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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:51:49 PM

ExSteelAgain

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If this is about religion, I've got it. Introduce the religious, nonsexual women to the religious, nonsexual men.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:59:49 PM

defiantbadgirl

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There's actually a free dating site for kinky christians that's advertised on here. I'm just saying that some religious guys want to wait till marriage before they have sex. For a woman who doesn't want to give her body to a man only to be thrown away when he tires of her and wants someone new, religious guys are a great option.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:11:27 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Defiant, I see what you are saying and there is a role for that, I'm sure. I'm questioning the bigger picture of a woman in her 30's, single, who just doesn't have a desire for sex. To me this is a medical endocrine problem or a psychological problem that no one addressed. I think we gloss over it with the old sex vs BDSM discussion. See what I mean?

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:18:01 PM

honeypanties

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I think she just wants to be desired for more than just sex. Most women do-- even within bdsm a lot want to know they mean more to their masters/subs than a free lay. Because, really, you *can* get sex just about anywhere, both men and women want to know they are unique and mean more to their partners than just that and don't have to compete with every pretty thing that walks along willing to have sex. She wants to know she is worth more than *just* sex.

Sometimes a spade is just a spade, man.

No sex is not necessarilly the only way to know that but it is certainly one way. I wouldn't assume that because she wants to serve in domestic more "service" oriented ways that she has a problem or "just doesn't have a desire for sex" ----- she may very well have a desire for sex, or certainly sexual things, just not equate it with the same person served for service/discipline. Eh, to each their own, ya know? Doens't mean she has a problem or does not desire sex in general just because she is looking for a situation that does not demand it from her.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:21:52 PM

defiantbadgirl

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I'm in my 30's and haven't had sex for over a year by choice. Sure I crave and miss sex, but until I meet a guy that's looking for more than a casual play partner, I'll continue to take care of my own orgasms. Nobody has asked the OP if she takes care of her own sexual needs. Her reason for waiting could be the same as mine.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:27:44 PM

slaveish

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Is that why the eyes are bulging like that in your AV?

Yep. It's also the reason my feet are sticky enough to walk up walls.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:33:00 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Honeypanties, welcome to the board with your first post. Smile.

Of course there are those who are abstinent for moral or religious reasons and I don't argue with that. I don't agree with it, but I can understand many think it is right. When they want to get spanked at the same time, I think about it a little more, but I can still understand.

My whole point is if someone is saying she just doesn't enjoy sex it sounds like a medical thing to me. Maybe the OP's point was that it was a religious/moral issue and I missed it. In that case, if she just doesn't want sex because of religious/moral reasons, I do understand.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:37:03 PM

Master274

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Yes, but he may be older than you and comfortable with having the power and control of you.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:38:23 PM

ExSteelAgain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'm in my 30's and haven't had sex for over a year by choice. Sure I crave and miss sex, but until I meet a guy that's looking for more than a casual play partner, I'll continue to take care of my own orgasms. Nobody has asked the OP if she takes care of her own sexual needs. Her reason for waiting could be the same as mine.

Defiant, sooooooo, we come full circle. Let me ask you the question. In this same year have you had BDSM play?

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:45:16 PM

honeypanties

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She didn't say she didn't enjoy sex. -- Just that she wasn't looking for sex to be a "guaranteed" part of play/her bdsm stuff.

She also didn't say she would NEVER have sex with a Dom, just that she wanted to find one that didn't assume it or demand it.

She also did not define "sex" although most of us assumed it ment intercourse, she may be willing to do some "sexual" things and not others.

NOT WANTING SEX DOESN'T MEAN SHE DOESN'T LIKE SEX IN SOME CAPACITY.
That was a total assumption and, for women, there are a LOT of varriables that make one want to have sex or not-- "Liking it" is a compltely subjective rating. I "Like" a lot of things I don't do with everyone. And I don't like being told I should or being made to feel guilty if I don't. I think this is what she is trying to avoid by being honest.

"Liking it" also depends greatly on the person with whom it is with.
"Liking sex" is very very very much dependent for women on who the other person is.
If that is not in place, I for one am uninterested and many women kinda work the same way.......

Not wanting to have sex with everyone or having a greater range of acceptible doms, but smaller range of acceptibl sexual partners doesn't make her wrong or weird or needs help.

I also wouldn't assume is it a Religous or Moral issue either.
The reason you don't understand why she doesn't want to have sex is 1. Because she has not been asked, 2. She may not even know for sure or be willing to explain, or 3. It has nothing to do with *not* wanting sex--- but just an absense of desire *to* have sex and not wanting to mislead someone or feel forced or guilty.

