RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (Full Version)

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imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:43:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

My partner definitely doesn't seem to consider me unselfish and uncaring.  But we both "get" humiliation and objectification and using someone without regard to their feelings...at least on occasion.

i absolutely understand it in the context of occasional humiliation and objectification play. i thought we were speaking of the way  the relationship its self is...as in over all behavior. and in that context i stand by my before mentioned opinion.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:44:55 PM)

quote:


we are all sexual beings...its a big part of what makes us human, for a persons partner to not care about their "sexual response" is disreguarding a big part of them as a person and that is very selfish and uncaring. 

We may indeed all be sexual beings, but we do not all need the same sort of attention paid to that sexuality.

Who are you to suggest another person SHOULD pay X amount/type of attention to someone in order for them to be happy and healthy? 



spankmepink11 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:46:47 PM)

As others have said, i'm sure there are dominants who are not concerned with a submissives orgasm.  I know the dominant i will be compatable with, will view them as his to control and enjoy.



tricia -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:49:02 PM)

quote:

i faked probably hundreds of orgasms just to spare the ego of guys who seemed incapable of enjoying the sexual experience without some sort of validation that they were a stud who could get a woman off.


Thankfully, my Dominant doesn't make my orgasms a priority.   Occasionally I do have them - but the majority of the time they are incidental to his pleasure which is the way I prefer it.   It's my opinion, and I'm sure many disagree - that only the most confident men can make it all about them.
 
I think dominant men like this are an exception.  Even in my limited experience in 'playing' with others - often times I find myself reassuring them that although our time together didn't end in multiple orgasms for myself - I still enjoyed the experience.  Although rarely, sometimes I resent the fact that I'm made to feel almost 'defective' or 'broken' because I didn't drown in a puddle of orgasmic bliss.
 
I'll add that sometimes it's like comparing apples and oranges - comparing dominants, that is.  It really depends on how you view D/s or M/s - and on the rules of your particular game.   My Master and I don't 'scene' and that may be what makes it different - I'm not sure.

quote:

i am glad i have not met  the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person.


I'd like to add - the deliciously flawed man I serve is a kind hearted,  caring man, he is generous with his time, his guidance, his money....
(The fact that my orgasms aren't his priority does not make him uncaring and selfish.)
 
 




imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:49:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:


we are all sexual beings...its a big part of what makes us human, for a persons partner to not care about their "sexual response" is disreguarding a big part of them as a person and that is very selfish and uncaring. 

We may indeed all be sexual beings, but we do not all need the same sort of attention paid to that sexuality.

Who are you to suggest another person SHOULD pay X amount/type of attention to someone in order for them to be happy and healthy? 

i'm not sure i understand your response. i said what i meant...i didn;t "TELL" anyone to do anything. i simply said i felt a person that doesn't care about their partners sexual response is selfish and uncaring.  if you feel differently thats great....and your right



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:50:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
i'm not sure i understand your response. i said what i meant...i didn;t "TELL" anyone to do anything. i simply said i felt a person that doesn't care about their partners sexual response is selfish and uncaring.  if you feel differently thats great....and your right

Then you are essentially calling myself, and my ex master, and more than handful of people on this site that they are selfish and uncaring.

Is that how you want to describe me?



ONEDEMANDINGMSTR -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:55:55 PM)

Puella,
Couldn't agree with you more. It is up to the 'couple/group/individuals to decide if orgasms are 'important/required/exciting/,etc.".
Dominants have to determine what our subs want/need/desire.........even if they're not certain themselves............which is often the case.  smile
A D/s relationship encompasses such a broad spectrum of human behavior that every relationship must stand(or fall) on its own accord.

DAN



puella -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:57:03 PM)

Hello daddysprop,

I think it is all in the motivation, of course.

I think that 'just not caring' about just about anything about a person you are in a loving, emotionaly intensive, caring and healthy relationship with could indicate possible personality disorder indicators.  For instance, you might feel a bit more skeptical if you switched the words... how would you feel about an owner who just didn't care that you experienced extreme pain or bleeding during intercourse, because he was taking you for his pleasure, not yours.  How would you feel about an owner who didn't care that you were very unhappy much of the time, as long as his needs were met?  It indicates (or could) to me a couple of things... lack of real value of the person they 'own', and instead just a value in the service disassociatively provided to them by 'property',and/or a personality which has no concern for the feelings and well being of others... which in the extreme, points to antisocial disorder/sociopathic tendencies.

