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Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 8:48:37 PM

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I'm curious if people who met/courted online or on the phone ran into a problem when they met in real life that the person's physical appearance, demeanor, way of dress, or anything like that made them question their domliness. Maybe you felt in your head that a dominant woman must always be very charismatic and beautiful, and she looked too plain? Maybe she was soft spoken and you just didn't get any femdom vibe?

What about a person's physical appearance or demeanor caused conflicts with you when you felt that online it was working, but in person it didn't?

Do you feel a dominant woman must be pretty to be dominant? (not to get into a debate over measurement of beauty since it's subjective; but pretty *to you*)

Akasha

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 8:52:15 PM

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If it is ok to respond about male doms instead of dommes. I do not associate looks with ability to be a dominant. It might affect whether I felt submissive to someone if I was not physically attracted to them, but it would not make me think they were less dominant in general if I were not.

There are personality traits that might make me question how dominant someone was, but not their attractiveness or the lack thereof.

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 9:02:59 PM

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Personally, I don't associate "pretty" (or "handsome") with dominant any more than I associate "homely" with submissive. People just look the way they look and are the way they are.

MNN

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 9:17:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I'm curious if people who met/courted online or on the phone ran into a problem when they met in real life that the person's physical appearance, demeanor, way of dress, or anything like that made them question their domliness. Maybe you felt in your head that a dominant woman must always be very charismatic and beautiful, and she looked too plain? Maybe she was soft spoken and you just didn't get any femdom vibe?

What about a person's physical appearance or demeanor caused conflicts with you when you felt that online it was working, but in person it didn't?

Do you feel a dominant woman must be pretty to be dominant? (not to get into a debate over measurement of beauty since it's subjective; but pretty *to you*)

Akasha

please do not equate anything about D/s in looks because i don't think that is the point.

minnetar

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 9:17:51 PM

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I'm a Dom, I have had one relationship in the past with a Domme, a couple of subs and vanilla subs. If I am not physically attracted to somebody, I'm not interested in playing with them. But wait there has to be more, not only physically but mentally attracted to them as well. If I'm extremely attracted to them physically, I can look past the mental aspects some what.. Also if I'm mentally attracted to them, I can look past the physical. If they are totally displeasing to me mentally or physically, No dice. Meaning Average looking plain Janes with a strong mental connection I can deal with.

It's a little difficult to answer this question fully, since I have not met too many people from the internet. So I simply lack experience in this area.

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 9:34:02 PM

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Personally, I wouldn't use the word "pretty," but physical attraction must be present... or there ain't nothin' gonna happen!

And yes, I recently met with a woman here from CM, and her demeanor proved to be quite incongruous compared to our prior e-mail and telephone communication. What a let-down!

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 9:40:56 PM

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I have met with people from online who misrepresented themselves. Their descriptions of their looks were way off, and that does impact wether or not I am going to be interested in them. ASide from the obvious problem of their lying to me, if they lied becasue they knew I wouldnt find them apleaing thats even worse. I have to be attracted to someone who subs to me, or I dont enjoy it. I ave met others whos mannerisms and personality face to face was no where near the submissive they were online. When I meet someone face to face and they try and overtake the conversation completely, have no manners or in general dont speak to me the wya they did online... I lose interest quickly.
Costuming and such dont bother me. If I am meeting in a vanilla location... I am not going to expect to see someone in fetish gear or a collar and leash. That ca wait until we are alone.

DV

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 9:53:33 PM

arayofsunshine55

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Top/bottom. Dominant/submissive/switch. In the end I do have to find him attractive to want to do any of this stuff with him.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 10:59:55 PM

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If someone is schlumpy or ill-kept, they don't project self-control or self-esteem. Both qualities seem basic to credible Dominance

That being said, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. If you take care of whatever you were given, and think well enough of yourself to do so, you're attractive to me.

I don't think you ipso facto must be attractive to be Dominant, but you must be credible...

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/21/2007 11:17:14 PM

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quote:

What about a person's physical appearance or demeanor caused conflicts with you when you felt that online it was working, but in person it didn't?

Yanno, most of the time I am a funny motherfucker out here, online, but---
when I talk to someone, personally and it looks like it may go somewhere, I get really me-----

this really hit home.

and every woman wants a man that is a living movie star stud to toothbrush the bathroom and every man wants Dolly Parton to suck their dick.

Fantasy, and the reality cause it can kinda be the same, cant blow thru tall buildi ngs, but I can keep banging my head into a brick until it decides to give up.

While I think real fantasies are real and mind fantasies are mind, there is no gift of submission and no defining act of dominance, except between those in a relation, and it loses alot of people that you may not be magnificently commanding if you cant put your hands on someone.

