond however the evening flows, as Top, bottom, sub/slave, or Domme.

For more of the meeting kind of thing, I have run a dominants discussion where there were times when it was beneficial to say "please stay in top/dominant mode". In other words, don't try to serve others, everyone serves themselves. Don't try to make play dates or pick up a Dom/me at this event. We are here to discuss dominant issues and we do welcome your perspective from the bottom, but trying to engage as a dominant while serving as a submissive at the same time is hard for others to accept at times, and having submissive behavior around makes it difficult for some to let their hair down and talk as equals.

I know that submissive groups sometimes ask the same thing, because if a switch were to show up and start issuing orders, many of the subs would be threatened and not feel comfortable attending the group again. Also, sub support groups are a place where subs often want to talk about sensitive issues and be vulnerable, and a switch taking advantage of that vulnerability would be unethical. So leave the top/dom/me at the door and come in as a sub/bottom/slave so that others don't feel they have to guard their words.

~E

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

RE: Pick a side - 4/26/2007 10:57:04 PM

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Joined: 8/8/2006
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I understand it at discussion groups. In fact I started one for "submissives, slaves, bottoms and switches 'in sub mode' " in Austin called Austin subCulture which continues to require the same thing.. I'm talking more about social or play party engagements where I've seen this as a requirement for entry..

(in reply to Elorin)

RE: Pick a side - 4/27/2007 3:43:02 PM

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Joined: 4/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaels4evr

the rare posting got me thinking...

As a switch, i'm always both Dominant and submissive although I don't always act on each role simultaneously..therefore, its puzzling to me when groups ask that switches come to functions in "Domme mode" or "sub mode" only. What does that mean really? If I happen to accept a spanking from someone that evening, then I cannot spank someone that night? Or if someone who is usually submissive towards me addresses me as Ma'am, I should correct them and say tonight I am slave michael's?? Well tonight I am simply....me.

Anyone else sick of the discrimination?

-michael's

You confuse the poor things Michaels.

I doubt that it is more than misunderstanding.

(in reply to michaels4evr)

RE: Pick a side - 4/29/2007 7:38:37 PM

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stranger1

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaels4evr

the rare posting got me thinking...

As a switch, i'm always both Dominant and submissive although I don't always act on each role simultaneously..therefore, its puzzling to me when groups ask that switches come to functions in "Domme mode" or "sub mode" only. What does that mean really? If I happen to accept a spanking from someone that evening, then I cannot spank someone that night? Or if someone who is usually submissive towards me addresses me as Ma'am, I should correct them and say tonight I am slave michael's?? Well tonight I am simply....me.

Anyone else sick of the discrimination?

-michael's

You confuse the poor things Michaels.

I doubt that it is more than misunderstanding.

You are probably right, Sir (?)

(in reply to Stranger1)

RE: Pick a side - 5/15/2007 7:02:49 AM

lewdy

Posts: 21
Joined: 5/11/2007
Status: offline

But its true changing roles in one night is standard public play for me anyway. I hope that it doesnt have poor cousin syndrome.
BDSM has been around a long time, it has form, standards, rules, games, lifestyles and loads of self definition literature.
Its too regimented for me that is my rebellion as a Switch, unpredictable nature since my switch is emotionally driven.
I break custom and offend all the time without knowing it, rules are to guide not rule. There's humour missing and perhaps its never been there and thats what creates the shift.

(in reply to michaels4evr)

RE: Pick a side - 5/15/2007 7:27:29 AM

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Joined: 5/14/2007
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Your dilemma is very similar to how Jews work out kosher eating. As a crash course, kosher eating does not allow for meats and cheeses to be mixed. Some say "If you have one, wait til the sun sets and rises again (or just sets or rises). Some say "Never on the same meal." Some people give an arbitrary figure like six hours. Some say "Never in the same mouthful." or "You can't taste the two together."

5000 years of arguement.