If the two people are symbiotic and happy... more power to the couple, I suppose, but there is something in my own personal understanding of a beautiful and healthy relationship, of any sort, in which both partners nurture and bring out the best and most healthy aspects of their humanity.   I would think that, as Ravenmuse said, a Dominant would want to look into the issue of non-response in the woman whose growth and well being he has taken control of (even if, in the end it is decided that the best coarse IS for it to be a non-issue), rather than just breathngi a sigh of relief in finally finding a chick who he cum in without having to be bothered with all that annoying effort of 'getting the stupid bitch off' (I used two extreme examples in that comparison to show you what I meant in my first statment.. motivation.)

At this point in my cumulative understanding of being a responsible person who gets involved in D/s power dynamic relationships, I think it is just absolutely imperative to scrupulously examine motivations.



tricia -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:59:14 PM)

I think you are equating orgasms with fullfillment, contentment and having your sexual needs met - some of us do not.  Some of us get our needs met through our servitude or our partners pleasure/orgasms.



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:59:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
i'm not sure i understand your response. i said what i meant...i didn;t "TELL" anyone to do anything. i simply said i felt a person that doesn't care about their partners sexual response is selfish and uncaring.  if you feel differently thats great....and your right

Then you are essentially calling myself, and my ex master, and more than handful of people on this site that they are selfish and uncaring.

Is that how you want to describe me?

you can corner me if you want....thats fine...i wasnt trying to insult anyone...i am merely stating how i feel...and that is ........in my opinion .......if my partner was not caring about my sexual response i would consider him selfish and uncaring and would look for a different partner...if that makes me bad or wrong then i guess i am....



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:01:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
you can corner me if you want....thats fine...i wasnt trying to insult anyone...i am merely stating how i feel...and that is ........in my opinion .......if my partner was not caring about my sexual response i would consider him selfish and uncaring and would look for a different partner...if that makes me bad or wrong then i guess i am....

I'm not cornering you, I'm following your statement to its logical end.  You made a bold statement, and that will require some support from you.

I have to ask- why wouldn't you decide you just weren't compatible?  That you were interested in different things? 

Why the need to leap straight to "uncaring and unselfish"?



daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:07:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia

I think you are equating orgasms with fullfillment, contentment and having your sexual needs met - some of us do not.  Some of us get our needs met through our servitude or our partners pleasure/orgasms.


exactly!! *standing and applauding*



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:07:31 PM)

because i lack emotional discipline....



heartfeltsub -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:18:03 PM)

While i do not disagree that there are submissives/slaves who get fulfillment without orgasming, as i have myself at times, my concern about this question is where the lack of orgasms is stemming from.

There was a period of time in my life, prior to dealing with the sexual abuse of my childhood, that i was almostly completely non-orgasmic. It came from an emotionally and mentally unhealthy place. After dealing with the sexual abuse and actually healing from the sense of shame, hatred of all things sexual, etc. that it left in me, i am now multi-orgasmic.

 So whether a submissive/slave orgasms or not, i don't care. Whether a submissive/slave is carrying around a load of guilt, shame and wounds from past sexual abuse and it is leaving them non-orgasmic, that i do care about. To me that is two entirely different things.

heartfelt



IrishMist -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:18:15 PM)

quote:

i am glad i have not met  the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person.

I am going to ask the same that everyone asked

why do you equate such behavior in a dominant with being selfish and uncaring?



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:28:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

i am glad i have not met  the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person.

I am going to ask the same that everyone asked

why do you equate such behavior in a dominant with being selfish and uncaring?

well i guess its because thats how it feels to me... some people feel differently...



daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:31:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia

quote:

i faked probably hundreds of orgasms just to spare the ego of guys who seemed incapable of enjoying the sexual experience without some sort of validation that they were a stud who could get a woman off.


Thankfully, my Dominant doesn't make my orgasms a priority.   Occasionally I do have them - but the majority of the time they are incidental to his pleasure which is the way I prefer it.   It's my opinion, and I'm sure many disagree - that only the most confident men can make it all about them.
 
I think dominant men like this are an exception.  Even in my limited experience in 'playing' with others - often times I find myself reassuring them that although our time together didn't end in multiple orgasms for myself - I still enjoyed the experience.  Although rarely, sometimes I resent the fact that I'm made to feel almost 'defective' or 'broken' because I didn't drown in a puddle of orgasmic bliss.
 
I'll add that sometimes it's like comparing apples and oranges - comparing dominants, that is.  It really depends on how you view D/s or M/s - and on the rules of your particular game.   My Master and I don't 'scene' and that may be what makes it different - I'm not sure.