I wouldn't make assumptions about why she doesn't want sex like saying that she Doesn't "Like" sex, has a sexual problem, or has a moral or religous reason-- Untill you have asked, You Don't Know Anything.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:48:35 PM

defiantbadgirl

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Of course I've had bdsm play in the last year. I have 2 play partners but neither wants a relationship at this time. Therefore, no sex....oral or intercourse occurs. I don't have to be married to have sex, but I do have to be in a monogamous relationship. Some people like casual sex with multiple partners. They are entitled to their preference just as I am entitled to mine.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:55:22 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Honeypanties, fair enough. Well, I got the impression from her comments on the thread that she would be happy in a dedicated relationship after she had found her Dom without sex. I thought she stated pretty clearly that was what she wanted in those replies. So, I came to the conclusion, that she does not want sex even when she finds her Dom. To me that indicates a medical or emotional problem. See what I mean?

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:01:02 PM

defiantbadgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: honeypanties

She didn't say she didn't enjoy sex. -- Just that she wasn't looking for sex to be a "guaranteed" part of play/her bdsm stuff.
exactly

She also didn't say she would NEVER have sex with a Dom, just that she wanted to find one that didn't assume it or demand it.
some people don't mind being casually used for sex and others do.........it's a matter of preference

I wouldn't make assumptions about why she doesn't want sex like saying that she Doesn't "Like" sex, has a sexual problem, or has a moral or religous reason-- Untill you have asked, You Don't Know Anything.

I wasn't trying to imply that she had religious reasons for her preference. I apologize if I gave that impression. What I meant is some religious guys aren't looking for sex and if she found one of those, she wouldn't have to worry about being pressured.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:05:14 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Okay, let me sum up things for all of us. You can have BDSM play without sex. We all agree. If you get into a DEDICATED D/S RELATIONSHIP with a Dom you are committed to, sex is expected. If the sub doesn't enjoy sex with her dream Master, something is amiss. I hope we can all agree with this. Heh.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:15:09 PM

defiantbadgirl

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In most cases I would agree, unless one or both partners won't have sex outside of marriage for religious or moral reasons. The OP has not specified any moral or religious reasons, so I'm not assuming either way. I'm just speaking in general. Now if 2 people are married and there are no medical complications that prevent sex, somebody has some serious problems.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 4/20/2007 8:19:37 PM >

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:25:27 PM

wildcat77

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This truly is an epic thread I have to admit

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:35:10 PM

MistressNoName

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Master Taino,

You don't know me, but your reputation certainly precedes you...welcome to the boards...

I just wanted to comment on how funny I find it to see that little vanilla cone under your name.

Keep posting so it'll go away and so that we all can gain the benefit of your many years experience and knowledge.

MNN

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 9:02:46 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrj69

what are you offerring as a release or a way to say thank you ?

is sex all a sub is good for? is sex the only way to say thank you to the dom?? gawd I hope not.

No but you don't offer chocolates to someone who doesn't like them as a misguided treat. If you've got a problem with the fact that a lot of people like sex a lot (and more then getting their laundry done for free), you've got bigger social problems then just having trouble finding a master.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/20/2007 9:40:58 PM >

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 9:04:54 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

If you are looking for a relationship without sex then you are going to have a lot of trouble finding it, regardless of what niche you are looking for. You may be able to get some scenes without it, particularly at play parties, but anything long-going and the other person is probably going to want sex at some point.

I disagree. There are religious guys out there who want long term relationships and/or long term play partners. I scened with a guy like that for a year. Although it never went beyond the play partner stage, even if it had there still would have been no sex. He didn't believe in sex outside of marriage.

If you'll notice I said "relationship without sex" and "sex at some point". A relationship has the possiblity of turning into a marriage. If you are looking for a relationship that will never include sex, EVER you are going to have trouble. Sex is fun. The last person who should be stopping you from having sex is your partner.

Unless that is your kink.

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 9:06:46 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

There's actually a free dating site for kinky christians that's advertised on here. I'm just saying that some religious guys want to wait till marriage before they have sex. For a woman who doesn't want to give her body to a man only to be thrown away when he tires of her and wants someone new, religious guys are a great option.

Waiting till marriage isn't the point. The point is she seems to want a relationship where sex will never be highly desired or required of her. And that is going to be really hard to find. She needs to accept that and deal with it. However, OP please correct me if I'm wrong and if you simply want to wait for a certain amount of commitment for sex. Which is definately more then reasonable!

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/20/2007 9:41:48 PM >

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