How does this apply to you? Well, some will say "Be Dom or sub for the night" or "Don't switch with a partner during a scene" or give an arbitrary figure like six hours between switching. I say "Go for it." If you and your partner(s) want to paddle eachother back and forth, have at it. Do it your way and proudly proclaim "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!" (It will confuse any nay-sayers long enough for you to switch from your collar to your assless chaps.)

(in reply to michaels4evr)

RE: Pick a side - 5/15/2007 9:27:26 AM

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That sounds like a pretty standard and reasonable request for attending a Special Interest Group play function.

Just because someone can turn into Captain Leatherpants, or Ilsa Shewolf of the SS at the drop of a hat, doesn't mean that it is always the way to go.

It isn't about the individual, it is about the group.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

RE: Pick a side - 5/16/2007 9:14:31 AM

LightHeartedMaam

Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
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I have experienced situations like this where a gathering/party is organized for a specific preference then is attacked by those "outside" the grouping by those who never try to organize anything for themselves yet blast everyone who has gone through the work to set something up for their own interests.

I've yet to see a switch or bisexual exclusive party. Why is that? Is it just easier to make everyone else wrong so you can party on their coat-tails and efforts?

_____________________________

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that it seems I have more patience. Turns out, that I just don't give a sh*t.

(in reply to michaels4evr)

RE: Pick a side - 5/16/2007 3:33:19 PM

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Joined: 5/4/2007
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...but, they are wrong.

_____________________________

This space was not taken hostage by iranians.

Het-flexible

(in reply to LightHeartedMaam)

RE: Pick a side - 5/16/2007 3:55:04 PM

LightHeartedMaam

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Joined: 5/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMischief

...but, they are wrong.

Insults here can be so dismissed by simply considering the source~ and I have. :)

_____________________________

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that it seems I have more patience. Turns out, that I just don't give a sh*t.

(in reply to MasterMischief)

Kisses - 5/16/2007 6:46:10 PM

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Joined: 5/4/2007
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The truth, regardless of the source, remains the truth. Kisses!

_____________________________

This space was not taken hostage by iranians.

Het-flexible

(in reply to LightHeartedMaam)

Re: Pick a Side - 5/16/2007 7:52:07 PM

LightHeartedMaam

Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMischief

The truth, regardless of the source, remains the truth. Kisses!

Don't you think it's much like crashing a wedding reception though? Someone went through all the trouble to set up the perfect celebration. If people want things a certain way. Why give them greif? Is there anything stopping anyone from setting their own celebration?

< Message edited by LightHeartedMaam -- 5/16/2007 8:12:15 PM >

_____________________________

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that it seems I have more patience. Turns out, that I just don't give a sh*t.

(in reply to MasterMischief)

RE: Re: Pick a Side - 5/16/2007 9:53:39 PM

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline

I love to switch! sometimes it happens during the scene it really comes from having a partner that knows you--- and sometimes doing the same if you are the dominate and they turn it around to understand youre parnter-- its about beingable to do both

for example im sadistic! i love to inflict pain on others i love whipping spankings candle wax gaging bondage but i also like these things done to me if just depends on the flow of the situation!

however if someone wants you to be a certain way why switch it up even if its something you want to do why not just enjoy it and relax and have a round two later!

(in reply to LightHeartedMaam)

RE: Re: Pick a Side - 5/17/2007 2:27:51 PM

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Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LightHeartedMaam
Don't you think it's much like crashing a wedding reception though? Someone went through all the trouble to set up the perfect celebration. If people want things a certain way. Why give them greif? Is there anything stopping anyone from setting their own celebration?

I was being sarcastic. I actually agree with you.

Although, I do not think people do not set up bisexual switch exclusive parties just to make everyone else wrong. Scared, lazy, too busy maybe. But then I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they are not being an asshat just to be an asshat.

_____________________________

This space was not taken hostage by iranians.

Het-flexible

(in reply to LightHeartedMaam)

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