I'd like to add - the deliciously flawed man I serve is a kind hearted,  caring man, he is generous with his time, his guidance, his money....
(The fact that my orgasms aren't his priority does not make him uncaring and selfish.)
 
 





tricia, thanks so much for your response, so much of what you said above resonated with me. i agree with you in that it takes an extraordinarily confident man to not only be comfortable with...but demand...that sexually it is simply all about them.

also like you i have been made to feel by other Dominants i've served that i'm defective in some way because i do not physically respond in the way they like or are accustomed to. even my Master has gotten irritated with it to the point that when questioned about it he'll tell certain other Dominants he has me serve that he does not allow me to orgasm...because they simply cannot accept or understand a submissive being solely focused on serving and pleasing them.

my Master and i also do not engage in "scening" so maybe that is part of the reason why we seem to be so different from most in this regard.



slaveluci -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:33:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia
I think you are equating orgasms with fullfillment, contentment and having your sexual needs met - some of us do not.  Some of us get our needs met through our servitude or our partners pleasure/orgasms.

And some of us are blessed enough to have both.  Orgasms, for me, DO cause fulfillment and contentment not just because they feel awesome but because Master has permitted me to have them and has caused those feelings in me.  Does wanting orgasms for myself mean that i place any less value on my servitude to Him and His pleasure?  No way!  If it came down to it, i'd rather He have one than me.  But, thank God, it doesn't come down to that.  He gets all the pleasure He can possibly handle and gives me all i can handle as well.  i don't think it's an "either/or" issue.  i get my needs met through serving Him and one way i serve Him is by having all the mind-blowing orgasms He provides[8D].  i don't think it's so mind-boggling to understand how He views that as controlling me.  When am i ever less in control, than when in the throes of a climax?   slave luci 



Raphael -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:49:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
why do you assume that a Dominant who didn't care about a submissive's arousal was a selfish or uncaring person? perhaps they understand that a submissive's pleasure is not all wrapped up in physical responses, or perhaps they just want a submissive who's sole sexual focus will be service....this does not make them an uncaring, unfeeling or selfish person in general.


Exactly. What's stupidly selfish is to make a non-orgasmic girl feel pressured or less valued because of that. It's not enough she gives you obedience and serves your pleasure, she also has to feel bad because her involuntary reactions aren't stroking your ego sufficiently? That sounds like a very selfish and more importantly insecure person to me.

Personally, my ego is quite strong enough without any need for extra stroking, thanks.

One should also realise, perhaps, that the best chances for "converting" a non-orgasmic girl is NOT to make her feel bad about it, but to accept her as she is so she can relax. But doing this just for the purpose of attempting to change her is just a sneakier way to be insecure, and her miserable.



slaveluci -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 2:53:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
the vast majority of Dominants i've encountered seem to be as wrapped up in the female sexual response as vanillas, even more so since they tend to view it as one more avenue of control. this boggles my mind to be honest.
so my questions are basically this....why do so many Dominants care so much about submissive orgasm and arousal? are they not aware that submissives will find pleasure and fulfillment in pleasing them, but that doesn't necessarily translate to a wet, throbbing pussy? or is it an ego thing? and most importantly...where are the Dominants who simply don't care?

hello daddysprop,
Surely you don't think it's wrong for dominants to be "wrapped up" in "female sexual response?"  i understand exactly what you are saying in that you would rather focus on serving your Daddy than worrying about "having" to have orgasms that it's difficult for you to have.  But surely you can see why many dominants are concerned about their subs/slaves physical responses and pleasure.  One can find pleasure and fulfillment in pleasing her master and STILL have a "wet throbbing pussy," as you say.  As i said above, that "wet throbbing pussy" is one of the many avenues by which i DO please and serve Him.  As for my Master, it has nothing to do with ego.  It just has to do with Him loving the pleasures W/we provide to each other via sexual means.  This doesn't mean by a long shot that those are the ONLY pleasures W/we share.  i think imthatacheyouhav is getting treated a little harshly here.  She is simply saying that SHE would see it as uncaring and selfish if HER master didn't care about her sexual pleasure.  She is as entitled as any of us to her perceptions and opinions about HER relationship.  Sometimes, i think we are ALL guilty of assuming that our beliefs and relationships are the best way and it's hard for us to accept how others feel.  i see what she is saying and i personally agree.  i know it's not the "super slavey" response but i personally enjoy orgasms and couldn't be owned by someone who thought i should never have any[:o]......slave luci



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