That is what is different for me after all these years. Internet is probably a good thing, but I have lost dealing in raw flesh now---

AA, I know you get what I am saying.

Admiringly,
Ron

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/22/2007 12:35:25 AM

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nice appearance is subjective but I like them to be physically fit, face wise dont matter none.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/22/2007 1:20:20 AM

xxKyu

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Although looks can influence how attractive a Dom/me is to me, at the end of the day, it's their demeanor that really matters.
They could be the most gorgeous person ever - but if They aren't capable of dominating me, what's the point?

(in reply to Denny17)

RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/22/2007 5:11:32 AM

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Not able to tell you how I feel about an unattractive Domme......However I personally search for the "creep factor". It matters none if you are tall or short, thin or thick, pleasant to the eye or not. I can tie you up. As long as you don't have the "creep factor". I see pictures on collarme that are just plain disturbing and those poor people very well be nice, but because the picture gives me a very strange feeling, I hide them. Same thing in person. If I feel the "creep factor" I have no interest. Otherwise every and I mean every body is beautiful canvas for my rope art.
D~

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/22/2007 6:17:11 AM

MiladyAngelique

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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

Not able to tell you how I feel about an unattractive Domme......However I personally search for the "creep factor". It matters none if you are tall or short, thin or thick, pleasant to the eye or not. I can tie you up. As long as you don't have the "creep factor". I see pictures on collarme that are just plain disturbing and those poor people very well be nice, but because the picture gives me a very strange feeling, I hide them. Same thing in person. If I feel the "creep factor" I have no interest. Otherwise every and I mean every body is beautiful canvas for my rope art.
D~

I agree ... not about the rope art, I have no great skill there but when it comes to the creep factor, that can make me bail.

btw here is a hint guys do not use your drivers license picture lol

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/22/2007 6:30:36 AM

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I think there has to be some attraction involved on both sides. That said, for the dominant factor, its whats in the head and the heart that wins you over.

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RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/22/2007 6:45:28 AM

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To me what a person looks like means far less than their ability to be a Dominant or Master. Their knowledge, personality and all around what kind of person they are means more. ( Master has looks and everything else i was looking for :) )
You can find the most beautiful ( or pretty) people in the world and find they are shallow and stuck on themselves. Or find they are the most fantastic person you have ever met. That can also go with ones who may not be as beautiful ( or pretty too) of course.
It is more what is within all of us that makes us the people we are not what we look like on the outside. imo

< Message edited by OnlyHis -- 4/22/2007 6:53:08 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/23/2007 10:29:17 AM

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Ok, I'll bite...... but only since biting in itself can be so much fun......

On a level of physical appearance only, I think there is some relevance. Not every type is for everyone else. If a sub is looking for some tall, thin, blonde.... well, they aren't going to be happy with Me. Some people have a certain look that they want and that is fine. To them, I wouldn't be "pretty" enough, but I figure that is ok. There are plenty of others out there and I consider it their loss.

On the other hand, some find Me rather appealing. Some find Me even more appealing when they see that the wrapping isn't everything to do with the rest that comes with Me. I prefer those who aren't especially that superficial to look at more than just My outward appearance.

(in reply to OnlyHis)

RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/23/2007 2:04:38 PM

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I think that most people would be considered pretty in someone's eyes or minds. Prettiness need not be physical but emotional or mental.

Some of the ugliest and most unattractive people I've ever met might be considered model material for mainstream culture. Then they opened their mouths and showed themselves to be quite unattractive to me.

I think this becomes a problem when some goes to a real life person but cannot separate the fantasy from reality. Sadly I think some erotica and most of pornography only makes it worse by playing up stereotypes of physical beauty and clothing requirements.

Then again, I'd want someone whose grounded enough to know the difference between the porn/erotica and reality.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/23/2007 2:24:07 PM

hereyesruponyou

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I've met people i found physically attractive based on pics/webcam, but then when we met there was no "spark". I tend to stay friends with these people, and we both agree the chemistry is just not there. I've also felt that chemistry with people i didn't particularly find physically attractive based on a photo. To me it is the feeding off each others interest and energy that does it for me.

Another suggestion to avoid the creep factor....no mug shots and no wedding photos....

(in reply to thetammyjo)

RE: Not pretty enough to be a femdom? - 4/23/2007 2:51:44 PM

GoddessDustyGold

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Speaking from the POVof a FemDom, I have been turned down, even prior to meeting. The reasons have been that I drive a Nissan rather than a Lexus or a Caddy, that I prefer a smaller, yet comfortable home rather than a huge property, and My closet is not filled with leather corsets and 6 inch, stiletto heeled thigh-high, boots.
*Shrug*
In that sense, I have had more than one personal experience regarding stereotypical expectations, and I failed!

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